In-law problems?
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krazy:
I also not very sure. Once I gave my nephew $50 angpow for his birthday as I were busy to buy him a birthday gift. I dun have enough cash at that time. After a few weeks, using another occasion as an excuse , My sister told me it's not appropriate coz it's consider odd number. to think she's is a graduate and feel that is \"pang dang\". Personally I feel it's ok to have $50 coz it's still even number to me.Does that mean that it is not appropriate to give $50 as ang bao? must either give $40 or $60?
janet_lee88:
Hi buds,
:slapshead: to think they are ELDERS and yet don't know odd numbers are given for funerals.
Can someone enlighten me too? -
My dad (a cantonese) once chided me fOr putting $50 in angpao… Say muz put in $2,4,6,8 then considered even nbr…
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ningning:
I also not very sure. Once I gave my nephew $50 angpow for his birthday as I were busy to buy him a birthday gift. I dun have enough cash at that time. After a few weeks, using another occasion as an excuse , My sister told me it's not appropriate coz it's consider odd number. to think she's is a graduate and feel that is \"pang dang\". Personally I feel it's ok to have $50 coz it's still even number to me.krazy:
Does that mean that it is not appropriate to give $50 as ang bao? must either give $40 or $60?
[quote=\"janet_lee88\"]Hi buds,
:slapshead: to think they are ELDERS and yet don't know odd numbers are given for funerals.
Can someone enlighten me too?[/quote]My mum had been giving my children hong bao 50 every year. So it is a no no is it? If yes, i think i might need to hint hint her
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buds:
Yeah.... i will guai guai playing my ipad and watching 'real life' drama. This year my BIL's wifey becoming so VVIP by helping out my MIL in the kitchen and becoming the referee for my MIL's adoptive son and his wife (even though there is language barrier between SIL and the other SIL.... :))janet_lee88:
...just make a courtesy call, watch TV and that 2 hours will pass by very fast.
Yup.. guai guai watch tv.. keep quiet (ie. keep mouth shut super tight) and yes, time passes by very fast.. :hi5:
Say no evil... See no evil... Hear no evil...http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/facebook-smileys.html
Do no evil. :imanangel:
I like the statement above..... \")happymom_aa:
Mine better ... job done in 15 mins :rahrah:
janet_lee88:
Yup, same here. 15min wud be deemed disrespectful for sure. Though not on buddy terms with them, i will still let hubs catch up with his family. I just treat it as chillax time for me. Hands-off serving him and hands-off minding the kiddies.. http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.phpThere will be WAR if I stayed for just 15 min. This year, old one claimed she forgot about reunion meal...when hubby asked if she was cooking vegetarian on 1st day of CNY (the norm)...she claimed she lost her wok :slapshead: What pissed me was her red packet...she is OLD enough to know that giving odd number is inauspicious...she could have at least given $6 instead of $5.
I am never hard up for any hongbao from them. -
tutormum:
Dear tutormum,
Worst thing is their family biz very big and get first priority. I'm not badly affected cos never part of the biz mah. MIL only allow her own children to run the biz cos very afraid ppl like DIL know how much they earn etc. Only SIL2 and SIL3 know what's happening cos their DH manage the biz. SIL1 knows the financial state cos her DH do auditing mah. I don't know and bochap and they very secretive so scared to let ppl know. Only 'big matter' then heard some sound :imanangel: . I pity the 2 younger BIL cos they were treated like suckers, ended up with nothing and their DW working hard to help support their families. PIL left lots of valuables when they passed on but all act blur. When relatives asked, they claimed FIL still around when MIL passed on so could not distribute. After FIL passed on, they 'yi shi yi shi' took out something to distribute then :xedfingers: :xedfingers: everybody happy. It's just that we :censored: :censored: don't want to find out and leave it to their conscience. :spank:fifiyeo:
Ningning, Tutormum,
Same, same.
Not in family business = unhappy PILs. DH would be termed unfilial. Family business is a one way ticket. Can go in, can't come out. End of the day, trapped and unhappy.
You are lucky that your DH is not involved in their family business. Cos one can only find oneself trapped and unhappy if you are not the favourite child of the parents. One can only survive well in a family business if you are the \"golden child\". After reading, i wonder why all the same similar stories, i am sorry to say this -- whats wrong with all these old folks, why they always placed the business fate in wrong hand?
These old folks also went through up and down in life too, why when they are rich, then they chose to be so blind. Is it, the higher you are, the more blind one gets? My PIls and SIls are so suspicious of me, then in the first place, should let their son be a monk forever, so there wont be a \"third party\" in their circle and worry that oh the \"her son money all gone liao\"........
mine also same lah. My PILs and that single SIL hold the accounts. So only they knew how much exactly that the business made. they were always so secretive , often asked my DH to sign documents without the front pages and only the final page that need to sign was shown to him. God, like that also can? So it is very obvious that it is SILs that is creating all the waves and torrent among him and parents. My dh cant asked PIls on the financial status of the business. If queried, my MIl would tell him \"dun worry, all the money is well kept\" and they became even more secretive after my dh got married. I knew they were suspicious of me and they were worried \" i ran away with the money with other man\",(once quarrel, MIL and SIL remark that i ran away with the money etc...got man outside blah blah), so they die die also cant let my Dh know how much profit the business made. Crazy. We knew they are only using my DH to roll in the profit for business whereas the two SILs just work relax relax and afternoon go facial, slimming center,spa etc. Go holidays whenever they like. Whereas my DH can only go holiday during CNY. Yet at the end of day, they got the say in the business.
I told my DH this kind of family business have no future for him, coz first you dun know how much the business earn as SILs they hold the accounts though they are the junior, secondly, pay increment is slow like turtle even the sales volume increased yearly. Thirdly, if the siblings dun see and manage the business eye to eye, really this kind business sure bound to fail once the old folks withered.
A business cant thrive in this kind of enviroment with so many politics and SILs they dun place the well being of business as their priority , they always becoz of personally feelings , they oppose and object everything their brother proposed even it is a common sense thing that will benefit the business. They rather let the opportunity get passed them.
DH and me now only wait for the withering to be withered, split from business and go separate ways from the two SILs forever . Things have turned so sour that this is only way out.
Yes i agreed with fifiyeo that \"once in , cant get out\". I can see the my poor DH is trapped now, i feel sorry for him. So if he dun want to go visit PILs during CNY, i let him be. Even we visit, they also got things to \"comment on us\". Sigh, now can only wait liao.. for the old to ......
Lucky as for myself i earn my own bread and butter now though i also went through a very very rough patch before i was out. They pay me peanuts, yet expect me to work like a \"cow\" whereas their two princess work relax relax and buy all the branded stuff and get their $500 haircut(which i dun see any difference from my normal salon cut) and claimed all their expenses from the company. We dun even get to claim on daily things. and the old folks will get very mad if we hint to them on pay increment issue. they will yell\" why so calculative har har?? didnt you know this is a family business, the business is not doing good blah blah, your two mei mei nvr asked for increment blah blah\" . God they think we are stupid, we knew the sums. On the opposite, the business is doing very well. The two SIls of course lah, of course never asked for increment coz they get to claim everything they touched.
This is the fate of many asian family business. I had some clients and suppliers , they also face the same fate, just waiting lorr.....then bye bye to each other. -
krazy:
Giving and receiving $50 quite 'acceptable' for us.. ...but $5 def no no, it is worse than giving $58 (won't huat in cantonese) ..Does that mean that it is not appropriate to give $50 as ang bao? must either give $40 or $60?
janet_lee88:
Hi buds,
:slapshead: to think they are ELDERS and yet don't know odd numbers are given for funerals.
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every time after visiting my MIL, i’ll call my mom & warn her NOT to do the same to her future daughter in law… ha
my MIL says
1. my undies can’t be washed together with my hubby’s… hahahaha…
2. my MIL said my Chinese name is ‘not good’ (ahaha)… i wonder why her son marry me? hahaha
3. red red & red for CNY. not even white. no fried rice during CNY, no bitterguard (hot to spell?), no this, no that… faint. -
auntieM:
Giving and receiving $50 quite 'acceptable' for us.. ...but $5 def no no, it is worse than giving $58 (won't huat in cantonese) ..krazy:
Does that mean that it is not appropriate to give $50 as ang bao? must either give $40 or $60?
[quote=\"janet_lee88\"]Hi buds,
:slapshead: to think they are ELDERS and yet don't know odd numbers are given for funerals.[/quote]
since after my sister told that $50 is not appropriate, i have not given any $50 hongbao to anyone since it is \"unacceptable to some\". I also got ppl gave me $50 hongbao for my DD full month. But thought what about $40? maybe some wont like it too, coz it four ?
Coz four sound like die in some dialect?? to play safe now usually i make it $60 or $38 hongbao. Wont go wrong liao like that. -
macaron12:
every time after visiting my MIL, i'll call my mom & warn her NOT to do the same to her future daughter in law.. ha
my MIL says
1. my undies can't be washed together with my hubby's.. hahahaha..
2. my MIL said my Chinese name is 'not good' (ahaha).. i wonder why her son marry me? hahaha
3. red red & red for CNY. not even white. no fried rice during CNY, no bitterguard (hot to spell?), no this, no that.. faint.
Macaron,
Ur MIL and mine came from the same village.... (pardon my language).
When i stayed at her place, i cant even use her washing machine. Cos her washing machine is to wash men clothes......
I have to wait till the sun is shine to wash my clothes cos i cant hang it in the kitchen very bad luck for the men in her house......... -
buds:
happymom_aa:
Mine better ... job done in 15 mins :rahrah:
janet_lee88:
Yup, same here. 15min wud be deemed disrespectful for sure.There will be WAR if I stayed for just 15 min. This year, old one claimed she forgot about reunion meal...when hubby asked if she was cooking vegetarian on 1st day of CNY (the norm)...she claimed she lost her wok :slapshead: What pissed me was her red packet...she is OLD enough to know that giving odd number is inauspicious...she could have at least given $6 instead of $5.
DH decided the 15mins stay, not me (but me got no complaints lah).
This year, MIL went to have reunion dinner with elder DIL's family instead and told us don't need to go back for reunion, so DH very mad!!!
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