<![CDATA[Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home]]>Hi all mummies, thks for your advice and sharing. My girl is 17 and like some of you mentioned, sometimes it was a dilemma on my side cos I wanted to trust my girl and her friends and I also don’t want to put my girl in a difficult position and cause inconvenience to her and her friend.

#slmkhoo, I share yr view and had learn to let go as the kids reach certain age and are ready. I’m fine as long as there are adult ard but my husband is more concerned.😅 We hv our concern cos my girl was also more reserved.

As this time round, they basically met for fun and interest so we told her better to arrange to meet at our hse or at the other girls home and hv an adult at home.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/101665/do-you-allow-yr-dd-to-visit-boy-classmate-homeRSS for NodeSat, 02 May 2026 02:56:49 GMTSun, 09 Jan 2022 00:54:08 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Wed, 22 Dec 2021 01:55:42 GMT]]>

Zeal mummy\" post_id=\"2052480\" time=\"1640100178\" user_id=\"58173:[quote=\"Zeal mummy\" post_id=2052480 time=1640100178 user_id=58173]
Curious, do they ask permission before dating or inform us after? Does it happen naturally at a certain age, say 17?[/quote]
She did tell us at the very initial stage. Since boy is from school next door, we are quite ok and we encouraged her to bring him back or tell us more about him so we can know him better. At this age ie 16 last year, she's considered semi-adult and we made sure we explained the do and don't to her well and consequences as well.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052627https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052627Wed, 22 Dec 2021 01:55:42 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Wed, 22 Dec 2021 01:28:42 GMT]]>DD is 18yrs old. She started dating this guy when she was 16yrs old. She knew him since she was in Sec 2, he’s among the group of friends that she hangs out with. Along the way I guess they started liking each other more than just friends.


DD is quite open with her communication with me. She has no qualms about coming to me to tell me about the guys that she has crushes on and all. When I asked her about this guy, she got a little shy and I know that she really does like him so I started ‘watching’ him more whenever the group of them comes around. On the whole, decent guy, definitely more prim and proper than my crazy gal.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052609https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052609Wed, 22 Dec 2021 01:28:42 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Wed, 22 Dec 2021 01:15:56 GMT]]>

Zeal mummy\" post_id=\"2052481\" time=\"1640100403\" user_id=\"58173:[quote=\"Zeal mummy\" post_id=2052481 time=1640100403 user_id=58173]
Curious, do they ask permission before dating or inform us after? Does it happen naturally at a certain age, say 17?
[and]
Yes agree that it’s the best way to get to know her circle of friends and bf.. is she also 17? Trying to grasp roughly how old to catch her dating lol[/quote]
\"Dating\" is really part of a continuum, really - initially it may just be group social gatherings, especially if they know each other in school or church or other activities. As a parent, I would only be more concerned if it's one-to-one, I suppose. But by then, I would already know of the boy, and probably met him now and again. Some start earlier, others later. There is no set age. But my husband and I told our kids earlier (around 15yo) that we would not allow one-on-one dates until we were sure they were mature enough to be sensible, and that would probably be around 18 (no promises about an exact age/stage at that stage). At that age, they still needed our permission for any activity or outing, and would tell us who with, where, why, etc. Even now, in their 20s, they always tell us who they are meeting and where, even though they no longer need our permission.

I wonder at the word \"catch\" that you use - is it something that you and she regard as \"bad\"? I prefer to consider it as \"natural\", but with limits set depending on age/maturity. If it's not considered \"bad\", then there should be more openness within the family and less need for the cat-and-mouse? After all, as parents, I think most of us would be happy to see that they form a relationship with a boy sooner or later (for me, that age would be roughly 18 and over), and even if the relationship doesn't last, it can be a good learning experience. I always wonder at parents who forbid daughters from having boyfriends \"until you start work\", either driving the daughters into hiding things from them, or (years later) the parents getting worried that the daughters will be left \"on the shelf\". And it's much safer for the daughters to be able to openly share what is happening with parents, rather than hide and have only their friends to consult with.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052595https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052595Wed, 22 Dec 2021 01:15:56 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Tue, 21 Dec 2021 15:26:43 GMT]]>

Funz\" post_id=\"2052289\" time=\"1639965716\" user_id=\"6230:

Same same.

But all these while, our house is the gathering place for DD's friends so I got a chance to meet the guys and gals in her closer friend group. Now when she says they are gathering at this or that fella's house, I will ask any parents around and who will be there.

DD's BF comes over and they hang out or study at our home whenever me or DH are around, room doors stay open.

This gives me a chance to get to know her BF better as well.
Yes agree that it’s the best way to get to know her circle of friends and bf.. is she also 17? Trying to grasp roughly how old to catch her dating lol

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052481https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052481Tue, 21 Dec 2021 15:26:43 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Tue, 21 Dec 2021 15:22:58 GMT]]>

Imp75\" post_id=\"2052298\" time=\"1639974106\" user_id=\"2358:

She has a boyfriend. Hanky panky is ok as long as they should know their limits ya ...
Its also open door policy at my house too when both of them in her room.
Curious, do they ask permission before dating or inform us after? Does it happen naturally at a certain age, say 17?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052480https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052480Tue, 21 Dec 2021 15:22:58 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Tue, 21 Dec 2021 15:20:42 GMT]]>

slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2052300\" time=\"1639975169\" user_id=\"28674:

No, it's best to think about these things early, before you are forced to do it in a hurry. Of course, anything you decide now may need to be tweaked in the future depending on circumstances and your daughter's maturity and responsibility. It may be good to get your husband's opinion as well. It may be too early (not sure how old your eldest is), but it's good to discuss with him beforehand so you can present a united front when you finally need to set rules for your daughter. And fathers quite often are even more conservative than mothers - I think they see the dangers more clearly!

As for dealing with a 17yo - we didn't look at it as \"restricting\" them. In general, when dealing with teens, it's better to regard it as giving guidelines for their own safety. Responsible and mature kids will understand parents' concerns; if the girl is willing to do silly things which endanger herself, even after being warned, then I wouldn't call her \"mature\"! I made very clear to my girls that the guidelines were for their safety, not because I was a spoilsport or wanting to control them unduly. Even now, in their 20s, my daughters always let me know where they're going, who with, roughly what time to expect them home etc. I have not forbidden them from anything for several years now, neither do I try to control what they do and who they go with, but they inform me because they know it's safer, and out of courtesy. In the same way, my husband and I also keep the rest of the family informed about our movements.

I remember, when they were in their early teens, that I decided to make it very clear: \"I need to know all this because it will help me decide whether and when to call the police, and where they should start searching.\" If nothing else, that should transmit the message clearly.
Thank you for the sharing, very informative. It’ll come in handy when she gets a boyfriend, I’ll have 4-6 more years to work on my list. Lol.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052479https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052479Tue, 21 Dec 2021 15:20:42 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Mon, 20 Dec 2021 04:39:29 GMT]]>

Zeal mummy\" post_id=\"2052294\" time=\"1639972484\" user_id=\"58173:[quote=\"Zeal mummy\" post_id=2052294 time=1639972484 user_id=58173]
Does bf refers to boyfriend or bestfriend? Or a Best friend who is a boy? I think it’ll be an uphill task to restrict a mature 17 year old.. even if it’s for her own good.

I think having a trusted adult around definitely helps. Also, I wouldn’t like if she is going there alone or late at night. And again, i would advise her not to be alone in the room with the boy.

Am I thinking too much? My eldest is still young.[/quote]
No, it's best to think about these things early, before you are forced to do it in a hurry. Of course, anything you decide now may need to be tweaked in the future depending on circumstances and your daughter's maturity and responsibility. It may be good to get your husband's opinion as well. It may be too early (not sure how old your eldest is), but it's good to discuss with him beforehand so you can present a united front when you finally need to set rules for your daughter. And fathers quite often are even more conservative than mothers - I think they see the dangers more clearly!

As for dealing with a 17yo - we didn't look at it as \"restricting\" them. In general, when dealing with teens, it's better to regard it as giving guidelines for their own safety. Responsible and mature kids will understand parents' concerns; if the girl is willing to do silly things which endanger herself, even after being warned, then I wouldn't call her \"mature\"! I made very clear to my girls that the guidelines were for their safety, not because I was a spoilsport or wanting to control them unduly. Even now, in their 20s, my daughters always let me know where they're going, who with, roughly what time to expect them home etc. I have not forbidden them from anything for several years now, neither do I try to control what they do and who they go with, but they inform me because they know it's safer, and out of courtesy. In the same way, my husband and I also keep the rest of the family informed about our movements.

I remember, when they were in their early teens, that I decided to make it very clear: \"I need to know all this because it will help me decide whether and when to call the police, and where they should start searching.\" If nothing else, that should transmit the message clearly.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052300https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052300Mon, 20 Dec 2021 04:39:29 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Mon, 20 Dec 2021 04:21:46 GMT]]>

Zeal mummy\" post_id=\"2052294\" time=\"1639972484\" user_id=\"58173:[quote=\"Zeal mummy\" post_id=2052294 time=1639972484 user_id=58173]
Does bf refers to boyfriend or bestfriend? Or a Best friend who is a boy? I think it’ll be an uphill task to restrict a mature 17 year old.. even if it’s for her own good.

I think having a trusted adult around definitely helps. Also, I wouldn’t like if she is going there alone or late at night. And again, i would advise her not to be alone in the room with the boy.

Am I thinking too much? My eldest is still young.[/quote]
She has a boyfriend. Hanky panky is ok as long as they should know their limits ya ...
Its also open door policy at my house too when both of them in her room.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052298https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052298Mon, 20 Dec 2021 04:21:46 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Mon, 20 Dec 2021 03:54:44 GMT]]>

Imp75\" post_id=\"2052285\" time=\"1639963891\" user_id=\"2358:

Am I too open minded or what. I am ok to allow my 17 y/o to go friends house for project/meetups or go bf house as long as there is an adult.
Does bf refers to boyfriend or bestfriend? Or a Best friend who is a boy? I think it’ll be an uphill task to restrict a mature 17 year old.. even if it’s for her own good.

I think having a trusted adult around definitely helps. Also, I wouldn’t like if she is going there alone or late at night. And again, i would advise her not to be alone in the room with the boy.

Am I thinking too much? My eldest is still young.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052294https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052294Mon, 20 Dec 2021 03:54:44 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Mon, 20 Dec 2021 02:50:55 GMT]]>

zac's mum\" post_id=\"2052288\" time=\"1639964939\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2052288 time=1639964939 user_id=53606]
Mere adult presence is not necessarily safe. Some adults busy WFH and not bothering about what the kids are up to. Close room door & hanky panky also dunno.

Since mine is a DS, if other gender come over for project or GF come over, as a responsible adult I would ask the teens to hang out only in the common area in full public view. I would also hang out there instead of hiding in my room, so that I can “supervise”. I feel responsible to the girl’s parents if anything happens.[/quote]
Agree that mere adult presence is not foolproof. The child has to be primed, and judged sensible enough to stick to guidelines too. I gave guidelines like not to be in a closed room especially if it's just 2 pax, not to be the only girl there, to call us and leave immediately if she felt uncomfortable in any way, etc. This only works when the girl is mature/sensible/obedient enough, which is why the earliest I would probably have allowed was probably upper sec. In our case, we didn't have to think about it till JC because she was in an all-girls school.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052291https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052291Mon, 20 Dec 2021 02:50:55 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Mon, 20 Dec 2021 02:01:56 GMT]]>

Imp75\" post_id=\"2052285\" time=\"1639963891\" user_id=\"2358:

Am I too open minded or what. I am ok to allow my 17 y/o to go friends house for project/meetups or go bf house as long as there is an adult.
Same same.

But all these while, our house is the gathering place for DD's friends so I got a chance to meet the guys and gals in her closer friend group. Now when she says they are gathering at this or that fella's house, I will ask any parents around and who will be there.

DD's BF comes over and they hang out or study at our home whenever me or DH are around, room doors stay open.

This gives me a chance to get to know her BF better as well.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052289https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052289Mon, 20 Dec 2021 02:01:56 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Mon, 20 Dec 2021 01:48:59 GMT]]>

slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2052287\" time=\"1639964464\" user_id=\"28674:

I'm like you - with an adult present, and in a group, is fine. 17yo is JC age, which is when I started allowing it. By university, she was older, and overseas, and I didn't even try to set any rules! My husband and I told her: \"If we didn't trust you to be sensible, we wouldn't even let you go overseas.\" Certainly, the JC years (maybe upper sec) are the time to give increasing independence with guidelines and limits. But the original poster didn't state her daughter's age.
Mere adult presence is not necessarily safe. Some adults busy WFH and not bothering about what the kids are up to. Close room door & hanky panky also dunno.

Since mine is a DS, if other gender come over for project or GF come over, as a responsible adult I would ask the teens to hang out only in the common area in full public view. I would also hang out there instead of hiding in my room, so that I can “supervise”. I feel responsible to the girl’s parents if anything happens.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052288https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052288Mon, 20 Dec 2021 01:48:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Mon, 20 Dec 2021 01:41:04 GMT]]>

Imp75\" post_id=\"2052285\" time=\"1639963891\" user_id=\"2358:

Am I too open minded or what. I am ok to allow my 17 y/o to go friends house for project/meetups or go bf house as long as there is an adult.
I'm like you - with an adult present, and in a group, is fine. 17yo is JC age, which is when I started allowing it. By university, she was older, and overseas, and I didn't even try to set any rules! My husband and I told her: \"If we didn't trust you to be sensible, we wouldn't even let you go overseas.\" Certainly, the JC years (maybe upper sec) are the time to give increasing independence with guidelines and limits. But the original poster didn't state her daughter's age.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052287https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052287Mon, 20 Dec 2021 01:41:04 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Mon, 20 Dec 2021 01:34:17 GMT]]>

Imp75\" post_id=\"2052285\" time=\"1639963891\" user_id=\"2358:

Am I too open minded or what. I am ok to allow my 17 y/o to go friends house for project/meetups or go bf house as long as there is an adult.
What if there is no adult ?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052286https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052286Mon, 20 Dec 2021 01:34:17 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Mon, 20 Dec 2021 01:31:31 GMT]]>Am I too open minded or what. I am ok to allow my 17 y/o to go friends house for project/meetups or go bf house as long as there is an adult.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052285https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052285Mon, 20 Dec 2021 01:31:31 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Mon, 20 Dec 2021 01:06:59 GMT]]>Now that we quite used to the online delivery of lessons/discussions, which I personally find could work to some extent…if my dd, I would suggest discuss it online then proceed with individual segments.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052284https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052284Mon, 20 Dec 2021 01:06:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Sun, 19 Dec 2021 16:46:13 GMT]]>How were the boys like when they visited your house? Did they behave appropriately?


I wouldn’t like the idea too, especially if it’s for fun. If it’s for a school project, maybe I’ll be more agreeable… or if I knew the boys and their parents, I would be more okay with it. If It makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s perfectly fine to refuse it, explain it to her why, provide an alternative.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052272https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052272Sun, 19 Dec 2021 16:46:13 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Sun, 19 Dec 2021 09:37:05 GMT]]>I agree that if you are not comfortable, you can refuse to allow. But it may be that they have few options, or other reasons, and you may feel that you need to consider the issue.


How old is your daughter? I ask because the maturity level between lower and upper sec can be significant as many girls "grow up" around 15yo. My daughter was in a girls’ school till sec 4, so I didn’t have to face this then, but the issue cropped up in JC. Basically, having assessed that my daughter was mature enough to be sensible, we set out a few guidelines:
- there must always be an adult in the house (not just a maid, or no adult at all)
- there must always be another girl there (preferably a sensible, mature one you know)
- my daughter knew that at any time, if the 2 conditions weren’t met, or she felt concerned in any way, she should refuse to go, or leave immediately, and should call us immediately.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052236https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052236Sun, 19 Dec 2021 09:37:05 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Sun, 19 Dec 2021 07:47:10 GMT]]>

Awonder\" post_id=\"2052223\" time=\"1639896148\" user_id=\"26852:

Hi, my dd recently in a casual group set up with her classmates to do some recording for fun. There are another girl and 2 boys in her group. They hv so far been to the other girls hse and ours too. The most recent they plan to go to one of the boy’s home. Well, we don’t really like the ideal of her going to another boys house. Well to us, it just don’t seem right and its not that we don’t trust her friend.

Hope to hear from any parents here of similar situation and can share your view. Thank you.
This situation happened to me when I was young and my mother always asked my eldest brother or my uncle (my mother's youngest brother) or my cousin to accompany me to my classmates house.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052228https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052228Sun, 19 Dec 2021 07:47:10 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home on Sun, 19 Dec 2021 06:47:05 GMT]]>If you are not comfortable with her going to a boy’s house, then tell her and insist that they come to your house instead.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052224https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2052224Sun, 19 Dec 2021 06:47:05 GMT