Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave?

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Fri, 07 Feb 2014 05:19:05 GMT

mummy OnABudget — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 05:19:05 GMT

i smack butt or hands never cane maybe cause girl la so better not to cane

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Fri, 07 Feb 2014 04:13:06 GMT

Blue Pearl — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 04:13:06 GMT

i also smack my gal.

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Sun, 12 May 2013 13:00:37 GMT

SBKS — Sun, 12 May 2013 13:00:37 GMT

lchunleo:
SBKS:
[quote=\"Mawar\"]Yes, I do spank my kids when they were younger.

A few years' ago, I was with my girlfriend walking along a shopping strip somewhere in Europe. For some reason, her son decided to test her patience that day. She tried everything to get him to cooperate. Finally after a few warnings, she gave him 2 smacks on his bum. He was in training pants so not much physical damage done.

Two well dressed middle aged ladies came up to us and gave my friend a good scolding. We got a good verbal abuse witnessed by a small group of passerbys. Quite a lot of mental damage was inflicted on us that day.

Happy Mother's Day!
oh then did the 2 middle aged ladies give suggestions to how to discipline or just scold?

when talk to nicely and they just dont listen. then what should they do?

it did happen to me when i tried to talk \"sense\" in my child like telling how important to brush teeth but if after all the persuasion, he don't listen, then i reverse my approach, i told him \"ok, you don't want is it, fine, i would not be brushing for you, will let your teeth rot and fall\"..and it seem to work as he realize he is missing something important and ok to comply...:D

then it came to an insight to me that the more we care about them, the more they take us for granted..:P so sometime, have to reverse approach so that
1) it takes the pressure off them to comply 2) time for them to think 3) less stressful for us too.[/quote]
i did and its in my arsenel of weapons. I teach them this way, they dun listen so i tell them the consequences. but they still dun listen. 1 time i let them pass. 2nd time comes and they still do that, i met out punishment. could be caning or privilege taken away.

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Sat, 11 May 2013 13:19:47 GMT

lchunleo — Sat, 11 May 2013 13:19:47 GMT

SBKS:
Mawar:
Yes, I do spank my kids when they were younger.

A few years' ago, I was with my girlfriend walking along a shopping strip somewhere in Europe. For some reason, her son decided to test her patience that day. She tried everything to get him to cooperate. Finally after a few warnings, she gave him 2 smacks on his bum. He was in training pants so not much physical damage done.

Two well dressed middle aged ladies came up to us and gave my friend a good scolding. We got a good verbal abuse witnessed by a small group of passerbys. Quite a lot of mental damage was inflicted on us that day.

Happy Mother's Day!
oh then did the 2 middle aged ladies give suggestions to how to discipline or just scold?

when talk to nicely and they just dont listen. then what should they do?

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Sat, 11 May 2013 10:16:47 GMT

sembgal — Sat, 11 May 2013 10:16:47 GMT

I do not believe in caning my chikd though I grew up being caned. I use my hand to smack instead.

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Sat, 11 May 2013 09:55:09 GMT

SBKS — Sat, 11 May 2013 09:55:09 GMT

Mawar:
Yes, I do spank my kids when they were younger.

A few years' ago, I was with my girlfriend walking along a shopping strip somewhere in Europe. For some reason, her son decided to test her patience that day. She tried everything to get him to cooperate. Finally after a few warnings, she gave him 2 smacks on his bum. He was in training pants so not much physical damage done.

Two well dressed middle aged ladies came up to us and gave my friend a good scolding. We got a good verbal abuse witnessed by a small group of passerbys. Quite a lot of mental damage was inflicted on us that day.

Happy Mother's Day!

oh then did the 2 middle aged ladies give suggestions to how to discipline or just scold?

when talk to nicely and they just dont listen. then what should they do?

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Sat, 11 May 2013 01:35:06 GMT

Mawar — Sat, 11 May 2013 01:35:06 GMT

Yes, I do spank my kids when they were younger.

A few years’ ago, I was with my girlfriend walking along a shopping strip somewhere in Europe. For some reason, her son decided to test her patience that day. She tried everything to get him to cooperate. Finally after a few warnings, she gave him 2 smacks on his bum. He was in training pants so not much physical damage done.

Two well dressed middle aged ladies came up to us and gave my friend a good scolding. We got a good verbal abuse witnessed by a small group of passerbys. Quite a lot of mental damage was inflicted on us that day.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Sat, 11 May 2013 01:19:01 GMT

SBKS — Sat, 11 May 2013 01:19:01 GMT

joyceharper:
I happened to be on the bus the other day. Two young boys came on with someone who seemed like their nanny I suppose. The boys were misbehaving throughout the whole journey. One was hitting the other. The boys were screeching and standing on the chairs - in a pretty packed bus. The nanny just told them in a very weak manner to stop (I presume that was what she said, because she spoke in what I think was Malay) but didn't really do much about it and the boys continued on and even kicked this lady who was sitting beside them. At that point an elderly lady just told the boys to stop and behave. They did, but with a cheeky look on their face - you just knew that that was not the end of it.

My point is - discipline is needed. As someone once said spare the rod, spoil the child. I do not believe in caning. I don't intend to cane my kids. Some people say it is because I was raised in the West. It is not true, my dad was a proponent of belt-using. But I do believe that discipline is needed. And a quick spurt of discipline with a cane (or belt) will never replace the patient teaching of a parent.

so are you saying that those who cane has no patience?

not challenging but trying to clarify.

I admit that I am an impatient person. thus i cane? not sure if that's the case.

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Fri, 10 May 2013 02:15:39 GMT

joyceharper — Fri, 10 May 2013 02:15:39 GMT

I happened to be on the bus the other day. Two young boys came on with someone who seemed like their nanny I suppose. The boys were misbehaving throughout the whole journey. One was hitting the other. The boys were screeching and standing on the chairs - in a pretty packed bus. The nanny just told them in a very weak manner to stop (I presume that was what she said, because she spoke in what I think was Malay) but didn’t really do much about it and the boys continued on and even kicked this lady who was sitting beside them. At that point an elderly lady just told the boys to stop and behave. They did, but with a cheeky look on their face - you just knew that that was not the end of it.

My point is - discipline is needed. As someone once said spare the rod, spoil the child. I do not believe in caning. I don’t intend to cane my kids. Some people say it is because I was raised in the West. It is not true, my dad was a proponent of belt-using. But I do believe that discipline is needed. And a quick spurt of discipline with a cane (or belt) will never replace the patient teaching of a parent.

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Sun, 14 Apr 2013 17:29:13 GMT

lchunleo — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 17:29:13 GMT

just to share, though i don’t have daughters, but i have 2 sons with one of them being a toddler. my toddler sometimes can be quite challenging and testing all the boundaries.

Previously i had been the bad papa shouting and being authoritian in words, body language and action. It is only when he said he don’t want me and preferred others, i felt bitter and sad and started to reflect on my own action. I begun thinking how can i achieve a win win situation rather than using my old way. The message i gotten is i need to respect this little adult.

now i believe in reasoning rather than using the rod. Reasoning does not always meant talking about the "correct" thing but thing that they can understand at their level especially when their reasoning power and knowledge is low. And must be FIRM. Yes, sometimes, my child can be challenging and pushing all my hot buttons that i can explode. But i try to see from his point of view and tried to educate him patiently. sometimes, he understand but sometimes no, sometimes, he remembered, but sometimes, he need a lot of reminders, but nevertheless the rod is the most remote thing i had thought. when i were small, i also being caned before and hence grudges is grown instead of love.

I would not proclaim i had succeeded (am still trying v hard) as my children are still very small and yes, they will keep testing my hot buttons.

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Tue, 26 Feb 2013 06:33:36 GMT

wowmama — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 06:33:36 GMT

Like to share an article about \"to cane or not to cane\" with fellow parents for reference.

http://www.asiaone.com/News/Education/Story/A1Story20090113-114279.html

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Sat, 23 Feb 2013 23:50:30 GMT

White_Gale — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 23:50:30 GMT

i will cane my children if they misbehave and after 3 warnings. Cane on the palm. Then they will remember.

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Mon, 18 Feb 2013 12:21:30 GMT

missk — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 12:21:30 GMT

I wonder if positive discipline methods more effective? Meaning loads of praise over good behaviour, and trying to be understanding of how they feel when they misbehave… And being overall the super parent who never lets your child go hungry or tired, and gently using timeout/ removing possibility of misbehaviour to correct undesirable behaviour?

Will it work for a child like mine who simply love to misbehave just to see ur reaction? Each time he throws an item, he will look to see if I watch him lor… The grandparents even say he dashes towards danger and STOP just before it and will see if you chase him.

Don’t get me wrong… I think corporal punishments has a place, its just that I don’t do it very well as I only use it when ANGRY!! And thats wrong again!! So I end up being guilty of hitting him sometimes. But what do parents do if your child has tested your patience to the max limits?

I even shouted sometimes " I had enough of your behaviour and I am going on time out!" (again wrong to shout sighz)

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Fri, 08 Feb 2013 03:52:41 GMT

david59 — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 03:52:41 GMT

Allow me to share my two cents worth. In our student care centre, the parents wonder why their kids behave so much better than at home. One main reason is : the kids know the rules n if they break the rules, they will be punished accordingly. They may use all the tears but they know they will still have to face the punishment. Eventually, the kid knows that good behavior is the best way to a pleasant life in the centre.

At home, it really depends on the will n resolve of the parents to deal with their kids. Which methods we use as parents is fine as long as the kid is deprived of certain privileges when certain rules or bad behaviors r committed. Can be caning, kneelings, ban from certain privileges
What r the ‘no no’ are physical abusive ( caning is only acceptable on the buttock so that it will not shame the kids in public), shaming the kids in front of others, hurling destructive words at the kids like ‘I don’t love u’, ‘U r so useless compare to so n so’, etc.
Bottom line is : Be firm in carrying out discipline but never stop loving ur kids.

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Thu, 07 Feb 2013 14:23:00 GMT

Imami — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 14:23:00 GMT

ammonite:
Totally OT. I have no daughters, but looking at all the adorable cheongsams on sale how I wish I can dress one up! Ahhh...so cute, how to cane??!

I don't support caning la but darling, when they get on your nerves, no matter how cute they look, you would still whack. My own son was very cute when he was younger, or so said most folks. But I tell u 他老妈打人可不心软••• 可爱不可爱，老娘发火了，照打 :mad:

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Thu, 07 Feb 2013 14:19:34 GMT

Imami — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 14:19:34 GMT

sleepy:
Imami:
[quote=\"sleepy\"]
If I'm super mad, I will make them kneel facing the wall till I cool down.
wouldn't this hurt the child's esteem? Just like how slapping will do?

But I do have a friend whose father made the sisters kneeled on top of inverted bottle caps. You know this toothed crown top bottle caps from beer bottles? He would turn them over, such that the tooth sides were facing up and made the girls kneeled on them. :nailbite:

Nah, if you know my kids, you will notice they are overflown with self esteem :rotflmao:

It's important to explain why they are being punished and I always walk through with them my thoughts process after they're done with kneeling (& I have 消气）and then they will apologise to me and promise not to repeat.

Don't worry, it's not a daily occurence I think my dd2 kneeled thrice so far. My dd1 is the one who kneeled more often, though I think certainly less than 10 times so far. During their preschool years only.

It's important that they learn to reflect on their mistakes & I find that kneeling is more effective than caning in driving the message across because they are able to tell me clearly why they should not behave in that manner & they rarely repeat again[/quote]Oh ok. I get it now. I am just very curious how come making the kid's kneel would work...

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Thu, 07 Feb 2013 05:38:00 GMT

missk — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 05:38:00 GMT

ammonite:
Totally OT. I have no daughters, but looking at all the adorable cheongsams on sale how I wish I can dress one up! Ahhh...so cute, how to cane??!

you need to have a girl first hehe... New year resolution?

But I believe fathers spoil girls more, so they more likely to whine to get their way. Most girls I know are people pleasers even if they are spoilt. They will behave to please. On the other hand, my boy, like many other boys, are more. .. Um... wild? So what if you scold them? They will just smile a cheeky smile and say \"Mummy be happy?\" Or throw another tantrum? Maybe he has BIG personality, even though we don't spoil him (grandparents do though). He is curious, impulsive, loud, active, laughs and cries like it is going out of fashion, always talking and moving. Since before birth :scared:

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Thu, 07 Feb 2013 03:40:21 GMT

ammonite — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 03:40:21 GMT

Totally OT. I have no daughters, but looking at all the adorable cheongsams on sale how I wish I can dress one up! Ahhh…so cute, how to cane??!

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Thu, 07 Feb 2013 02:24:25 GMT

sleepy — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 02:24:25 GMT

Imami:
sleepy:

If I'm super mad, I will make them kneel facing the wall till I cool down.
wouldn't this hurt the child's esteem? Just like how slapping will do?

But I do have a friend whose father made the sisters kneeled on top of inverted bottle caps. You know this toothed crown top bottle caps from beer bottles? He would turn them over, such that the tooth sides were facing up and made the girls kneeled on them. :nailbite:

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Thu, 07 Feb 2013 02:17:32 GMT

HAPPYH — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 02:17:32 GMT

Imami:
sleepy:

If I'm super mad, I will make them kneel facing the wall till I cool down.
wouldn't this hurt the child's esteem? Just like how slapping will do?

But I do have a friend whose father made the sisters kneeled on top of inverted bottle caps. You know this toothed crown top bottle caps from beer bottles? He would turn them over, such that the tooth sides were facing up and made the girls kneeled on them. :nailbite:

:yikes:

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Thu, 07 Feb 2013 01:38:21 GMT

missk — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 01:38:21 GMT

Good idea… On stop games. I think my son will need a leash first… He can stop only if he wasn’t chasing some dog/cat/bird/other people’s shopping trolley at that moment. If he sees something that makes him curious, it is almost as if he has temporary deafness. If not, he is quite good at following me. So impulsive right? Is it a BOY trait? I believe girls not like that, so maybe girls don’t need corporal punishments

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Wed, 06 Feb 2013 22:23:57 GMT

Imami — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 22:23:57 GMT

sleepy:

If I'm super mad, I will make them kneel facing the wall till I cool down.

wouldn't this hurt the child's esteem? Just like how slapping will do?

But I do have a friend whose father made the sisters kneeled on top of inverted bottle caps. You know this toothed crown top bottle caps from beer bottles? He would turn them over, such that the tooth sides were facing up and made the girls kneeled on them. :nailbite:

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Wed, 06 Feb 2013 04:16:57 GMT

HAPPYH — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 04:16:57 GMT

missk:
Maybe I should sew a tail on his shirt! Built in leash! Make sure the characterin front is like a monkey or cow.. And then sew on a matching tail

Reply to Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? on Wed, 06 Feb 2013 04:14:27 GMT

HAPPYH — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 04:14:27 GMT

sleepy:
slmkhoo:
That's pretty much the same as time-out, isn't it? The only differences are that I don't make them kneel (they can stand or sit as long as they face the wall), and there is a time limit.

No fixed time limit, till I cool down & become 心软, definitely longer than 3 mins.

Depending on how mad I was, could be as long as 20 mins if super mad.
However, they always make themselves comfy and rest their bums on their legs whenever I'm not watching

That was during their preschool years. Now I either give motivational speech or machine gun scolding :evil: