crystalbelle:

:oops: I am guilty of being one of them too. Dependent on my maid too much. Kids will imitate what the adults are doing so when i realize that, i quickly put a stop to that and correct myself and correct my kids... But times to times when i am so stress out & exhuasted with the day work, i wish to be \" couch potato \" and left the playtime and learning time to the maid.. Am i a bad mummy? Yes, in a way... cause my kids would very much like to play with me or learn with me as they have not seen me for the whole day thus they tend to do some silly things to attract my attention ( like squabbling for a small little things ) and this will make me even more frustration :spank:
After realising this, no matter how tired I am now ( pulling my hubby in )... I will make time for reading lesson with them ( my hubby said that this might be 3 minutes fever ) ...

2ppaamm:

Sun_2010:

Its pretty easy to bring the toddlersto help out - they are so eager to learn and so full of energy. Its when they become bigger that it becomes chore

I agree, and it is sad that our society has learnt to be lazy, both parents and toddlers. I wonder how things would have been if the government did not allow the domestic foreigners to come in droves in the 1980s to allow more educated mothers to go back to work. Perhaps we would have been less dependent on foreign workers, now and into the future. I'm just wondering, how would we ever be ridden of them. :?

Sun_2010:

Its pretty easy to bring the toddlersto help out - they are so eager to learn and so full of energy. Its when they become bigger that it becomes chore

chamonix:

2ppaamm:

It is not a lousy mom not to send a child to enrichment classes, or to deprive a kid of a rat race. It takes energy, drive, planning and a lot of patience to teach a 5 year old to prepare his own breakfast or vacuum the floor! Most of our Singaporean kids are too comfortable, spoilt or busy to do those 'trivial' but vital things. They have to study. For that, Chamonix, I :salute:

Thanks for the comforting words, 2ppaamm! Sometimes, I do wonder if I'm being \"bad\" to expect my kids help out at a young age. But I suppose having made a collective decision to have no external help, it's only fair everybody chips in to help out. I must confess - if anybody tells me that I should let my kids help out with the chores 4 years ago, I would go :yikes:. But now I believe we should have more trust in our little ones' capabilities.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. So, even though I know that enrichment classes aren't necessary, there's always this gnawing doubt that they might learn more if they had a chance to try out some classes. But I guess that's kiasuism at work.

2ppaamm:

It is not a lousy mom not to send a child to enrichment classes, or to deprive a kid of a rat race. It takes energy, drive, planning and a lot of patience to teach a 5 year old to prepare his own breakfast or vacuum the floor! Most of our Singaporean kids are too comfortable, spoilt or busy to do those 'trivial' but vital things. They have to study. For that, Chamonix, I :salute:

Chenonceau:

That's what I thought too when we went away - that my kids would find the system too stressful when they came back. However, the hours of bonding and the many life lessons they absorbed as they went through their days like my shadows forged strong family relationships and engendered deep interests in many areas of knowledge. This actually makes them more resilient to stress. As for long hours at school, my kids aren't allowed to attend supplementary classes of any sort... so you see, parents can choose.

It's worth it to stay outside Singapore for a couple of years and know what it feels like to spend only 2 hours a day studying, and another 5 hours trying to find the swan's nest. Or try in vain to incubate a cracked robin's egg that the cat left on the floor after raiding the nest.

DD climbed all sorts of trees (she loves climbing)... to the point that DS' first drawing in school art class featured his sister in a tree. We fished for our table... to the point that DS eyed the pomfret I had bought for dinner back in Singapore and commented encouragingly \"Good job! Whoever caught that big fish did a good job!\"

I think it'll kinda sort itself out.

Exclusif:

No one was born to be a Good mummy, but all mummies are constantly learning to be good mummies. No one was born to be a Good teacher, but sad to say, not many teachers are learning to be good ones these days. Is MOE paying them too much?

Exclusif:

No one was born to be a Good mummy, but all mummies are constantly learning to be good mummies. No one was born to be a Good teacher, but sad to say, not many teachers are learning to be good ones these days. Is MOE paying them too much?

insider:

2ppaamm:

The situation in Singapore looks really quite grim from my point of view.

This is what has been on my mind all this while when I look at the way most of the people of our country are developing. It's really sad to see most younger generation, adults included, are equipped with hard knowledge but not many necessarily soft life skills.

The 'squared' people whom I always harp about...

The 'squared' people who can see only one way to do things with pathetic tunnel vision...

The 'squared' people whom I would avoid at all cost for my kids to turn up to be...

What happened to my country???

PS:
I have a contractor friend who is doing quite well in his business. His son currently is in the NS and he told me few days back that son will be going overseas for studies after his NS.

I asked, \"Pang, do you know whether your son know how to change a light bulb?\"

Pang replied, \"Emmm, I haven't noticed he ever changes once. Anyway, his mum will not allow him to climb the ladder to do such things. He may fall from the ladder.\"

I said, \"Wa, you are a contractor and you mean your son so big oredi still doesn't know how to change a light bulb?\"

Pang said, \"Not necessary to know wat. He doesn't need to know how to do that for his studies.\"

kekeke... So typical 'strawberry mentality'. All light bulbs in my house are under the care of my son. Not that I 'black heart'. He falls better than my husband or I fall!

2ppaamm:

Come to think of it, if a student/child can come to me and innovate a new way to sweep the road (like using robots) and invent a toilet that cleans itself, then I think I would have become a successful teacher. Chinese saying, 三百六十行，行行出状元, has some truths in it. I have a student who did turn his father's garang guni business into a huge recycling company.

ammonite:

I don't think it's just affluence. It's also the idea that studying comes before ANYTHING ELSE. That includes household chores, basic life skills etc. It is the idea that as long as the kids do well in school, they will be set for life. If they are set for life, the \"hardship\" of life can be outsourced to maids, drivers, laundromats, restaurants etc etc. Many parents prefer their children to NOT help out with the household chores so that they have more time to study. Besides, parents still tell their kids that if they don't do well, they will have to work as road-sweepers and toilet cleaners -- so how to tell them to clean the toilets at home?? Even in cases where the family is struggling financially, the priorities are still on the children's education - no part time work for them, laptops and mobile phone plans are still considered necessities.

The flip side of course is that the same message tells the children that if you fail in your studies, you fail in life. No matter what else you may be good at.

There is also the problem of work-life balance and family finances. Many parents do not have the luxury of flexible working hours or a sufficient single income that may allow them to coach their children, especially when teachers don't really teach everything. Maid is an easily available way out, and tuition helps when the parents can't. For some, it really is somewhat of a catch-22.

2ppaamm:

I also agree the cost of motherhood is high. I have also given up a career. I was just looking into my pay slip last week and saddened that my pay has dropped to a small fraction of what I earned a decade ago. Sad, but I always believe this is a temporary thingy. Give it another few years, when my duty as a mother is done, I can 'fly' as a career/business person once again. And, I've always believed this happened for a good reason, I am perhaps being prepared for something greater. :xedfingers:

Chenonceau:

Unfortunately, the cost to the Mommy is high. I sometimes feel like I have sacrificed my life to the altar of my family. The financial costs are high too because I earn so much less than before. In some families, I think Mommies WANT to be more involved in their kids' lives but they have to work full-time.

2ppaamm:

Insider, I think it is true that Singaporeans, not just the moms are a lot softer. The dads are soft, so are the children. One of my friends calls it the curse of affluence. We have maids to run after us, convenient and cheap cabs, and also enrichment classes everywhere. So good that we become soft.

2ppaamm:

We want our children to be thought leaders and great scholars, yet they are not empowered to plan or decide the kind of academic help/classes they need. Only odd balls don't go for tuition/enrichment these days.

2ppaamm:

Only odd balls don't go for tuition/enrichment these days.

2ppaamm:

You know, it is much easier to fork out a few hundred dollars a month and get external help, than to spend time to explain and teach our children what they need to know.

2ppaamm:

If we as parents/mothers do not stand up and 'harden' our kids, our Singaporean kids will inevitably face an invasion of a different kind. The Chinese and Indian scholars, the Vietnamese programmers, the Filipino marketeers, they are hungry and incredibly bright. They will come and takeover the best jobs, and buy the best properties. What will be left of our kids? They will be too soft to fight, trained in schools to not question but be happy with status quo anyway.

2ppaamm:

Having said all that, if we plan to go back one day, there is a need to prepare for that. Like Chen whose children spent 1-2 hours studying while overseas, I do the same, and I use the Singapore syllabus, minus the strange and overly strict marking style, minus the long school hours, minus the unnecessary competition, minus the teachers' own personal and professional issues.My 8-year-old goes back to school every 3 months now. He is able to cope with every subject, and last week when he was in Singapore, he was even given an award during honors day; a little gold coin he thought he could polish.

2ppaamm:

So, yes, it is possible to educate your own child overseas with just 1-2 hours a day, and he/she can still cope when he/she comes back. I think the best example is Chen, her kids cope really well when they got back.

2ppaamm:

It is not a lousy mom not to send a child to enrichment classes, or to deprive a kid of a rat race. It takes energy, drive, planning and a lot of patience to teach a 5 year old to prepare his own breakfast or vacuum the floor!

chamonix:

insider:

So generally speaking, Singapore women are more 'strawberry' type and we are breeding more 'strawberries'.

Why do we lose those strengths and 'logical' wisdoms that most of our mothers used to have????

Perhaps it's a matter of choice?

We managed to get by without a confinement nanny (only weekend help from my parents) for my first child. He's now 8 years old and still we are without any form of help, in or outside of Singapore. Both my children learned to prepare their breakfast (bread with butter or jam) from young. In fact, my ds prepares warm milk and breakfast for himself and his sister everyday. He helps vacuum the floor, clean the toilet etc... Even my 6 years old learns to pack the books, her shelves and table etc. And she wants to learn to wash the dishes. For myself, cooking has never been my cup of tea but I have learned to cook a variety of stuff like Or Luak, stewed beef/duck, roast pork, sweet & sour pork and so forth... Life is definitely not impossible without external help.

While I do not see enrichment classes as a need for my kids, I do feel a little bad for 'depriving' them of those classes. (Difficult not to feel so when the smart ones in Sg are also attending various forms of enrichments). We are out of Singapore most of the time, so my kids will have to depend very much on themselves to catch up on Singapore School's syllabus. At times, I wonder if I have been a bad mommy for taking them out from Sg rat race for a stress free childhood. We enjoy our stay here greatly, so much that my kids hardly know what/who stress is. They can literally chat and spin stories all day long, if not reading their storybooks. While reading the thread 'Are you satisfied with your child's results', I realised my kids would have a steep learning curve upon their return to Sg... It's not the results I worry, but the handling of school work, friends, teachers, exam stress, long hours of school etc. They wouldn't have to face this problem if I had not chosen to take them away. At times like this, I do feel kinda of lousy.

chamonix:

We enjoy our stay here greatly, so much that my kids hardly know what/who stress is. They can literally chat and spin stories all day long, if not reading their storybooks. While reading the thread 'Are you satisfied with your child's results', I realised my kids would have a steep learning curve upon their return to Sg... It's not the results I worry, but the handling of school work, friends, teachers, exam stress, long hours of school etc. They wouldn't have to face this problem if I had not chosen to take them away. At times like this, I do feel kinda of lousy.