<![CDATA[Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay?]]>Hi,


Lately my baby asking me to stay put in Singapore. I used to fly oversea for business as the HQ is in HK. I will stay away from home about 2wks(min) 2mths(max). Most of the time I will stay in Singapore less than 1 wk then fly again.

Do you think I should give up this job and find a new job in Singapore? Oversea= more money more exposure; Singapore= more time and more relax.

How? Go or stay?

Thank you.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/2761/will-you-give-up-your-job-if-your-kid-wants-you-to-stayRSS for NodeFri, 05 Jun 2026 00:58:38 GMTFri, 17 Apr 2009 20:44:55 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Wed, 22 Apr 2009 07:44:29 GMT]]>

san76:
You all can cope housework and cook for the family. I cant dish proper chinese home cooked meal.

Hehehee! Practise make perfect, san76.
It will suck at first but sooner or later you'd
be making wantons, fishballs and heck, mebbe
even the noodles from scratch. πŸ˜‰

Wuah.. jedamum just told you she tai tai.
You oso can be tai tai lah..

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25426https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25426Wed, 22 Apr 2009 07:44:29 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Wed, 22 Apr 2009 06:56:49 GMT]]>

jedamum:
san76:

Share with you something,when we were dating, I once told him, \"if after married I want stay home then I stay home if not I want to work you cant stop me\" He agreed so I married him. Hahaha....


πŸ˜‰ different for us...i told my husband during dating that if after married if i want to stay at home then i stay at home, he cannot insist/expect that i go to work and handle the household at the same time (ie going to work is a luxury for me and not a necessity :D). πŸ˜‰

You all can cope housework and cook for the family. I cant dish proper chinese home cooked meal.

Its better I work and leave the chores.

Salute to all moms at home doing chores and tending to kids. My friend is the only mom.......... She is a home maker, with 2 sons, hubby working. Never mop or clean the house, hardly wash always on the internet watching tv and seldom bring kids out cos kids playing pc games. She dont monitor their studies. She will always want to go out and shop and shop. Nice person but not a nice mother and wife

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25416https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25416Wed, 22 Apr 2009 06:56:49 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Wed, 22 Apr 2009 06:19:49 GMT]]>

san76:
Share with you something,when we were dating, I once told him, \"if after married I want stay home then I stay home if not I want to work you cant stop me\" He agreed so I married him. Hahaha....

πŸ˜‰ different for us...i told my husband during dating that if after married if i want to stay at home then i stay at home, he cannot insist/expect that i go to work and handle the household at the same time (ie going to work is a luxury for me and not a necessity :D). πŸ˜‰

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25406https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25406Wed, 22 Apr 2009 06:19:49 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Wed, 22 Apr 2009 04:17:21 GMT]]>..... in a cordial way, i hope.....


I think you have roughly got stuff
figured up liao... so all my best to
you, san76.

:xedfingers:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25369https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25369Wed, 22 Apr 2009 04:17:21 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Wed, 22 Apr 2009 04:12:42 GMT]]>Buds,


My hub has no issue to stay or leave. He prefers me to stay in Singapore if I want to work then find a new job, if not stay home is good.

I dont like to stay in the house. Share with you something,when we were dating, I once told him, \"if after married I want stay home then I stay home if not I want to work you cant stop me\" He agreed so I married him. Hahaha.... This thing still applies even when I am pregnant. Now still same.

More or less decided to stay here but how to end? Run N hide away? Not easy to leave the company. No bonds no nothing, I am freedom but too stress at times.

Dont worry abt me , soon this thing will be over and done with it. Either by the nicest way or the ugliest way.

Thank you :celebrate:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25366https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25366Wed, 22 Apr 2009 04:12:42 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Tue, 21 Apr 2009 18:36:40 GMT]]>Heyya san76, i fully understand your dilemma right now.

Having worked your a** off for years and from scratch..
Then, to a higher and deserved designation now...
It's not easy to let go... of the job. For one to stay in a
job for so long, one must have passion for it. And i say,
you sure got that! I took the way out with heart wrenching
agony at my decision to leave cos i really super duper loved
what i did and the work load as compared to yours, was getting
lighter cause i could delegate my work better to my senior teachers
and administrators plus temp staff. But to let go when i was at the
peak, was really hard.. But choice i did not have. Cos then i didn't
want anything to happen to my 2nd bb (in my tummy) nor to myself,
as i had a very very challenging pregnancy i comparison to the 1st bb.
Mum early early said cannot cope with 2 babies, plus she found PT job.
IL's weren't exactly in the options either, they prefer to work. So there
i was... terrified of my commencing journey to being the ultimate SAHM.
Not easy but made it!

If one isn't ready to leave a very much loved job, one cud have issues
later on too. Like regret. And if the child and household chores does not
occupy you enuf to fill your time enjoyably, you may not enjoy being at
home. Cutting down work load... then doing Part Time and then freelance
as also suggested by the others here will provide for better gradual
adjustment... so that you will enjoy your son better! πŸ˜‰

Work and home have their own kinda stress. So reallly gotta weigh the
options very deeply. How about yer hubs, what is his take on it, san76?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25287https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25287Tue, 21 Apr 2009 18:36:40 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:57:26 GMT]]>

mincy:
not to sure about the specifics but think there are lots of tacit knowledge for your job. Can try to talk to you boss about your intention to leave/lessen work load in X amount of time e.g. 3- 6 months? and talk to him about succession planning. e.g. identify a collegue who can be train to take over or help fill in your role.


Try to document down the issues to look out for and train your successor...I think if you give your boss enough time to find a replacement and train someone to take over yourself that should be very good to your boss and company liao.
Thank you Mincy,

I had found and trained someone for him and cost much lesser than me. Now all I want is my son and less money no problem. How to tell him? As I said, he is like a very good friend to me and very hard to tell him. He knows the weakness in me is too soft hearted. I had already told once. He will tell me, you can fly back home and do from home. Said is easier than done. How about the factory side? Oh my god, I really want my way out without hurting anyone.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25263https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25263Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:57:26 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Tue, 21 Apr 2009 13:56:49 GMT]]>Hiya San76


You hv mail..... πŸ˜„

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25254https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25254Tue, 21 Apr 2009 13:56:49 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Tue, 21 Apr 2009 10:04:48 GMT]]>not to sure about the specifics but think there are lots of tacit knowledge for your job. Can try to talk to you boss about your intention to leave/lessen work load in X amount of time e.g. 3- 6 months? and talk to him about succession planning. e.g. identify a collegue who can be train to take over or help fill in your role.


Try to document down the issues to look out for and train your successor…I think if you give your boss enough time to find a replacement and train someone to take over yourself that should be very good to your boss and company liao.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25229https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25229Tue, 21 Apr 2009 10:04:48 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Tue, 21 Apr 2009 09:29:59 GMT]]>

jedamum:
san76:

There is no free lance or part time for my position. Once taken up, have to run everything.


You mean run everything alone? The person running the show does not need any backup support stuff?
Sometimes, we have to 'downgrade' to fit into the part time/free lance position.

Most of the thing I will have to run it and handle myself. I will have to tell them what to do and what not to do. The worst scenario was, client havnt T/T money, all the shipment sent!!! If customer default payment, company will suffer, so communication is very important. I will have to let them know when to sent first and when will be the later shipment. There are much more things that happening. Oh I really cant take it.

You are right, but first, how to open my mouth to leave? Very hard you know. Boss is like my friend and buddy. How? Job is not too much of a problem, I can always find a less demanding one with lesses pay package and more time in Singapore or even station here also good. I dont mind to be a telephone operator that dont need to be so stress, little money no need to kill my brain cells. Right?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25219https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25219Tue, 21 Apr 2009 09:29:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Mon, 20 Apr 2009 22:29:12 GMT]]>

san76:
There is no free lance or part time for my position. Once taken up, have to run everything.

You mean run everything alone? The person running the show does not need any backup support stuff?
Sometimes, we have to 'downgrade' to fit into the part time/free lance position.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25058https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25058Mon, 20 Apr 2009 22:29:12 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:35:34 GMT]]>

jedamum:
san76:


Now my worry is how to open my mouth to tell my boss. what will happen to all my clients.

if you are indispensable to your boss, then you have the upper hand.
negotiate for a lighter workload, flexi-work hours, part time etc etc.

i used to be somewhat in your position...what will happen to my accounts/projects if I am gone, especially those I worked from scratch? that's why part timing may be an option; it frees you up from future commitments and gives you time to finish off (or proper handover) what you are currently handling.

Stress, Most of the clients prefer to deal straight with me and my present in anything will ease the problem. They will give and pick problems for my colleagues. I just want to leave and how to open my mouth. There is no free lance or part time for my position. Once taken up, have to run everything.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25046https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25046Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:35:34 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:05:32 GMT]]>

san76:

Now my worry is how to open my mouth to tell my boss. what will happen to all my clients.
if you are indispensable to your boss, then you have the upper hand.
negotiate for a lighter workload, flexi-work hours, part time etc etc.

i used to be somewhat in your position...what will happen to my accounts/projects if I am gone, especially those I worked from scratch? that's why part timing may be an option; it frees you up from future commitments and gives you time to finish off (or proper handover) what you are currently handling.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25042https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25042Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:05:32 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Mon, 20 Apr 2009 15:27:51 GMT]]>

mincy:
hi san76, you must have gotten lots of frequent flyers miles by now... I think there is always two sides of the story. By being responsible for your work, you are setting an example of good work ethics for your child.


Hong Kong and Singapore is not so far... perhaps you can plan more trips for you to come back to Singapore and him to go visit you in Hong kong. two months sounds a bit long to stay away from home. Afterall, you work hard to earn the $$$, so may as well use it right? Skpe, email and MSN with your boy everyday should be good too. But in the long run, may be you might want to plan to lighten your work load to spend more time with him...think by the time they reach 12 yrs old, you want to spent more time with them they also don want liao.

BTW...I think pasta is proper meal πŸ˜‰
Dear mincy,

you are very right, when he grows older, he wont want me. Now I need time to end my job. How to end, how to open my mouth to my boss?

I have alot of milage now for kris flyer and cathay. Usually can travel free or upgraded. I dont only fly to HK. HK is the head office. I will fly to middle east, US, switzerland and asia. 2 mths is very rush for me, but I try to make travel short.

Now my worry is how to open my mouth to tell my boss. what will happen to all my clients.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25038https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25038Mon, 20 Apr 2009 15:27:51 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Mon, 20 Apr 2009 09:45:24 GMT]]>hi san76, you must have gotten lots of frequent flyers miles by now... I think there is always two sides of the story. By being responsible for your work, you are setting an example of good work ethics for your child.


Hong Kong and Singapore is not so far... perhaps you can plan more trips for you to come back to Singapore and him to go visit you in Hong kong. two months sounds a bit long to stay away from home. Afterall, you work hard to earn the $$$, so may as well use it right? Skpe, email and MSN with your boy everyday should be good too. But in the long run, may be you might want to plan to lighten your work load to spend more time with him...think by the time they reach 12 yrs old, you want to spent more time with them they also don want liao.

BTW...I think pasta is proper meal πŸ˜‰

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25004https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25004Mon, 20 Apr 2009 09:45:24 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Mon, 20 Apr 2009 08:53:45 GMT]]>Dearest all dad and mom out there,


I have no issue with taking care of my son he is taken care by my parnets and his studies is good. He can manage without me. I left him for work when he was 4 mths old.

Guess you all are right, time. I should think of a way to balance him and travel. Now I am back bcos of his SA1 and spend time with him. He did me very proud when he and his group got first in chinese poem among all the P1s.

Then again, I started to think back, if I leave, how? All my jobs in hand will be half done, what will my customers think? They will be neither here nor there. I know, nobody is indispensable, but my responsibilties and commitment towards my boss and clients

No matter what, I will have to end some where, but how to tell my boss??? This is the hardest thing for me to open my mouth. he gave me the freedom to fly home or freedom to work on my own time own target. How how...... This job doesnt allow me to work from home. Got to meet clients of different countries and exhibitions.

THANK YOU for all your brain-storming.

:thankyou:

:oops: Feel so bad to open my mouth!!!!!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24992https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24992Mon, 20 Apr 2009 08:53:45 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Mon, 20 Apr 2009 05:54:50 GMT]]>Hi all


Let us look at it from another perspective.

I am a SAHM with 2 kids into their teens. Now that, they are rather independent and spend most of their time in school, I've been asked the same question.

\"So will you quit your job as a SAHM and return to the workforce?\"

Quite a number of my friends who have teenage children have actually returned to the work force, one by one, either working part-time or full-time. In fact, one friend has just started to miss her \"freedom\" and is looking forward to the end of her one-year contract.

I can return to my previous job if I want to - cos it's not affected by the recession.

BUT - I'm getting too comfortable with my present status and the 'perks' it brings - especially now.

May consider working part-time though...but on one condition that - the job must not tire me out so badly that I am not in a position to relate to my children when they are home from a long day at school. :lol:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24923https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24923Mon, 20 Apr 2009 05:54:50 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Mon, 20 Apr 2009 05:42:23 GMT]]>My kids are 7 and 8. I’ve once been thru this dilemma too. MIL even enticed me to quit my job by paying me my last drawn salary. I’m glad I made the right choice. I actually turned down an overseas posting (even though I could bring my kids and maid along) subsequently even switched to a less demanding job with no travelling, no after-hours work and slight pay-cut but I have absolutely no regrets as I am happier now as I have found a balanced life. I used to reach home late and by then my kids were already in bed and most of the times on weekends my mind was either on work or I was physically working on the pc.


Besides in our family, you have more say if you have more pay so that means you better work, be it with husband or MIL. MIL treat you better if you have an education and work. Over here, MIL will try to pay you not to work for the sake of her grand chidlren but mind you you will eventually become powerless as you will be at her mercy when it comes to decision-making on matters. So I decided to continue to work but chose a less-demanding job.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24922https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24922Mon, 20 Apr 2009 05:42:23 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Mon, 20 Apr 2009 04:55:03 GMT]]>Some food for thoughts


1) What do you need, rather than want? Do you need to see him growing up, be around to guide him? Or do you need the job satisfaction, fatter pocket etc? Which can you live without?

2) If you travel often, could your hubby be around to look after and care for him?

3) Comparing either decision you may make, which do you think you will regret more?

4) Could you have a temporary scale-down role and you can get back to career after your \"break\"? I understand some companies may not take kindly to such arrangement.

A few of my friends' wives (bank VP, marketing director etc) even took a 1-4 year break to look after their kids. Their rationale - kids only have a few years of childhood, you miss it and it's gone and 1-4 years is only a fraction in a 30+ years of career. ok, I am not discriminating against the mothers. I myself was prepared to quit my job for 1 year to solve my son's problem even though I earn much more than my wife. Luckily my boss counterproposed that I worked from home and keep an eye on him. So either mom or dad has to be prepared to make sacrifices when it comes to the crunch. For my case, it was easier because it was a need, not want anymore. 😞

Hope I didnt confuse you further in your decision making. πŸ™‚

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24916https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24916Mon, 20 Apr 2009 04:55:03 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Mon, 20 Apr 2009 00:51:45 GMT]]>Hi san76,


To share..my hubby used to travel a lot as he is doing regional sales..that's for the last 9 years until this yr where he quitted and looked for another job with no travelling though work later than before. I've been yakking and nagging him as it's too tiring for me to look after 2 kids after work and shuttling up and down my mum's place to fetch them. Life is a lot better knowing he is ard all the time and I won't need to face family circumstances all by myself. It's a huge difference I feel and I'm certain your boy will feel that too. So really worth considering... :ugogirl:

Of late, the idea of quitting from my current job swam back. After my recent promotion, things changed a lot. Heavy workload aside, my boss is demanding more from me and getting more scoldings from him. Last week had a harsh one from me that makes me cry so badly. Both my kids are under my mum's care and to be frank, I can't expect anything more than just childcaring. An e.g. Potty train my little boy. He was trained at my own hse but back to my mum hse.... so sometimes feel v helpless tat there is not much support. Oso after work, really damn tired, still must squeeze time to coach my elder on her schoolwork, no time for my little boy and end up feeling drained, tired and shagged out! 😒 But at this current situation, quitting job seems ridiculous, isn't it???

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24866https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24866Mon, 20 Apr 2009 00:51:45 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Sat, 18 Apr 2009 04:07:13 GMT]]>

jedamum:
[

different situation calls for different remedy...for yours, maybe you can explore other options...eg, communicate via web when you are away etc...how old is your kid?
Dear Jedamum,

What you said is very true, bcos of this that is why I want to stay here and not fly. Each time I fly back is bcos of him. A call from him, I will fly back even just for the wkend. It really cost me about $480 to fly here and back HK. I dont want to miss his childhood. I know when he grows older, he wont want to stick to me like \"glue\" He will be busy with friends........ He dont need me.

My son is 7yr old. Very mature and obedient boy. He is so loving, when I hurt myself, he will say\" Pain? Do you need medicine? Please be more careful next time ok?\" He said these when he was in K1or K2.

When he felt upset, he will keep in him till I fly back 1 month later and tell me the incident. Ohhhh, I really feel so sad now. Dont know what to do? I know I have to make the decision, Giving up I cant bare to let go.

Think think a bit more. My head is swelling each time I think of this issue. I had left him since he was 2yrs old.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24699https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24699Sat, 18 Apr 2009 04:07:13 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Sat, 18 Apr 2009 03:55:16 GMT]]>

OCEAN:


Hi San76
I just want to tell that you have to find a way to balance your life between work and family.

Regards,
OCEAN
Dearest Ocean,

Me, how to balance my job and family. My HQ is in HK. I amalways there and in the middleeast. I fly very very very frequently. Though I may be in HK office, but I will still fly to many other countries then back to HQ. After all the handover, I will fly home on my own expense and stay here for 1wk just to clear my off in lieu.

Now I am on leave, but still have to be awake in the middle of the night to communicate to clients in different countries. So, now I can see my family and do my mails and work from home. Soon I will have to fly off again. There is no fix time when to come back or when not to come back. Sometime From HK, via Singapore (1day) via Indonesia. I will take this 1 day to come back then fly again.

So now I think of ending this job bcos my son wants me to stay and he wants to see me everyday.

The problem is how to end? I like my job, I love my family. How?
Juggling between work and family is no issue if I work in Spore. Then working here pay is so little, no exposure, no freedom to explore.

How? :?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24697https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24697Sat, 18 Apr 2009 03:55:16 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Sat, 18 Apr 2009 01:41:17 GMT]]>Hi Buds

Why are you always awake? Are you suffering from some form of sleep disorder? Please take care!

Hi San76
Just now my dh call my office and scolded me for not waking up my ds and say good bye to him before I left home for work. My ds was screaming and crying and hitting my dh at the other end of the phone. I thought he suppose to be a grown up boy already and he had not have enough rest during the weekdays. Somemore he told me yesterday he was rated no. 1 (best behaviour) in class. I just want to tell that you have to find a way to balance your life between work and family.

Regards,
OCEAN

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24689https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24689Sat, 18 Apr 2009 01:41:17 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Will you give up your job if your kid wants you to stay? on Sat, 18 Apr 2009 00:47:59 GMT]]>

san76:
I cant give myself a reason to give up.
san76,
I think you already have an answer for yourself πŸ˜‰
there are a lot of discussion http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1338&start=0 regarding whether to work a not.
san76:
I worked all my way up, giving up now.... aiyah, how to say?

i worked all the way up too...didn't fly frequently like you, but spent most time at work doing overtime. but gave up in the end, not cos my boy wants me to stay at home...it's because he didn't want me to stay at home...he wants me to continue to work so that I will not 'force' him to do things that he didn't like when I was at home (ie going to school... :roll: ). do i want my son to grow up not wanting me to be by his side? that was the wake-up call for me.

different situation calls for different remedy...for yours, maybe you can explore other options...eg, communicate via web when you are away etc...how old is your kid?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24684https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/24684Sat, 18 Apr 2009 00:47:59 GMT