K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:01:32 GMT

Ichigokun — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:01:32 GMT

Like parents like son, no wonder he so Kiasu. Because you are also Kiasu ( that's why ur on this forum) XD

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Sun, 29 Jan 2012 20:04:38 GMT

smartmummy — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 20:04:38 GMT

sunset_dae:
My son used to behave like this, each time he does that i will tell him strictly:\"Don't throw tantrum, if you kick and throw yr toys, i will assume u do not like yr toys and all will go into the dustbin.\" He tried to test my limit and there was once i really dump the toys into the bin and he started to cry and scream and sae dont want dont want, then i correct him again and tld him he shouldnt do that, suprisingly, he never does it again.

I did it once not for kicking,but he didn't follow my instruction and gave final warning.After I throw he very upset.But after that he listened whatever I said.But one of my friends felt its affect him a lot.She gave a look like \"what an evil mom\".

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Sun, 29 Jan 2012 09:26:05 GMT

seekingangels — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 09:26:05 GMT

*bring out the old chinese saying

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Sun, 29 Jan 2012 09:25:49 GMT

seekingangels — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 09:25:49 GMT

that it is alright to lose and brig out the old chinese saying "shi pai nai cheng gong zhi mu" "failure is the mother of all successes". without failing we would not learn and without learning we will never be wiser. hope this helps.

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Sun, 29 Jan 2012 09:24:38 GMT

seekingangels — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 09:24:38 GMT

let him lose and say to him, it’s okay, mummy still loves you. daddy will teach you to be better at [activity he lost]. and tell him that nobody is perfect and we all have room for improvement.

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Sun, 29 Jan 2012 09:24:33 GMT

seekingangels — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 09:24:33 GMT

let him lose and say to him, it’s okay, mummy still loves you. daddy will teach you to be better at [activity he lost]. and tell him that nobody is perfect and we all have room for improvement.

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Tue, 15 Nov 2011 09:01:40 GMT

heyhoe — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 09:01:40 GMT

We will usuallly keep the "toy" in the storeroom. We will only return the toy over the weekend after they’ve improved their behaviour.

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Tue, 15 Nov 2011 06:00:08 GMT

sunset_dae — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 06:00:08 GMT

haha, tae what i thought so too, so i picked up the toys but must tell the child i dun wan to see such behaviour again and im giving him one chance only.

Oppsgal:
:moneyflies: when throw away toys and don't pick up from dustbin.

My kid don't like time out. run away screaming when there is time out. I have to catch my kid back and sit beside me. Every few second, kid run off. Then have to restart the time.

:faint:

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Tue, 15 Nov 2011 05:58:36 GMT

smurf — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 05:58:36 GMT

yup, waste money when throw away toys, but if the child learnt his or her lesson hard when throw the precious toys away, it is worth it. rather than you fuming angrily several times and nagging and nagging, or try to pick him up from time out, etc.

however, if he does not value the toys at all, then maybe throwing toys method wouldnt work. but if the toy is his or her favourite, then it will work. in any case, he or she must know that you mean it, the punishment ie.

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Tue, 15 Nov 2011 05:54:26 GMT

Oppsgal — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 05:54:26 GMT

:moneyflies: when throw away toys and don't pick up from dustbin.

My kid don't like time out. run away screaming when there is time out. I have to catch my kid back and sit beside me. Every few second, kid run off. Then have to restart the time.

:faint:

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Tue, 15 Nov 2011 05:36:07 GMT

smurf — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 05:36:07 GMT

think throw away toys is a good idea. because the toys belongs to him, he will feel more painful than time out. if want to throw, must throw it away, cannot pick it up from dustbin, coz he will think that mummy dun mean it. next time, mummy will still pick it up from the dustbin.

IMHO, time out will not work for some children. at least it doesn't work for ds2. he will just sit and do nothing, sometimes, he will sing song to pass time. :imconstipated:
so, even if i put him for time out 1 hour 2 hour, it makes no difference to him.

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Tue, 15 Nov 2011 05:13:39 GMT

sunset_dae — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 05:13:39 GMT

Yes, i did after he promise me that he will not throw the toys anymore and i told him i will only give him one chance, so far this method of punishment works on him.

Oppsgal:
sunset_dae:
My son used to behave like this, each time he does that i will tell him strictly:\"Don't throw tantrum, if you kick and throw yr toys, i will assume u do not like yr toys and all will go into the dustbin.\" He tried to test my limit and there was once i really dump the toys into the bin and he started to cry and scream and sae dont want dont want, then i correct him again and tld him he shouldnt do that, suprisingly, he never does it again.
[quote=\"Oppsgal\"]My kid, throws tantrum when things don't go the way my kid wants. If lego falls down when my kid wants to build tall, my kid will start to throw the lego all over the place in a fit. :faint:

Wonder if when older, results not what my kid wants to achieve, will my kid throw the book away :?

So did you pick the toys back from the dustbin?

For me, I don't think is good to throw toys into dustbin just because kid throw tantrum. Instead, my kid is made to do time out for tantrum. Told my kid, toys are not for throwing.

Not sure did the teachers in childcare punish my kid :? Or just tell me so I have to punish my kid personally when came back from school. When the teacher told me my kid throw the tantrum in school. I told teacher that my kid also throw tantrum at home. But recently my kid did less of the tantrum and will definitely come home to stand one corner.

Wonder why teacher don't just straight away punish my kid on the spot when tantrum is thrown :? Better effect then came back end of the day and kid forgot the bad tantrum...then out of sudden got punish. [/quote]

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Tue, 15 Nov 2011 04:27:15 GMT

Oppsgal — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 04:27:15 GMT

sunset_dae:
My son used to behave like this, each time he does that i will tell him strictly:\"Don't throw tantrum, if you kick and throw yr toys, i will assume u do not like yr toys and all will go into the dustbin.\" He tried to test my limit and there was once i really dump the toys into the bin and he started to cry and scream and sae dont want dont want, then i correct him again and tld him he shouldnt do that, suprisingly, he never does it again.

Oppsgal:
My kid, throws tantrum when things don't go the way my kid wants. If lego falls down when my kid wants to build tall, my kid will start to throw the lego all over the place in a fit. :faint:

Wonder if when older, results not what my kid wants to achieve, will my kid throw the book away :?

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Tue, 15 Nov 2011 02:23:27 GMT

MadScientist — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 02:23:27 GMT

Good one!

This is a fine example of delivering whatever you promised.

That's also precisely what I mean when I say that the children will look upon how we live our lives, to live theirs. If we deliver what we promise, so would they... and they know that for a fact, albeit after testing limits at times.

It is similar for competitiveness... and our attitudes towards competitiveness. IMHO, it is not a phase that they grow out of. They grow out of the phase about the object of competition, but they retain the attitudes of competition and build upon it. So, indirectly, we as parents, determine if they have a purely competitive attitude or a creative/constructive competitive attitude.

sunset_dae:
My son used to behave like this, each time he does that i will tell him strictly:\"Don't throw tantrum, if you kick and throw yr toys, i will assume u do not like yr toys and all will go into the dustbin.\" He tried to test my limit and there was once i really dump the toys into the bin and he started to cry and scream and sae dont want dont want, then correct him again and tld him he shouldnt do that, suprisingly, he never does it again.
Oppsgal:
My kid, throws tantrum when things don't go the way my kid wants. If lego falls down when my kid wants to build tall, my kid will start to throw the lego all over the place in a fit. :faint:

Wonder if when older, results not what my kid wants to achieve, will my kid throw the book away :?

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Tue, 15 Nov 2011 02:07:20 GMT

sunset_dae — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 02:07:20 GMT

My son used to behave like this, each time he does that i will tell him strictly:\"Don't throw tantrum, if you kick and throw yr toys, i will assume u do not like yr toys and all will go into the dustbin.\" He tried to test my limit and there was once i really dump the toys into the bin and he started to cry and scream and sae dont want dont want, then i correct him again and tld him he shouldnt do that, suprisingly, he never does it again.

Oppsgal:
My kid, throws tantrum when things don't go the way my kid wants. If lego falls down when my kid wants to build tall, my kid will start to throw the lego all over the place in a fit. :faint:

Wonder if when older, results not what my kid wants to achieve, will my kid throw the book away :?

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Tue, 15 Nov 2011 01:45:15 GMT

Oppsgal — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 01:45:15 GMT

My kid, throws tantrum when things don't go the way my kid wants. If lego falls down when my kid wants to build tall, my kid will start to throw the lego all over the place in a fit. :faint:

Wonder if when older, results not what my kid wants to achieve, will my kid throw the book away :?

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Tue, 15 Nov 2011 00:59:09 GMT

ckhoo5 — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 00:59:09 GMT

Dear all,

Thanks for all the advise, I'm glad to know I'm not alone
I do play family board games like snake and ladders with my boy, and told him sometimes we can win, or we can lose, what matters is we tried our best.
Will try to show more positive example and attitudes and hopefully my boy will learnt from there..

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Mon, 14 Nov 2011 22:45:29 GMT

Chenonceau — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 22:45:29 GMT

How would adults feel if we lost out on a promotion?

I suppose that is how our children feel when they lose at a game. They’re disappointed and because they haven’t learn to be hypocrites, they show their heartbreak openly. Of course, one can argue that a promotion is nothing like a game because a game is unimportant.

For kids, games are everything… Moms and Dads are everything. My DS used to take winning at games very seriously. But as he grew up, his world got larger and games became less important. Now he cries about his exams. As he gets older, I get less important too.

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Mon, 14 Nov 2011 17:14:51 GMT

MadScientist — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 17:14:51 GMT

ckhoo5:
Dear parents,

My K2 boy, whenever in his childcare whether playing games or any other things that will have a winning & losing team, he will cry if he/ his team are defeated. Been telling himm upmost times that winning & losing is part of the game, it's not tat important, most impt is you enjoy the games with your frenz.. but he still cannot accept it.. sigh :roll:
How do you encourage your kids who likes to win all the time? I'm worried he is putting unnecessary stress to himself. Next year he will be in P1 & there will be more ppl in 1 class, and definately you can't win all the time..

Everyday, I see two children who are like that, and they are not my children.

My own kids have a winning streak in them, but it is more subdued in comparison.

Here is my take on it:

Children tend to have this must win attitude, which they picked up from others. Therefore, they may have picked it up from the parents, or those other kids around them. I see it very clearly as my own children differ in their \"die die must win at all cost\" (DDMWAAC) attitude... Initially, they have the DDMWAAC and huge arguments and dissatisfaction comes about.I had to intervene as I noticed that with different groups of playmates yielded different levels of DDMWAAC attitudes. Notably, when company has it in them to be the only winner, then everyone else in the group wants to be the sole winner and this playgroup will end up in unhappiness. When there are no hyper competitive mates around, the play group is more amiable and pleasant, having more fun always.

I had to instill a slightly more mature perspectives with them that if you always want to win, then you would be alone... Winning is great, but not the most important, especially if you win at others misery.
It is how you win, and as much as how you lose, and take home the lessons you learn when you lose that makes you a better person.
When you win, remember that others may have had to lose to you, so be sensitive to their feelings. No need to trample on others when you are on top.
When you win, teach others how you did it, and the collective winners will get even further, since everyone has special gifts from God. This teaches them about being a better winning team, instead of only being a better winning individual. This also helps to up their game, even when at the top.
Most importantly, if you did your best, it was worth the effort results will follow. When results do not follow, there is something to learn... Be smarter... relook, rethink, and relearn.

Here is the end result...

I find that the two very competitive children go to extents of creating their superiority over others by manifesting in different ways such as writing on pieces of paper about themselves as the winner and others as the loser. I personally have seen these sheets of paper, which underscore a deep rooted issue, IMHO.
Am proud to say that my children do not have that habit, and have learnt to walk away, not bothering about having been given zero points by the self-proclaimed winner. Yes, they do get unhappy and call me to complain occasionally, but have grown to accept that their playmates are \"like that\". The youngest actually asked me one day if he could pray to ask Jesus to help change them. I melted...

I also observed that a lot of influence comes from the different sets of parents, and how the parents themselves conduct themselves, form and display attitudes, as well as what they say to the children.

So, your recognition is the first and crucial step...
May I suggest that you too live your life in an improved manner, so that your child's hero displays the better example.
Be patient and explain to your child about how winning together gets them more friends, better popularity, and creative competition ( of helping others win like you did ) is a lot healthier than destructive competition (winning and trampling on others).
Better yet, create some examples through family board games like snake and ladders. (your child would be watching you when you win and when you lose, so be very careful and make sure your attitude is about having fun family time rather than winning)
Change your child's playmates too... Perhaps a play date with one or two other friends with your supervision. Do things like cookie baking where each have to win in doing their part well so that the end product is testament of all their collective winnings... And it's a yummy end product too!

Hope that gives some ideas...

All the best!

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Mon, 14 Nov 2011 16:56:02 GMT

smartmummy — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 16:56:02 GMT

smurf:
its good to have this kind of mentality! I wish my p1 can be more kiasu. its better so that he or she will be more competitive. my p1 NOT competitive at all. he can get all question wrong and he is unaffected at all.

you are very lucky!

I think its depends on age.My son was like that (mean wanted to win about 4 years after go to primary school doesn't bother to win).Now he is playing boardgames with his sister (5 years old).She can't accept to lose.He said its ok to lose.Now he matured already.When they are small they can't accept.

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Mon, 14 Nov 2011 16:25:42 GMT

cherrygal — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 16:25:42 GMT

DH is meaner and thrashes DS in Chinese chess all the time. When DS whined, we used that opp to teach him he needs to lose in order to learn how to win. If DH kept losing intentionally in chess, DS will never be able to learn the strategies to win.

DS is now accustomed to this mantra and he even picked up English chess from his friends at school.

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Mon, 14 Nov 2011 15:49:14 GMT

markfch — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 15:49:14 GMT

cherrygal:
I guess that \"must-win\" mentality eases as they mature. DS was like that too and I usually let him win at boardgames to avoid trouble. I told him frankly I wanted to lose so that he wouldn't cry. Then I would explain that losing is not painful at all.

DS was liddat too. I used to let him win at boardgames all the time as I wanted him to be happy. Then one day his friend visited us and I noticed from their interaction that ds couldn't \"afford\" to lose. Nowadays I thrash ds all the time so that he can get used to losing.

The next big moment - I'm watching out for it - will be when ds tastes his first big failure, which will come sooner or later. That will be a big teaching moment for us. I hope I'll be ready (to teach) when that happens.

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Mon, 14 Nov 2011 14:38:07 GMT

cherrygal — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 14:38:07 GMT

I guess that "must-win" mentality eases as they mature. DS was like that too and I usually let him win at boardgames to avoid trouble. I told him frankly I wanted to lose so that he wouldn’t cry. Then I would explain that losing is not painful at all.

Every time he wanted me to play such games, I would get him to promise not to cry if he lost and I would limit the number of games regardless of who wins or loses. I would usually let him win once or twice, then when I won, I would tell him it was my turn to win coz he won twice already. After the reminder, he wouldn’t feel so bad losing that round to me. He soon got used to winning and losing.

Now I have no qualms about playing fair and square though occasionally I still let him win in order to end the game quickly. The game would drag if I kept winning.

Reply to K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat on Mon, 14 Nov 2011 09:51:34 GMT

Sun_2010 — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 09:51:34 GMT

Chenonceau:
My husband said \"Kid... if you you lose often enough, you'll get used to it.\" Both kids were so mad at him.

Then there is also WHO they lose to. They dun mind losing to Daddy because they think Daddy is smart. They would cry their eyes out if they lost to ME. Years later they explained that it was shameful to lose to me because I am not as smart as Daddy. I wasn't pleased about that comment.

Haha I bet not!

At boardgames, my kids let Daddy win at times so that he will not feel \"bad\" :love:
With me they have no mercy :pokeeye: