<![CDATA[How to manage a child who refuse to go to school]]>😞 hii all I need some advice from parents.. my older boy is in K1... and younger one in N1. While the older one loves school...my younger one who is going 3x a week has to be dragged out of home to go to school....he doesnt like getting ready to go to school..... i have tried many ways to \" Bribe\" him but nothing works..


all he does is to cry out loudly and look for my DH. My DH never advises him that he has to go to school. I am getting nuts over this issue because monthly we pay about $550 for his fees and bus. Its all being wasted. He goes to school maybe once a week. There are times I have resorted to slapping him but all doesnt work... he can cry for 15-20 mins non stop..

i am considering to take him out and put him in a cheaper nursery. Any advice from parents who have been in similar situation ? 😢

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/572/how-to-manage-a-child-who-refuse-to-go-to-schoolRSS for NodeMon, 04 May 2026 11:25:48 GMTThu, 17 Jul 2008 12:41:07 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Sat, 11 Jul 2020 09:18:38 GMT]]>For school refusal, maybe parents could try to understand more of the reasons behind the refusal then you can work with your child on those underlying reasons. Some questions that might help to clarify are:

1. When did this start? Were there any triggers?
2. Are there any other information that you can gather from teachers at school or your helper at home as to the experiences of your child?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1985313https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1985313Sat, 11 Jul 2020 09:18:38 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Thu, 23 Apr 2020 09:37:52 GMT]]>What to Do When Your Child Won't Go to School

https://www.verywellfamily.com/dealing-with-school-refusal-schoolage-children-620852

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1972419https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1972419Thu, 23 Apr 2020 09:37:52 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Fri, 10 Oct 2008 09:38:41 GMT]]>It is always a good plus to do on-off surprise spot checks to ensure consistency with the childcare centre you entrust your child to. We love our children and do hope that they will trust us too. If we unintentionally neglect their feelings, some of their character will turn more negative and may reflect in their daily activities too.


Never put your guard down. If needs be, discuss with the teachers and the principle. At worst case, transfer them out and before doing so, try and find some alternatives. I know that it is easier said than done :oops:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/8754https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/8754Fri, 10 Oct 2008 09:38:41 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Tue, 19 Aug 2008 08:12:00 GMT]]>My daughter object violently because she has difficulty in making friends & language problem.


I was working following Australian working hours. I reached the childcare to pick up my kids around 3.30 pm. Since it was their tea break time, I got to stay & look around. What I saw was a horror story. Runny nose unwiped, big business in diaper not attended, toilet not flush, nobody ensure the kids wash their hands with soap after going to the toilet. I tried to wash my hand at the sink & the pipe is too tight for the kids. Some teachers discipline the crying child by making them stand at the side until the child subside crying.

So, it really pays to find out why your daughter resent being sent to childcare.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6124https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6124Tue, 19 Aug 2008 08:12:00 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Tue, 19 Aug 2008 08:01:51 GMT]]>Hi heutistmeintag,


Maybe you are right. I shld secretly drop by one day and check on her in school. Thanks for ur advise…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6123https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6123Tue, 19 Aug 2008 08:01:51 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:50:52 GMT]]>

EN:


My suggestion to you is to take a surprise visit on your day off & observe from far why your daughter does not like the place. Pop by at different hours to see what are the things that make your daughter uncomfortable.
Good point.

Gmum, sometimes the child could dislike the school because of harassment from other kids or even as simple as scolding by teacher. My children still throw such tantrums even though they are now in P5/P6. lol

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6121https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6121Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:50:52 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:43:20 GMT]]>Hi Gmum (Gorgeous Mum?)


I know it hurts to see your little one cry every morning. I also sent my kids when they are 2.5 and 3.5 yrs old to full time childcare becoz we were working and my parents couldnt cope with 2 mischevious kids at home. My son cried for the initial 2-3 weeks but my daughter looked forward to the childcare.

The trick is to look for a childcare with sincere teachers who treat your kids with TLC. Becoz of these teachers, all the children at the centre are very well behaved and always taught to look after one another. As a matter of fact, older children are paired with new kids in a buddy system. I think it's a good approach as toddlers tend to respond very well to older ones and look up to them as older brothers and sisters.

So I guess you could wait and see if your child would settle down in the next few days or start looking for a childcare centre that could offer the same cozy and safe environment that she expected. Having said that, we have to be observant for extreme responses from the child.

Coincidentally, I also had a fren whose daughter cried alot ..to the extent of vomiting. They struggled to ignore the vomitting but gave up after 1 week. The parents were subsequently advised by paediatrician to take her out of childcare for a few months to avoid traumatizing the child. They did that for 3-4 months (with much inconvenience) and then put her back again. The 2nd time was luckily successful and the gal has since grown to be a very smart and cheerful gal..no side effect. 🙂

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6120https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6120Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:43:20 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:24:43 GMT]]>

EN:
My daughter was placed in a child care when she was 2.5 years old. I placed her there because there is no other care taker & I dont trust a maid to look after her alone.


She cries everytime I sent her to school. But the teacher told me that she will settle down after 15 minutes of crying & will join her group. She is now 9 years old. Every time we past by the child care, she told me how she hates to go to the child care and ask me why I sent her there.

My suggestion to you is to take a surprise visit on your day off & observe from far why your daughter does not like the place. Pop by at different hours to see what are the things that make your daughter uncomfortable.

Sometimes it is not the childcare activities but the kids characteristics. My son later join his sister in the same childcare did not have the anxiety problems & happily join his class.

Hi En,

May I know why your girl given such a strong comment abt sending her to childcare?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6119https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6119Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:24:43 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:18:01 GMT]]>My daughter was placed in a child care when she was 2.5 years old. I placed her there because there is no other care taker & I dont trust a maid to look after her alone.


She cries everytime I sent her to school. But the teacher told me that she will settle down after 15 minutes of crying & will join her group. She is now 9 years old. Every time we past by the child care, she told me how she hates to go to the child care and ask me why I sent her there.

My suggestion to you is to take a surprise visit on your day off & observe from far why your daughter does not like the place. Pop by at different hours to see what are the things that make your daughter uncomfortable.

Sometimes it is not the childcare activities but the kids characteristics. My son later join his sister in the same childcare did not have the anxiety problems & happily join his class.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6118https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6118Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:18:01 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Tue, 19 Aug 2008 06:41:33 GMT]]>Afraid this wldnt happen without any help… I am a working mum and my parent both working, my in-law always busy with her own plan… that is part of reason why I am sending my little gal to whole day care. Anyway, thanks for your advise. Shall give her more mths to adpt.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6116https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6116Tue, 19 Aug 2008 06:41:33 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Tue, 19 Aug 2008 04:51:33 GMT]]>One way could be to send the child for playgroups first instead of whole-day childcare. So they see it more as going for fun activities rather than being parked somewhere while their parents go off to some other places. You can slowly enhance it to whole-day childcare when they get used to the routine.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6104https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6104Tue, 19 Aug 2008 04:51:33 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Tue, 19 Aug 2008 03:26:46 GMT]]>There is nothing wrong with your girl. She is still very young. Most kids at this age still do not know how to socialize with other kids, so they do not like to be away from their parents or caretakers. It is more likely that she has separation anxiety, not that she is rejecting school. She prefers to stay in the cozy and safe environment at home.


Personally I think that if a very young child does not like to go to school or childcare centre, we should just keep her at home. I read somewhere that the child may feel that she has been abandoned in school, because she still does not understand that mommy will come back for her. This may have a negative effect on her when she grows up. It is best to send her there when she is older. I feel that 4 years old is a better age.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6096https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6096Tue, 19 Aug 2008 03:26:46 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Tue, 19 Aug 2008 02:55:57 GMT]]>[Moderator's Note: Topics merged.]


Hi All,

My gal 2.5yo now and she has been attending childcare for 6mths. Every morning when sending her to school, she tends to cry and reject joining the class. It is driving me nut. WHATshould I do and WHAT is wrong with her or the school? sigh....... 😞

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6086https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/6086Tue, 19 Aug 2008 02:55:57 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Fri, 18 Jul 2008 06:41:12 GMT]]>hmmm is there some change in school? New teacher? New classroom? He doesn’t like the teacher? It happens to my nephew. Settle down in school already by the teacher and class room change and the new teacher very bo chap him. Has been crying whenever he needs to go school for a few weeks now. So may be you can go to school with him and see what it is like in the childcare. May need to consider changing childcare.


Anyway, cannot let them get their way by crying. If they cry = no need to go school or eat medicine … then the next time they will know that they won’t have to do something as they cry lor. So for the next few times have to make him go even if he cries…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3454https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3454Fri, 18 Jul 2008 06:41:12 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Fri, 18 Jul 2008 03:55:42 GMT]]>thanks for the feedbacks… he has been going to school to 1 year now with my last maid…i got a new maid about 2 months ago…they do play with her…when my DH is not at home …there is no problem …he goes to school… but when DH is at home… he simply doesnt want to listen…and when he cries…he cries like someone has tortured him…uncontrollably for 10-15 mins…


My DH doesnt advise him to go to school …he is like " dont disturb my morning sleep…if he doesnt want to go…its ok"

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3423https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3423Fri, 18 Jul 2008 03:55:42 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Thu, 17 Jul 2008 16:27:50 GMT]]>Good point jedamum! I have renamed the title to:

"How To Manage a Child Who Refuse to go to School"

My earlier note is to simply discourage ourselves from using physical force on children and to use creative ways to enforce discipline. Nothing to do with getting a child to go to school.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3385https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3385Thu, 17 Jul 2008 16:27:50 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Thu, 17 Jul 2008 16:22:45 GMT]]>

jedamum:
I guess the title 'uncontrollable child' does not do the kid any justice when the situation cited merely refers to the difficulty to get the kid settled into a school setting. My personal view is that categorising the kid as being naughty (and henceforth exercise the naughty corner or cane) when he/she is just going through a stage of adjustment is uncalled for.

Haha yes of cos... The naughty corner or cane would only be used in the appropriate situations... Dun think we have any sadistic parents here since we treat them as precious little gems 😉

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3384https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3384Thu, 17 Jul 2008 16:22:45 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Thu, 17 Jul 2008 16:12:42 GMT]]>I guess the title ‘uncontrollable child’ does not do the kid any justice when the situation cited merely refers to the difficulty to get the kid settled into a school setting. My personal view is that categorising the kid as being naughty (and henceforth exercise the naughty corner or cane) when he/she is just going through a stage of adjustment is uncalled for.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3382https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3382Thu, 17 Jul 2008 16:12:42 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:41:43 GMT]]>

ChiefKiasu:
One trick which I learnt from my friend whom I think is a great daddy is the \"naughty corner\". If the kid is naughty, put him/her to face the wall and make him/her stay there. Ignore the crying and screaming. Just make sure they stay there until the sulking stops. Do this once or twice and the child will learn the concept: naughty = naughty corner.


Next time, just say \"naughty corner\" and the naughty behavior will magically stop. It generally works pretty well with my daughter :). No need to slap or scream.
Mine is the cane and it works fine ... My son can throw into tantrums that you would have thought that he has lost all senses :roll: ... Anyway... I'll start with a warning and if he still does not heed... Then the cane comes in... Usually a whip on the bum is all it takes 😎 ... Of cos after the caning when he has come to his senses... Must be followed by a hug and kiss 😄

I know some parents are against caning or corporal punishment... But I'd rather rein them in now when they are young and teachable than for them to grow up out-of-hand.

I have read some other forums where they complain that their child just would not listen etc... I feel that parents cannot adopt the attitude that everything is ok and nothing will happen... For me, from the time my son knows how to walk...
1. He knows that the kitchen is out of bounds and he has never ventured into the kitchen with or without our presence.
2. Whenever he is in the car, he needs to be belted up in his car seat and seat belt cannot be released until the car is parked properly.

To date, I have not encountered problems in these two areas. I cannot reconcile the fact that I still see parents belted up driving and the kids are happily jumping about in the back seat unbelted :shock: In my opinion just waiting for a bad accident to happen :?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3381https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3381Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:41:43 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:53:16 GMT]]>One trick which I learnt from my friend whom I think is a great daddy is the \"naughty corner\". If the kid is naughty, put him/her to face the wall and make him/her stay there. Ignore the crying and screaming. Just make sure they stay there until the sulking stops. Do this once or twice and the child will learn the concept: naughty = naughty corner.


Next time, just say \"naughty corner\" and the naughty behavior will magically stop. It generally works pretty well with my daughter :). No need to slap or scream.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3373https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3373Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:53:16 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:36:15 GMT]]>

chixchix:
😞 hii all I need some advice from parents.. my older boy is in K1... and younger one in N1. While the older one loves school...my younger one who is going 3x a week has to be dragged out of home to go to school....he doesnt like getting ready to go to school..... i have tried many ways to \" Bribe\" him but nothing works..


all he does is to cry out loudly and look for my DH. My DH never advises him that he has to go to school. I am getting nuts over this issue because monthly we pay about $550 for his fees and bus. Its all being wasted. He goes to school maybe once a week. There are times I have resorted to slapping him but all doesnt work... he can cry for 15-20 mins non stop..

i am considering to take him out and put him in a cheaper nursery. Any advice from parents who have been in similar situation ? 😢
Sounds like he is not ready for school? Have your little boy been to playgroups or small classes before? If no, he is probably new and inexperience with school. Usually kids will cry about 2 weeks to a month before they feel settled down. Or he could have separation anxiety?

Most importantly, find out from your boy and his teacher why he refuse to go, and how he is doing when he is in class. My son have a personal experience of the teacher scolding the kids in the chinese class till they are terrified of going to school. Another teacher had loads of complaints from parents for having bad attitude towards the nursery kids too. Apparently she has personal problems and been yelling at kids.

Also find out how other parents feedback too. My little girl (in N2) recently don't wanna go to school and cited reasons like she is tired or teacher scolded her 'friend' for dreaming. But I let her off for a day and brought her out shopping. She promised tomorrow she will go to school 🙂

Consider speaking to the teacher and principal. If after 1 - 2 mths, your kid is still not settled down, and still have no idea of the root cause, pull him out of the school. No point paying for fees when your kid is not happy there.

Good Luck!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3370https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3370Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:36:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to manage a child who refuse to go to school on Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:32:08 GMT]]>It is either that you

1. consider a cheaper nursery that offer 5 day week programme
or
2. extend his current nursery programme to 5 day week.

When my ds1 first started school, we enrolled him in a twice a week programme. He never fully integrated with the school system and cried whenever it is time to go to school. The staff advised us to sign up for the 5 day week programme, but we could not, due to logistics issue (and it is not cheap). 6 mths down the road we withdrew him and then enrolled him in pcf nursery as he was already 4 yrs old. After 3 mths of crying and screaming, he settled in.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3369https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/3369Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:32:08 GMT