<![CDATA[Less is more]]>Mummy's boys and Daddy's little girls.


In the United States, overprotective parents came to be known as 'helicopter parents' in the 1990s. The term referred to the way they 'hovered' just above their children's heads, monitoring them closely so they could help out quickly in a crisis. Parents who spoil their children are creating a generation of kids who are 'just waiting around for instructions' and not thinking for themselves.
Kiasu parents breed a dependency mentality on our kids,what your view?

http://news.asiaone.com/News/Education/Story/A1Story20080621-72073.html
Doting parents in Japan drive varsities to despair
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Sat, Jun 21, 2008
The Straits Times
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TOKYO - THEY may be destined to land good jobs in prestigious companies, but they will likely never attain great heights as future leaders - because they are mummy's boys and daddy's little girls.
Officials at universities across the country are flabbergasted at the level of pampering some parents bestow on their children, reported The Asahi Shimbun.
For example, a phone rings at a university staff room, and the person who picks it up is stunned to hear the caller ask: 'Could you tell me when and where we can buy textbooks?'
The call is not from a student, but from a parent.
Other parents' calls which have caught staff by surprise at nine private universities in major cities go like this: 'My son is staying at home today because he says classes are cancelled. Is that true?'
Or: 'My son complains the classroom is full and he cannot find a seat. Why is that?'
Or: 'My daughter could not take a test in class. What should she do?'
The anecdotes seem endless.
University teachers and officials have noted a sharp increase in such questions, along with requests and complaints from 'overprotective' parents in recent years.
Some parents protest after hearing from their children what was apparently intended as a joke in a classroom.
A professor who confides in class that he has a hangover should be prepared to field calls from parents expressing outrage. Some parents resort to writing a letter of protest to the university president.
University staff have also had a hard time making sure their entrance ceremony halls can accommodate all those who want to attend. Each year, Hosei University and Toyo University, both in Tokyo, rent the mammoth Nippon Budokan hall, which can hold up to 14,000 people.
They also limit those accompanying each student to two. Even so, the hall is always full, reported The Asahi Shimbun.
Many parents form a line two hours before the hall is open so they can dash to the best spot to shoot videos of their precious offspring.
At 'open campus' events, which target high-school students hankering for a university education by offering first-hand information, guardians are a common sight too.
'On entrance-exam day, parents used to see their children off at the school gates, but they do not go home now,' said one school official.
'There are so many waiting that rooms set aside for them are often not enough.'
Most teachers and staff attributed the rise in indulgent parenting to a decline in the number of children.
Many also noted that even as children grow apart from their parents, many parents are simply unwilling to let go.
Parents who spoil their children are creating a generation of kids who are 'just waiting around for instructions' and not thinking for themselves, said an official.
That said, pampering parents are not unique to Japan.
In the United States, overprotective parents came to be known as 'helicopter parents' in the 1990s. The term referred to the way they 'hovered' just above their children's heads, monitoring them closely so they could help out quickly in a crisis.
But Professor Masatoshi Onoda, an expert in education systems at Osaka University, believed universities needed to respond to parents' voices 'to some extent'.
'Many parents these days are university graduates. Since they know what universities are like, they want to learn more and request higher levels of 'customer satisfaction',' he said.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/672/less-is-moreRSS for NodeWed, 09 Sep 2026 20:43:16 GMTSat, 21 Jun 2008 04:56:28 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Wed, 06 Aug 2008 05:16:43 GMT]]>My no. 2 learns faster than no. 1 for the following reasons:


1. She is more inqusitive.

2. She learns by example. For instance, with no. 1 I have give verbal instruction and she needs to learn how to process it and understand it. With no. 2, no. 1 will show her how to go about doing it. So no. 2 learns by visual.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/5112https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/5112Wed, 06 Aug 2008 05:16:43 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Tue, 05 Aug 2008 09:12:49 GMT]]>

heutistmeintag:
jedamum:

I still do peep at his schoolbags sneakily while he is asleep and grind my teeth to force myself not to correct his work too frequently. :?


hehehe, I am worse. There was a time when my P5 daughter keep getting calls from a male classmate. I asked her what was happening and she refused to tell me. My alarms went off and got very anxious to know what is going on. I peeped into her diary...no mention. gosh..what should I do?

Luckily common sense prevailed and I had a calm discussion with her. Oh, they were only discussing some online games and she didnt want to tell me because she was afraid of being scolded. Until today, I am still feeling so embarassed by my over reaction. :lol:

thinking abt it,i guess most parents would be more portective over girls than boys coz of the 'chasity' issue in our more conservative asian society. i would think itz normal as we all care abt them. if my gal were so big now and oso had the same thing happening,i would be asking alot more qns... 😄

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/5053https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/5053Tue, 05 Aug 2008 09:12:49 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Fri, 01 Aug 2008 04:20:38 GMT]]>

chamonix:
ZacK:



Kid #1, tend to be more dependant and cautious.
Kid #2, seems more out-going and daring.

I shd think that this is largely due to the parents' attitude towards the kids as CKS mentioned above... Parents are more seasoned 2nd time round and less particular with kid#2's upbringing and this seem to be showing in the kids' behaviours.

My sentiments exactly!

Hey, you are definitely ready for a second kid!

Hahaha thanks... I come from a big family and do love kids... Always had this affinity with them. But to have your own and raise them up properly is a huge responsibility both in terms of time and financial resources.

Well this is one aspect that we all just have to do our best and make do with what we have to give to our kids 😉

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4781https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4781Fri, 01 Aug 2008 04:20:38 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Fri, 01 Aug 2008 01:48:28 GMT]]>

ZacK:


Kid #1, tend to be more dependant and cautious.
Kid #2, seems more out-going and daring.

I shd think that this is largely due to the parents' attitude towards the kids as CKS mentioned above... Parents are more seasoned 2nd time round and less particular with kid#2's upbringing and this seem to be showing in the kids' behaviours.
My sentiments exactly!

Hey, you are definitely ready for a second kid!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4762https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4762Fri, 01 Aug 2008 01:48:28 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:40:54 GMT]]>Only have one at the moment and another one on the way… So cant comment much yet. But seems to be a trend based on my talks with other friends who have >1 child:


Kid #1, tend to be more dependant and cautious.
Kid #2, seems more out-going and daring.

I shd think that this is largely due to the parents’ attitude towards the kids as CKS mentioned above… Parents are more seasoned 2nd time round and less particular with kid#2’s upbringing and this seem to be showing in the kids’ behaviours.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4713https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4713Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:40:54 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Wed, 30 Jul 2008 03:32:23 GMT]]>

ChiefKiasu:

The fact that the 2nd child being able to learn faster has a lot to do with competition - the fact that No. 2 has to fight for parental attention and love that No. 1 has never encountered. Most No. 2s are more independent and street-smart compared to No. 1s thanks to this, and also thanks to the fact that parents are WISER and has less time and resources to spend on No. 2 than No. 1. No. 2s are thus more hungry and competitive.
Whenever I let ds1 have access to computer, I can see ds2 envy of his bro.
Whenever I send ds1 to class, ds2 will wail and want to follow inside too.
Whenever I went for ds1's weekly feedback session, ds2 will refuse to leave the classroom. 🙂
So i guess he can't wait to grow up.
Somehow, to try to stand out, 2nd child may develop a 'niche' area. My ds2 for one, is going the 'sporty' route (like what ChiefKS mentioned...'streetwise') and is very 'flexible' (cos have to adapt to ds1's programme and class timing) while ds1 is the studious kind (cos of the 'sheltered' and 'planned' life) and a bit rigid (hesitant to accept changes).

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4408https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4408Wed, 30 Jul 2008 03:32:23 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Wed, 30 Jul 2008 02:10:45 GMT]]>ChiefKS,

My mum always commented that she did nothing except bringing us(my siblings) to the library and we all did pretty well in school and she never hired tutors to help us... not to mentioned about enrichment classes! She is hoping that I let my son 'off' so that he can learn carefreely and the words she used was it is so 'STRESSFUL' to attend school. Infact, she really wants my dd to stays at home with her to do nothing (sing Karaoke with her) and learn on her own before she needs to attend K1 at 5YO.

For this reason and others (too tired, no$$), I am really allowing my dd to pick things at her own pace and do the most basic of education for her (inculcating values & focus on her character development). As for my son, we are reducing his enrichment to just managable and the programs he is attending now are programs he asked for.

ChiefKiasu:
Are we being harmful to our children by spending so much energy on their personal education and growth?
Tough question!
I guess it is about balancing. Too little, as parents, we are not helping/guiding our children. Too much, we may ended up having 'problem' or stressful kid...
ChiefKiasu:
Is it better to leave them alone to fend for themselves, so that they will learn to fall and pick themselves up without relying on mummy or daddy?
Another interesting question. The world has changed. It will be alright if it was our time (I am assuming most of us in the forum are the X or early Y-generation). Unfortunately, I guess we ourselves as parents feel uneasy if we leave them alone cos of the social pressure around.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4391https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4391Wed, 30 Jul 2008 02:10:45 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Tue, 29 Jul 2008 14:52:58 GMT]]>

jedamum:
When you mentioned 'ds1' i believe you mean dd (ie ds=son, dd=daughter). 😛

If so, as shaz mentioned, it may be the 'developmental milestone' thingy, as i believe that majority of girls pick up stuff faster than boys.
And...it is not wise to ask the kids who he/she thinks mummy loves most. It will only encourage resentment.
:oops: so sorry for using the wrong term, thanks for reminding me 🙂
jedamum:
And...it is not wise to ask the kids who he/she thinks mummy loves most. It will only encourage resentment.
It is fine with me as i was only chatting with my son as he wanted me to guess which teddy bears he likes the most 🙂

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4349https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4349Tue, 29 Jul 2008 14:52:58 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Tue, 29 Jul 2008 14:19:49 GMT]]>

vicky:
Hi all,

For my case, I found that ds1 is faster than ds2. ds2 requires much more explanation and repetition to understand maths concept, whereas ds1 can absorb the concept very quickly and easily.
I think it may because I used much time in ‘stimulate’ ds1 when she was young. Ds2 was somehow neglected as I was too busy when ds1 entered primary 1.
Few days ago, I ask ds2, who he thinks mummy loves the most? His answer was: ‘sister’, and I asked him why he thinks so, he said it was because I teach and bring ds1 to attend enrichment classes.
When you mentioned 'ds1' i believe you mean dd (ie ds=son, dd=daughter). 😛
If so, as shaz mentioned, it may be the 'developmental milestone' thingy, as i believe that majority of girls pick up stuff faster than boys.
And...it is not wise to ask the kids who he/she thinks mummy loves most. It will only encourage resentment.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4340https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4340Tue, 29 Jul 2008 14:19:49 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Tue, 29 Jul 2008 13:24:03 GMT]]>Hi all,

For my case, I found that ds1 is faster than dd2. dd2 requires much more explanation and repetition to understand maths concept, whereas ds1 can absorb the concept very quickly and easily.
I think it may because I used much time in ‘stimulate’ ds1 when she was young. Dd2 was somehow neglected as I was too busy when ds1 entered primary 1.
Few days ago, I ask dd2, who he thinks mummy loves the most? His answer was: ‘sister’, and I asked him why he thinks so, he said it was because I teach and bring ds1 to attend enrichment classes.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4321https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4321Tue, 29 Jul 2008 13:24:03 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Tue, 29 Jul 2008 10:40:37 GMT]]>We decided to split this discussion into a proper thread because we felt that it is an important point that requires deeper thinking and debate.


The fact that the 2nd child being able to learn faster has a lot to do with competition - the fact that No. 2 has to fight for parental attention and love that No. 1 has never encountered. Most No. 2s are more independent and street-smart compared to No. 1s thanks to this, and also thanks to the fact that parents are WISER and has less time and resources to spend on No. 2 than No. 1. No. 2s are thus more hungry and competitive.

Are we being harmful to our children by spending so much energy on their personal education and growth? Is it better to leave them alone to fend for themselves, so that they will learn to fall and pick themselves up without relying on mummy or daddy?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4300https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4300Tue, 29 Jul 2008 10:40:37 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Tue, 29 Jul 2008 10:22:44 GMT]]>Its the opposite for me. My #1 is a gal in K2 this year. #2 is a boy and in Nursery. Compared to what the sister knows when she was in nursery, i’m getting quite concern about my boy’s progress. Is it true that girls at this age learn faster than boys?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4291https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4291Tue, 29 Jul 2008 10:22:44 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Tue, 29 Jul 2008 09:57:26 GMT]]>jedamum,


Ha! somehow, #2 is a fast learner compared to first born and I guessed having 2 or more kids, some parents tend to have lesser time left for the rest of the children compared to the time when they have only 1 first born. Look at you and me…just typical examples…Being more attentive to the first born needs and protective may not be beneficial to them. I realised this when I have no time for my girl-#2 and yet she is more advance than her brother in many aspects…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4287https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4287Tue, 29 Jul 2008 09:57:26 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Tue, 29 Jul 2008 09:43:40 GMT]]>

mamachris:


Jedamum,

Just wanna found out from you whether you think your 2nd is a faster learner and can amaze you with the ability to understand things better.

.
mamachris,
As compared to ds1, my ds2 is a fast learner as
1. ds1 does not have the luxury of my time back then as I am a FTWM while I am at home 24/7 to 'stimulate' my ds2 😄
2. we only got 'age-appropriate' stuff and do 'age-appropriate' activities with ds1 only when we feel that the time is right, while ds2 can easily 'graduate' into ds1's stuff (eg, he flips books intended for ds1 etc) relatively early as he as nothing else better to do at home.
3. ds1 stimulates ds2 alot by talking, playing with him.
4. we are not as protective over ds2 and hence give more leeway for him to 'develop his motorskills' (with ds1 we worried about safety alot)

And yes, my boy loves starfall too. 🙂

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4284https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4284Tue, 29 Jul 2008 09:43:40 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Tue, 29 Jul 2008 08:49:09 GMT]]>[Moderator's Note: Threads split and merged.]

jedamum:

My 20mth old is also enjoying free-and-easy session at home. At least they get to enjoy the experience we have for handling the elder kid, right?

Call me paranoid, but a simple stroll downstairs at the garden, my dss usually come back with huge mosquitoes bites.... 😞
Jedamum,

Just wanna found out from you whether you think your 2nd is a faster learner and can amaze you with the ability to understand things better.

I know how heartaching to see huge mosquitoes bites on our dear kids... but I realised that the mother nature brings more peace to the family than shopping malls 😛 and most importantly, the scenic natural environment is the best place for kids to learn... for my case.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4267https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4267Tue, 29 Jul 2008 08:49:09 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Tue, 29 Jul 2008 01:38:54 GMT]]>Hi


My daughter was very sickly when she was a baby & I nearly lost her when she was two (she is a healthy girl now). Dut to the early episode, I have been hovering over her life. To err is human & she grows up unable to be independent. She waited for me to sit with her when she is doing her homework. When I walk out of the room, she practically stop doing her it. She waited for me to help her with revision, with spelling & even tying her hair when going to school.

I soon realize my mistake and slowly let go of my clutches. It is not easy but I can see improvement in her. She is now more confident & sociable.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4205https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4205Tue, 29 Jul 2008 01:38:54 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Mon, 28 Jul 2008 05:27:59 GMT]]>Sounds like not just remembering about hovering. It's also the strength not to do it. Aiiiee, not very good in this dept. Learning from u guys. 🙂

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4143https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4143Mon, 28 Jul 2008 05:27:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Mon, 28 Jul 2008 04:16:08 GMT]]>

jedamum:
I still do peep at his schoolbags sneakily while he is asleep and grind my teeth to force myself not to correct his work too frequently. :?

hehehe, I am worse. There was a time when my P5 daughter keep getting calls from a male classmate. I asked her what was happening and she refused to tell me. My alarms went off and got very anxious to know what is going on. I peeped into her diary...no mention. gosh..what should I do?

Luckily common sense prevailed and I had a calm discussion with her. Oh, they were only discussing some online games and she didnt want to tell me because she was afraid of being scolded. Until today, I am still feeling so embarassed by my over reaction. :lol:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4135https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4135Mon, 28 Jul 2008 04:16:08 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Mon, 28 Jul 2008 02:36:13 GMT]]>I’m really worried because we have the perfect profile for this - only son, career mummy who quit job to look after son etc. I do see a lot of examples around me in my family however, so hopefully I won’t lose sight of what not to do.


Jedamum, checking on work is one thing, and you are so mindful of yourself! I know of parents who spend a lot of time doing project work for their kids for school and for competition. How to not win like that? But I’m sure the kid ends up feeling inadequate and like a fraud. These are the real consequences of helicopter parenting which no parent wants to convey. I hope I don’t forget when my time comes!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4127https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4127Mon, 28 Jul 2008 02:36:13 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Sun, 27 Jul 2008 09:54:13 GMT]]>

tianzhu:
Mummy's boys and Daddy's little girls.


In the United States, overprotective parents came to be known as 'helicopter parents' in the 1990s. The term referred to the way they 'hovered' just above their children's heads, monitoring them closely so they could help out quickly in a crisis.
I used to double check my boy's school work closely in the bid to ensure that he gets it correct. Nowadays, I am trying to take a step back and let him make mistakes so that he knows that he is responsible for his own work and so that his teachers know his true standard and can help to brush up his weak areas.
I still do peep at his schoolbags sneakily while he is asleep and grind my teeth to force myself not to correct his work too frequently. :?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4094https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/4094Sun, 27 Jul 2008 09:54:13 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Fri, 04 Jul 2008 13:28:26 GMT]]>I think it is perfectly alright for you to tell him as much information as you can. Playing with toys (lego blocks etc) is very important as well, this is how he develops his fine motor skills, which is essential for writing.


In order for a child to be able to learn, he must first learn how to read words on his own. Your child is very bright and at his age he can start to learn phonics and reading. He could be reading like an adult by 4 or 5 years old.

Check out my blog about my experience teaching my kids to read.

http://tamarindvillage.blogspot.com/2008/02/reading.html

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2781https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2781Fri, 04 Jul 2008 13:28:26 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Less is more on Thu, 03 Jul 2008 17:09:30 GMT]]>Forgive me for my english.


I am wondering if I am doing too much. I am a SAHM of a 2.5 yrs old boy. He only started going to pre-nursery the start of this week.

Since 20 months he can tell me 20 different brands of cars (Toyota , Hyundai , Mitsubishi etc) after I had taught him. Then there’s Thomas’ characters. He also knows many different types of vehicles.
I read a lot to him, quite a number of books he can even "read" (cant read words yet ) when looking at the picture after i have read to him 2 or 3 times.

He seems to enjoy playing with me and his dad and it usually involved lots of conversations.

However, my son is not very good in physical activities. He is not very stable. So when I went to the playground, i still have to watch him. He can do the slide but when using the stairs I must watch him. I give him practise everyday on the stairs. He cant ride his tricycle yet.


I have a neighbour of the same age, he can ride his tricycle already. However every vehicle to him is car, he cant talk much yet. His parents seems very relax.

I am not trying to compare here. Just want to know if my son’s weaker physical ability compare to his much better ability in speech is due to the fact that we talk so much to him.

And the fact that I told him lots of information (eg I tell him the different type of vehicles, Thomas’ character) will I make him not wanting to find out information for himself? Or shall I just keep giving him information so long as he is interested?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2752https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2752Thu, 03 Jul 2008 17:09:30 GMT