It is sad to see this site in disarray and unused. I have created a forum. I wish to build a community for Autism. A place where parents can go to seek support, get your questions answered, share your experiences or simply connect with fellow parents with an autistic child. If this is your interest, I invite you to join me build this community. Someone has helped me before. Lets go forward to help another parent.

My forum is at https://moestavern.sg/forums/all-about-autism.48/
Come join me build a discussion on Autism.

Note:
I am doing this for free. All at my own cost & expense. You do not need to pay anything. I am not asking for any donation. This is just an area I care for.

Sorry if I drop by a little late!

Yes, I can totally agree with you 110%!

I learnt in order for my child to get better/improve…consistency is the key.
And there can be no consistency without us working together.

The past few years was hard where I didnt even have to battle with DH…(because he think there was nothing wrong with DS3)
and I will just allow DH get carried away with his own thoughts…because I will find myself too exhausted trying to win each time.

These are mistakes I made because I had let DS3 became more confused with differences in parenting.And I had to put a stop on these.

So I started getting DH involved with his therapy sessions (and currently Social Class)- so we both could understand the right approaches and what/how/when to apply/not to apply.

I devote my time to explain to my older children(DS1 &DD2) as well.

I even read DS3’s Psyc report to DH…he shows no reaction.‍️
I will tell myself to be strong to keep going because my child needs someone who understand him.

Thank you Tyeogh for coming in with your replies and encouragements!

I will update u on Pathlight!

Hey @3SERIES
Happy to hear you find my sharing useful.

1. When you are called for Pathlight Internal test, it is very likely you have already secured a spot. It is either going to be Foundation or P1. Pathlight manages everything very well. I have 3 other NT kids that attend NT schools. To me, Pathlight > all the other NT schools, in terms of school management. Pathlight would have considered every aspect very carefully, including the repercussions of inviting parents to test, only to reject them later.

2. Often parent scuttle between denial phase and acceptance phase. I think one is seldom comfortably settled into a sweet spot. I do think it is important that both parents are on board together battling on the same side than against each other.

At stake, is a child’s behavorial development. Work on it together, there is a good chance the child can improve vastly. Spend time battling each other or neglecting thorny issues, there is a good chance the child will retard instead. Perhaps you can devote some time to on-boarding your DH.

As I have written and emphasized, it is more important that there is some traction when classes are conducted. The child should at least learn something on a daily basis. 5%, 10%, 20% it is fine. The worst case scenario is the child picks up 0%. Because the parents just want to keep up with the Joneses and places the child in a NT environment hoping for the best - but the child is not able to focus and stares at the ceiling. The parent did his child a disservice. I am sure your DH will not want that.

I can understand it is also emotionally tiring for 1 parent to bear it along. This is what this thread is for I guess. Like minded parents who can understand the pain and challenges; and to support / encourage each other. Hang in there ya

Thank you so much for sharing with me in detail!

Pathlight touched my heart in many ways and I can immediately feel the connections that DS3 will be very happy there.

I totally skipped the P1 MOE Registrations.
Convincing DH to allow me to make the school decision IS challenging as he would never think of SPED at all in the 1st place.

DS3 attended Pathlight internal screening assesment last month.
If all goes well, I should be expecting an offer letter by September (if accepted) …otherwise by October (if not accepted)

Be it Foundation or P1, I promised myself to be positive with whatever Pathlight offers -for the best interest of my child.

Tyeogh ,( Im aware you are a dad!) … and am very encouraged by your post especially on how involvements by both parents (aside Teachers) at home is crucial for our child’s progress.

I am still learning the ropes and hope that i am able to gear my DH in that direction just as much.
While I am already in the “managing” mode, DH is still in “pre-acceptance” mode, so to speak.

It is really not easy for me to have to shoulder it alone without DH support.

@tyeogh

Hi!
Good to hear from you again, Tyeogh!

I am new to this forum BUT had been reading all the AMAZING pages here since couple months back.

As of now, I am anxiously waiting for Pathlight offer for DS3 P1 next year.
Screening done and all…so ya crossing fingers and toes for the good news to come🥶
I believed Pathlight has helped groomed your child in many ways.
If u can recall, do u mind sharing the ups and downs during transition to Pathlight P1?
Appreciate other Parents contributions as well!
TKIA

Hi @3SERIES
Welcome to this thread!

Yes, Pathlight was pivotal in my son’s transformation.

I think I applied for entry into Pathlight somewhere around this time of the calendar too. I had concurrently applied to a normal primary school for admission, as required by MOE.

Pathlight took a while to get back to us. Around December. Then, we parents had to bring our child to their school. auditorium. The teachers arranged the children into small groups of 10. Then marched them off to the classrooms. We parents had to wait in the auditorium while the teachers assessed the children. I believe this is the internal test where Pathlight teachers had to assess whether the child is suitable for accessing learning in Pathlight.

After about 1 hour, the children returned. We returned home. A week later, we received a letter from Pathlight. My son was offered the Foundation year. A Foundation year is like a pre Primary 1.

It was a mixed bag. Some kids were offered P1. My son was offered Foundation year. So he had to “repeat” so to speak. I interpreted it as the teachers felt he was not ready for P1. We tried to take it positively.

This Foundation year proved decisive. You see, when our kids are autistic, it is no more about keeping up with the Joneses. It is about pitching learning to a level our autistic child can accept. It is no point putting the child in P1 when he cannot access learning. He will just sit in class and learn nothing. Everything goes by him.

In the Foundation year, my son was taught basic things like taking the school bus. Complying with instructions. What to do after alighting from the school bus. How to sit in a class. How to follow what the teachers are saying. How to buy a meal in the canteen. How to behave in class. How to go home after school. These may seem simple to a NT child or parent, but for an autie, it takes weeks to master each step. The Foundation year broke it down nicely. There were sequences documented in the report book.

The classroom size was 13 students. There were 2 teachers at all time. One to teach. One at the back of the class, cueing students that could not focus, to stay focused. Parents are taught to look at our Communication book daily where teachers will update us on things to do. We parents had to attend a quarterly meeting at the school hall. I remember my first quarterly meeting where the principal “threatened” us nicely if we parents dont look at the Communications book daily, they will kick our kid out - it is fair, she explained we parents need to get involved, not just throw everything to the teachers. This way, the child can improve. So me and my wife kwai kwai eyeballed his communication book daily!

By the end of the Foundation year, my son had learned the routine of going to school and how to learn. He was assessed again. They promoted him to P1. He was ready for formal education. The pace at P1 was expectedly fast. But by then, my son was ready to learn. He could pay attention in class. He could do homework. We parents took instructions from the Communication book daily and did our task to monitor him.

Pathlight has a personal improvement plan for each child. This is separate from academia. We parents were summoned at the beginning of the year to discuss our child with the form teacher. Targets are set. By the end of the term, we had to check off whether these targets were achieved. For example, can he indicate to the teacher he wants to go to the toilet and can he go to the toilet himself. Most objectives were hit. So this is a documented approach to improve on their behavior. New term, new targets, check off list again at end of term.

This was how my son improved behavioural wise. There is also an assessment for formal education. A report book like all other NT schools. My son faired average for most academic subjects. He took PSLE and got into the Normal Academic stream for secondary school. 5 year to complete secondary school. I am happy for him because I understand it is more important to slow down the learning so that he can learn, than compete with the Joneses and everything whizzes by him; he learns nothing. He is exempted Chinese, a default for all Pathlighters. I understand he will be exempted from NS too, so it doesnt matter if he is going to the Normal stream. Give and take.

After P1, he kept getting new behaviourial targets for each new year. So my son is always closing the gap with NT kids.

Hi!
Good to hear from you again, Tyeogh!

I am new to this forum BUT had been reading all the AMAZING pages here since couple months back.

As of now, I am anxiously waiting for Pathlight offer for DS3 P1 next year.
Screening done and all…so ya crossing fingers and toes for the good news to come🥶
I believed Pathlight has helped groomed your child in many ways.
If u can recall, do u mind sharing the ups and downs during transition to Pathlight P1?
Appreciate other Parents contributions as well!
TKIA

This thread has always held a special place in my heart. I have learnt alot here. Made good friends. Shared challenges and heart pains.

My autie son is now 15 y.o.! In Pathlight secondary 2. Operates like a normal kid. And to think I was once here when he was 2.5 y.o., lost & wondering whether he will ever make it.

Hope things are good your end

slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2135089\" time=\"1718514926\" user_id=\"28674:

She consulted a psychologist, a qualified professional, and would have been referred to a psychiatrist if needed. It is not necessary to assume that seeing a psychologist is a waste of time, and that oversharing definitely requires a consultation with a psychiatrist.

Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=\"2135088\" time=\"1718514337\" user_id=\"195250:[quote=\"Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=2135088 time=1718514337 user_id=195250]
That is why I ask the parent to consul a psychiatric first and see what the doctor say.[/quote]

slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2135087\" time=\"1718513640\" user_id=\"28674:

The same symptoms can have different causes, and it's not possible to diagnose online without qualifications and without seeing the person.

Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=\"2135080\" time=\"1718506056\" user_id=\"195250:[quote=\"Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=2135080 time=1718506056 user_id=195250]
Hi Rainbow,
I have a different thinking on this. Don't waste your money on psych anymore, the oversharing is a symptoms of - Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and Anxiety. Go to consult a psychiatric, the reason why people will oversharing, because they have involuntary Anxiety in their mind and they are forced theirselves to share things with others so that they may feel safe or peace after the sharing.

The psychiatric may prescribed some short term medication to rectify the lack of 血清素 in brain. Try to take the medication for at least one month and see whether the situation or at least his feeling is improved.[/quote]

Rainbowdeli\" post_id=\"2135034\" time=\"1718359234\" user_id=\"204929:

Thanks slmkhoo for sharing. Yes both DH and I, and the psych have given him guidelines/rules to follow. We have also talked to him in length several times. In fact his oversharing caused unhappiness to some people around him and he knows the consequences (cos they will keep a distance from him thereafter). But don't know why he is still doing that esp when people are friendly to him and he will let down his guard and start the sharing part.

We have repeatly cautioned him to be weary of people that not all of them have good intentions. Just worry he will offend/being make us of others in future esp when he goes to work. Cos of this, we are also concern if he is suitable to study overseas by himself next time.

Rainbowdeli\" post_id=\"2135053\" time=\"1718414567\" user_id=\"204929:

Another concern is if he is exempted from NS, will that affect his career down the road. Also insurance part. I was told by an agent that people on the spectrum have problems buying health insurance. Do you face similar issues with insurance for your daughter? Thank you

slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2135035\" time=\"1718360050\" user_id=\"28674:

You have to understand that they aren't just being careless, they really can't tell what is too much. They don't know what is offensive, and it's hard to always have to remember the rules when you are relaxed. While you should keep reminding him and hope the rules become habitual, it takes a long time to build habits, and sometimes they won't be perfect.

Yes, there will be people who he should be wary of, but he won't always be able to tell. Does he have classmates who understand enough to keep a watch out for him? My daughter didn't, but thankfully, she has always been with people who are generally kind, or at least neutral. She has been bullied occasionally, but not too much, and we use those instances as teaching opportunities. For work, as a last resort, you can ask for help from Enable SG and Autism Resource Centre. My daughter was helped by them to get a job, and her boss has been understanding, but of course, it means the condition has to be declared.

We never considered letting our daughter go overseas to study - too many things could go wrong.

Rainbowdeli\" post_id=\"2135034\" time=\"1718359234\" user_id=\"204929:

Thanks slmkhoo for sharing. Yes both DH and I, and the psych have given him guidelines/rules to follow. We have also talked to him in length several times. In fact his oversharing caused unhappiness to some people around him and he knows the consequences (cos they will keep a distance from him thereafter). But don't know why he is still doing that esp when people are friendly to him and he will let down his guard and start the sharing part.

We have repeatly cautioned him to be weary of people that not all of them have good intentions. Just worry he will offend/being make us of others in future esp when he goes to work. Cos of this, we are also concern if he is suitable to study overseas by himself next time.

slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2135016\" time=\"1718337822\" user_id=\"28674:

My daughter is also high functioning autistic (Aspergers is no longer the official term for this). She's already graduated and working. Yes, oversharing is an issue as they don't realise how others will take what they say. Besides seeing a psych, do you talk to him about this at home? Perhaps you can give him some simple rules to follow - telling him what sorts of things he shouldn't say. We have been advising our daughter since she was young about what she should and shouldn't say about certain topics, and rehearsing with her the kinds of answers that she can use. This helps her say something without telling too many details. What sorts of things does he say that you think inappropriate?

Rainbowdeli\" post_id=\"2135011\" time=\"1718335583\" user_id=\"204929:

My son has Asperger (high functioning). Now in one of the Poly. One of the problems with him is he tends to overshare personal stuff with people who are friendly to him and can take things literally. We have arranged for him to see a Psychologist who has been helping him cope with these stuff.

But seems things are not really improving. We worry people may take advantage of this weakness of him (which happened before during his Secondary school time). Anyone in similar situation? If so, could share/advise how you cope please. Thanks

ChiefKiasu\" post_id=\"2126994\" time=\"1705067049\" user_id=\"3:

That's interesting. Personally I'm not sure what kind of learner I am. I read a lot, but when I read, I tend to read in chunks, or paragraphs. I would glance at a paragraph, formulate an idea of what the passage is saying, then move on. I can never remember names even if they are repeated to me many times. But I can recognize anyone (I know I've seen them before) very quickly, even if I've not seen the person for decades. So, am I a visual learner?