bebebub:

Imami, 好久不见！


I wonder what shaped the parenting style of one who does not grow up with one (or both parents), or any specific primary caregiver.

好久不见! Been busy...

I think the part in bold is still about one's growing up experience. Just like the third sibling I mentioned above... I opined that he was the most neglected one, and I thought he might just agree with me. To me, the missing part is the same as an orphan - the absence of parents' attention/company/guidance.

Because of the lack of one/both parents' presence, the child grows up to become a parent with this set of parenting style. Had this same child had one/both parents with him in his growing up years, this child is likely to grow up adopting a different set of parenting style. It's like playing pinball game. Hitting one point or not is likely to change the course of the path. We can hardly predict with high accuracy how the path would chart out.

However, despite the similar scenario (for example, orphan or single parent family or even having both parents), it is likely that the children will grow up adopting different parenting style because of how each perceived his/her experience. Complicated hor?

starlight1968sg:

How I was raised affects my parenting style.

Starlight and I belong to the same group - our parenting ways are shaped/influenced by how we were raised. For me, by saying this, I think it does not simply mean I adopt the same parenting style as my parents. More likely, I take the good and improve on the bad (improved formula )





Today a young colleague just said this to me - if my mom knows, she would be proud of me. (She stood her ground and had an argument with her boss' boss.)

She was a timid girl who obediently followed instruction without question. Her mom didn't like this as this behaviour made the girl vulnerable to manipulation. Her mom passed away last year, around this time.


I told her I am not sure if this is what her mom would feel. I don't mean the mom would not be proud, I just feel that a mother's reaction covers a whole range of emotion and more often than not, the reaction is not a single emotion.

Recently listened to someone talk about his growing up and his family. We were childhood friends and all along, I don't quite understand him, his point of views and why he did things the way he did. After listening to him, the many doubts and questions I was having were finally \"solved\".


This person has two other siblings and I am closer to the other two. I also dunno why he suddenly poured his history to me that day but I was glad to have heard him out.

Other than finally understanding why he did what he did, I also realised how we can all be in one family and have one set of parents, and yet, one's experience may differ from his/her siblings. It is interesting to note that despite the same set of parents and living together, each sibling may be treated differently or react differently to one same treatment. I believe we all know this when we hear it but to really see things from the other sibling's lens... I am not sure how many have done it.

From this group of siblings, I realised that the gender mattered, the family's wealth and stability mattered, the \"return on investment\" on the child mattered. The point in life/age of the parents mattered too.

Did I miss out anything?

Due to the differences each of these siblings perceived to grow up with, they, in turn, nurture their children very differently.

Because of the perceived overly harsh control over certain behaviours, the eldest is ever supportive of his children's desire. \"Perceived\" because that was his point of view, not that it was not true. I felt that I couldn't judge or determine because I was never him or there to see it for myself. He has sensible kids who do well in good schools, and I envisage his brood to grow up to become good contributors to the society/community.

The other one believed that she grew up with lots of love and her parents gave her a lot of resources to excel. However, she did not fulfil the potential she thought she should have. I phrased it as such because it's what she thought, her parents are quite happy with what she had achieved, I feel. Like her parents, she also provides a lot for her brood. In addition, she gave them a lot of time and personal guidance. Her chat with her kids are always about how she didn't know this, nobody tells her etc if not she would have... All the stars were aligned for her and her children. Her brood is all in top schools doing extremely well not just academically but also kind and well behaved.

The last sibling is the most neglected kid in my opinion. He became a very hands-on parent once his first child arrived. I think he is one of the rare \"penguin dads\" around, sending/fetching the kids to/from school, revise with the kids and even volunteer for PSG.

How has your own experience shaped your parenting style?

So long never post already...


I have been buying groceries from NTUC Fairprice online for a long while. I mainly buy stuff that I think are very generic and do not need my personal selection. For example, toilet roll, tissue paper, cooking oil. Especially those that are heavy to carry, these generic stuff go on my online shopping cart.


I don't buy frozen or chiller stuff even though I consider carton fresh milk generic and heavy too. This is because I have no faith in how my purchases will be handled during the packing and delivery process. I do not wish to get into a situation where I receive items which turn bad through poor storage during the delivery process and then have to go complain to NTUC Fairprice to seek refund or replacement.

Recently, I decided to give it a try.

I ordered 3 frozen items and 1 chiller item. They came in good condition and interestingly, they came with no condensation on the packaging surface and they felt really cold to touch. I interpreted that to mean that they were hurdled into freezer or chiller in the delivery vehicle and were taken out only upon the delivery destination.

I am pretty happy with the cold items and will order these cold items online from now on.

BTW there is this Magiclean product which is new to me. Maybe it has been around for a while, I am not sure. It is having promotion now at 53% discount and I bought one. https://www.fairprice.com.sg/searchterm/magiclean

It is quite effective with mild grime. There is a neglected washing basin somewhere and I use this product and when I returned to rinse the basin, those slimy looking stuff were dissolved. Good, save me time and effort on scrubbing.

Hello! Log in and see this thread. Not a lingo but my kid is into the floss dance. 还跳得挺好看的。i thought it was easy until I try.... cmi.

ImMeeMee:

Going getting a bit tough today. But I'm telling myself to grit it through.


To all the women, mothers, wives, DILs all rolled into one out there, and having to deal with difficult issues many at a time, tell ourselves to stay strong and don't succumb to weakness. It's just part of the package and it will get to pass.

Keep that peace of mind with us.

I know right.... and yes, all these shall pass.

Omg.


I popped in, thinking to ask you about hamsters…

Please rest well amd get well soon.

There are assistance around, you are right. But without reaching out to them, how can they get the help? You seriously think they know where to go or even have the initiative to help themselves?


Most of the cases I have to deal with are self inflicted. They need not be like that but due to some emotional struggles, they choose to be what they are like now. With some help and time, a quarter will spring back.

Half will move on afresh but permanently on financial assistance.

Rarely, I meet really 小草kind - one who happen not to have a home but working to seek better life.

https://s13.postimg.org/vrj17qsx3/IMG-20170514-_WA0019.jpg\">

Like that also can sleep
Haha.

starlight1968sg:

Am surprised there are homeless in Singapore

I have to work with the homeless some times. There are definitely more cases to deal with in 2017 than 2016. The average age of this group is getting younger too.

starlight1968sg:

Serene and Serena sure have a good laugh

Yup, they sure do.

I have another case of wrong identity with watsapp messages. This time it involves a Cindy and a Cindi.

One day I worked late with Cindi. Cindi said she wanted lobsters for a treat. I said ok, I would buy her lobster… rolls (ha!)

After work, I happened to notice some advertisements and one of them was about a café near our office and they were having lobster roll promotion. So I watsapp Cindi the picture of the promotion.

Guess what, I sent wrongly to Cindy. The best part is, Cindy replied wor! And Cindy said dunno where it was. No realisation from me yet, so I replied it’s at the basement of our neighbouring building.

Cindy replied,”ok ok. Ask Neo to go!” That’s when I realised something was wrong cos we didn’t have a “Neo” in our circle.

Haha.

** All names have been changed to something similar so you get the idea.