ImMeeMee:

there was a program last night over Channel 8 regarding autism. it featured a few case studies, providing insights into parents' struggles and the child's thinking. I thought the program was done on a very positive note, but it may be good if the program could have also featured some of the difficulties of autistic children, eg. meltdowns in public, so as to build the public's awareness and empathy towards these children when faced with such situations in public.

My exact sentiments.
I felt the programme was a little \"lop-sided\" in that it portrays only the functional aspects ... and the children featured were either \"mild with good eye contact\" or even if moderate, seems \"well-integrated\" ...well, at least this is what i gather from the show.

I'm sure these children have their meltdown moments & moments where we can never \"talk sense\" to them ... such difficulties should be portrayed alongside the positives, so those unaware will know that while autistics can function quite \"normally\", there are times where they can't.

At the end of the programme, I can't help but wonder what is the purpose of the show? To educate the public & create better awareness? Definitely not what i felt since the show failed to deliver that content (if it ever had the intention).

Or, is the purpose of the show trying to tell the public that there is \"enough spaces in special schools\" to accomodate the autistics.... this seems likely to be what they are trying to promote.

Hi Insider or anyone here

anyone knows how to summarize that in English?

If not possible, then it's ok I guess.

Tks in advance :))

Hi Princess Belle

Many Thanks ! Yes my boy is attending one of the EIPIC programmes but sad to say, almost 1.5 years there, he is still wailing !

Maybe it is my fault - I stopped his private ST & OT after 1 year - i call it \"stop loss\" coz it is money down the drain cos he is still crying v badly.. and has very bad behaviour & still can't talk!

I think my next best bet is to \"wait it out\" whilst he continues with his EIPIC & private ABA.

Hi ImMeeMee
*wave*
we \"met\" at the Autism thread:)
Thanks for your contribution - no u r not being negative... instead i m \"glad\" to read something this \"negative\" coz each time i crumble or falter, concerned friends will tell me to be positive cos like i mentioned earlier \"wat else can they say to us to help us except to focus on the positives, right?\" Whilst I genuinely appreciate their kind thoughts , u know it is hard to be positive ALL THE TIME cos we are only humans I know both you & I cannot afford to wallow in self-pity... simply put, we cannot afford to \"waste\" time ...but can we help it ?

Like I shared with Princess Belle above, 1.5 years in an EIPIC programme doesn't seem to have helped him much. His 2-3 times daily meltdowns are a real nightmare! Honestly, I don't care anymore if he is autistic or not, I just WANT HIM TO STOP CRYING!!! I used to tell God, fine, if he has to be autistic , then at least give him functional speech. I can deal with autism. But now, I tell God.. just make him stop crying first ! I can accept him being in a special school (i have no intention to put him in mainstream)... but I cannot tolerate the wailing.

There are other issues to work on: learning his ABC, 123, holding pencil (not palmer grip), toileting, requesting, spatial awareness, motor skills, eye contact, speech .. all these are secondary... primary concern is STOP CRYING ! I am going berserk with all that noise really!

Just to share, my boy cannot take kiddy ride. can't even bring him near one. hair cuts are a nightmare too for everyone present (got turned away by a few hairdresser & barber). toileting another issue... he loves bus rides & mrt rides but he screams in excitement & shocks people !!! We asked him to quieten down but he doesn't understand & continues to shout out loud ... etc

Honestly, Autism basically robs me of the \"proper ideal parenthood\" I yearn to have with my child. I'm sure there will be detractors but that's how I feel.

In a few hours time, my family will be coming over to celebrate my birthday .. but really, is there anything worth celebrating??? I \"hide\" my sorrows from my family coz i do not want them to worry for me. But seriously, there is no reason for me to celebrate, apart from getting older & none-the-wiser. See, it's past 3 am... and I'm wide awake.. I am suffering from insomnia ... is this something to celebrate? I hate my life ! :stupid:

Apologies people ... i need to rant here...

But seriously, I appreciate all your kind thoughts & support. I am ready & willing to try harder after reading all the kind words! Thanks again everyone!

Just wanna say Thanks to everyone here for your kind words & support! It's really nice to have a warm community here with good empathy... Thanks again...


Your encouragement has given me renewed strength to walk the walk, against the odds. Thanks mates! :celebrate:

Dear All

It's \"nice\" reading some of your children's developmental milestones... when i was reading, I can't help but wish that my son can be like some of your children... ie having only speech delay ..or having a delay in only one or two aspects etc.

My son is autistic & a moderate case. Sometimes, I wish he is just like some of the kids mentioned here.... ie \"slower than his peers\" ... then, it will be \"easier\" for me & my world would be so much more \"blissful\" for me & him !

Being a moderately autistic child means my son not only has speech delay (well, doctor says delay.. and i hope it is really a case of delay.. cos he is 5 this year & still no functional speech! Very worrying! Overly delayed!) , he also has difficulty socialising, he cannot play with peers & doesn't seem to enjoy peer group , has sensory issues, ... he is 5 ... still doesn't know shapes, colours, alphabets, numbers...

As if these are not enough, he has major behavior issues which is the main hindrance to his learning & development. It explains why at 5, he still hasn't picked up skills that a 2.5 yr old is normally capable of!

He attends OT, has a sensory diet in place, does brushing but still meltdown daily !!!

As I type his \"shortcomings\", i can't help but cry ... cos I really do not know when he can relate to me, or rather when i can relate to him, and whether he can ever be independent?!?! Most importantly, will he ever talk functionally?

Concerned friends have asked me to remain strong & be patient. I guess what else can one say to me? I admit, at times, I seemed resigned to fate, yet other times, i can't help but feel exasperated & frustrated as I try harder (to help him). I can't help but worry incessantly over my boy & wondering when will he ever \"function\"!

I love him very much.. I hug & kiss him everyday but it is often a one-way affection. He usually pushes me away when i hug him! I know this is a bad thing to say but much as i love him, sometimes, one glance at him tires me out almost immediately & completely!

Right now, i will continue the journey with him in whatever energy i have left ... and i hope all the great parents here will continue the journey with your special ones Take heart, your children are doing great

PS: Apologies...I meant to inspire parents here but somehow can't help but rattle off abt my challenges i have with my son. Sorry if i've failed to lift a spirit or two here

IJJ:

For anyone who is interested to do psychologist assessment w/o waiting for too long and do not have deep pockets, you may contact JCU psychological clinic. Their web : http://www.jcu.edu.sg/Home/Aboutus/tabid/85/SuperStructureID/98/Default.aspx

Thanks for referring this IJJ.

Can i ask, have you personally used their service before? If yes, can you share with us how comprehensive is their report ? How long is their full psychological test, is it the usual/standard 4 hours test?

Also, would you know if they are familiar with the \"standard MOE\" requirement needed for school enrolment eg the school readiness assessment, the standard psychological & diagnostic test needed to fulfill , say, Pathlight or APSN entry requirement? Many Thanks!

sophie80:

By saying special kids i mean 自闭症儿童 as i dont know how to say it in english. Any special kids other than 自闭症儿童 is not within the scope of our discussion. Sorry abt the confusion.


Thanks,

自闭症儿童 = Autistic in English. Autism/Autistic has appeared few times in others' response so please do not conveniently say you do not know how to say it in English. Please make an effort to google & know more about autism. It is really not so scary after learning more about the condition.

BTW, my special needs child is Autistic. He doesn't display \"BAD\" behavior that often except maybe when he melts down. When he melts-down, it is always due to some \"anxiety attack\" or \"there is a change in daily structure that he cannot accept\". Like I said in my earlier post, he displays good manners when he readily greets the seniors and this is an exemplary conduct (lacking in many normal children; including my (other; normal) son).

Since you only want to talk about Autism, generally, Autistic kids do not \"attack\" people, unless
1. they have underlying ADHD condition manifesting within ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) ; &/or
2. they have been provoked

My son attends a special school. I have seen all the rest of the Autistic kids in his school and none are as disruptive as you had described. Yes they cry (meltdown) but they don't \"attack\" one another. Due to their lack of \"spatial awareness\", they may push & shove & they may even lean against your body but hey, normal kids push & shove too! Normal kids may grow up slashing one another too hence normal kids \"attack\" too! I guess my point is \"it takes all sorts of people to make up this world\".

Although I disagree with your views, I respect that we are entitled our own views. I just feel that your views stem from the lack of understanding of Autism to begin with. At this point, if I could be granted my wish, I implore you to read up more about the condition so you can gain a better understanding of the condition & can assist to explain to your daughter what the condition is about. It is really not that scary.

And of course, thanks for raising this, for it reminds us, the parents of Autistic children & also the relevant authority, that we have a lot of work to do to help \"educate\" members of the public who are clueless about Autism & who would rather choose to remain clueless; there's certainly a need to help generate greater awareness amongst the clueless.

May the Force be with us. Bless us; Bless the people.

sophie80:

Learning is bilateral. special kids learn good behavior from normal kids. Normal kids could learn bad behavior from special kids.

I discovered this pretty late but I guess Seleste & Corrochan have covered various angles quite adequately so I will try not to repeat after them. Just wanted to chip in on my 2cents' worth.

With specific reference to what you had written above (quoted herewith), the fact that you jumped into conclusion that special needs kids learn \"good\" behaviour from normal kids is itself a glaring discrimination. Are you saying ALL normal kids display only GOOD behaviour? Similarly, again quoting you, \"normal kids learn bad behaviour from special needs kids\" seems to suggest that special needs children have only bad qualities. That is where you are unwise, ill-informed & myopic.

I have 2 children. One special needs; the other normal (just like your child). My special needs child greets all aunties & uncles he meets readily, which to me, is a good behaviour.... my normal child hates to greet people, no matter how hard I try to cajole him, which to me, is a \"bad\" behaviour I am still trying to correct. And like it or not, I am trying to get my normal child to use his special needs sibling as an example (in this aspect).

U r right. Learning is bilateral. While your child is normal, I do not believe she is \"perfect\". Kids will be kids, there will bound to be times where she displays bad behaviour... can we then say we are \"afraid our SN kids will learn this bad behaviour from your child?\" This wouldn't be a fair statement.

I believe this is where effective parenting comes into play. I won't criticise your parental style but to ostracize won't help. Your child will one day meet special needs people along the way, be it in her career or personal life, would you educate her to run away from such people or be equipped with the right mindset to handle the situation? Hypothetically again (just solely for the purpose of meaningful discussion - no offence please) - If she ever has a special needs child later on in her life, should she shirk the responsibility , shun the child or perhaps just dump the child with you (the grandmother) and run away from reality? Or should she be responsible enough to actively search for all ways to help her child integrate into society?

Besides, normal kids can be discerning if parents explain to them what is good & what is bad behaviour. So they should know what is good behaviour; given good parental guidance; since they are normal children with above-average cognitive ability (as opposed to special needs kids).

Being overly-protective won't help. Don't leave education solely in the hands of the school/teachers. Take an active stance. Educate your child yourself what is right behavior & what is wrong behaviour. Inclusion is key here, for, if you cannot embrace (embrace, not condone) bad behaviour as part of your teachings, she will not be able to grow up discerning coz her \"education or developmental milestone\" is skewed. Her education has been \"modified\" such that she can only see \"good things & never the bad; it has been \"modified\" such that it is not a true reflection of what she will see in reality eventually.

If you put her in a school with all neuro-typical (normal) kids, can you guarantee that she will not see other children \"misbehaving\" (or are you saying normal children won't fight, won't snatch)? In their teenage years, most teens would be curious to experiment with smoking or even with some nocturnal activities they shouldn't really be doing ... how are you going to \"protect\" her ... via proper education that includes talking about the topics openly or \"run away from the topic\" & evade talking about such topics altogether?

Inclusion is key. Diversity is paramount. Education encompasses both & more; not just mere academics.

I would love to ....

But don't dare ....

Cos I am sooo afraid of getting another special needs child .... so very afraid

curiousone:

i guess it's different when your child has learning difficulties.

Hi curiousone,
I somehow agree with what Kiddo had written.

I guess the world outside is always tough for everyone, special needs or not. So, it is not so much about the influx of foreign talents nor the influx of foreign students. To rephrase, whether or not there is/are foreign talent/students, life ahead will always be more challenging for special needs children & their families coz we are living in the real world. Naturally, in a real world, competition is everywhere and it is such competition that helps Singapore stay ahead. Your brother is already very lucky to have a sibling like you who think & worry for him.

I am a mother to an autistic child. Life has been tough since his diagnosis... and as I understand, it will continue to be tough and it will be a long journey ahead, with or without influx of foreign talent.

The fact that your brother is now in Sec 1 is already an achievement in itself. My son can't even do mainstream preschool. If God permits, and by some strokes of miracle, I am hoping that he can eventually make it to a mainstream primary school. Never mind if people calls him \"stupid\". To me, the fact that he is in that (mainstream) school tells me he is not stupid! Never mind what others say. I will make sure I rationalise with him that he is not stupid and that he is just \"special\". I will be there to encourage him & egg him on (well, hopefully, since life & death is unpredictable)

Such enrolment (of foreigners) also exist in the \"already scarce special needs schools in Singapore\" but this is the real world we are living in, so we should expect there'll always be competition around us.

Of course, there are moments where I worry what's to become of him when i have to leave. Can he even find a job at the supermarket since by then, these jobs should have been \"taken up\" by the foreign talent? But that's just me in my quiet moments, with my own silly thoughts when i am in \"depressive mood\". However, I do quickly snap myself out of it & tell myself that instead of thinking ahead & worrying incessantly, I should just focus on helping him now. You & your family's endless support matters more to him than the presence of foreign talent and likewise, you & your family's unconditional love matters more to him than those \"senseless\" labels/ names others put on him. Of course, it's easier said than done. Trust me, I'm going through it & it's definitely definitely an absolute challenge! Well, such is life! C'est La Vie!

So, continue to be there for him & forget about the presence of foreigners. They are here to help us too and should not be seen as a threat. Think positive. Your brother will be fine with a fine sibling like you Remember, given his condition, he is already doing very well. May the force be with him, you & your family. ... and May the Force be with me too! hahaha Cheers !