Husband drinks & stays out late - Does yours?

[ayeritam1975]

I was googling everything about alcoholism to codependency. I came across this forum and my heartache to see that so many women out there share the same fate as me.


I am married for 9 years now with 2 kids, 4 and 6. My problem is very much similar. My HB goest to the coffee shop to drink at least 1 bottle every evening before he comes home, he never sits down with us for dinner. On Friday night, he want to be let loose so he can go drink and destress, that’s what he said. It is so common for them to use stress as an excuse to go get drunk. Over the 9 years, intermittently he has gone out at night and come home only next morning.

First few years, i fought with him all the time then when the kids came i tried not to do that in order not to upset my children. he did stopped for a few years where he just go coffee shop daily for his drink but usually he is home by midnight then 4 years back, he started all over again. And he always made me feel guilty for fighting with him like i am such a control freak and not allowing him to have some space and time for himself and his buddy.

I also encountered some hotel charges to his credit card and he claimed he paid for his friend but he himself was only home the next morning! Infidelity, i dont even want to think of it and i was prepared to forgive him.

But last year i tried to divorce him which he objected and asked us to go for counselling, because i still love him and also the kids are at stake, i agreed and dropped the divorce proceedings.

We did went for counselling, there were some slight improvements but never lasted. He learn to be apologetic if on Fri he overshot and only come hom like 3-4 am but to me it is still unacceptable and i am also losing sleep cos i cant sleep whenever he goes drinking. And on Saturday, he is a like a piece of Sxxx lying on the sofa, sleeping till 3-4pm!, wakes ups, go coffee shop again. he didnt do anything with the kids and he used to promise me every Sunday we will go church, well it did happen for a few months and still doesnt last.

From my counselling, i have also learned that he is an alcohold dependent and he is a functioning one so he is very unlikely to admit he has drinking problem. As long as he does not admit it, it will be very hard to change anything and i probably have to live with it.

But on Mon, i had a 1-to-1 session with our counsellor and it is obvious his drinking is affecting our marriage and i am building up resentment on him so now the counsellor suggestion is for me to learn to detach myself and not care for him, hopefully by doing so it will jolt him to realised that he has so much more to loose.

I just want to share with all of you my thoughts. I dont think we should live with it because if you are experiencing the same thing as me, you probably feel angry and resented your husband. u felt like u deserve better than this. The only thing that pains me is if in time to come, this detachment does not make him realise and he continue to drink then i need to make a decision. i dont want to live the rest of my love not being able to have a complete family life for my kids, having to worry for his health and job and feeling neglected as there is no passion or concern in our marriage because he only has this much time for a demanding job, drink & sleep!!![

[dolphinsiah]

I feel your pain....

:imsorry:
It must be very tough for you to uphold this family as your kids are still so young....

Tell your husband....too much alcohol is bad for health.....
Bad for the liver/heart/kidneys......

Tell him to be a good example to the kids , since now the kids are the links to the marriage....

Take Care...

[MINMINNYMIN]

Like I said in another post, he is just a selfish person. I think it is very funny that so many people think that talking to someone like that will work. Many men are selfish in Singapore, it is a revolting place sometimes. So many men colleugues that are married I know go out "networking" as they call it. But really all they do is go out to Thai disco and drink and play with girls. Not saying that he definately does this but I know so many wives who are so deluded, and finally when they get old regret their lives.


LADIES!! You don’t have to put up with this rubbish from men! Stop behaving like slaves and do something about it!!

[nymom]

Happydi, i really feel angry n sad. Why on the earth there is such a irresposible husband. I feel your pain. My sister had come accross quite a similar experience. She find out he use his credit card to purchase handphone, bag for that women. She almost like to kick him out from the house. N nearly like to divorce. But as time pass by, she ask him to change all the house owner ship under her name. Not all but nearly to 90 %. And he agreed. As a women we should control all the finance. That is what i think.

[janetf99]

I also experienced similar case recently. Continuously four weekends, he stayed outside overnight. When I asked him why and where he went, he just said he need to discuss the business with someone else and asked me stop asking. I know nothing and I am depressed. I know him over 21 years and supposely I should trust him. But when he refused to be frank, your mind will go crazily. I told myself. Since I have a job and can survive by myself. If anything happen, this is not the end of the world. I will wait and see for a while and I told him my worries. If no improvement, I will leave for a while and see if he cares or not. If not, then just let him go from my world. :torchme:

[safetyfirst]

asshole

[Fresco]

These husbands that I read about here are not fit to be husbands and fathers. They love themselves more than their own wives and kids. They are not accountable to their own actions and are not even ashamed of their messed up lives. They not only hurt themselves, but also the people who love them. God help them please before they self destruct!

[olenpeal]

New to this forum. I am surprised to see treads like this. Before I register, I had the wrong impression that these forums is all about kiasu parents worrying about their kids studies. I am so wrong. Very interesting forum indeed.

[dolphinsiah]

olenpeal:

New to this forum. I am surprised to see treads like this. Before I register, I had the wrong impression that these forums is all about kiasu parents worrying about their kids studies. I am so wrong. Very interesting forum indeed.

Hi olenpeal,

Yes, kiasuparents forum is very interesting and healthy....
Because most of us are responsible parents who like to come in here to share our thoughts....sometimes to express our unhappiness .....

Kiasuparents forum is unlike other forums where issues are sometimes being overrated....

[Newgirl]

I hope I’m not joining this conversation

too late. I am so sorry to hear what
Your husband is putting you through.
I am in similar situation, as I write
this my husband is out. I will have to
Wait up til 3.00 maybe 4.00 am for
him to come home drunk. He
smokes and has on occasions fell
asleep while smoking. But luckily
and sadly I dont trust him. We have
two young girls. Im fighting falling
asleep, I have to stay awake as usual
and I’ll be up at 7.00 am with the kids.
I totally understand what you said. Every
word of it, and I’m sorry I don’t have
an answer. I’m looking for answer
myself, although I know really that the
only to stop going through this is to end
Marriage. I’m just very sad for my
children. My hb doesn’t play with our
children either but even so they would
be sad if we split up. I hope things have
changed for you and your family since you
Posted.