@sharonkhoo Just noticed this old post! In SG, especially for kids, hobbies stop becoming fun very quickly because suddenly it becomes about “oh can you DSA for that,” “how can you get to the next level” etc. I was caught up with that when the kids were younger, but also they genuinely seemed to have some flair for their sports (gymnastics, badminton) + resilience to go through the training. Some of the relationships with our enrichment trainers felt more transactional, but we met this elderly man at a CC and he was very passionate about badminton! He taught my son the basics, and my son joined the school team (that’s when we scaled down lessons with him and had to pay for the $$$ classes). Eventually my son lost interest in competing, and I contacted this coach again. After some time, he told us that since he’s taught my son everything he knows, they can just be sparring partners. All I need to do is book the courts, which I try to do every week

Spotted a post about “beta” parenting yesterday. Seems like it’s a chill parenting movement, which came about because everyone is sick of helicoptering and over-achieving. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/may/11/beta-mum-messy-chaotic-parenting My initial thoughts on my own parenting journey: [image: 1782787709908-f66284d4-92b5-4bc0-b0bf-0d2eb4cb8524-image.jpeg] I think I always knew how to put certain things aside or let go and just have fun myself, so I always retained my “non-mother” persona, but perhaps much more so now!

@rinsider To answer your question: My two kids were unplanned, although they came after marriage haha. I was not the type of person who needed to have kids, although I’m very glad that I did, and I do live for them, in many ways. For one, they’ve made me improve myself so that they would have a better role model. My life with kids is infinitely better, but I wouldn’t really want to prescribe this to someone else, as we’re all different. If we’d had more access to resources when we were 20-somethings, be it the social media financial experts or AI, I think we might’ve done a lot of things differently too!

@winth It’s hard for anyone to tell another person to divorce. It’s wrong. A marriage will lose its spark after some years but if the couple wants to keep the marriage going, then they will work on it. Understanding each other and finding out the root of any unhappiness. Personally I wanted the split because I felt lonely in the marriage. When I wanted to discuss, it sounded like alarm bells. On my part, I started to realise what I want and felt shortchanged. It’s so true that one gets to know the true personality of the spouse at the end of the relationship. It’s rare for couples to split amicably. If the decision is to break up, make it a clean cut and have no contact. After the divorce, move on. It took me quite a while to do so.

@sharonkhoo I was a SAHM for 21 years. I returned to the workforce after the kids got older and independent. It was a steep curve as I left the workforce in 1999. So much has changed. It’s really not easy to deal with the job scope and the micro managing boss.

I just read it and I get what you mean! This is why I prefer to read NYT — very personal stories too, but the angle is clear. I had my first kid at 29, so not young at all, in comparison! But that feeling of not being prepared is universal…

I have one neighbour gf (previously we lived on the same floor), who is one of my most-trusted friends now! We text each other pretty often and meet up once in two months or so. The friendship happened because of timing — we lived on a floor with 3 other young families, kids were all under 10, and we left our doors open every day. I think the first icebreaker was me helping my gf to contact other moms with spare breastmilk via the SG Motherhood forum! Then we just got close after that. At the time, we always popped in and out of one another’s homes to have coffee and let the kids play with one another. I was wfh but freelance at the time, so I had more energy to devote for all of this, including the clean up afterwards! All the families moved out after 5 years and our new neighbourhood has more of the bingo/retirement vibe haha. We’re comfortable with most neighbours and trust the family next door, but nothing like lift landing xmas parties, having a communal foosball table, or any of the other stuff from our previous neighbourhood

@thebottomsupblog said in Over familiarity vs needs: @sharonkhoo @rinsider Wondering how you both define “sparks?” I think physical chemistry/attraction is essential when you first meet someone and want to date them. “Sparks” - physical attraction, but also just the excitement in spending time with the person? As you said, like the early years of courtship and marriage. My take is that it’s unrealistic (and emotionally exhausting!) to experience that all the time through a long marriage. But the occasional spark is good (maybe essential) in a long marriage? Expectations of how this will look like and feel like should change over the years; if not, there is bound to be disappointment. It would be sad (I feel) if there is no longer that joy when we meet after a day apart, or that interest in hearing what the other is currently working on, feeling deeply or concerned about etc. And there’s great joy in being able to share memories, build on shared experiences, share jokes, etc. My kids sometimes complain that we read each others’ minds, and they can’t follow our thought processes because they aren’t verbalised!