Just yesterday I asked my partner why he hardly engages with me after work.

His reply: “there’s nothing to talk about, right?”

I agree. But is this a gender issue? I will ask how his day was, everyday, and he will just say, “okay”. And he will then shut down and have his downtime after that with his onscreen dramas. Maybe this is how men unwind nowadays. Needing solitude and their own personal space.

There is comfortable silence. Then just… THE silence. I don’t want to get there.

I’m not being insecure or needy, but it’s like we’re just becoming a boring old couple. I am thinking he might be into male menopause too! That’s why whenever I wake up in the middle of the night, I pause to tickle his feet .

I’m actually content at this stage, but could there be more to it? I recall my mum and dad discussing the news headlines of the day way back then. Or my dad would read to her and she’d make fun of his diction.

What’s the glue, people? Maybe a certain daily ritual makes all the difference… Can a mature relationship grow further? Or do you settle into rituals or routines?

New deterrent measures against bullying as announced by MOE on April 15th.

https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/school-bullying-punishment-caning-moe-6056521

I zoomed in more on the chart instead. Was surprised to see that caning will apply to upper primary boys onwards.

I have sort of mixed feelings to this. My son went to a boys’ school for 10 years, where rough play, teasing, cussing and physical fights were common. Based on the above, he and his then peers would be doomed from upper primary age at the age of… 9? 10?

My girl meanwhile, went to a girls’ school where the students may have had a more prominent type of bullying profile altogether based on their gender. Like, snide remarks, group exclusions, other ostracising behaviours. And yes, girls can be physically aggressive too.

I don’t mean to stereotype, but certain behaviours do become more prevalent in a single-gender school environment.

Hopefully it is not a one-size-fits-all approach for these bullying penalties.

Boys have traditionally been taught to stand up for themselves and deal with the issue independently until it culminates.

Back to the measures. Boys and girls may have different “bullying” approaches or ideas about what even bullying actually means. What is bullying actually across different age groups? Is it constant physical altercations? Malicious cyber bullying which can be hard to trace? Constant verbal taunting?

Yes, all of the these constitute bullying no doubt. But to a child or minor, when is enough, enough?
Same for parents… Would I raise my a ruckus if my son was shoved once? How about more secretive daughters?

Sure, our generation was different as there was no online element involved. But I would be interested in seeing how we can handle this very delicate situation especially in gender-specific schools, which are fast dwindling (might do a separate ho-hum in that).

My post may not make the greatest sense, but
I am actually more interested in building our kids’ resilience, the avenues for them to be whistleblowers - like at corporate workplaces - and the extent where they truly realize the repercussions of their actions as independent thinkers, instead of relying on their “stakeholder” parents’ constant interventions.

I certainly would not want a new generation of kids to go crying to mummy and daddy at every perceived slight.

Everything is just loaded with punishments and penalties. Yet MOE is advocating “critical thinking”. Yesh, it extends beyond academics too.

https://www.stomp.sg/trending-now/just-grab-driver-parent-slams-teacher-making-insulting-remark-about-their-job-says-theyre-multiple

The issue has since been resolved, but the father took to social media to air his unhappiness that his son’s teacher referred to him as “just a Grab driver”.

The befuddling thing was that he expressed indignation at the belittling of his “profession” which he claims to do so “occasionally” before adding that he already owns multiple businesses.

If he truly felt he and his son were shamed, then this makes it sound as though he himself felt he needed to prove his worth/status beyond being “just a Grab driver”.

So what kind of mixed signal is he sending to his son? “Daddy is outraged as the teacher could have expressed it better, therefore daddy had to redeem himself against this remark… I’m not just a Grab driver…”

I think in the process, this protective parent ended up degrading Grab drivers himself. You mean it’s “just a Grab driver” shouldn’t apply since you’re a business owner?

Is he standing up for all drivers or just himself?

I could be overly critical of this parent, but what do you think?

In any case, I’m not siding the teacher either if she really did say that in a condescending manner. But we have no idea of the context, and why he or his son felt embarrassed or distressed.

Or maybe we all shouldn’t read too much into the word “just”.

@thebottomsupblog from the get-go, I always insist on contributing to some of it or just split the cost approximately. Normally I’ll just ask the friend who booked the ride how much the overall fare is. Even if they don’t ask, thank god for PayNow! I’ll still send a reasonable amount that covers my part of the ride. Am I weird or rude?

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/make-chinese-a-language-used-in-real-life-not-just-in-exams-ong-ye-kung

Sorry if this is a weak example from today’s news as it actually applies to all families of all races across Singapore. But well, since this applies to Mandarin specifically…

Personally, I never spoke to my kids in Mandarin when they were growing up as my mother tongue is really bad. Efforts to encourage both my kids were futile as they couldn’t care less about culture, heritage, future career advantage, stuff like that.

“As times change, MOE should adapt its curriculum and teaching methods, (Minister Ong) said”. So it’s taken decades to realise that now? My son, who took Chinese B and scored a U (ungraded) lamented how there was no real emphasis on how to string characters into a proper sentence, what these individual characters even meant or represented, or how to even conduct a basic conversation.

He only began learning rudimentary spoken Mandarin when he entered the workforce (better late than never, for sure!). I think the teaching shift should start at the oral level first, instead of mastering idioms to pen powerful compositions. But what do I know… Still, I can relate to my kids’ struggles in conversing in Mandarin (and in the correct tone) as I scored a D7 myself more than 20yrs ago.

I’m likely at fault, but I never pressured them to do well in it either as an exam subject. I could always have created opportunities at home by asking them, “what did you learn in class today?” but I never did that as well.

Besides tuition, how do parents nowadays try to incorporate Chinese into their kids’ lives actively? Especially if you were weak in the language yourself?

https://youtu.be/0QxZHHHO5ew?si=fFpcvoAUFmuveGkg

My dream to be a grandparent is shrinking by the day. My son is 26, my daughter is 20.

Both have expressed disinterest in marriage and having babies, let alone dating.

Throwing a spanner into the works makes more sense to them. They don’t feel alone. They don’t feel inclined to make that huge leap, filled with even more commitments like housing, child raising.

They asked me, what’s in it for them? Especially when children now are not expected to take care of their elderly parents. They have no motivation to change their current lifestyles whatsoever. Cohabiting may become the norm. The number of single mothers or parents will increase. Living with your ageing parents or supporting them is no longer a stigma of source of embarrassment. The government is still lagging to address these realities, but have raised concerns about caregiver duties (a very wide spectrum).

::::

What compelled you to get married and have babies? Rose-tinted glasses or a genuine feeling to have and grow a family?

For myself, pregnancy happened and the story had to be shaped from there. But for younger people with pragmatic mindsets and a much more challenging landscape to navigate when it comes to marriage, let alone having a child, what’s the incentive for them in Singapore?

When my kids ask me this question, I’m hard pressed to give them an answer. And the longer they stay single, the more they whittle it down as character faults or individual preferences.

The mindset shift was already simmering and brewing years ago. Financial and personal freedom have become addictive markers of success and independence, rather than building a family, which requires a ton of resources.

I could tell you how rewarding it is to have kids. But they didn’t grow up in an extended or connected family network. So really, what’s in it for them to get married and have babies now?

Look at your child today. You would desire for them to earn a degree and gain some traction in the workforce thereafter. They might. Would marriage and kids be foremost on their minds at the same time…? What if they did give everything all up for that, how would you feel?

How do you broach this subject to your kids? Or have you already laid it down in ink?

I recall my son at my his grandfather’s funeral in 2007. He poked a joss stick in his
eye during the rituals

My daughter has a different dad and he passed suddenly at the age of 47 last year. A dad, not a granddad. She didn’t attend the funeral, but has “closure” issues. Like why he died suddenly.

I have been trying to broach the topic to them gently. If they are of age (above 21), then ask them questions. Like, “what if your grandparents died?” or, “what if a parent died?” How would you cope? The answers vary.

I think it is a healthy and not a morbid discussion.

But to facilitate an easier transition, perhaps do an LPA or CPF nomination if anything does happen to you (touch wood).

Anyway about death… If your parents didn’t really care for it before, they wouldn’t bother so much. The lack of sentiment is concerning
among elder folks, but they’re more like, they would have been “just die la. It’s your time”.

I think we should transcend this throwaway.

Death is so uncomfortable to talk about. But it happens to all of us eventually. Hopefully in the right order (elder before younger ones). We should discuss death and end of life measures, and set a plan before we go. Especially if we have dependents like children who might be torn what to do at that moment.

Nobody likes to talk about this. But it’s an eventuality.

In context, DNR (do not resuscitate) is not an automatic death sentence. Every family can weigh it against quality of life

Sorry for the heavy topic.

I would not like to be a dying slug who’s a burden.

There’s a trickle down effect from the current war, so prices of groceries and essentials and electricity/utility bills won’t necessarily spike now, but are likely to gradually increase within the next few months. Most immediately felt is gas… An LPG cylinder has increased by $3, from $35 to $38, which I ordered last week.

What are some measures your household has undertaken to prepare for these inflated costs?

We’ve switched mostly from fresh to frozen meat.
Buy house brands instead of “branded” ones at supermarkets.
Shop at value stores with parallel imported goods or unknown brands that are way cheaper.
Cut down on food delivery or order during off peak periods or opt for pick up if it’s nearby.
Just use fans (but I don’t have air-conditioning either). Some days though, the fan is rotating stagnant hot air. So the call to switch to fans may not work for everyone.
Cutting off “vampire power”, ie. Switching off the mains for charging ports and electronic devices when not in use.
Bathing my poodle once every 3 weeks (she hates baths anyway).
Having showers with the heater on low especially when it’s really hot.
Sweeping instead of vaccuming.
Bundling our laundry into larger loads to decrease the weekly washing frequency (but I’m not sure if this helps).
Trying to cut down on uhm, vices…

Personally, I’m not sure if these tiny adjustments will help as I suspect all of us will feel the pinch eventually. But if you don’t try, you won’t know I guess!

@sharonkhoo great advice and much appreciated! Hope it won’t recur again in my household.

@thebottomsupblog lol I lock only during xxx

Do the kids shut their doors? I’m okay, but locking is kinda a new concept when I want to talk to them. Sporadic locking is okay but she does it like whenever she’s home…

@sharonkhoo my daughter is 20. Nearly a legal adult! 🤭 My kids have closed their doors for years, but in recent months, she has been locking her door. She’s had a phone since 16. So I can’t understand this recent behaviour. She said she wants to “isolate” herself. Have been feeling bad and