Indeed… it’s more like a long term commitment… a personal conviction…


Something like: keeping and maintaining your body shape either through work out 4-5 times a week and let the body do its work…
or… going under the knife/ jabbing the body parts you want… instant result

When I choose that route, I actually took a plunge not knowing if their eyesight will deteriorate if I don’t give them the glasses as recommended…

There were scary moments when those checkup nurses called to ask me why my boys told them they don’t need glasses or further eye checkup by the professional… I had to smoke my way through cos it didn’t seem correct as per myopia protocol

But it’s a personal choice and we’re glad we persisted.

Thanks both, for the thumbs up!


Hi Chief, still the same penguin after all these years... :rahrah:
Yes, alot of will-power, stubborn persistence, and a secret, evil goal to prove the nurse wrong...

ChiefKiasu\" post_id=\"2064935\" time=\"1650518872\" user_id=\"3:

Anyway, I was stuck with my glasses from when I wake and the only time I stopped was when I removed them to sleep at night.

oh ya, reminds me... my husband too...
I told him to try not to wear glasses at home, he can't do it... :nailbite:
It's as if he doesn't know the way to the toilet without his glasses...

Dear parents,


Both my boys do not wear glasses but I've done something, which is an alternative, instead of wearing prescribed lenses.

If you do google search on conspiracy theories about myopia https://endmyopia.org/myopia-glasses-destroyed-vision-did-they-hack-you/, or read up about books like \"The Myopia Myth\", there might be another way to not having glasses.

At P5, I needed glasses, it was a 200+ prescription.
Because glasses make me dizzy, I only wear them during lesson time. Rest of my playtime, I do not wear them. I had no habit of wearing and sometimes forget to bring my glasses to school. I was declared perfect eyesight at Sec 4 during annual school checkups. I can see clearly what's in the lecture hall while seated at the back. As I grow older, my weak vision comes back, so, I will wear my 200+ glasses when I drive/ watch the movies.

Point it: my eyesight didn't deteriorate to a point where I need a powerful prescription just because I didn't follow what the optometrists say.

My \"personal\" theory of why my boys do not wear glasses:

============================================

You believe you need glasses
When my boy was a young toddler, a routine health check-up turned into some brain washing session.
Nurse asked me if both my husband and myself needed to wear glasses, I said my husband yes, for me occasionally. She decidedly said my boy will definitely need glasses in future, not IF, but WHEN. \"Because ar... it's all in the DNA, shortsighted parents who are both shortsighted will give birth to shortsighted children.\"

I rebutted, \"But hor, both sets of our parents wear no glasses, then how come hor, me and husband need glasses ar?\"
She was quiet and couldn't answer. I told my toddler straight in the eye, \"You wear no glasses because you have good eyes\".

Brainwashing - It's all in the brain
After that polyclinic nurse episode, I started brainwashing both my boys since they were really young.
But really, I'm brainwashing their subconsciousness.

I say tough things like:
- \"You only have this pair of eyes, no help will be given to your eyes.\"
- \"Do you like your eyes to be in jail? Chained and locked? There's no freedom.\"

With the stick, I give them the carrot:
I promised them that if you remain glasses-free until 16 (past that risky age), I'll buy them really cool and branded sunglasses worth a few hundred dollars.
At that young age, few hundred $ is alot.

When ds1 turned 16, I wanted to keep my promise (for the sunglasses).
He wanted a personal computer instead.

Glasses give you no room for your body to recover
As normal humans, we are not robots, our eyesight is never 6/6 24 by 7, eyesight are sometimes weak due to: lighting, poor sleep the night prior, health, etc

You never hear things like \"Oh, because of glasses, my prescription has been reduced, my eyes recovered!\".

When I took out my glasses cos they make me dizzy when I walk, I unwittingly saved my eyes because I give room for my eyes to recover from my weak vision. It's like giving room for your body to recover e.g. from a fall, you got a scratch, some blood oozing out. Basically, you apply some medicine and leave it alone, the body heals, scab grows, your skin has room to do what is necessary.

When you wear glasses, it is interfering with what your body needs to do to recover.

Both my boys didn't have Perfect Eyesight
Yes, poor habits lead to poor eyesight and one thing leads to another. PC, screentime are the main culprits.
And both my boys didn't have perfect eyesight as a result.
In fact, ds2 had lazy eye since young and it got quite bad that it was 6/24P at one point.

I held on, 'No Glasses'.

Instead, I got him to use 'eye patch' and eye focusing exercises.

Now that he's in Secondary School, I taught him to focus back using both eyes to look at people/objects, and not daze. Dazing is a bad habit to kick.

============================================

Ds1 is serving NS now and is selected for both Commando and Pilot, he didn't choose Pilot cos he knows he doesn't want to be bonded. It's not that he's very fit, but I think it's because of his eyesight. If you see his Commando Platoon, 3 in 10 wear glasses. Even those who were selected for Pilot interview, a few were wearing glasses.
Ds2 is doing sports and his lazy eye has seriously improved, it's not 'lagging behind his other eye', but there's still alot of work to do on him.

I do not suggest that you become glasses-free immediately.
One of my findings was that it is not recommended for those already past 300 degrees.

For my husband (his prescription was already way past 500, going 600 back then), I did this:
- I suggested him to reduce the degree by 50 from the reading he gets from the optometrist, allowing his eyes to adjust to a slightly lower prescription
- It's tough at first, cos he said it's not very clear, then I asked, why do you want to make sure you see the alphabet so clearly, if you want to see clearly, just walk nearer
- He did this every 2-3 years when he's due to get new glasses
- I think his prescribed glasses is now near borderline 500+

Thank you for this long read and I hope parents who are torn between glasses or not can have an alternative view on these 3 live examples here.

hehehe... no worries...


apologies accepted... :celebrate:

thanks Liew, you have correctly pointed them out that we can never change people’s perspectives. you are right about my anger, i do feel the jealousy when i compare the stark contrast in parents’ treatment between my brothers and me. the experience left me with a scar, it’s indeed painful when i relive the experience… in fact, i couldn’t sleep last night bec of what i posted…


i’m just hoping that they do not turn up at my door for a long time to come, i need a very long time to forgive and forget and go through my healing process…

maybe from my earlier posts/words used, there’s sarcasm (from the jealousy i have for my brothers) and loads of anger at the unfair treatment… but, i wouldn’t say hatred…
from my own observations, a child can never hate the parents… it’s a special parent-child relationship bonded by blood…
i’m very angry, yes… very…
when it comes to the crunch, i won’t want my parents to suffer… i’ll still provide them financially, and when they are finally ready, i’ll come into their picture
it’s just like how i’ve learnt to reconcile with my mil after my 22 years of marriage, when she’s all mellowed and when i’ve learnt how to dodge her curt remarks…

but now, i do not want a deeper scar from parents cos the "脑没开" remarks was my base line.

i’m an unhappy person… maybe… cos no matter how happy i am now, deep down, there is a knot i need to untie.
i do want to talk it out with my parents, if only they listened and stop dismissing me… maybe when they are willing to listen, it’ll be time to untie that knot

hehehe… thanks, yes, luckily i have a very supportive spouse to lean onto…


ironically, besides all the mental stress and low esteem, there’re actually benefits growing up in this kind of strained relationship:

#1 i am emotionally sensitive to those around me
- i make friends with those abandoned/less popular bec it reminds me of myself
- i can tell when a child is being bullied/ignored
- i’m a foster parent and i try to help those in broken homes/abusive relationships

#2 they are my “role models”
- i do the opposite of what they did to me (to my kids)
- i treat my husband the opposite of how my parents treat each other
- i learn how important it is to save up and that i must work very hard in career and my family

#3 my husband is very thankful to my parents
- bec of my ‘training’ since young, i am meticulous in my household chores
- i am not afraid of dirt and hardships (literally), what else can be worse 😅
- i can cook very well (i do marketing and cooking since primary school)

#4 i am very independent
- i can be left alone very well
- i can take care of myself without anyone looking out for me

it’s a love and hate story, i must say…

thanks Liew, i had deleted the earlier post cos i was feeling really guilty for bad-mouthing them.

but thanks to the asiaone article today (https://www.asiaone.com/singapore/struggle-paranoia-2-young-singaporeans-share-their-experiences-growing-toxic-parenting), i want to share:

i'm the eldest in my family, with 2 younger brothers.

since young, and as the only girl in the family, i've been trained to do housework, and as i grow up, the house chores basically increased. when i turned 16, i realised that not only did my brothers not take up any chores, everyone basically used the house, dirtied it and i cleaned it. i started to feel like a maid. i asked my mother why i'm doing all the housework, from washing dishes, sweeping, mopping, ironing to washing toilets, why couldn't i take turns with my brothers? she would say that it's because i'm a girl and i need to do everything. why my mother doesn't have to do the house chores, i asked her, she said she's my elder, so she doesn't need to do.

growing up, my father tells me i'm stupid, foolish and useless. i'm mostly stupid and useless (to him). he laughs at my flat nose, \"you have no nose bridge\", he said, \"you have single eye-lid and your eyes are slanted\". when i was a child, i thought i resembled someone with down syndrome and had very very low self esteem. at 9 or 10 years old, i was already very aware of my looks and would look into the mirror, wondering why i looked so ugly. my self confidence went to a new low during puberty when i had acne everywhere.

the only thing i'm proud of was my academic success, that was when i'm independent of whatever my parents said of me and proved to myself that hey, my report card said that i'm not stupid. then came my father, \"actually, your brother is the smart one\", \"if he had studied, he would have won you already. he just needed to study. you 读死书, it's useless one\".

when i got married at 22 (1 year after uni), i moved out, life started to change for the better.

but then, my parents came into the picture.

my car story

for work and family outings, we had bought a commercial van. and one fine day, my father said he needed our van for his painting projects. he borrowed it, it was all okay at first, but week after week, he would come to take our van saying he needed it for work. soon, his excuses changed to, he needed to drive my mother out for errands.

we protested, asking to have our van back.

without our knowledge, my parents bought a red honda jazz (under my brother's name) and parked it in our carpark. they decided that we would be using this jazz car during the weekends, and our van was permanently parked at their place. all was fine at first since we had transport to bring the boys out during weekends. 1 month later, my brother said that the car was bought under his name, it was his car. he came and took the red honda jazz. we were left transport-less. finally, we decided it was enough. we told them they could take their red car, and they could continue servicing our van's remaining loan, parking, diesel etc and the van would be theirs for their sole use.

within 4 months, they sold both vehicles away cos they really couldn't service both the loans and the expenses involved.

when we got our very own car, they came to borrow our car, saying they needed a car to go out. but this time, we said 'no'.

my house story

when we moved to our current place, my parents asked for a spare key to our house, citing reasons like, \"in case one of us loses a key\", \"forget to bring key out\". we gave them the spare set and it was a BIG mistake.

my parents would come to my house every other day, even on days when we were both working. they would come in, leave things and food in our house/fridge without our knowledge. during those WFH days, i fear of hearing my door bell ring and door knocks in the middle of the day.

my last straw with my mother
- she ordered 5 boxes of sugar rolls and i only found out about them when i came home. i asked her why didn't she check in with me and why she ordered so much, we couldn't finish so many boxes. she said it's 'cheap' and we have to finish within a week or they'll spoil.
- on another ocassion, she came with boxes of sushi without asking if we wanted any. it was 430pm that day and i was already preparing dinner for the family.
- BUT with my brothers, it's a different case: she always asked if they wanted dinner (in the family chatgroup), their reply was always a 'no' or 'cigarettes'. so, i asked her why couldn't she just check with me like how she checked with her sons. i left the chatgroup that day.

my last straw with my father
- during my maternal grand-aunt's funeral, i was keeping my father company. and he was basically complaining about everything about his life. in order to change the topic, i started talking about the kids' academic results, something i thought he'll have nothing negative to talk about.
- he said 'yes, the elder one is doing so well cos his brain is now 'opened' and can receive knowledge. unlike you, your 脑没开.' i laughed nervously, cos the nosy relatives were there. 'no, really, your brain has never opened.' i truly felt like crying my heart out.
- on another occasion (6 months later), i bought my parents out to bring them out for meals and to buy bags/ clothes to be ready for my brother's upcoming wedding. in the car, he talked about my unopened brain again.
- that day, i'm left with a big hole in my pocket and endless agony
- it took me 2 months before i could come clean and tell my husband that, actually, i had a terrible day, i had lied to him saying that my day with parents was \"great\"

soon after, i drifted away slowly and no longer approach them both. i no longer beg my mother to go lunch/shopping with me or try to bring the folks out for meals anymore. honestly, i tried to engage them but i realised i was really giving them a chance to verbally abuse me.

i've not approached my parents for 2 years now and have no plans to. they'll still text and call me, ring my door bell, knock. i ignored all of them. financially, i still support them thru monthly bank transfers, but i don't dare to deal with them physically, i'm still trying to self-heal.

and sometimes, when i come across articles about \"parents without children to care for their old age\", i do wonder, is there another side to their story?

https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/article/strained-relationship-with-parents/

this is a good read, especially near the end on \"How to survive a difficult parent\":

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/mar/11/horrid-parents-how-survive-them-alyson-corner-angela-levin

Minecraft was my boys’ ‘gotta play’ game during the weekends. DH’s too. It was not until it got to a point when they started talking about using lava to set fire, kill animals, detonate something, burn zombies that we realized it can be a violent game. Minecraft, by itself, does promote architectural creativity, construction, living a farm life and survival skills. But it exposes the kids to the other extreme and DH decided to make the painful decision to delete the app from the iPad, once and for all.


They are into ‘Blockheads’ now, it’s a lesser known game, but the kids are happy. There’s no burning or destroying, but planting and building. They play it only during the weekends, no weekday gaming.

They are allowed an hour of computer viewing per week which I term it ‘Special Wesnesday’ (so well, they watch on Wednesdays) on the downloaded and approved cartoons and CDs, and when their PC is on, we know too, cos we had Skype setup that it logs them in automatically. This way, we control their computer hours. No TV, cos we haven’t had a tv at home for (5) years now (and we didn’t miss it), so their only access was the computer and controlled weekend iPads. Rest of the time after finishing ‘mummy’s homework’, the boys will play with toys or read books. U might feel that they are super deprived at home, but believe me, it works wonders once you settle the tv and gaming problems. We found that we had more time for talks, longer dinners, and they definitely look less ‘zombified’ and had more concentration when I do work with them after dinner.

Gaming’s a big culprit to poor concentration and tv is the main accomplice to poor learning. Gotta nail them down.

Hi Osim,


Sent you a pm for the penpal contact.
Thanks for introducing this.