About death.
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How do you broach this subject to your kids? Or have you already laid it down in ink?
I recall my son at my his grandfather’s funeral in 2007. He poked a joss stick in his
eye during the rituals
My daughter has a different dad and he passed suddenly at the age of 47 last year. A dad, not a granddad. She didn’t attend the funeral, but has “closure” issues. Like why he died suddenly.
I have been trying to broach the topic to them gently. If they are of age (above 21), then ask them questions. Like, “what if your grandparents died?” or, “what if a parent died?” How would you cope? The answers vary.
I think it is a healthy and not a morbid discussion.
But to facilitate an easier transition, perhaps do an LPA or CPF nomination if anything does happen to you (touch wood).
Anyway about death… If your parents didn’t really care for it before, they wouldn’t bother so much. The lack of sentiment is concerning
among elder folks, but they’re more like, they would have been “just die la. It’s your time”.I think we should transcend this throwaway.
Death is so uncomfortable to talk about. But it happens to all of us eventually. Hopefully in the right order (elder before younger ones). We should discuss death and end of life measures, and set a plan before we go. Especially if we have dependents like children who might be torn what to do at that moment.
Nobody likes to talk about this. But it’s an eventuality.
In context, DNR (do not resuscitate) is not an automatic death sentence. Every family can weigh it against quality of life
Sorry for the heavy topic.
I would not like to be a dying slug who’s a burden.
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@rinsider I have deep religious views, and I think that helps me cope better with the thought of death, either my own or my loved ones. Believing that a deity orders our paths and that we will one day meet again doesn’t make death much easier, but gives us hope even in the toughest times.
You mentioned in an earlier post that your daughter has become more withdrawn? Is this the daughter you mention? If she lost her father fairly recently, could that be an issue? Sometimes grief can take time to surface - perhaps you could ask her if she is willing to speak to a counsellor?
Wills, LPA, AMD etc - my husband appointed our younger daughter as LPA, executor etc when she turned 21. (We knew my older girl would not be able or willing to cope with all the admin and decision-making, and explained to her that we were going to let her sister take the load!) We do it not to tie the hands of the kids by stating in detail exactly what we want done or overly control things, but to take some of the load off the decision-making and hopefully reduce conflicts and uncertainties. While we live, I think (hope) they will do what they can for us, and after we die, we hope they will care for each other. We can’t control them from beyond the grave!
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How do you broach this subject to your kids? Or have you already laid it down in ink?
We actually dithered on having a will and appointing guardians for our kids, and do not have proper processes in place. But thankfully, my eldest will be 21 next year.
In terms of discussing my own mortality, I do bring it up very often to my kids, as I want them to be independent. So I may say things like “I’m showing you how to do this now, but I may not always be around. You’ll need to look and also figure things out on your own.”
In terms of home admin, it’s not about age, but the readiness and confidence to settle things when needed. I’ve shown my eldest how to access my passwords, and where our important documents are located. (This being said, I should probably remind both kids and simplify by just having one location!)
Definitely true that we should have plans in place, to avoid our children having to make tough decisions and not knowing if it’s what we would’ve wanted. It’s so easy to put it off, so I appreciate that you’re bringing this up here
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We actually dithered on having a will and appointing guardians for our kids, and do not have proper processes in place. But thankfully, my eldest will be 21 next year.
I’m not sure if you assume that the elder/eldest child will automatically be the guardian of younger siblings? As far as I know, only the surviving parent becomes the guardian automatically. If neither parent is alive, I think the court appoints the guardian, often a relative. But if the sibling is still young (despite being 21 or over), the court may choose someone else. If you wish your eldest child to be the guardian for the younger siblings, it may be better to state this clearly in a will.
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As far as I know, only the surviving parent becomes the guardian automatically.
Oh! I was not aware, thank you for highlighting this!
I’ll update when I have some proper processes in place, and in the meantime, we can share useful info here!
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