LOLMum:

if you really dont want your child to call her gugu, talk to your husband and see if he could go alone for the reunion dinner.


your child can see the grandparents any other time. but what about the first day of cny? you do have to go right?

also this matter is between you and your sil, child shouldnt be caught in between.

i would only stop my child from seeing or acknowledging anyone if they badmouthed me in front of my kid.

I dun intend to turn up for re dinner nor first day cny coz mil had scold me again and again that I am a bad woman and she dun ever want to show concern nor help in anyway to look after my dd. Coz sil is not happy with me that I talked back when she talked rude to me. I was expected to give in to this spoilt princess at all cost coz I am married \"in\" to their family.
As usual mil tot I bully her \"sweet angel\".

Anw mil has never offered to care even \" one minute for my dd\" . So be it. Go or dun go re dinner or First day of cny , I am still the evil bad woman for them and they had nvr lift a finger to help me anything at all. I rather go my mum place and be happy then. Why swallow pride there and be taken like a prey by this pack of wolves. Cny is supposed to be a joyous festive not where I had to come home feeling lousy after visiting them. I had always visited them during cny dutifully coz I regard myself as one of family . These years I realised all these while I self deceive and determined to exclude them in my life.
As for dh I told him if this marriage is to stay this will be the way to stay. He agreed too coz he had witnessed how I was treated all these years. From being called a slut , money graber , hooker , black magic , cheater and mocked at big family gathering that I was childless etc, so much more painful words that I could not mention here. I had enoughs. They felt so superior by just running a small family business.

So my girl, I am sorry that she won't be closed to her grandparent . Anw I believe they won't miss her also as compared to her nephews. They are \" golden grandchild\" to the old folks . This is life. We dun get all the attention and love we desire in life.

How to accept the fact that my gal got to call that spolit princess"gu gu" at the reunion dinner where she had verbal insult me with names. . I just cant stomach it.


while i agreed that that we should not stop hubby from spending time with their parents. i had always told my Dh to attend gatherings on his own and he did. But tink i really cant let my gal which i carry for ten months in my womb, to turn up for re dinner and call that spolit "gu gu". I cant get passed this.

HI!

Theres this issue has been in my mind for quite sometimes, is regarding CNY reunion dinner. I wasnt sure whether should i let my two year plus daughter turn up at this coming CNY Re dinner? Coz i really cant get along with one of SIL, the unmarried one. She even go around and tell ppl that she dun take me as her elder SIL. For the dinner, i already told my DH that i will give it a miss coz i do not want to see that single and available SIL"black face". But i really in a dilemma on shall my girl attend? coz it breaks my heart, i know that my PILs will make my girl call her "gu gu" . why my girl has to call her "gu gu" when this "gu gu" has nvr once respect me and even not long ago annouced that the mother is not part of the family?? My DH , i know will just sit there watch TV and let my precious girl go round and call her and say "happy new year" to her. How can one expect a junior to respect her, where she has never showed respect for my DH which is her elder bro and me?? Help…

garam:

Hi, it been sensitive or what. I am not in a good terms with my sister in law. Everytime my In laws went out with my sil & her husband. They will act very secretive afraid that we will want to follow. But Me & my husband are not interested to go. Even my mil or fil birthday, they will also secretly celebrate for my mil or fil bd. The best part is although we are not in a good terms, she purposely stay in the same block with me. If she really want to stay near her parent, she can ask her parent to stay with her. She will act friendly to me infront of her parent & my hubby, when they are not around. she also totally ignore me. She also blocked me from the facebook. She is always interested of where we go. But when it come to her matter, she will act secretive, even she pregnant, she was like afraid that we will know.

She can really act very well until the whole family think I am the bad guy.

Hi! Garam,
I can understand how you feel about your SIL. Me too also had two SILs like that too. Always keen to know about our daily life things. But we are not supposed to know theirs nor asked about it. As if i have infringed their privacy. They will either quickly change topic or acted deaf. But on the other hand, they are always very interested on my personal life so the whole family includng their doting parents will comment and mock me at my back. . One of them, even when married also din tell us where her HDB flat was and wasnt invited to her luxury renovated flat. When i asked MIL about it, she remained silent. So we decided not to buy her any gift for her new flat. It was after she gave birth and invited us to her baby full month party then we knew where her flat was. Of coz, we did not turn up. What for? After sometimes, i also behave the same towards them, acted deaf too when i dun feel to answer any their query. Same too, one of SIL will also acted very nice towards me in presence of PILs, then another \"face\" when i am alone with her and talked rudely to me. Oh my PILs had always thought their daughter is an \"Angel\".

I believe all these stem from how a mother taught her children how to behave and respect ppl. Coz my MIL is also the same attitude too. Mine one she wants to knows whereas her daughters' matters, she double wrapped and locked in her secret chestbox. Why?? coz they always ill comment and mock me at my back so the whole family also think same that i will mock them in return if i knew too much.

I find that is ok, If parents left most to their unmarried children. It will be good if we can take care of the unmarried sibling when parents are not around anymore. But one cannot behave in such that everyone in this world have to give in to them just bcoz they are not married. Its a personal choice to remain single , we are not the one that cause them to be single.

My DH also cant stand his sister already coz he feels that she has became very difficult to get along and hot temper since after he and his sister got married. Ever once we were a little shock, when she shoved me away and look hard at me while i was talking to DH and stood between us out of sudden coz she wanted to talk business with him. Think she want attention but I find it hard to believe coz my DH wasnt close with her at all even before marriage. Once at their youngest sister wedding dinner, my MIL said I got a nice watch and suggest that she shld get one similar to mine. SIL walked away immediately and minutes later caught her staring at me angrily. Think shes lack self confidence .

It seems that very often marriage does come with a package. What of kind of package we get, its our karma.


I always tell my friends, i have " two" MILS one senior and one junior. The junior one is my single and availble SIL. Whatever things, my PILS say and do is all her callings. Even my DH who is eldest son have got to give in to her. If not my MIL will cry and yell that her DD is being bullied though the truth is that she at wrong first or over very very minor issues. OMG. she next year forty year old liao, still so naive. Think she will grow old and die like this. What to do , she is their "pearl". When i newly wed then , i was stupid enough to tell her where i shop and show her how to make up when she asked me so. But a few occasions when i casually asked her where she buy her pieces from, she refused to tell me. Then i realised that she wanted me to share with her shopping info but not the otherway. She also kept all her branded handbag and fancy shoes from my sight when we visited my PILs. Coz, she didnt want me to know that she followed very closely what bag i carry and shoes. So naive. Hate me yet "copy" me.

Lucky, my youngest SIL who is married is busy with her two kids thus got no time to bother all these family politics. I seldom talk to her, coz she is the "bochap" type. I like that. Thank god, at least still got one good "karma".

just888:

I stayed with my in-laws after marriage for 2 years before we got our own place. Despite having our own place, we didn't shift our things out and still go back and stay with them on and off throughout the years so as not to give up our bedroom to my SIL. Sometimes whole weekdays if not weekends to prevent my in-laws being bullied by my SIL's family. I do not have in-laws problem as they still treat me rather nice. My problem is only with my selfish SIL.


My SIL had been eyeing my hubby's bedroom since we got our own place. She want to come back and stay with my in-laws too but then keep complaining her current room too small for her family (2A3C). Both she and her hubby loves to tax on my in-laws to help them. Even now not staying together, she wants my MIL in the evening to go over her place and help her with her 3 kids when they are all back at home then ask my FIL/hubby would go and fetch MIL after 10pm home when their kids are asleep. I ever ask my MIL, how come SIL does not let her sleep over instead? They did not even provide a mattress in their mansionette for my MIL! *faint*.

oh you and your hubby were kind enough then, to fetch your MIL home from your SIL place after 10pm. For me, i will tell my DH to be busy and let them bring your MIL back home instead since she so selfish.

Many parents actually have their "favoured child". Its just that they dun admit it openly. They always said they have "fairly treated" every kid. Like my case, my mum has always think highly of my "very highly educated" elder sis, and despite the fact she has never gave her any monthly pocket money till now nor bring her out nor drive her to clinic when she falls sick (coz got to pay for medical bills if she bring mum there) . But my mum still care very much for her and bil and take very well care of her children till now. Sis very seldom buy her gift, when she did, mum will make an effort to let me know which i was not interested at all.


Sigh…Yet when i first gave birth to my DD, she refused to help me then. I used to wonder what i did wrong then, my DH told me , i did nothing wrong, its just that i wasnt that the "favoured" one despite the fact i did not fail any duty as her daughter.

Lucky, i got a very good confinement lady, she knew what i went through, she patiently "coach" me how to care for a newborn and coz she knew i will be left alone after the confinement. She wants me to call her even if its to call her at M’sia home whenever, i do not know what to do. I cried when she told me this, since your mum and MIL all will not available to me, She will defintely me help out, coz she herself also went through disappointment like this before and feel so lost then.

Now i dun get upset with mum "unfairness" anymore, as long as she is "happy" staying with her "beloved" DD, why i care to bother whether how "well" she was treated by sis and bil? It just only a waste of time, getting bitter over something that will never change…

hquek:

So very true Chen....so very true - esp with the part on favoured child.

I agreed also \"favoured chld\" remains parents favoured child no matter how wrong or what wrong they did, coz in the eyes of parents whatever their \"precious gem\" did, all are the rightfully right! Love has no \"logics\"...........sigh........ :frustrated:

Really these days old folks have to very careful about whether to sell or not to sell their flats. Coz my granny who lives with my unmarried aunt had sold their three room HDB flats inorder to live with one of my cousins and also gave more than half of the sale amount to that cousin. Before they made their decision, i have advised them not to do so. The story goes like this, now my granny lives in the nursing home now, while my aunt still lives with my cousin but spend most of her day cocoon in her bedroom and also have to help fetch the cousin’s children to and fro school . My aunt dare not complaint to us, coz its her decision to sell the flat and gave away big sum of money so easily then. Sigh…we also asked to chip in for my granny’s expenses for the nursing home…we thought that cousin had pocket so much of sale money, shouldnt they pay for…