I have lost count of the number of child and teen actors who abuse drugs, alcohol and sleep around. Even our very own Mavis Hee, who went berserk, is testimony to the power of loneliness, coupled with extreme stress. Many of our children are also in such a situation, lonely and stressed.


The young celebrities are always surrounded by people, by the media, by fans, but they’re lonely inside. Loneliness is not merely the need for someone to be physically around them, it’s emotional isolation on a deeper level.

These people who wreck their lives with destructive behaviour, need therapy, possibly medication, and definitely need a change in lifestyle. Morality, religion and values, is for guiding the action of normal people. Sick people need to see a doctor, not a priest.

3Boys:

Do you discipline your children? Are you telling them right from wrong? What is that if not imparting your morals and values to your children, in the hope of modifying their future behaviour? No effect? Then why bother?Will you tell your daughter not to be promiscuous? If by your theory, our children already have morals and values, and all that is needed is parental presence, then you can be completely mum on it.

I have never said morality and values are not important. I merely said they have nothing to do with why teens sleep around. Kindly read and think carefully before rebutting the rock wall instead of me.

EN:

Share with you all about real life friends.


Don't talk about kids these days. These happen back then when I was growing up.

If you talk about lonely child growing up, I'm one of them. Father outstation, my mum stretched herself from morning till midnight from working in a factory to housework. One elder sister, different school different session. The house always empty. Yet, nothing happen. I embrace the solitude at home. It's a place I cherished most. So private, so warm, so secure.

Your parents were only not physically with u, but u were not lonely. U knew deep inside they would be there for u if u ever needed them. Loneliness and insecurity is the key.

Your friend's family was always physically around for her, most likely they loved her to bits too, but FOR HER, that wasn't enough, she was still lonely and insecure.

Different children need different levels of security. Different children can tolerate different levels of loneliness before such psychological stress causes behavioural damage.

U were able to withstand the temptation of \"excitement\", simply because u were not lonely and insecure, despite your parents not being physically around, and that's not because of your superhuman willpower or value system. Willpower is important, i've never denied it. Values are important, i've never said not. But they are over-rated. If ANYONE thinks their willpower and values are supreme in dictating their behaviour, i challenge them to lock themselves up in solitary confinement for just one year, and see their world unravel.

The environment is far more important in influencing behaviour. In this particular case, values and morality really has nothing to do with it.

3Boys:

exclude all other possible influences, including, SHOCK/HORROR, Sexual Morals, which to you play NO part whatsoever in determining if a person may avoid falling into such situations....

I didn't exclude all other possible influence, though i did exclude moral education, including sexual morals.

Yes, morality has absolutely nothing to do with it. To what i know, every single child has been taught never to jaywalk. But many still do. Has moral education failed? No. Moral education instills values, but having the right values doesn't mean not doing the wrong action.

From what i know, every single complusive shoplifter (kleptomaniac) has acknowledged their action is wrong, but they still do it. Why? Absolutely nothing to do with morals, certainly they have morals, because they know it's wrong!

Our children have morals and values. The sickness lies elsewhere. Stop looking up the wrong tree.

3Boys:

As you prefer plain speaking, my view is that, your posit is plainly ludicrous.

thank u, at least it entertained u

phankao:

But my kids are STILL doing that, wat. From 1 yo to 16yo - all fighting with each other. And yeah, over 1 computer, 1 toilet, no TV, but then, rarely go playground now though bc TOO MUCH schoolwork & CCA!!! Who goes to the playground at 8pm or 9pm at night after school?

If they're fighting with each other, u r lucky, they're normal LOL. It's the all-too-common single-child families that need to watch out. Even multiple-child families also cannot be complacent, if they don't fight, instead everyday just holed up inside their rooms, with their own computer games, it might just end up the same sad story.

Of course, not every child that grows up isolated, will sleep around. Just like not every mentally-ill person is a murderer. Yes, that's what i'm insinuating, isolation leads to loneliness, leads to irrational behaviour like sleeping around, compulsive shoplifting, and other forms of such behaviour. Our children are growing up sick, in a sick society.

daisyt:

Self discipline and strong will power is what the kids should learn so they won't be influence by others.

that too, though we still gotta tackle the loneliness part first. If u interview 100 teens, I believe 99 of them will say they will not sleep with strangers or people they have not met for long. Does this mean they have morals and values?

This is instinct, not morality at play. No biologically normal female will sleep with a stranger, as there is a risk the offspring will be abandoned or harmed.

If u ask any teen who has been sleeping around, whether they think it's right, i bet with u, 99% will say they think it's wrong. Then why do they still do it? It's a sign of obsessive-compulsive behaviour, a disease, nothing to do with morals, values or religion. A disease brought on by isolating a person for too long. Even if u cage up a dog for 10 years, it will go mad and behave irrationally.

Modern living is something that is not natural to us humans. We have never lived like this before, even as recently as the last generation. It's making alot of us sick, not to mention our children. And i'm not just talking about physical sickness. It makes us sick in the mind.

3Boys:

Morals and Values implies time spent to impart them as well, or lack thereof (and therefore lack of morals thereof). So, no, I don't think its simplistic.

U can think what u like, the truth remains that if i isolate u on a deserted island for 15 years, u will give up all your morals and values to grab on to the very first chance at companionship.

Even your sanity. That includes talking to a volleyball.

http://www.delvecchio.ca/images/wilson.jpg\">

That is what is happening to teens today. They're isolated in their own world. They are lonely. And we want to blast them with morals and values, thinking it will solve the problem? I work with teens on a daily basis. Disregard my views at your own peril.

Funz:

:? Isn't this even more simplistic?

yah, i made it simple so u can understand lol

It’s too simplistic to blame it on morals and values.


They’re just lonely, thinking that by sleeping with people, they are being loved, they will get companionship, they will get understanding, they will not be lonely anymore.

Dad busy playing computer games in the room, Mom busy going through files brought back from office, Didi in his own room playing his own computer game, Meimei in her own room playing with her own computer game…Jiejie feels so lonely. She also switches on her computer, plays multi-player games. She interacts with other people on the game, will that ease her loneliness?

Afterall, she has 29 other classmates in school, right? Or are they all, or mostly holed up in their own rooms, playing their own computer games? Are they disproportionately spending more time doing homework than interacting with each other?

In the old days, siblings spent lots of time "interacting" with each other, multiple kids fighting over the right to use the toilet, fighting over one single TV set, fighting over one single 386 computer to play Space Invaders. Children spent lots of time fighting with the neighbourhood bully at the playground, planning grand hoaxes with the imps next door.

Today, one kid = 1 bedroom + own toilet + own TV + own computer = loneliness, inability to form proper relationships with other humans. Basically living in their own world.

If i were to be isolated in my own deserted island for 15 years, i would hug, kiss the next passing sailor, regardless of whether he smells of fish LOL won’t anyone?