In-law problems?
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HI ladies,
This thread has been quite quiet of late.
I dread to think of hubby’s sister returning for 3 weeks (akan datang, that means coming soon)…in fact, I just couldn’t be bothered about them wanting a will drawn up over THEIR parents’ flat…goodness me, did they ever think about this - if either of them fall sick, hard cash has to be taken out to heal them…couldn’t they just let the both of them stay in their flat and forget about all the ‘distribution of assets’ ???
Told hubby I don’t want to get involved at all because his brothers and sister (as well as their spouses) are ridiculously greedy. I have no maid and have 2 kids in primary school…and so definitely no time nor interested in their family nonsense. -
When my FIL thought that he will not live pass his next birthday (becos the fortune teller told him so), my SIL asked my DH to tell their dad to write a will. If she is so concern, why can't she tell him herself? :stompfeet: Luckily my DH don't think it's a good idea to tell his dad & just ignore her. The last time I heard, my FIL agreed to write a will & leave the house to his only daughter. I was like :? because my MIL is still around & what about my BIL who is still single. If my FIL really passed away and if SIL becomes nasty, then where do they stay? :siao:
Told my DH & he said don't bother about it. The issue is too sensitive. Ok, so I just
& don't care about their family affair. -
Hi can anyone suggest a one day Christmas plan so as to avoid meeting up with mil and her fellow relatives on that day…
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Festive season is a the time we rejoice. Unfortunately, for some of us, it's a day that we dread. Best is to use the kids as excuse - they want to go to the zoo, sentosa or better still, Malaysia and DH will just have to follow. :siam:
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janet_lee88:
Mine here is the Empress Dowager type...wants to be picked and sent. So I don't worry about her going to my place. Eversince i sent off my maid, there is no chance for her to kaypoh about my family. Why does she have to know so much anyway ? Even if my cupboards are filled with instant noodles, so what ? My hubby hardly had home cooked meals before we married.
Haha Janet_lee88, I like your description about your MIL. Mine are the super bossy Royalties. :salute: If they come over...OMG....pick on our place from inside to outside. Might even have to take out the broom and mop and clean the floor as directed. Funny thing is their house is so much dirtier even with maids!
I don't like to carry them, so they blacklist me and accuse me of all sorts of nonsense. DH told me to interact as little as possible with them so now they know we are quite fed up, they are more polite. Nice!
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fifiyeo:
think your DH is smart. Sometimes DH's stand can solve the in-law problems significantly.janet_lee88:
Mine here is the Empress Dowager type...wants to be picked and sent. So I don't worry about her going to my place. Eversince i sent off my maid, there is no chance for her to kaypoh about my family. Why does she have to know so much anyway ? Even if my cupboards are filled with instant noodles, so what ? My hubby hardly had home cooked meals before we married.
Haha Janet_lee88, I like your description about your MIL. Mine are the super bossy Royalties. :salute: If they come over...OMG....pick on our place from inside to outside. Might even have to take out the broom and mop and clean the floor as directed. Funny thing is their house is so much dirtier even with maids!
I don't like to carry them, so they blacklist me and accuse me of all sorts of nonsense. DH told me to interact as little as possible with them so now they know we are quite fed up, they are more polite. Nice! -
MIL problems :gloomy: is it a universal thing, seems that when i say that 3 letter word, all my gal friends will 'roll eyeballs'...
just want to share my woes--my MIL is really hard to please, extremely critical and insecure. if i had known she would 'degenerate'into what she is today, I would have told my hubby that we'd send our kids to infant care or something.
Depsite our protests/reminders to Mil pls don't give ourkids toomuch sweets/chocs/soft drinks/chips/junk, she refuse tolisten. She'd even give them right before dinner and then lament that they have poor appetite, etc.And then call us 2/3 days later telling us she has sleepless nights because she worries our kids are not growing well coz oftheir appetite?!!
Another pt of contention is over the way Hubb and I discipline our children. We are both disciplinarians but i do not think we scream and beat our kids out of anger. But my MIL insists that we are abusing our children. Mind you, the actual words she uses is \"nue dai\" (Ill treat). Again, she'd call us or over some random conversation remind us don't abuse the kids. When my hubb protests she'd then just laugh it off by saying \"Well I'm just saying IF you nue dai the kids blah blah blah\" or \"Well, good that you say you don't abuse them. IF i find out you ever abuse.. blah blah blah!\" OMG.
One unforgettable incident that happened couple of months ago--i had to go out for an interview, so MIL came to my plce to baby sit the kids. She had to pick my eldest girl from Preschool. When they were walking home, i called her and to asked if everything's OK and if i could talk to my girl..\" What i did was to say \"Hello jie jie...\" for some emo reason she threw the phone bk to my MIL and didn want to talk anymore. My MIL asked me what i said, i told her, \"I don't know, i just said Hello!\" When i came bk home in the evening, it was obvious my MIL was angry but i didn know why. It was only a couple of days later, my MIL told my hubby that my girl started looking unhappy after the phone call and when asked by MIL, she said, \"Mummy said cannot eat sweets and chocolate\". MIL was very angry and she said, my girl was 'trembling\". then she launched into the \"abusing our kids\" lecture again. I was so angry when iheard it...because she did not ask me directly, and it was simply not true that my daughter was trembling, because we've seen her pretending it was cold and she'd act as if she is trembling and upset. But my MIL took her words/actions for real and came to (her predisposed) conclusion that i have been abusing my girl.
Anyway fast fwd to past couple of weeks--once we had dinner with the ILs...my silly maid happened to cooked the baby porridge too watery and bb did not seem to want it. MIL started criticisng and scolding the maid and her last statement --'you always cook like that is it\" made me :mad: i snapped at her, \"NO LAH, ITS ONLY THIS TIME!\" and i sounded v impatient. I think she was taken aback coz i probably never dared to talk back to her like that ever. she stopped her ranting and we had some peace. Days later, she called me up and INFORMED me \"I'm coming to your house now to teach the maid how to cook porridge\". I told her,no need. I already started thecooking in the slow cooker.
She went to complain to everyone I was very fierce to her, when she is old already she'd be so pitiful etc. :roll: she tells my hubby that i am a 'mu lao hu\" (Fierce tigeress) but he retorted that she was one too.
Then the final straw came when we put the kids at her house for one afternoon, and the next day when i was feeding my kids, my eldest girl blurted out \"Nai Nai says you are a Mu Lao Hu!\" \"She says you are very huai dan! (bad egg!)\" I was very upset, but i asked her \"why did nai nai say that?!\" She replied because Nai nai wanted to feed them sweets and when my girl told her \"Mummy says cannot eat too many sweets\" She became very angry and made those remarks. That weekend we went to the supermarket,and when one of the promoters passed her a slice of choc, i told her \"You can have it, but that's all\"...my girl was reminded of what Nai Nai said, and started chanting \"Mu Lao Hu! Mu Lao hu!\" (she thinks its very funny)---The pain/hurt is unimaginable. Both hubby and I talked to her and said it was wrong of Nai nai to call people names. Hubby also talked to FIL/SIL and they said they'd speak to MIL about it.
But i just feel very pessimistic ==what can i expect, that she'd think she's wrong? She's been very defensive and i could expect that she'd think its another one of my tactics to get others to 'gang us agst her'.
She could call me names or think very badly of me watever i don't really care.. but the final straw was to bring thsi to my kids'level. What is she trying to do, turn the kids to her side, agst their own mum?
Even when she doesn't stay in my house, ifeel her 'shadow' hovering...like when i do something, i can almost imagine her saying something negative. And when i reprimand my kids, i will imagine her \"mu Lao hu statement\". I feel very lousy and my hubby tried to console me--he said, There is nothing wrong with being fierce/firm with the kids. It is our duty, so it is true u are a mu lao hu. But what is wrong was teh fact MIL told this to the kids. So she's wrong and i shouldn sink to her level.
But i still feel very sian leh. Every time we got to go her house (even if it was to let her play with thekids), i feel lousy.
Hubby already told FIL/SIL that if MIL persist this way, MIL will no longer have alone time with the kids.
Is this depression? -
When i started being a SAHM, every wed was supposed to MIL's day to play with the kids. I asked her if she wanted to come to my plce or does she want me to bring the kids to her house so she doesn't have to travel. She preferred the latter--so I lugged the whole chain gang 2 girls below 4 and 1 newborn and maid) to her house in a cab every wed.
Then, she complained bitterly that my maid was the queen and she is the maid inthe house coz she was running around looking after/cooking for the kids while the maid did 'nothing'. I talked to my maid (she's really an OK maid) she told me that the kids insist that Nai nai bathe them, feed them etc... and Nai Nai would acede to their request so all she could do was to help in prep the meals, or do assisting work.
Whether it was true or not, i suggested that why don't MIL come to my plce instead, to ensure Maid is working as i could assign her a list of chores to be done while MIL play with the kids. But few weeks later she complained that my maid was lousy, did not clean the plce well, etc and my kitchen was so filthy she refused to cook in my kitchen anymore! ---she did not tell this to us directly, but complained to FIL/SIL . :shock:
Yes my house may not be spick and span but it is certainly not FILTHY. and i have 3 young kiddos in the house, as long as its decently clean and the kids are well looked after, it is fine by me. If its not up to her standards, well too bad, its my house not hers. And yes, likemany who posted in this topic, she inspects my cubpoard also. :roll:
Back to the \"she refused to cook in my kitchen anymore\"---damn angry because she did not communicate tt to us and in the first plce we always suggest eating dinner out coz it was inconvenient for FIL to join us for dinner at our plce after work. So is this some stupid excuse to make her got face? -
I know some of my friends said if have differences in opinion over bringing up kids, why don’t send the kids to childcare then no need to depend on MIL–we did. But MIL threw a fit and accused us of barring her grandkids from her. She threatened to disown my hubby if we sent the kids to CC.
Then she tell my FIL she wants to see a psychiatrist coz she can’t sleep/eat etc. She says she is going crazy. She sounded so real that she wanted help that I called up a doc’s wanting to arrange an appt for her.
But later on finding out we changed our mind abt CC, she said, "No need to see doc liao. I’m fine already, see doc for what!?!" -
I’ve known people with wonderful in-laws. Too bad mine aren’t. Even DH can’t get along with them and that dates back to ages ago due to family politics. Infact, my grandparent-in-laws are the liberal and understanding ones! Surprising huh?!!!
PILs are control freaks! When we first had a maid, it had to be their choice and we were not allowed to discipline the maid and don’t even dream about firing the maid. Not even when accidents happened to our kids.
When we finally chose our own and they were super unhappy. When we went maidless, 1st thing my MIL said was, "we don’t have enough manpower". In other words, don’t bring kids over unless you have to maid to follow them. Funny thing is they have 2 maids and still not enough manpower??? Wonder what their maids do??
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