Defiant kid/ anger management
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SBKS:
You brought up a very good question. We have quite similar approach to Chenonceau at home, hence I thought about your question. Our boys know that they will never get anything if they throw a tantrum or if they pester us. We started that when they were babies and never change the \"rule\", not even once, not even when grandparents speak up for them (happened when my younger son was 1+). I won't say we never yell at the boys when they misbehave, but it is very very rare. They are teenagers now, we can hardly remember when we had to yell at them. I agree with you about the kids emulating parents. It is not always easy especially as they grow up. We have to be the kind of adults we want our children to become.
Hi Chenonceau,
I am very curious, on the part that is bold.
so if u tell him that, then may i ask, do you scold or yell at him before? did he learn from you and ignore you cos you yell at him? should he do that to you also? you know lah, kids like to emulate parents or their caregivers. so if u told him yelling is no good then do you ever yell at him for not listening to you or misbehaving?
no offence. not nitpicking...if u gt the above solution then you are my saviour...my DD is behaving like me now...yelling when she is angry with something..which i yelled at her for misbehaving and not listening.
TIA. -
Oppsgal:
Patience ptience and more patience! Hahasmurf:
Oh...he has past that phase already...now not so angry anymore...
Can share how to make him past the phrase? Next time if happen to my kid when reach the same age, can use too.
No lah, just have to know what makes your child so angry, and avoid it. If cannot avoid, explain to him or her first before even come to that stage...if he or she can anticipate what is going on, then the child would be better in handling the situation. -
tankee:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:Ekari:
Have you tried an alternative approach? Maybe let him connect with people outside of the house more often. Sometimes, bring him to the park or the mall. Let him see more of the world if you know what I mean. I don't know if it will surely help but no harm trying right?
Sometimes, anger are not generated because he was furious of your reply. Have you monitored how your children behave without you around? It's good to know, maybe he feel left out or something.
Or you can try sending him to camps or something let him interact with other children his age. Have some fun and he might just come back differently.
Check out: http://www.applepie.com.sg
Try their holiday program maybe.
how would a holiday camp be useful in this case? :? -
wonderm:
ok tink i should start asap and not wait..otherwise too late liao...
You brought up a very good question. We have quite similar approach to Chenonceau at home, hence I thought about your question. Our boys know that they will never get anything if they throw a tantrum or if they pester us. We started that when they were babies and never change the \"rule\", not even once, not even when grandparents speak up for them (happened when my younger son was 1+). I won't say we never yell at the boys when they misbehave, but it is very very rare. They are teenagers now, we can hardly remember when we had to yell at them. I agree with you about the kids emulating parents. It is not always easy especially as they grow up. We have to be the kind of adults we want our children to become.SBKS:
Hi Chenonceau,
I am very curious, on the part that is bold.
so if u tell him that, then may i ask, do you scold or yell at him before? did he learn from you and ignore you cos you yell at him? should he do that to you also? you know lah, kids like to emulate parents or their caregivers. so if u told him yelling is no good then do you ever yell at him for not listening to you or misbehaving?
no offence. not nitpicking...if u gt the above solution then you are my saviour...my DD is behaving like me now...yelling when she is angry with something..which i yelled at her for misbehaving and not listening.
TIA.
thanks for your reply.
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Chenonceau,
really very good tip! thanks for sharing! and upon reflecting, ain us adults working that way too? hahas!
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My son has attended behavioral class in school and I can see slight improvements … Thanks to the teachers of YZPS. Sometimes it needs external parties to help resolve issues:)
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smurf:
Your reaction sounds kinda familiar to me - not your son's.I dunno where to post this, so I start a new thread.
My boy who is 6 now has anger management problem I suspect, and he is very emotional.
This scenario happens on daily basis:
Sometimes when I'm busy, maybe doing some writing or making milk, etc. My boy would come to me and ask some questions (very joyously), no anger. When I told him sternly or firmly, 'mama is busy now'. Sometimes I add in, 'can I do it later?. IMMEDIATELY, he changes colour. Change from joy to angry, very angry. Almost furious. And he will REFUSE to talk to me even when I answer his question. If I dun answer him or ignore him, he will NOT let go,he will remember and remember and will later use this to rebuke me later, for whatever reason. 记仇 I would say.
Sometimes i would ask him, 'what's wrong with you?' then he will be angrier.
When I ask him some questions, sometimes he answers them nicely, but sometimes, he shouts. I dunno for what reason, he shouts. After that, he would apologize for his bad manner. he does know that these are bad manner and behavior.
I dunno why he behaves the way he behaves (hooligan behave I called that).
I really dunno what to do. I read up the web, and came across this : oppositional defiant disorder
Do I need to bring him to see a physchiatrist? :?:
For me, when I have thousand and one things to do - or in my mind, I get irritable easily. And I am like a time-bomb walking around. Many times like these, we do not notice until it is too late - like raising my voice or yelling.
Anyway, like what you said, patience is the key. And to remember to pop some sugary food into my mouth (since I'd be usually be drained of energy without realizing too)
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Just wanna share… My boy has been attending classes at nurture kids at kovan. The class has given him some tools to help deal with his emotions. He stil have a tendency to fly off e handle, but if we see it coming n apply some of e tools b4 his outburst becomes full blown it sometimes work.
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Dear parents,
Below article might help uncovering the pain behind your child's anger
http://www.family.org.sg/default.aspx?go=article&aid=641
Cheers.. -
that’s a good article you’ve shared there! but it seems to be focusing on pri school students. what about secondary sch students who are more rebellious? will the advice help too?
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