In-law problems?
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With DS2, no frills or arguments.
It was rather straightforward that my mother had done a good job taking care of infants. So DS2 was sent straight to my mum.
Her catch-phrase still works best and seems to have proven itself: ‘You can’t afford to calculate too much among family members, we can never finish calculating the sums. The more you calculate, the lesser you get.’ -
me too is staying with my in laws and i really cant tahan.... Always ordering do thing and nagging... Have no patient in my son too.... Most of the time i heard my in law scold my son who only 3.5 + months only.. Haiz.... Alot of thing she also wan to kpo... Cant tahan... There one day almost beat her up.... Luckily stop by my husband... :stupid: :x
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Re MIL requesting package for babysitting
I believe that a reasonable package is acceptable to avoid the old lady from being exploited especially when she don't have alternative source of income. I know of a poor grandma who was only given $200 a month, but she has to provide dinner for his son/DIL, meals for the grandkid, and there are times when the son/DIL instructed her to get diapers/FM without reimbursement! $200 less all these, eat grass ah! Then when kid old enough to go childcare, get the old lady to fetch the kid after school/and 'standby' when kid is sick and slash the allowance somemore :x ! The old lady makes no noise to the son cos family member don't calculate ma... :x
We should just weigh our sums, and go for the more economical one or the arrangement that best suits our needs without forgetting to give the old lady some allowance too even if she is not looking after the kid.
erm...off topic liao.
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jedamum:
Agreed to the above that this old lady is truly exploited.Re MIL requesting package for babysitting
I believe that a reasonable package is acceptable to avoid the old lady from being exploited especially when she don't have alternative source of income. I know of a poor grandma who was only given $200 a month, but she has to provide dinner for his son/DIL, meals for the grandkid, and there are times when the son/DIL instructed her to get diapers/FM without reimbursement! $200 less all these, eat grass ah! Then when kid old enough to go childcare, get the old lady to fetch the kid after school/and 'standby' when kid is sick and slash the allowance somemore :x ! The old lady makes no noise to the son cos family member don't calculate ma... :x
We should just weigh our sums, and go for the more economical one or the arrangement that best suits our needs without forgetting to give the old lady some allowance too even if she is not looking after the kid.
erm...off topic liao.
Problem is, sometimes, our ILs or Parents do 'extort' their fees for child-caring when they obviously know the amount we make at that point in time, and vice versa.
Our IL relationship has definitely improved over the years cos she no longer push me around thinking that I'm more inferior as compared to her children. Well, for one thing, at least, she turns her head to look at me when she talks, instead of talking to me without me even realising that she was talking to me. -
Where shall I start coz it’s a long story.
I had the WORST nightmare with them though NOT staying together. And talk abt sis-in-law! Argh!
In short, I just hope my own family is living in peace and that my hubby understands now that he HAS his own family to take care of. -
KopiYing:
And talk abt sis-in-law! Argh!
Ya, tell me about it.
I know what you mean, COMPLETELY...
Relationship with in-laws do take time, as the saying goes, \"路遙知馬力, 日久見人心.\" -
winth:
I know what you ladies are talking about.KopiYing:
And talk abt sis-in-law! Argh!
Ya, tell me about it.
I know what you mean, COMPLETELY...
Relationship with in-laws do take time, as the saying goes, \"路遙知馬力, 日久見人心.\"
If we have a competition for \"THE WORST SIL\", mine will not only get champion but also special prizes for every category.
Thankfully, we do not hear from them (ILs) at all. Living our own life as a family happily with my family. We don't even talk about them at all. -
For my ILs, I don't expect to have really close relationship with them. So long as we are cordial, good enough. Some may think why like that, should try to treat them like our own parents, afterall they are our DH's parents. But for my ILs tough lah.
On our ROM, my MIL told me 'actually DH is a very filial son last time, now he married ......' I asked her what she meant by that, she just hedged and said 'huh? orh no lah, no lah, I just saying he very filial'
On our wedding day, DH's paternal aunt told me I am not allowed to follow DH's way of addressing my PILs as I am not their daughter, only DIL so must call lou yeh and lai lai. And though DH's sis is younger, I still have to serve her tea cos my status is still lower then hers. My own aunt who accompanied me to the tea ceremony was livid and wanted to argue with them. I told her nevermind. Then I proceeded to address PILs like how DH called them and serve SIL the tea and at the same time ask if I should serve DH's cousins' kids too? Should see that aunty's face man, super black. Too bad, this DIL is not the kind you can walk all over.
MIL's gaggle of sisters kept asking me to sell off my car, say so wasteful to have 2 cars, I told them both of us need it for our jobs. Then they insinuate that cos I insist on having my own car, DH cannot give MIL more allowance. I got fedup and told them, 1stly, DH did not pay for my car, 2ndly, I have no problems providing for my own parents out of my own pocket, 3rdly I have not touched a single cent of DH's earnings and I am paying my fair share of our household expenses. If DH has problems supporting his mother I will tell him you all ask him to sell his car and take bus.
When I was first pregnant, DH was ecstatic and the 1st person he called was MIL. And the 1st thing she said was no need to be so happy. Still early.
Till today, MIL thinks my helper is the owner of the house. She will call my helper on her mobile to tell her she is coming over but not me. When she comes over, I will usually be the one to open the door and greet her. She seldom acknowledge but pass whatever barang she has brought with her to me and will go greet my helper sooo warmly. Meal times she will keep asking my helper to sit down and eat but not me even when both me and my helper are in the kitchen bringing out the food.
MIL will try to tell me what to do, like giving DD & DS pacifier, providing sarong, etc. Say last time that was how she handled DH and SIL. I nod and nod and ok and ok but never take action so she tell DH I very stubborn and next time don't dare to say anything to me oredi cos scared I not happy. So I told her, not that I don't want to listen. But she had her time raising her own kids, these are my kids and I want to raise them the way I see fit. I hear what she is saying but let me try my way first. If it does not work, then I may try what she suggests. But my way is working so I will continue with it. Then she went to DH, pat his shoulder and say aiyah, you got no say over your own kids one lah, your wife rules the home.
More recently, over DD's P1 choice of school. She ask why DD must go to my alma mata and not DH's. DH told her Raffles is a good school and near where we are staying. She say again your wife's decision lah. Everything of hers good and ours not good enough. :stupid:
Haizzz.....
It has been 10yrs since our ROM and 9 yrs since our customary wedding. I have done my part as a DIL. I have opened up our house to them when they needed someone to look after them after their respective surgeries. I have always been respectful towards them save for the few incidents above or at times when they overstep their boundaries then I will very frankly tell them how things will be. I have convinced DH to give them mthly allowances when he did not want to (long story due to what happened when he was younger).
So cordial is all I am asking for. So long as DH understands where I am coming from. -
For me, I just stop going totally after 5yrs of hoo-ha. Now only my hubby and 2DS will go and visit once a month or once a fornight. I think as long as IL dun like you, no matter how hard you try or whatever you do, nothing will come out of it. So instead of being so upset and trying so hard, might as well go enjoy yourself. Why torture yourself over it?
Life is too short for such agony. :lol: -
I go for yearly fortune-telling, and this one happened to be an Indian Astronomer who was looking at me and Dh’s readings.
He made a statement to me:
"DID YOUR MOTHER OR HIS MOTHER COME INTO YOUR MARRIAGE DURING THE EARLIER YEARS, TRYING TO INTERFERE OR DO SOMETHING TO YOU?"
I was like laughing so loudly that I said, ‘Yeah, it was his mum’.
But I was amazed that he was so accurate in our readings.
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