In-law problems?
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From ancient China to modern Singapore, this ILs issue is the same. Every generation has the same issues. It won’t die with our generation for sure. Much as I’d like to think I confirm guarantee plus chop won’t become a horrid MIL, who is to say what is horrid and what isn’t? Maybe what we think is horrid, is normal to them becos of their own upbringing…
Not that I’m siding la…I just think that this cycle never seems to break, throughout recorded human history, ILs relationships are always the most problematic…there should be some serious studies on this. Shed some light on why is it that even when times have changed, even in different cultures, countries, etc., this fundamental human relationship issue has never found a resolution… It must be something unavoidable then…since we humans are so smart and all that but yet we can’t solve this. It must be something we will inevitably face next time too…when we become the ILs. Unless we break ties with our children, let that family unit be on its own… -
linggg:
Actually I kinda feel that IL problems are the worst for our generation (those currently in 30s and 40s). The gap in thinking and perceptions has never been bigger in the previous generations. Our generation is a lot better educated, a lot of us have tertiary education or higher. And we are thinking are a lot influenced by western thinking (respect privacy, not superstitous etc) A lot of us DILs are actually holding high positions in the working world. However, most of our MIL's generation are uneducated and very traditional in thinking. They don't understand what privacy is, and is super superstitous and believe in all sorts of old wives tales and myths. They also always feel that they are more knowledgeable than the DILs. I have a friend who is a pharmacist. The MIL can actually tell her that she should not feed her girl certain medication cos last time she also never feed her own children this medicine when they are sick. I also have my fair share of similar problems with my own MIL.From ancient China to modern Singapore, this ILs issue is the same. Every generation has the same issues. It won't die with our generation for sure. Much as I'd like to think I confirm guarantee plus chop won't become a horrid MIL, who is to say what is horrid and what isn't? Maybe what we think is horrid, is normal to them becos of their own upbringing..
Not that I'm siding la..I just think that this cycle never seems to break, throughout recorded human history, ILs relationships are always the most problematic..there should be some serious studies on this. Shed some light on why is it that even when times have changed, even in different cultures, countries, etc., this fundamental human relationship issue has never found a resolution.. It must be something unavoidable then..since we humans are so smart and all that but yet we can't solve this. It must be something we will inevitably face next time too..when we become the ILs. Unless we break ties with our children, let that family unit be on its own..
Also they are always stuck with \"last time we also did this......\" mentality, without realising the world has changed drastically from 30+ years ago. Like my MIL, last time I put my DD in CC and worked PT, cos hubby keeps flying around. She is not happy, cos she feels my life is so easy, work PT only, never help contribute to the house, make his son pay for the house only. Nowadays housing so expensive, cannot expect his son to pay alone. Since DD go CC whole day, I work PT, then PT I idle at home. (Hello, the time at home is to do housework and to cook lor!) Then I go back to work full time, but I needed to travel. So his son has to help take care of DD after work. Then she not happy again, saying why I have to go travel and make DH take care of DD. She kept stressing that last time my FIL has never changed a single diaper etc. She forgot she was a SAHM, and her own mum was staying with her, so she had 2 people taking care of the house and kids. She kept saying why I can't find a job that don't need to travel meh? I told her straight off, last time I work PT, can take care of DD, you say I never contribute, so I go work Full time, then you say why I need to travel. These days, Jobs so easy to find one meh? No need to travel also need tonnes of OT. She has never worked for the past 30+ years, and doesn't try keep up with times.
I am more inclined to believe that our generation will make better MILs, since we understand what is privacy, and we will be more understanding. -
mine is not really inlaw problems but parents problems.
i m sure most of us know how our parents will treat their grandkids and give them what they want. like even when slightly sick like coughing and running nose, still give them to eat durian, cold jelly and sweet, burgers, fastfood.
we tried to talk to them and said no but the old folks will just say aiya nevermind one lah…
anyone got solution for these type of problems? -
SBKS:
grandparents are well known for spoiling grandchildren... just tell them in the face that last time when u sick, u also cant eat this n that.. what makes it different from ur kid?mine is not really inlaw problems but parents problems.
i m sure most of us know how our parents will treat their grandkids and give them what they want. like even when slightly sick like coughing and running nose, still give them to eat durian, cold jelly and sweet, burgers, fastfood.
we tried to talk to them and said no but the old folks will just say aiya nevermind one lah...
anyone got solution for these type of problems?
n hoh, many times, i just make the remark and move off with my kid, leaving them to ponder themselves... pls la... they also know its wrong, just tat they think if given in appropriate amounts, nothing will happen... but who knows? last time ppl die of cancer also dunno why but nowadays screen here n there also problem... nothing serious also say got depression whatever... so i always keep their mouths shut by saying diff generation is diff liao... -
Pinky Piglet:
move on with life... they will not change for the better, nor ur dh will ignore his own mum forever... just live with it.. most impt is next time dun do the same to ur kids'.How long have u been staying together with your mil?
My mil is a hockchew damn loud and fussy..
When I gave birth to my gal she told me not to let my hubby to change her diaper cos gals are very dirty. I told my hubby she gave birth to ur sister not dirty lar!
And when my gal was small she tends to whine before she dozed off my mil will get frustrated and kept asking me why and how I gave birth to a whiny bb... One day I got pissed off I told her off in front of my sil and bil family says ur son genes and my genes I gave birth to my gal and I carried my gal back to my room..
And when she was hospitalised due to ear infection when she was nine mth old she passed remarks saying who ask her to fall sick blah blah blah... I will not forget what she said to me and my kids -
linggg:
yes totally agree... very well said..From ancient China to modern Singapore, this ILs issue is the same. Every generation has the same issues. It won't die with our generation for sure. Much as I'd like to think I confirm guarantee plus chop won't become a horrid MIL, who is to say what is horrid and what isn't? Maybe what we think is horrid, is normal to them becos of their own upbringing..
Not that I'm siding la..I just think that this cycle never seems to break, throughout recorded human history, ILs relationships are always the most problematic..there should be some serious studies on this. Shed some light on why is it that even when times have changed, even in different cultures, countries, etc., this fundamental human relationship issue has never found a resolution.. It must be something unavoidable then..since we humans are so smart and all that but yet we can't solve this. It must be something we will inevitably face next time too..when we become the ILs. Unless we break ties with our children, let that family unit be on its own.. -
Pinky Piglet:
lets see if her own daughter will take care of her when she's older... stand aside and watch...Hi Janet
My mil will never encourage my kids vice versa she did that to her daughter Chn. Her attitude change 360 degree when she talk
to my sil chn. She tends to use very crude words on my kids which I reall hate! -
Pinky Piglet:
very true... applies to all MILs i must say...Hi
I always like to quote this in hokkien
女儿是自己的，媳妇是別人的
not that DIL like us are mean... who dun want family harmony??
u know alot of 辛酸 behind this statement?? so much sufferings will the dh understand and pity us?? -
Pinky Piglet:
So what I do now its to keep a distance from mil and try not to tell her so much of my personal stuff or work related issue...
sorry hoh, i dun even initiate to talk to my MIL.. if she ask, i will answer short and sweet ans.. like \"yes\", \"got\", \"not too sure\", \"nv heard of\"....
since nv gonna change any better, dun come n waste my time la...
我看得很开。 -
verykiasumummy:
hi, ya we did...but not working lor...sian...duno wat to do...
grandparents are well known for spoiling grandchildren... just tell them in the face that last time when u sick, u also cant eat this n that.. what makes it different from ur kid?SBKS:
mine is not really inlaw problems but parents problems.
i m sure most of us know how our parents will treat their grandkids and give them what they want. like even when slightly sick like coughing and running nose, still give them to eat durian, cold jelly and sweet, burgers, fastfood.
we tried to talk to them and said no but the old folks will just say aiya nevermind one lah...
anyone got solution for these type of problems?
n hoh, many times, i just make the remark and move off with my kid, leaving them to ponder themselves... pls la... they also know its wrong, just tat they think if given in appropriate amounts, nothing will happen... but who knows? last time ppl die of cancer also dunno why but nowadays screen here n there also problem... nothing serious also say got depression whatever... so i always keep their mouths shut by saying diff generation is diff liao...
cos in the end when the kids fall sick, we are the ones suffering and taking care of them not them.
so seeking advice from here....it's just the grandparents....could it be their mindset is not my DS/DH so not my pasar?
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