Should I have hothoused her?
-
Thanks weather bee,
But now, my DD is independent to walk alone, she charts her own path or course. We don't impose our expectation on DD. We always give her unconditional support and love. To some some kiasuparents, we are MAD .
My concerns rather on our nation or society and not the education system! Many unrealistic parents imposing unrealistic & high expectation on their Children that stress the kids to breaking point. All parents will know their kids capabilities and abilities. If every kid can be rocket scientist, what kind of world it will be? not all kids will go to IP schools.
Even all cats are not the same breed! Cheetah can't be moulded or trained and turned into Lion! I know my little ones' capabilities & abilities and I accept who they are. I don't expect the little siblings to be like their elder sister who is in Raffles. Cause I accept every child is different and I am realistic. My eldest DD can compose poem b4 she is 5years old! Now the little siblings, going to be 7 yrs (2013), has yet to show that kind of potential. Lion will NEVER run as fast as Cheetah or Cheetah can NEver be as strong as Lion, that is a fact of nature!
Hence, I am realistic and accept my little ones for WHO they are and NOT what I expect them to be! :rahrah: -
VALyap:
Just my 2 cents worth.......Thanks weather bee,
But now, my DD is independent to walk alone, she charts her own path or course. We don't impose our expectation on DD. We always give her unconditional support and love. To some some kiasuparents, we are MAD .
My concerns rather on our nation or society and not the education system! Many unrealistic parents imposing unrealistic & high expectation on their Children that stress the kids to breaking point. All parents will know their kids capabilities and abilities. If every kid can be rocket scientist, what kind of world it will be? not all kids will go to IP schools.
Even all cats are not the same breed! Cheetah can't be moulded or trained and turned into Lion! I know my little ones' capabilities & abilities and I accept who they are. I don't expect the little siblings to be like their elder sister who is in Raffles. Cause I accept every child is different and I am realistic. My eldest DD can compose poem b4 she is 5years old! Now the little siblings, going to be 7 yrs (2013), has yet to show that kind of potential. Lion will NEVER run as fast as Cheetah or Cheetah can NEver be as strong as Lion, that is a fact of nature!
Hence, I am realistic and accept my little ones for WHO they are and NOT what I expect them to be! :rahrah:
It is hard to fault parents who invariably have their children interests at heart, even making big sacrifices. It is probably not about wanting to turn their \"cheetahs\" into \"lions\". I think you have heard this from CNN on numerous occasions during bad financial times: \"It is not about the people making the millions; it is about the millions just trying to make it\". The same analogy can be drawn to our competitive education system where it is not about students trying to make it to those few IP/IB schools; it is about the many just trying to make a decent grade to allow them to progress to decent sec schools and catch up or not fall too far behind. Perhaps some students/parents do aim for those few IP/IB schools but not all. Many probably just want to train their \"cheetahs\" to run true so that they will be able to catch their prey and feed themselves when they grow up and live among the \"lions\".
Just like hot-housing and rote learning. It is hard to begrudge parents in adopting some form of hot-housing/rote learning just so that their children don't stray too far off from academics. You are fortunate to have children who willingly follow you to parks etc. But you might just think differently if you have kids who prefer to dye their hair during holidays and just hang out, texting or tweeting all day long. And then there are children who does'nt know that the sun rises from the east and set in the west in P4, and introverts who are too afraid or shy to ask questions and learn or simply cannot do well in oral exams because of who they are.
What works for us may not work that well for others. Many agree that every child is different. Therefore, it follows that different methods and strategies would have to come into play to get the best out of a child. Its about striking the right balance without compromising on kinship. Its about not losing touch of reality at the same time. But when one is at a lost, all these can get thrown out of the window.
Time is changing. It is a cruel world out there. So the sooner our children learn this reality and be independent the better. -
sammifan:
Hi,Dear MMM,
How is your DS' work? I do not believe that everything must come to a standstill all because of a Primary 6 exam. My elder DD swims competitively, and was training 3 times a week right up to PSLE. Her friend was swimming everyday and went on to get 25X.
We know of another girl who has just sat for her PSLE and was also training intensively all the way to PSLE and also went on to get 25X.
But when does SYF end? If it ends by June, just make sure he does consistent work and allow him to continue with his CCA. You will be amazed that his love for his CCA may spur him to want to study hard and well so that he does not miss his practices.
Ds I would say is probably the 30-40 percentile of his school cohort type. At P4, he is getting something like between 75-85 range for all subjects. Boys being boys... ds is a typical boy. Not as discipline and as focus and handwriting is :mad: . During CA2, he missed a page of EL questions thereby costing him 10 marks :mad: I emphasized alot on checking.... I was really fuming... I had to watch him like a hawk.... We felt that there is no knowledge gap on his part but really his internal desire to do his best. Once that is turn on, the rest is history.
But I was quite happy with his P4 SA2 performance where he did 2 subjs in high 70's and 2 subj above 80 and the best part was he would call me right after school to tell me the \"good news\". The pride was there and we know he worked hard and yes, we know his gap and we had to strategize. Eg. we know his science section B sucks but for MCQ he is good. So I told him to try to score full marks for mcq and at least try to pass section B so he can at least get 80. He did that. I really hope he can sustain his SA2 momentum into P5. Though he did not make it to top 2-3 classes (like dd1) but I told him to work hard for top 3 in class. Probably more achievable since the good ones already moved to the same class. If he does that, he will probably felt the pride and more desire to do well in P6.
I actually felt stressed up because I think sec schools will look at P6 mid yr results for DSA too.... With SYF, the training demands are high and there are days where they will be till late that he might have to skip some of the enrichment classes. Also, they might have to leave the class 1-2 periods earlier due to rehearsal, etc... So I wonder how that will affect his PSLE. Actually I think ds performance in P5 will be a good gauge. I heard P5 to P6 jump will not be significantly. So if the child can survive P5, P6 is more predictable. Is that true???
For him, the target very clear. We are aiming for Maris Stella. The COP is 232 and their band is GWH. It's near our place. So it's like the best school for ds as alot of his primary band friends are there too... He love band and if I asked him to drop band... he would be very upset. So yes... i am using band to motivate him to work hard towards a decent PSLE score that allows him to make it to Maris Stella.
Frankly... reading the PSLE posting here about results followed by school choices is really :yikes: me out.... I also saw the disappointment in my sil and bil and feel for them as nephew just sat for PSLE and did 21+. School selection was the next problem. Spoke to bil who said that despite that he prepared for the worst, he was secretly hoping for some miracles. So nevertheless, he was still disappointed. I could fully understand and my heart goes out to them.
I told dh last night... I hope that next year when dd1 sits for PSLE, we are in a good position to make school choices. Hopefully she has a CO by then or her PSLE results allows her to go to her desired school. :xedfingers:
This PSLE thingy is just sooo stressful... -
I had a student who achieved 180 for his Prelim. He managed to get 196 for PSLE.
I was praising her for making the improvement but when the parent saw the result, her face changed and immediately she started scolding the child for not meeting her expectation (which apparently means the child must achieve 23x to be able to enter a certain school).
Is it not enough that the child now managed to achieve a passing grade for all subjects (with 2 subjects getting A and B) when normally he could only manage Ds and Es? -
the point is there is NO one size fits all… knows the limits of the child and just give unconditional support and love. Take the middle path… I have been consistently saying this. As responsible parents, we should know where is the limit and NOT to push to breaking point. Accept our child for WHO & what he/she is and NOT WHAT we want them to be... :grphug: exactly my point, time is changing, we can NOT impose or force upon our children unlike our parents time, if don't study, got caning! Or must study 3 hours regardless of you are sleepy or tired from CCAs…. :xedfingers:
I always inculcate values and bonding, there is a chinese proverb,\" if the base is not straight , the top will not be stable! \" Hence, I took every opportunity and take responsibility of my kids' behavior. Never blame peers influence or school for the kids' (mis)behavior. I lectures my DCs, if you misbehaved, it reflects on your upbringing, this is how others will judge your parents for not teaching you well. We seriously take responsibilities and not blaming others for my DCs reaction or behavior! Having said that, we all had read from newspaper, how the hair-cut boy's mother reacted and behaved!
Even Minister Heng mentioned about it! -
tutor_ng:
I agree with you. The parents must have realistic expectation. If the child has always been getting 180, to get 196 for PSLE is indeed an improvement. The parents cannot expect miracles that the child can suddenly gain 50 points more for PSLE. That is not realistic. Either they have not been in touch with the kids' progress or they don't know how it works???I had a student who achieved 180 for his Prelim. He managed to get 196 for PSLE.
I was praising her for making the improvement but when the parent saw the result, her face changed and immediately she started scolding the child for not meeting her expectation (which apparently means the child must achieve 23x to be able to enter a certain school).
Is it not enough that the child now managed to achieve a passing grade for all subjects (with 2 subjects getting A and B) when normally he could only manage Ds and Es?
While dh felt that it's good so long as kids can get into express, I think otherwise. I felt that we should set target for the kids based on their abilities. Eg. for my P5 dd, I told her that if she can get 240 & above for PSLE, that is very good. Based on her P5, she is around 238 range. We will have to monitor her progress in P6 as well...
Meanwhile for ds, he is only P4 and I really can't tell until he is P5. But with a target school in mind, if he can get 235 I think that is very good for him. Based on the abilities, we cannot expect 250, 260 or even 270... To tell the child that... the child will just ignore you. I still believe in realistic target with alittle stretch. But those unrealistic ones... throw them out of the window. Just imagine... our boss give us a unrealistic target, we will not work hard towards it because we know it's unrealistic... why waste your time.... -
MMM:
I agree with you. The parents must have realistic expectation. If the child has always been getting 180, to get 196 for PSLE is indeed an improvement. The parents cannot expect miracles that the child can suddenly gain 50 points more for PSLE. That is not realistic. Either they have not been in touch with the kids' progress or they don't know how it works???tutor_ng:
I had a student who achieved 180 for his Prelim. He managed to get 196 for PSLE.
I was praising her for making the improvement but when the parent saw the result, her face changed and immediately she started scolding the child for not meeting her expectation (which apparently means the child must achieve 23x to be able to enter a certain school).
Is it not enough that the child now managed to achieve a passing grade for all subjects (with 2 subjects getting A and B) when normally he could only manage Ds and Es?
While dh felt that it's good so long as kids can get into express, I think otherwise. I felt that we should set target for the kids based on their abilities. Eg. for my P5 dd, I told her that if she can get 240 & above for PSLE, that is very good. Based on her P5, she is around 238 range. We will have to monitor her progress in P6 as well...
Meanwhile for ds, he is only P4 and I really can't tell until he is P5. But with a target school in mind, if he can get 235 I think that is very good for him. Based on the abilities, we cannot expect 250, 260 or even 270... To tell the child that... the child will just ignore you. I still believe in realistic target with alittle stretch. But those unrealistic ones... throw them out of the window. Just imagine... our boss give us a unrealistic target, we will not work hard towards it because we know it's unrealistic... why waste your time....
Well said. in management we use the SMART!
S= Specific
M= Measurable
A= Achieveable
R= Realistic
T= Target Time line
When I was in MNC before becoming SAHM, my boss wanted me to Triple the business in less 2.5 years. to grow the biz from $500m to $1.5bil. I told him to go do it himself and take a hike! Hence, since then, I am now very happy to be SAHM! -
MMM:
I'm a little extreme then. I opt my dd out of CCA totallyFor CCA... dilemma dilemma... ds will be having SYF during his PSLE years (2014).... I wonder how this will affect him. He love his CCA and we are using that for DSA so he would be upset to quit but I really wonder how is he going to manage with SYF demands... Eg. he has SYF this year and clash with some of the enrichment classes, results suffered alittle during term 2. Fortunately pick up by term 4. But PSLE is Oct....
She's already staying back in school twice to thrice a week. Compulsory.
With CCA, she would practically stay back in school the entire week! Insufficient rest time and I think may result in additional stress if she needs to rush to complete homework and projects due to lack of time.
Even her music persual was put on hold. Due to my oversight, she couldn't sit for grade 6 or 7 practical next year because I did not sign her up for grade 5 theory exam this year :stupid: Even if she go for theory exam next year, the earliest date she can sit for her grade 7 or 8 practical will be in P6 year which I think most parents would try to avoid. So I told her might as well take it slow now, no need to prep for grade 7 or 8 practical since I do not want her to divide her precious rest time further between psle prep and abrsm prep. Just play at leisure.
Possibly not a wise decision though. As I heard DSA prefers students who are all rounders. Without CCA or music certificate as proof, chances may be affected? Can't help then, because I'm really concerned about insufficient rest time. Bedtime at 9pm is not negotiable. -
My daughter performed below her expectation. I asked her if she would have preferred that I did what her friends’ mums did i.e. limit her leisure hours and activities, no phone calls, sms, lots of assessments and exam papers to practise. She said no but actually hesitated…
I do wonder if I should be more of a tiger mum especially when I know she can actually achieve. She’s like running at 85% of her ‘academic potential’. Right up to her PSLE, she would spend time on a blogshop she set up to sell her handicraft and also on making the little handicraft items. She had no tuition. She was naturally achieving top 10 in her class which was the top class in her school. I didn’t think I needed to do a lot with her for the PSLE.
What made me a bit more unsettled are comments and questions from her classmates’ mums (the proud ones who tagged along the class gathering to compare and boast). Their daughters had always been behind her but they did way better than she did in the PSLE. She was also a bit unsettled to be asked if she was disappointed and what school was she going to apply for. Some adults have no EQ.
I believe things happen for a reason. Just need a bit of airing of my thoughts. Sigh. -
mum-s:
I would be very proud to have a child like yours. When my daughter received her PSLE results 4 years ago, she actually cried in the school hall 'cos she knew she'd performed below her expectations & knew she could have done better. She's just average in her cohort. Seeing how she reacted, I put my arms around her & told her, that I trust she'd given her 100% already. That's all I want from her, in giving 100% in everything she does, nothing more. She's very talented in music, especially in both piano & double-bass. Her other subjects are still average in her cohort, with a couple of subjects barely passing. I have no worries, & still encourage her to excel in music, giving 100% at all times, 'cos is her dream to be good at music.My daughter performed below her expectation. I asked her if she would have preferred that I did what her friends' mums did i.e. limit her leisure hours and activities, no phone calls, sms, lots of assessments and exam papers to practise. She said no but actually hesitated...
I do wonder if I should be more of a tiger mum especially when I know she can actually achieve. She's like running at 85% of her 'academic potential'. Right up to her PSLE, she would spend time on a blogshop she set up to sell her handicraft and also on making the little handicraft items. She had no tuition. She was naturally achieving top 10 in her class which was the top class in her school. I didn't think I needed to do a lot with her for the PSLE.
What made me a bit more unsettled are comments and questions from her classmates' mums (the proud ones who tagged along the class gathering to compare and boast). Their daughters had always been behind her but they did way better than she did in the PSLE. She was also a bit unsettled to be asked if she was disappointed and what school was she going to apply for. Some adults have no EQ.
I believe things happen for a reason. Just need a bit of airing of my thoughts. Sigh.
Your daughter, at such a young age, is already so entrepreneur, which is nothing bad, actually, better than falling astray outside. So the more you should support & encourage her in what she is interested in doing currently, at the same time encourage her to manage her time properly to balance her school work at the same time. Adam Khoo & many successful entrepreneur didn't have a good academic history, yet their success is due to passion in what they are doing, & giving 100% in whatever they are passionate in doing.
In this complex world nowadays, even scholars with good academic achievements & high profile career positions also fall in grace ultimately. What matters most is...attitude. With good & correct attitude, nothing else matters. Survival will not be an issue. If my daughter improves by 0.5 marks for any subject for each & every semester, I congratulate her 'cos it shows she's determined to improve at all times, consistently. The marks itself does not matter. In western countries, students would be happy to just pass in their subjects. Ultimately, Asians students who top score in their schools still report to these \"just pass\" CEOs & CFOs in MNCs. Life is not just marks & nothing else but marks...is the process of getting the marks that matters.
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