Should I have hothoused her?
-
I had a student who achieved 180 for his Prelim. He managed to get 196 for PSLE.
I was praising her for making the improvement but when the parent saw the result, her face changed and immediately she started scolding the child for not meeting her expectation (which apparently means the child must achieve 23x to be able to enter a certain school).
Is it not enough that the child now managed to achieve a passing grade for all subjects (with 2 subjects getting A and B) when normally he could only manage Ds and Es? -
the point is there is NO one size fits all… knows the limits of the child and just give unconditional support and love. Take the middle path… I have been consistently saying this. As responsible parents, we should know where is the limit and NOT to push to breaking point. Accept our child for WHO & what he/she is and NOT WHAT we want them to be... :grphug: exactly my point, time is changing, we can NOT impose or force upon our children unlike our parents time, if don't study, got caning! Or must study 3 hours regardless of you are sleepy or tired from CCAs…. :xedfingers:
I always inculcate values and bonding, there is a chinese proverb,\" if the base is not straight , the top will not be stable! \" Hence, I took every opportunity and take responsibility of my kids' behavior. Never blame peers influence or school for the kids' (mis)behavior. I lectures my DCs, if you misbehaved, it reflects on your upbringing, this is how others will judge your parents for not teaching you well. We seriously take responsibilities and not blaming others for my DCs reaction or behavior! Having said that, we all had read from newspaper, how the hair-cut boy's mother reacted and behaved!
Even Minister Heng mentioned about it! -
tutor_ng:
I agree with you. The parents must have realistic expectation. If the child has always been getting 180, to get 196 for PSLE is indeed an improvement. The parents cannot expect miracles that the child can suddenly gain 50 points more for PSLE. That is not realistic. Either they have not been in touch with the kids' progress or they don't know how it works???I had a student who achieved 180 for his Prelim. He managed to get 196 for PSLE.
I was praising her for making the improvement but when the parent saw the result, her face changed and immediately she started scolding the child for not meeting her expectation (which apparently means the child must achieve 23x to be able to enter a certain school).
Is it not enough that the child now managed to achieve a passing grade for all subjects (with 2 subjects getting A and B) when normally he could only manage Ds and Es?
While dh felt that it's good so long as kids can get into express, I think otherwise. I felt that we should set target for the kids based on their abilities. Eg. for my P5 dd, I told her that if she can get 240 & above for PSLE, that is very good. Based on her P5, she is around 238 range. We will have to monitor her progress in P6 as well...
Meanwhile for ds, he is only P4 and I really can't tell until he is P5. But with a target school in mind, if he can get 235 I think that is very good for him. Based on the abilities, we cannot expect 250, 260 or even 270... To tell the child that... the child will just ignore you. I still believe in realistic target with alittle stretch. But those unrealistic ones... throw them out of the window. Just imagine... our boss give us a unrealistic target, we will not work hard towards it because we know it's unrealistic... why waste your time.... -
MMM:
I agree with you. The parents must have realistic expectation. If the child has always been getting 180, to get 196 for PSLE is indeed an improvement. The parents cannot expect miracles that the child can suddenly gain 50 points more for PSLE. That is not realistic. Either they have not been in touch with the kids' progress or they don't know how it works???tutor_ng:
I had a student who achieved 180 for his Prelim. He managed to get 196 for PSLE.
I was praising her for making the improvement but when the parent saw the result, her face changed and immediately she started scolding the child for not meeting her expectation (which apparently means the child must achieve 23x to be able to enter a certain school).
Is it not enough that the child now managed to achieve a passing grade for all subjects (with 2 subjects getting A and B) when normally he could only manage Ds and Es?
While dh felt that it's good so long as kids can get into express, I think otherwise. I felt that we should set target for the kids based on their abilities. Eg. for my P5 dd, I told her that if she can get 240 & above for PSLE, that is very good. Based on her P5, she is around 238 range. We will have to monitor her progress in P6 as well...
Meanwhile for ds, he is only P4 and I really can't tell until he is P5. But with a target school in mind, if he can get 235 I think that is very good for him. Based on the abilities, we cannot expect 250, 260 or even 270... To tell the child that... the child will just ignore you. I still believe in realistic target with alittle stretch. But those unrealistic ones... throw them out of the window. Just imagine... our boss give us a unrealistic target, we will not work hard towards it because we know it's unrealistic... why waste your time....
Well said. in management we use the SMART!
S= Specific
M= Measurable
A= Achieveable
R= Realistic
T= Target Time line
When I was in MNC before becoming SAHM, my boss wanted me to Triple the business in less 2.5 years. to grow the biz from $500m to $1.5bil. I told him to go do it himself and take a hike! Hence, since then, I am now very happy to be SAHM! -
MMM:
I'm a little extreme then. I opt my dd out of CCA totallyFor CCA... dilemma dilemma... ds will be having SYF during his PSLE years (2014).... I wonder how this will affect him. He love his CCA and we are using that for DSA so he would be upset to quit but I really wonder how is he going to manage with SYF demands... Eg. he has SYF this year and clash with some of the enrichment classes, results suffered alittle during term 2. Fortunately pick up by term 4. But PSLE is Oct....
She's already staying back in school twice to thrice a week. Compulsory.
With CCA, she would practically stay back in school the entire week! Insufficient rest time and I think may result in additional stress if she needs to rush to complete homework and projects due to lack of time.
Even her music persual was put on hold. Due to my oversight, she couldn't sit for grade 6 or 7 practical next year because I did not sign her up for grade 5 theory exam this year :stupid: Even if she go for theory exam next year, the earliest date she can sit for her grade 7 or 8 practical will be in P6 year which I think most parents would try to avoid. So I told her might as well take it slow now, no need to prep for grade 7 or 8 practical since I do not want her to divide her precious rest time further between psle prep and abrsm prep. Just play at leisure.
Possibly not a wise decision though. As I heard DSA prefers students who are all rounders. Without CCA or music certificate as proof, chances may be affected? Can't help then, because I'm really concerned about insufficient rest time. Bedtime at 9pm is not negotiable. -
My daughter performed below her expectation. I asked her if she would have preferred that I did what her friends’ mums did i.e. limit her leisure hours and activities, no phone calls, sms, lots of assessments and exam papers to practise. She said no but actually hesitated…
I do wonder if I should be more of a tiger mum especially when I know she can actually achieve. She’s like running at 85% of her ‘academic potential’. Right up to her PSLE, she would spend time on a blogshop she set up to sell her handicraft and also on making the little handicraft items. She had no tuition. She was naturally achieving top 10 in her class which was the top class in her school. I didn’t think I needed to do a lot with her for the PSLE.
What made me a bit more unsettled are comments and questions from her classmates’ mums (the proud ones who tagged along the class gathering to compare and boast). Their daughters had always been behind her but they did way better than she did in the PSLE. She was also a bit unsettled to be asked if she was disappointed and what school was she going to apply for. Some adults have no EQ.
I believe things happen for a reason. Just need a bit of airing of my thoughts. Sigh. -
mum-s:
I would be very proud to have a child like yours. When my daughter received her PSLE results 4 years ago, she actually cried in the school hall 'cos she knew she'd performed below her expectations & knew she could have done better. She's just average in her cohort. Seeing how she reacted, I put my arms around her & told her, that I trust she'd given her 100% already. That's all I want from her, in giving 100% in everything she does, nothing more. She's very talented in music, especially in both piano & double-bass. Her other subjects are still average in her cohort, with a couple of subjects barely passing. I have no worries, & still encourage her to excel in music, giving 100% at all times, 'cos is her dream to be good at music.My daughter performed below her expectation. I asked her if she would have preferred that I did what her friends' mums did i.e. limit her leisure hours and activities, no phone calls, sms, lots of assessments and exam papers to practise. She said no but actually hesitated...
I do wonder if I should be more of a tiger mum especially when I know she can actually achieve. She's like running at 85% of her 'academic potential'. Right up to her PSLE, she would spend time on a blogshop she set up to sell her handicraft and also on making the little handicraft items. She had no tuition. She was naturally achieving top 10 in her class which was the top class in her school. I didn't think I needed to do a lot with her for the PSLE.
What made me a bit more unsettled are comments and questions from her classmates' mums (the proud ones who tagged along the class gathering to compare and boast). Their daughters had always been behind her but they did way better than she did in the PSLE. She was also a bit unsettled to be asked if she was disappointed and what school was she going to apply for. Some adults have no EQ.
I believe things happen for a reason. Just need a bit of airing of my thoughts. Sigh.
Your daughter, at such a young age, is already so entrepreneur, which is nothing bad, actually, better than falling astray outside. So the more you should support & encourage her in what she is interested in doing currently, at the same time encourage her to manage her time properly to balance her school work at the same time. Adam Khoo & many successful entrepreneur didn't have a good academic history, yet their success is due to passion in what they are doing, & giving 100% in whatever they are passionate in doing.
In this complex world nowadays, even scholars with good academic achievements & high profile career positions also fall in grace ultimately. What matters most is...attitude. With good & correct attitude, nothing else matters. Survival will not be an issue. If my daughter improves by 0.5 marks for any subject for each & every semester, I congratulate her 'cos it shows she's determined to improve at all times, consistently. The marks itself does not matter. In western countries, students would be happy to just pass in their subjects. Ultimately, Asians students who top score in their schools still report to these \"just pass\" CEOs & CFOs in MNCs. Life is not just marks & nothing else but marks...is the process of getting the marks that matters. -
I hothoused my son this year…it is considered late but no choice.
All 4 subjects were outsourced…and I monitored his mental wellness throughout to ensure he is not burnt out or near that level especially nearing PSLE.
He didn’t get 21X or 22X…I believe his best subject Science was pulled down by Math (his weak subject). As for English, it was his tutor who pulled him up or he would have failed. He was so weak in his comprehension and oral.
Naturally I would have wished for As but for my son who doesn’t know how to handle the big ticket components, getting that B is indeed an achievement and I am grateful and satisfied. Now that he understands what English is, he must work harder next year.
Times have changed, PSLE is much much harder than our time. We have to understand our children’s abilities and only we parents know that and must accept.
I have a cane…but that is used for discipline or rather the lack of it. It is not for show…I have caned him…but son knows why he is punished. -
mum-s, I think you have a wonderful daughter who has lots of potential - potential to later in life find a job that she loves, potential to excel and potential to be truly happy. At this young age, she is already so entrepreneurial. Without tuition, she is still within the top 10 of her school - this is no easy feat in the Singapore of today.
I think the problem of our education system is that it is making everyone chase for that last t-score point and making people who do not make that last t-score point feel all regretful. Is it meaningful? I looked at the girls in my dd’s cohort who scored within her 10-point score band. They are usually about the same standard in school, taking turns to top a certain subject at different CAs/SAs. Naturally at the PSLE, as with any other test/exam in school, some of them would be at the higher end of the 10-point spectrum while others would be at the lower end. Unfortunately for those at the lower end at this all-important exam (fortunately for those at the higher end), if their t-score falls just short of the cutoff point of their desired school (usually defined as the school with the highest COP of the country) and their peers scored just above that COP, the former seemingly are inferior to the latter.
Dr Lee Wei Ling wrote an article last week about this, in which she proposed a posting to sec schools using a banding system. E.g. students scoring, say, 250 and above get to go to School Cluster X, students scoring 230-250 go to School Cluster Y, etc (just my own numerical example for illustration, not Dr Lee’s). I think this is a good system. It will reduce the need to chase that last t-score point and allay the stress to parents and students. Students will then have the space to pursue their other interests without having to mug so intensively.
Of course, it will not be easy to implement this, eg for one particular band,do we ballot for places in schools which will still be hotly contested for? Do we use distance from schools as the parameter (property prices will be affected and equity issues will surface)? The top schools may protest if they do not take in the very top students, as it may "dilute" their culture and do injustice to their tradition. But I think if we were to really move towards the principle of "all schools are good schools", if we believe that this is best for our society, then we should make this change and iron out the implementation difficulties. -
A very interesting thread. Just a quick summary of 2 different schools of thoughts :
School 1
1. Hot housing will cause kid to lose childhood and affect bonding with parents.
2. Computer game/time is ok - it is part of childhood.
3. It is ok to go to 2nd choice school. Child will top the class, feel good and excel.
4. Every child has different ability & attitude. We cannot train cheetah to be lion. Parents should have realistic expectation.
5. Study is about consistent work - no last minute prep.
School 2
1. Hot housing is ok but parent must accompany children. Outsourcing to tuition centre is no no.
2. There is more than enough time for many activities. It is a matter of time management.
In this year's PSLE, there is an autistic/hyperactive?? child who got 273, who can concentrate only for 1 hour. I know an autistic child whose parents managed to \"trained\" him to go to normal school and finally to poly. It is really heartbreaking when the SAHM related all the repetitions, reminders, patience she had to go through just to make her child as normal as possible. Now we have another one who got 273 with only 1 hour of attention span. If we find out how much effort his parents have to put in, we will know that our children can also get 270 if only we have put in half the effort put in by that parents. It is not about tuition, hothousing, ... It is about discipline, motivation, time management, reward, punishment... A balancing act that must be re-calibrated continuously depending on the situation.
PS
Just to share the effect of going to the 2nd best school. They will do well and eventually join the top IP JC. However, IP kids in the top JC may not particularly enjoy the company of top O level kids. You will be surprised to hear comments like this on the top O level kids from the IP kids:
\"They talk like they know a lot but keep asking stupid questions. Really wasting time.\" Sound snobbish. No, those are spoken in private, a sincere and candid answer between a parent and IP kid on why they don't mix well with their new O level classmates.
The IP kids are surrounded by top brain since Sec 1 and they know where they are academically. They dare not boast of their ability because they know that there are many who are much better than them..
The top O level kid is the star of his school. However, comparing him with the IP kids, he is just average. He wouldn't realise it and continue to talk in the same way when he joined the top IP school. To his new classmates he may sound boastful.
Just to just a social issue of joining top IP from O level.
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