Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave?
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Like to share an article about \"to cane or not to cane\" with fellow parents for reference.
http://www.asiaone.com/News/Education/Story/A1Story20090113-114279.html -
just to share, though i don’t have daughters, but i have 2 sons with one of them being a toddler. my toddler sometimes can be quite challenging and testing all the boundaries.
Previously i had been the bad papa shouting and being authoritian in words, body language and action. It is only when he said he don’t want me and preferred others, i felt bitter and sad and started to reflect on my own action. I begun thinking how can i achieve a win win situation rather than using my old way. The message i gotten is i need to respect this little adult.
now i believe in reasoning rather than using the rod. Reasoning does not always meant talking about the "correct" thing but thing that they can understand at their level especially when their reasoning power and knowledge is low. And must be FIRM. Yes, sometimes, my child can be challenging and pushing all my hot buttons that i can explode. But i try to see from his point of view and tried to educate him patiently. sometimes, he understand but sometimes no, sometimes, he remembered, but sometimes, he need a lot of reminders, but nevertheless the rod is the most remote thing i had thought. when i were small, i also being caned before and hence grudges is grown instead of love.
I would not proclaim i had succeeded (am still trying v hard) as my children are still very small and yes, they will keep testing my hot buttons. -
I happened to be on the bus the other day. Two young boys came on with someone who seemed like their nanny I suppose. The boys were misbehaving throughout the whole journey. One was hitting the other. The boys were screeching and standing on the chairs - in a pretty packed bus. The nanny just told them in a very weak manner to stop (I presume that was what she said, because she spoke in what I think was Malay) but didn’t really do much about it and the boys continued on and even kicked this lady who was sitting beside them. At that point an elderly lady just told the boys to stop and behave. They did, but with a cheeky look on their face - you just knew that that was not the end of it.
My point is - discipline is needed. As someone once said spare the rod, spoil the child. I do not believe in caning. I don’t intend to cane my kids. Some people say it is because I was raised in the West. It is not true, my dad was a proponent of belt-using. But I do believe that discipline is needed. And a quick spurt of discipline with a cane (or belt) will never replace the patient teaching of a parent. -
joyceharper:
so are you saying that those who cane has no patience?I happened to be on the bus the other day. Two young boys came on with someone who seemed like their nanny I suppose. The boys were misbehaving throughout the whole journey. One was hitting the other. The boys were screeching and standing on the chairs - in a pretty packed bus. The nanny just told them in a very weak manner to stop (I presume that was what she said, because she spoke in what I think was Malay) but didn't really do much about it and the boys continued on and even kicked this lady who was sitting beside them. At that point an elderly lady just told the boys to stop and behave. They did, but with a cheeky look on their face - you just knew that that was not the end of it.
My point is - discipline is needed. As someone once said spare the rod, spoil the child. I do not believe in caning. I don't intend to cane my kids. Some people say it is because I was raised in the West. It is not true, my dad was a proponent of belt-using. But I do believe that discipline is needed. And a quick spurt of discipline with a cane (or belt) will never replace the patient teaching of a parent.
not challenging but trying to clarify.
I admit that I am an impatient person. thus i cane? not sure if that's the case. -
Yes, I do spank my kids when they were younger.
A few years’ ago, I was with my girlfriend walking along a shopping strip somewhere in Europe. For some reason, her son decided to test her patience that day. She tried everything to get him to cooperate. Finally after a few warnings, she gave him 2 smacks on his bum. He was in training pants so not much physical damage done.
Two well dressed middle aged ladies came up to us and gave my friend a good scolding. We got a good verbal abuse witnessed by a small group of passerbys. Quite a lot of mental damage was inflicted on us that day.
Happy Mother’s Day! -
Mawar:
oh then did the 2 middle aged ladies give suggestions to how to discipline or just scold?Yes, I do spank my kids when they were younger.
A few years' ago, I was with my girlfriend walking along a shopping strip somewhere in Europe. For some reason, her son decided to test her patience that day. She tried everything to get him to cooperate. Finally after a few warnings, she gave him 2 smacks on his bum. He was in training pants so not much physical damage done.
Two well dressed middle aged ladies came up to us and gave my friend a good scolding. We got a good verbal abuse witnessed by a small group of passerbys. Quite a lot of mental damage was inflicted on us that day.
Happy Mother's Day!
when talk to nicely and they just dont listen. then what should they do? -
I do not believe in caning my chikd though I grew up being caned. I use my hand to smack instead.
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SBKS:
it did happen to me when i tried to talk \"sense\" in my child like telling how important to brush teeth but if after all the persuasion, he don't listen, then i reverse my approach, i told him \"ok, you don't want is it, fine, i would not be brushing for you, will let your teeth rot and fall\"..and it seem to work as he realize he is missing something important and ok to comply...:D
oh then did the 2 middle aged ladies give suggestions to how to discipline or just scold?Mawar:
Yes, I do spank my kids when they were younger.
A few years' ago, I was with my girlfriend walking along a shopping strip somewhere in Europe. For some reason, her son decided to test her patience that day. She tried everything to get him to cooperate. Finally after a few warnings, she gave him 2 smacks on his bum. He was in training pants so not much physical damage done.
Two well dressed middle aged ladies came up to us and gave my friend a good scolding. We got a good verbal abuse witnessed by a small group of passerbys. Quite a lot of mental damage was inflicted on us that day.
Happy Mother's Day!
when talk to nicely and they just dont listen. then what should they do?
then it came to an insight to me that the more we care about them, the more they take us for granted..:P so sometime, have to reverse approach so that
1) it takes the pressure off them to comply 2) time for them to think 3) less stressful for us too. -
lchunleo:
it did happen to me when i tried to talk \"sense\" in my child like telling how important to brush teeth but if after all the persuasion, he don't listen, then i reverse my approach, i told him \"ok, you don't want is it, fine, i would not be brushing for you, will let your teeth rot and fall\"..and it seem to work as he realize he is missing something important and ok to comply...:D
oh then did the 2 middle aged ladies give suggestions to how to discipline or just scold?SBKS:
[quote=\"Mawar\"]Yes, I do spank my kids when they were younger.
A few years' ago, I was with my girlfriend walking along a shopping strip somewhere in Europe. For some reason, her son decided to test her patience that day. She tried everything to get him to cooperate. Finally after a few warnings, she gave him 2 smacks on his bum. He was in training pants so not much physical damage done.
Two well dressed middle aged ladies came up to us and gave my friend a good scolding. We got a good verbal abuse witnessed by a small group of passerbys. Quite a lot of mental damage was inflicted on us that day.
Happy Mother's Day!
when talk to nicely and they just dont listen. then what should they do?
then it came to an insight to me that the more we care about them, the more they take us for granted..:P so sometime, have to reverse approach so that
1) it takes the pressure off them to comply 2) time for them to think 3) less stressful for us too.[/quote]
i did and its in my arsenel of weapons. I teach them this way, they dun listen so i tell them the consequences. but they still dun listen. 1 time i let them pass. 2nd time comes and they still do that, i met out punishment. could be caning or privilege taken away. -
i also smack my gal.
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