Club Only Child Club

[anneffendi]

My son is 4yrs old.

We are still planning for a second one but think is not the "time" yet.

1) Pressure from relatives especially at festive seasons. Queries come in on how come we only have one kid.
So far no issues… If ppl ask, say no luck yet or god willing there will be another one .

2) Feelings of inferiority on why we couldn’t ‘complete’ the family and have no 2?
nope.there are people with years of marriage but no child yet,so we are still lucky.

3) Child constantly asking for sibling.
Never, in fact he said don’t want hehehe

4) Child very clingy because there is no one else to entertain her.
Don’t have that problem.
He’s quite an independent child and find things to do .Only we come back, he would require "extra" attention.

5) Child less socially apt as she has no one else to interact with.
He goes to school, every wkend or occasions he will meet his cuzzins.Teacher likes him as he’s quite open and talkative within his comfort zone. If surroundings he’s not familiar with, he will be a "good" boy which ppl thought he is really a nice boy.Overall, he’s fine, well-behaved.


6) Child rather selfish as she has no one else to share with.
We teach and practice the meaning of sharing.If other kids take his stuffs/toys, he will just keep quiet.

[Eagle-Ladybird]

IT:

The only difference is ... since mine has no sibling, he may sometimes say 'daddy or mummy, play with me'.

Aiya, no diff. I have 2 kids, they both have said the same to me \"Can daddy play with me, with the sad eyes\" :lol:

[poo_power]

trying for no2 but no news


gave up the idea

as time passes - feel ‘lazy’ to be preggie and go thro the process of looking after a baby again

am in high risk age group - really scared of down syndrome

in hindsight - i think i am very selfish

i enjoy so much bonding with my toddler

cant imagine looking after a toddler and baby all by myself

selfish hor - but i dont wish to compromise on what i can give to baby and toddler

[autumnbronze]

poo_power:

trying for no2 but no news


gave up the idea

as time passes - feel 'lazy' to be preggie and go thro the process of looking after a baby again

am in high risk age group - really scared of down syndrome

in hindsight - i think i am very selfish

i enjoy so much bonding with my toddler

cant imagine looking after a toddler and baby all by myself

selfish hor - but i dont wish to compromise on what i can give to baby and toddler

Hi poo_power,

Could you please introduce yourself over the the Newbies thread so that we can get to know you a little better

[markfch]

Hi kaitlynangelica,


I think you hit the bull’s eye with this topic.

On your first 2 pts, I feel that while we should respect what others especially family members say, we should also be strong enough not to be unduely influenced. Off hand, the main issues I can see are:

Pros of single child
a) Can have everything including attention, no need to share.
b) No risk of unfair treatment from parents.

Cons of single child
a) No one to confine, share problems/joy etc.
b) Can be lonely at times.
c) Financial burden of supporting both parents singlehandedly in their old age.

What I’m trying to say is that we need to recognise the issues a single child face and see what we can do to resolve or at least alleviate the situation.

[Bronzy]

Hello All,

Just discovered this thread - am discovering new things on Kiasu.com every day!

Can empathise with kaitlynangelica. Have one girl too and am already in forties so another one is out of the question. Tried for many years - even for the first one. Feel blessed to have at least one but would be dishonest to say that I don’t envy others who are able to have more kids so easily. Go thru the ‘Why us?’ depression every so often. Esp when my dd starts grilling me on why she doesn’t have a sibling. Or when she prays and asks god to give her a sister. Makes me feel as though I have short changed her.

Agree with markfch’s list of pros and cons. Am especially concerned with con and worry who will be there for her when we are not around. Have (and still am) considering adoption but not sure how to go about it. More importantly, not sure whether I can love another child as much as I do my ds.

Anyone here who has adopted and willing to share experiences?

[autumnbronze]

Bronzy:

Hello All,



Anyone here who has adopted and willing to share experiences?

Hi Bronzy, you may want to check out this thread:

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=6195&highlight=adoption

[Bronzy]

autumnbronze:

Bronzy:

Hello All,



Anyone here who has adopted and willing to share experiences?

Hi Bronzy, you may want to check out this thread:

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=6195&highlight=adoption

Thanks Autumnbronze! Is there any topic not covered in kiasuparents.com?!

[corneyAmber]

Bronzy:

Thanks Autumnbronze! Is there any topic not covered in kiasuparents.com?!

Virtually none.

[kaitlynangelica]

Geez…its nice to know that I am not the only one with one child and facing such issues. Maybe we should start a support group for ppl like us.


Markfch,

While I stressed that it was pressurising to face queries all the time from the old folks, deep down inside, I jolly well know that the pressures is from myself. Honesetly, nobody could force me to have another one if I didn’t want so. I am not so ‘wei da’ and will not do so for anyone, not even dd. I am feeling this way only because I myself want to feel more complete, by having another child. Not sure if you know what I mean.

Thanks folks, for all your input. But after mulling for a year since my 2nd miscarriage, I have come to accept it a lot better. I am still trying but will accept it if I can’t have another. And I keep on stressing to myself over and over that we are already blessed to have one! We are only feeling this way because we are parents and are surrounded by other parents. Frankly, there are a lot of people out there who can’t even have one. It’s just that we don’t come into contact with them because they won’t come and hang around us.

Also, since dd has gone to p1, a lot of the issues that I worried about have cleared up. She is much more mature and sociable.

Life is too short to dwell on things that we can’t change and we should just treasure whatever we have. Of course, all this is easier said than done. I do get depressive moods and keep on asking why me why me? Get really upset when I read the blogs of mothers who have many kids like 3 or more and they could be expecting another. Sometimes, I can’t help but feel that these people are insensitive. Not everyone is blessed to be able to have so many.

No offense but to pp like skunk who keep on harping and harping on the need to have many kids, it makes my blood boil because these people do not know the pain of either not being able to conceive or having miscarriages. Its sad when u go out and u see your family of 3 versus family of 6.

Recently, I read on another forum, about a mother with 5 kids. At first glance, it seems very very ‘xing fu’. However, when I delved deeper, I realised that she has 2 special needs children, one with ADHD and another is autistic. She has also had to deal with issues like disappointment with another child of hers who did not do well acaedemically. that kind of put things in perspective. Thats not what I can handle or what I would like to go through. so better to thank god for blessing me with one healthy child!