Club Only Child Club

[markfch]

Hi kaitlynangelica,


I think you hit the bull’s eye with this topic.

On your first 2 pts, I feel that while we should respect what others especially family members say, we should also be strong enough not to be unduely influenced. Off hand, the main issues I can see are:

Pros of single child
a) Can have everything including attention, no need to share.
b) No risk of unfair treatment from parents.

Cons of single child
a) No one to confine, share problems/joy etc.
b) Can be lonely at times.
c) Financial burden of supporting both parents singlehandedly in their old age.

What I’m trying to say is that we need to recognise the issues a single child face and see what we can do to resolve or at least alleviate the situation.

[Bronzy]

Hello All,

Just discovered this thread - am discovering new things on Kiasu.com every day!

Can empathise with kaitlynangelica. Have one girl too and am already in forties so another one is out of the question. Tried for many years - even for the first one. Feel blessed to have at least one but would be dishonest to say that I don’t envy others who are able to have more kids so easily. Go thru the ‘Why us?’ depression every so often. Esp when my dd starts grilling me on why she doesn’t have a sibling. Or when she prays and asks god to give her a sister. Makes me feel as though I have short changed her.

Agree with markfch’s list of pros and cons. Am especially concerned with con and worry who will be there for her when we are not around. Have (and still am) considering adoption but not sure how to go about it. More importantly, not sure whether I can love another child as much as I do my ds.

Anyone here who has adopted and willing to share experiences?

[autumnbronze]

Bronzy:

Hello All,



Anyone here who has adopted and willing to share experiences?

Hi Bronzy, you may want to check out this thread:

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=6195&highlight=adoption

[Bronzy]

autumnbronze:

Bronzy:

Hello All,



Anyone here who has adopted and willing to share experiences?

Hi Bronzy, you may want to check out this thread:

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=6195&highlight=adoption

Thanks Autumnbronze! Is there any topic not covered in kiasuparents.com?!

[corneyAmber]

Bronzy:

Thanks Autumnbronze! Is there any topic not covered in kiasuparents.com?!

Virtually none.

[kaitlynangelica]

Geez…its nice to know that I am not the only one with one child and facing such issues. Maybe we should start a support group for ppl like us.


Markfch,

While I stressed that it was pressurising to face queries all the time from the old folks, deep down inside, I jolly well know that the pressures is from myself. Honesetly, nobody could force me to have another one if I didn’t want so. I am not so ‘wei da’ and will not do so for anyone, not even dd. I am feeling this way only because I myself want to feel more complete, by having another child. Not sure if you know what I mean.

Thanks folks, for all your input. But after mulling for a year since my 2nd miscarriage, I have come to accept it a lot better. I am still trying but will accept it if I can’t have another. And I keep on stressing to myself over and over that we are already blessed to have one! We are only feeling this way because we are parents and are surrounded by other parents. Frankly, there are a lot of people out there who can’t even have one. It’s just that we don’t come into contact with them because they won’t come and hang around us.

Also, since dd has gone to p1, a lot of the issues that I worried about have cleared up. She is much more mature and sociable.

Life is too short to dwell on things that we can’t change and we should just treasure whatever we have. Of course, all this is easier said than done. I do get depressive moods and keep on asking why me why me? Get really upset when I read the blogs of mothers who have many kids like 3 or more and they could be expecting another. Sometimes, I can’t help but feel that these people are insensitive. Not everyone is blessed to be able to have so many.

No offense but to pp like skunk who keep on harping and harping on the need to have many kids, it makes my blood boil because these people do not know the pain of either not being able to conceive or having miscarriages. Its sad when u go out and u see your family of 3 versus family of 6.

Recently, I read on another forum, about a mother with 5 kids. At first glance, it seems very very ‘xing fu’. However, when I delved deeper, I realised that she has 2 special needs children, one with ADHD and another is autistic. She has also had to deal with issues like disappointment with another child of hers who did not do well acaedemically. that kind of put things in perspective. Thats not what I can handle or what I would like to go through. so better to thank god for blessing me with one healthy child!

[autumnbronze]

kaitlynangelica:

I am feeling this way only because I myself want to feel more complete, by having another child. Not sure if you know what I mean.

But after mulling for a year since my 2nd miscarriage, I have come to accept it a lot better. I am still trying but will accept it if I can't have another. And I keep on stressing to myself over and over that we are already blessed to have one! We are only feeling this way because we are parents and are surrounded by other parents. Frankly, there are a lot of people out there who can't even have one. It's just that we don't come into contact with them because they won't come and hang around us.

Hi kaitlynangelica ,

Also ard same age as you

I know your reply is meant for someone else, but want to let you know that you are definitely not alone. I too have had miscarriages aft miscarriages. Finally got a DS and am trying, yet again aft another 2 failures. Will keep on until cannot lah

Just take one step at a time, and continue to keep counting on our blessings

[kaitlynangelica]

autumnbronze:

Hi kaitlynangelica ,


Also ard same age as you

I know your reply is meant for someone else, but want to let you know that you are definitely not alone. I too have had miscarriages aft miscarriages. Finally got a DS and am trying, yet again aft another 2 failures. Will keep on until cannot lah

Just take one step at a time, and continue to keep counting on our blessings

thanks autumn bronze for your encouragement. Ya......lets keep on counting our blessing and not push for something not meant to be. I know of someone who tried so hard that she had 12 miscarriages! her daugher is already 18.

[tinkerbell]

hello kaitlynangelica,


yes i do totally agree with you !
These stress are what we impose on ourselves and if you want to be happy, nobody can stop you

I had a miscarriage 3 years back too and i did feel horrible then, the loss and everything. Even now when i look back i wld think, my 2nd child wld hv been 2yrs plus this year
And my DD wld make a very good elder sister.

There's a lot of \"what ifs\" when you only hv one child and those with more will never understand why we wld be so selfish in not wanting more.
I hv alot of ppl asking me why i didn't want more and my DD will be so lonely ? I can't be telling them because of health issues ?

But somehow, if its meant to be one, we shd just accept it. Whatever that comes along will be a blessing. To me, I feel its a miracle to even hv my DD. Of course i do feel sad when i see her feeling bored and wanting someone else to play with. So at times i wld try to arrange play dates for her. That's the least i can do.

[Bronzy]

kaitlynangelica:

Geez..............its nice to know that I am not the only one with one child and facing such issues. Maybe we should start a support group for ppl like us.

kaitlynangelica, you are definitely NOT alone! I'm all in favour of a support group! Anyone else want to join?! Objectives would be:
1. Emotional support for the parents
2. Ready pool of playmates for the kids!

Have and still do feel all that you have mentioned. Always wanted to have many kids so it was a real disappointment every time my attempts failed. Had several miscarriages too. Have more or less come to terms with having just one perfect, lovely child. But still feel something missing esp when we go to places with many kids (theme parks, playgrounds, etc) and mine is alone looking wistfully at other kids playing together. Happens during holidays too. Was thinking of taking my daughter on a cruise this Mar hols and my first thought was whether she would enjoy it without any other kids that she knows. Sometimes we are lucky and there are other families with only kids and they get along. Have found that children with many siblings or who are with a group of friends can be rather insensitive to the loneliness of the only child. Understandably so, I guess.