Do you allow yr DD to visit boy classmate home

[ChiefKiasu]

If you are not comfortable with her going to a boy’s house, then tell her and insist that they come to your house instead.

[Liew Nga Wing]

Awonder\" post_id=\"2052223\" time=\"1639896148\" user_id=\"26852:

Hi, my dd recently in a casual group set up with her classmates to do some recording for fun. There are another girl and 2 boys in her group. They hv so far been to the other girls hse and ours too. The most recent they plan to go to one of the boy’s home. Well, we don’t really like the ideal of her going to another boys house. Well to us, it just don’t seem right and its not that we don’t trust her friend.

Hope to hear from any parents here of similar situation and can share your view. Thank you.

This situation happened to me when I was young and my mother always asked my eldest brother or my uncle (my mother's youngest brother) or my cousin to accompany me to my classmates house.

[sharonkhoo]

I agree that if you are not comfortable, you can refuse to allow. But it may be that they have few options, or other reasons, and you may feel that you need to consider the issue.


How old is your daughter? I ask because the maturity level between lower and upper sec can be significant as many girls "grow up" around 15yo. My daughter was in a girls’ school till sec 4, so I didn’t have to face this then, but the issue cropped up in JC. Basically, having assessed that my daughter was mature enough to be sensible, we set out a few guidelines:
- there must always be an adult in the house (not just a maid, or no adult at all)
- there must always be another girl there (preferably a sensible, mature one you know)
- my daughter knew that at any time, if the 2 conditions weren’t met, or she felt concerned in any way, she should refuse to go, or leave immediately, and should call us immediately.

[Zeal mummy]

How were the boys like when they visited your house? Did they behave appropriately?


I wouldn’t like the idea too, especially if it’s for fun. If it’s for a school project, maybe I’ll be more agreeable… or if I knew the boys and their parents, I would be more okay with it. If It makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s perfectly fine to refuse it, explain it to her why, provide an alternative.

[MrsKiasu]

Now that we quite used to the online delivery of lessons/discussions, which I personally find could work to some extent…if my dd, I would suggest discuss it online then proceed with individual segments.

[Imp75]

Am I too open minded or what. I am ok to allow my 17 y/o to go friends house for project/meetups or go bf house as long as there is an adult.

[phtthp]

Imp75\" post_id=\"2052285\" time=\"1639963891\" user_id=\"2358:

Am I too open minded or what. I am ok to allow my 17 y/o to go friends house for project/meetups or go bf house as long as there is an adult.

What if there is no adult ?

[sharonkhoo]

Imp75\" post_id=\"2052285\" time=\"1639963891\" user_id=\"2358:

Am I too open minded or what. I am ok to allow my 17 y/o to go friends house for project/meetups or go bf house as long as there is an adult.

I'm like you - with an adult present, and in a group, is fine. 17yo is JC age, which is when I started allowing it. By university, she was older, and overseas, and I didn't even try to set any rules! My husband and I told her: \"If we didn't trust you to be sensible, we wouldn't even let you go overseas.\" Certainly, the JC years (maybe upper sec) are the time to give increasing independence with guidelines and limits. But the original poster didn't state her daughter's age.

[zac's mum]

slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2052287\" time=\"1639964464\" user_id=\"28674:

I'm like you - with an adult present, and in a group, is fine. 17yo is JC age, which is when I started allowing it. By university, she was older, and overseas, and I didn't even try to set any rules! My husband and I told her: \"If we didn't trust you to be sensible, we wouldn't even let you go overseas.\" Certainly, the JC years (maybe upper sec) are the time to give increasing independence with guidelines and limits. But the original poster didn't state her daughter's age.

Mere adult presence is not necessarily safe. Some adults busy WFH and not bothering about what the kids are up to. Close room door & hanky panky also dunno.

Since mine is a DS, if other gender come over for project or GF come over, as a responsible adult I would ask the teens to hang out only in the common area in full public view. I would also hang out there instead of hiding in my room, so that I can “supervise”. I feel responsible to the girl’s parents if anything happens.