Anyone changed surname for their kids after divorce

[janet88]

Divorce is between the adults…which affects the kids because they will have to understand why mummy and daddy cannot be together anymore. But the kids’ biological father will NEVER change. Kids’ surname should follow them throughout their lives…no matter how unhappy the mum is with her ex.

[vinegar]

if the father shows no responsibility to the children well-being, i don’t see the point of carrying of children his surnames.

[pirate]

vinegar:

if the father shows no responsibility to the children well-being, i don't see the point of carrying of children his surnames.

If the father has completely disappeared from the children's lives, does not pay maintenance, then sometimes yes.

But sometimes, the father is still paying maintenance but the mother would not tell the children and instead gives them the impression that she is the one solely maintaining them. And when the father comes to visit the children, he gets black face and excuses about how this time is not convenient and that time is not convenient, so the father comes less often to avoid conflict. Or she gives the kid the look or treatment whenever they meet up with their dad so they don't tell her every time they go see him. Then the mother say father don't care that's why never visit kids often enough, when it is actually the mother who is trying to prevent the kids from forming any kind of bond with the father. Some mothers even try to poison their children's minds against their fathers.

Not saying this is the case here, but this kind of thing happens often enough to not come to any sort of opinion just by hearing one side of the story.

And good luck to the mother if she changes the children's surnames because she is getting remarried. Then she has kids with the new husband, and the kids from the first marriage somehow form the view that they are not getting as much affection from their step father as their step siblings. They may even form the view that the mother is not giving them as much affection as she used to before that baby arrives. And then they yearn for their 'real' father and develop resentment against the mother... There are just so many moving parts to think about.

[Imami]

Actually why should carrying the biological father’s surname be dependent on how he is treating the children eg got pay alimony boh? He don’t pay, don’t show face, I change son’s surname! What is this?


To continue the same surname or not should be child centric. To change or not, shd be for the better for the child, not anyone/anything else.

[Nebbermind]

Then better wit for child to reach legal age and decide for himself

[candy_floss]

Thanks for the replies. My ex and I are not on talking terms cos I feel that he doesn’t really care much about the well being of my kids. Like I’ve said, he only ask to see them once every 2-3 months or even longer. Like in 2013, he have not contacted my elder kid or reply any of her smses when my child wishes him Happy New Year till now. Neither did he mentioned anything about bringing them out.


I don’t speak anything badly of my ex in fact, or rather I should say I dont even mentioned anything about him. The kids never bother either. We have been divorced for coming 4 years till date. During these few years, he did not bother about them or care for their well being. He doesn’t even know which sec sch my elder one is in or ever attended a parents teacher meeting since the kids were born. When my kid was hospitalised a few years back due to fever, he didn’t even pay a visit or reply my what’s app to at least acknowledge the matter.

I understand that having both parents identity are important for the children, but I can’t help questioning- if a father is not concerned or doesn’t care much about the children, then what’s the point of carrying on a surname that belongs to him ?

My fiance is ready to legally adopt them as his own and he doesn’t want the kids to feel awkward when people start to question how come their surname is different from their daddy. My younger one keep asking if he can call him papa, can he be his papa every other day. I believe that he can feel the effort being put in, cos he will tuck my younger one to bed every night, bring him for enrichment lessons, coach him homework, prepare breakfast and play sports with him etc, something that his natural father never done for him before.

In fact, I felt very sad for my younger one sometimes… I know deep inside him, he yearns for a daddy figure and that’s why he is very close to my fiancé. He will hold his hands (instead of mine) and kiss him, and call him papa… I am at a loss, not sure what I should do.

[ammonite]

You can ask the kids. I think they r old enough to know what they want. If you can you should get the medical history of your ex though. It is of genetic relevance to your children and future grandchildren as some things skip a generation.

[Canvas]

candy_floss:

Thanks for the replies. My ex and I are not on talking terms cos I feel that he doesn't really care much about the well being of my kids. Like I've said, he only ask to see them once every 2-3 months or even longer. Like in 2013, he have not contacted my elder kid or reply any of her smses when my child wishes him Happy New Year till now. Neither did he mentioned anything about bringing them out.


I don't speak anything badly of my ex in fact, or rather I should say I dont even mentioned anything about him. The kids never bother either. We have been divorced for coming 4 years till date. During these few years, he did not bother about them or care for their well being. He doesn't even know which sec sch my elder one is in or ever attended a parents teacher meeting since the kids were born. When my kid was hospitalised a few years back due to fever, he didn't even pay a visit or reply my what's app to at least acknowledge the matter.

I understand that having both parents identity are important for the children, but I can't help questioning- if a father is not concerned or doesn't care much about the children, then what's the point of carrying on a surname that belongs to him ?

My fiance is ready to legally adopt them as his own and he doesn't want the kids to feel awkward when people start to question how come their surname is different from their daddy. My younger one keep asking if he can call him papa, can he be his papa every other day. I believe that he can feel the effort being put in, cos he will tuck my younger one to bed every night, bring him for enrichment lessons, coach him homework, prepare breakfast and play sports with him etc, something that his natural father never done for him before.

In fact, I felt very sad for my younger one sometimes.. I know deep inside him, he yearns for a daddy figure and that's why he is very close to my fiancé. He will hold his hands (instead of mine) and kiss him, and call him papa.. I am at a loss, not sure what I should do.

Must have been really hard on you too. Maybe you would like to seek some legal advise first before making a decision. All the best to you and I am glad that you have a fiancé who loves your children as his own and you can depend on.

I think i did mention that adoption is different from making a deed poll to change surname/name. A deed poll can be done by the parent who has care and control of the kids and it doesn't cost much. However, an adoption is only possible if the other parent agrees to it and this is more complicated.

[jasonsim]

Can the child’s name be changed?

The child’s name cannot be changed unless with the consent of the other parent. Strictly, the surname cannot be changed.

https://www.singaporedivorcelawyer.com.sg/common-divorce-questions-faqs/#husbandname

[wanderlust.044085xling]

I have the same issue here thinking whether to change to my fiancé’s surname for my kids. My kids are agreeable to it. But my fiancé insisted that my surname has to also be included. Meaning both parent’s surname are in the kids I/C. But I’m actually quite against it. I find that just by putting his surname is fine enough.


I guessed my point for changing surname is the same as one of the parents here who mentioned that school parent’s consent, wedding invitation cards in future and even addressing the child’s last name to the parent during parent’s meeting in school. By changing surname can avoid such awkward incidents.

For context: My ex passed on more than 5 years ago and not in contact with that family side anymore.