What will u do if u r me???

[daddybear]

Hmm, this is just my opinion. Why would you want to change his name? If it is really because it is for better health, then what I will bring up is invalid. It could be possible that your ex-spouse views it as a grave insult. Effectively you want to cut him off totally from his child. Also, the access time of a few hours in your presence a week prevents him from truely interacting with the child.


Personally, I would do the same if this was imposed on me. IE give up all custody totally, financially as well. If the roles were reversed, can you accept those conditions as well? See your child 3 hours a week in front of him, continue to pay maintenance? I doubt it is because of the finances, but rather the emotional wretchedness it brings. Once again, it is not said to offend but just sharing, and I hope i do not open healed wounds.

Focus on the child and ask whether it is good for him to go through the entire range of emotions he is being subjected to? Name change, not seeing father etc. I was brought up by my mother under a single family. I had a change of my surname (not sure if it was for "health reasons"). My mother was/is unable to come to terms with her failed marriage and hence, handled things the way she did. My father was either dead in an accident, flew to space as he was an astronaut, went sailing on a ship, living in the moon etc… Naturally, I managed to figure things out as I grew older. During the teenage years, it was a tough time for my mother and me, as I harbored a lot of resentment. It carried over for a very long time into adulthood. At the age of 30+, I finally tracked down my own father. I did so not because I hoped he had money or owned some large business, but rather I needed a sense of completeness and understanding of my life story.

The reason why I am sharing this is I hope that your child can, if possible, not go through unnecessary angst. This angst if not cleansed, will be a seed that grows into something, perhaps, beyond your control when he gets older. Go to buddhism meditation and also talk to counsellors, if you can. It is the process of meditation and talking things out that brings healing.

P.S. I recognise that this is a sensitive topic and if I had caused any offense, please accept my apologies.

[e3nity]

daddybear:

Hmm, this is just my opinion. Why would you want to change his name? If it is really because it is for better health, then what I will bring up is invalid. It could be possible that your ex-spouse views it as a grave insult. Effectively you want to cut him off totally from his child. Also, the access time of a few hours in your presence a week prevents him from truely interacting with the child.


Personally, I would do the same if this was imposed on me. IE give up all custody totally, financially as well. If the roles were reversed, can you accept those conditions as well? See your child 3 hours a week in front of him, continue to pay maintenance? I doubt it is because of the finances, but rather the emotional wretchedness it brings. Once again, it is not said to offend but just sharing, and I hope i do not open healed wounds.

Focus on the child and ask whether it is good for him to go through the entire range of emotions he is being subjected to? Name change, not seeing father etc. I was brought up by my mother under a single family. I had a change of my surname (not sure if it was for \"health reasons\"). My mother was/is unable to come to terms with her failed marriage and hence, handled things the way she did. My father was either dead in an accident, flew to space as he was an astronaut, went sailing on a ship, living in the moon etc... Naturally, I managed to figure things out as I grew older. During the teenage years, it was a tough time for my mother and me, as I harbored a lot of resentment. It carried over for a very long time into adulthood. At the age of 30+, I finally tracked down my own father. I did so not because I hoped he had money or owned some large business, but rather I needed a sense of completeness and understanding of my life story.

The reason why I am sharing this is I hope that your child can, if possible, not go through unnecessary angst. This angst if not cleansed, will be a seed that grows into something, perhaps, beyond your control when he gets older. Go to buddhism meditation and also talk to counsellors, if you can. It is the process of meditation and talking things out that brings healing.

P.S. I recognise that this is a sensitive topic and if I had caused any offense, please accept my apologies.

Daddybear
i appreciate your advise and different people has different views.. please consider the several points before comment further..

1)I change my child name coz of health issue. I don't know about u but i m sure i won't wana see my child get admitted or risk in admitting my child to hospital. Its just the change of name not even surname that i'm talking about what insult is there??.

2) for a father who when we are going to seperate, can take the child birth cert to consult lawyer to giv up child for adoption how much can i trust him he won't sell my son away? for a father who didn't bother to ask about the child during this 5years of seperation and not a single attempt was made to visit the child and he is right? :x the arrangement for a couple of hours on a stated day is to allow him to build up the relationship with the child in a familiar environment not causing unnecessary stress to the child.

3) he alrdy said very clearly the reason he didn't wana work till now is because he dont want to pay maintenance. anyway we don't need his $$.. it don't make any different financially.

4) i have no intention to stop my son for looking for his father. and i also know its impossible to stop him especially when he grows older. its his dad's intention to disown his child not i force him too.. i offered him visiting right.. he rejected and even say he will hav his own life.. is that my fault? i don't feel so..

ps: you just prove to me that man who goes thru divorce always thinks they are right..

[daddybear]

I am not indicating you or your husband are right or wrong. I am sure you are doing your best. All I am saying is that the child will have to ride this journey and it is a long journey. Ultimately it is the child’s destiny too, karma in the past life ripening.