What should I do?

[snowball]

:lovesite: sorry har, i also sidetrack a bit....


I must say :udawoman: your aunty really really very 伟大 :salute: :salute: :salute:

go to bed at pass midnight n awake at 4+am !!! :yikes: :yikes: :yikes:

妈妈最伟大！ :please: 妈妈最伟大！ :please: 妈妈最伟大！ :please:

[Castle House]

phtthp:

once let stranger enter your house, all hell break loose ... one after another, incidents happen, relationship strained.


yr SIL kids are raised and brought up in a different home environment, their values system all different from yours.

nowadays, youngsters rude. No respect shown to elders. last time our time we know that once we enter into somebody else's family and stay for a few days there as holiday, we are taught ... must greet people, must call our elders, not keep our golden mouth shut. Also must offer to help out do household chores like sweep the floor, clear garbage, mop floor, offer to help cut vegetables, wash vegetables, cook simple food, wash plates after makan, etc.

but nowadays, youngsters very rude. They adopt this ... take it or leave it horrible lousy attitude !

at age 19, she is supposed to be grown up. She also has her mind set fixed liao! Ask your SIL wake up earlier in the morning. Before she leave the house - quickly, cut, chop vegetables, dump everything into hot pot, slow cooker. Also cook some rice. When her son or daughter come back, at least got 1 hot dish, ready for them to eat. 2nd dish - perhaps steam egg, steam minced pork, steam vegetables, etc. 2 dishes, can eat liao.
anyway, they both so big! Time for them learn independence, look after each other as sibling, look after their own house, clean their own house, help out their mom.

I agree.. at their age... think they should learn to be independence le..

if the Mother cannot control them, who can?

[pinky]

Pen88n:

pinky:

[quote=\"phtthp\"]tell yr husb this:-

==========

as a mother, your main focus, your priority, your duty, your energy channelled now is to concentrate and help yr son prepare his O level, peacefully - without any disturbance from external party walking in and out of your house.

O level is a crucial exam. It will determine his son's path towards entering Junior college / polytechnic, and subsequently to university, the choice of subjects, and his career / profession later on.

all other external matter (yr niece, yr SIL problems) don't concern you. You don't have the time nor the energy to dwell on it. This is somebody else's problem. Tell yr husband - get his own house in order first.

hi phtthp,
thank you for your reminder. In fact I have explained this to my son also bec he was apparently upset when my husband told him about the niece staying over. He knows my intentions (I quit my full time job when he started P6 to help with his PSLE) and he too feels that I cannot have divided attention and distraction for the next 1.5 years at least.
As for my husband, well he didnt want to talk about it again and actually for the 1st few days after telling me his sister is looking for alternatives, he refused to talk to me and stopped me when I tried to explain the above to him so I guess I will not bother to explain until at a later date.
I still remember the insult when my son got his PSLE results: You quit your job to prepare your son for PSLE and he can't even qualify for RI or HCI, lauya lah you!!!
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: i felt like :spank: :nunchuk:
him when he uttered the nonsense and every year when the PSLE results came out and his colleagues were bragging about their kids' performance, he will never fail to remind me of the same old thing again.
He's a REAL I-D-I-O-T

Pinky,
Sorry to say this: but your hubby really needs to \"wake up\".

SAHM benefits the kid in terms of character development (which is by far more impt than academic!). Helping a kid prepare for PSLE is not a 1 year affair - it is an accumulation of 6 years of school work. There is also the factor of the kid's ability at play - let's face it, we all have different abilities and not everyone is good in everything! By staying at home, you are just trying to help the kid maximise his potential. As long as he has tried his best, that should be an achievement to him. Why compare with some other kid?

Moreover RI and HCI may not be suitable for all kids. These 2 schools take in the top 3-5% of the cohort only. Be fair to the kid - under normal circumstances, most kids will fall into the 95-97% of norm, unless you have an exceptionally bright kid. Ask your hubby if he is even in the top 3-5% of his cohort, and did his parents even demand that of him?

With 1 bragging of exceptionally good results, there are 9 others who have average (or slightly above average) or bad results. You do not hear the 9 others, becos only 1 will brag. Thus, it seems pretty easy to achieve the exceptionally good results as this is all we hear - the exceptionally good results. We will have to open our eyes to see the big picture and be more realistic in expectations.[/quote]hi Penn88n,
I agree with your analysis on the exceptional kids and the rest of the
cohort. I quit my job mainly to lend emotional support to my son when he started P6 and I did not want him to end up as a latch-key kid. He has been in childcare since he was 18 months and BAFS care till P5 so I felt it's time also for me to play my part as a mother instead of depending on others to 'mould his character' and hopefully guide him through his teenage years. This was what I told my husband and as what you mentioned, character devt is equal if not more important than academic achievement.

[pinky]

phtthp:

also ask yr husband to bring yr SIL and her 2 kids for some family counselling. Try Fei Yue counselling... yr SIL also need help to straighten up her own life, in a mess.

the family only believe in praying and the Bible, counselling to them is a waste of time and money (no offence to folks reading this posting)

[phtthp]

hi pinky,


tell yr SIL start training her 19 yo daughter and son to learn independence. They are so big now, can cook simple meals at home themselves when their mommy not in, or their mum tired. In another few more yrs, her 19 yo daughter will start working, find boy friend, by age 25 can get married.

ask yr SIL read below thread, Mon - Fri, at least dinner got 1 soup ready (by prata_queen), cook some rice, can start eating already, and it's healthy. Also ask her to come with a daily duty roster or routine for the 2 teenagers:-

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?f=37&t=7298&start=380

[pinky]

phtthp:

hi pinky,


tell yr SIL start training her 19 yo daughter and son to learn independence. They are so big now, can cook simple meals at home themselves when their mommy not in, or their mum tired. In another few more yrs, her 19 yo daughter will start working, find boy friend, by age 25 can get married.

ask yr SIL read below thread, Mon - Fri, at least dinner got 1 soup ready (by prata_queen), cook some rice, can start eating already, and it's healthy. Also ask her to come with a daily duty roster or routine for the 2 teenagers:-

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?f=37&t=7298&start=380

thanks dear but i heard that the 3 of them rarely eat together bec the 2 children usually eat out with classmates after school so almost no cooking at home at all

[phtthp]

tell yr SIL eat outside food everyday very bad for the 2 children health plus her own health, in the long term. Out of Mon - Fri, at least 3 meals must be home cooked food, with a soup. If she doesn’t think of herself, at least must think of her 2 kids’ health.


maybe help ring up some churches, see if can help provide counseling to yr SIL family. They may not want to seek counselling from their own church, bec they dun want to wash dirty linen in their own church. But other church, nobody knows them. May be different, so they may be willing to try… Actually, yr SIL and all her 2 kids - all need emotional help and counselling support, esp with her divorce. Try ‘Victory Family’ centre counselling.

[sall]

phtthp:

tell yr SIL eat outside food everyday very bad for the 2 children health plus her own health, in the long term. Out of Mon - Fri, at least 3 meals must be home cooked food, with a soup. If she doesn't think of herself, at least must think of her 2 kids' health.


maybe help ring up some churches, see if can help provide counseling to yr SIL family. They may not want to seek counselling from their own church, bec they dun want to wash dirty linen in their own church. But other church, nobody knows them. May be different, so they may be willing to try.. Actually, yr SIL and all her 2 kids - all need emotional help and counselling support, esp with her divorce. Try 'Victory Family' centre counselling.

I think this SIL has the bochap attitude. No responsible mum will push her own child to stay with other families, if she doesn't want to cook, she'll never cook. Could be she's too tired after work, or lazy or she works irregular hrs or she can't be bothered. Maybe she has a boyfriend outside, so she rather spends time with her boyfriend?
Leopards never change the spots. I don't think any counselling can work for this sil, unless she identifies her own problems and wants to seek help to solve it. If her nature is to make use of others, she'll continue to do so forever. For her teenage children, this is the age when they will never listen, if they have been defiant, they will rebel more if they are forced to go for counselling.

[pinky]

I heard that the daughter is staying in one of her sibling's place and sharing a room with one of the daughters. I will still need to be on my toes bec if the girls cannot get along, the arrow may come back to me again :mad: :mad: :mad:

[sall]

pinky:

I heard that the daughter is staying in one of her sibling's place and sharing a room with one of the daughters. I will still need to be on my toes bec if the girls cannot get along, the arrow may come back to me again :mad: :mad: :mad:

You must be on your guard to stop and divert that arrow any time.