What should I do?

[pinky]

phtthp:

hi pinky,


tell yr SIL start training her 19 yo daughter and son to learn independence. They are so big now, can cook simple meals at home themselves when their mommy not in, or their mum tired. In another few more yrs, her 19 yo daughter will start working, find boy friend, by age 25 can get married.

ask yr SIL read below thread, Mon - Fri, at least dinner got 1 soup ready (by prata_queen), cook some rice, can start eating already, and it's healthy. Also ask her to come with a daily duty roster or routine for the 2 teenagers:-

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?f=37&t=7298&start=380

thanks dear but i heard that the 3 of them rarely eat together bec the 2 children usually eat out with classmates after school so almost no cooking at home at all

[phtthp]

tell yr SIL eat outside food everyday very bad for the 2 children health plus her own health, in the long term. Out of Mon - Fri, at least 3 meals must be home cooked food, with a soup. If she doesn’t think of herself, at least must think of her 2 kids’ health.


maybe help ring up some churches, see if can help provide counseling to yr SIL family. They may not want to seek counselling from their own church, bec they dun want to wash dirty linen in their own church. But other church, nobody knows them. May be different, so they may be willing to try… Actually, yr SIL and all her 2 kids - all need emotional help and counselling support, esp with her divorce. Try ‘Victory Family’ centre counselling.

[sall]

phtthp:

tell yr SIL eat outside food everyday very bad for the 2 children health plus her own health, in the long term. Out of Mon - Fri, at least 3 meals must be home cooked food, with a soup. If she doesn't think of herself, at least must think of her 2 kids' health.


maybe help ring up some churches, see if can help provide counseling to yr SIL family. They may not want to seek counselling from their own church, bec they dun want to wash dirty linen in their own church. But other church, nobody knows them. May be different, so they may be willing to try.. Actually, yr SIL and all her 2 kids - all need emotional help and counselling support, esp with her divorce. Try 'Victory Family' centre counselling.

I think this SIL has the bochap attitude. No responsible mum will push her own child to stay with other families, if she doesn't want to cook, she'll never cook. Could be she's too tired after work, or lazy or she works irregular hrs or she can't be bothered. Maybe she has a boyfriend outside, so she rather spends time with her boyfriend?
Leopards never change the spots. I don't think any counselling can work for this sil, unless she identifies her own problems and wants to seek help to solve it. If her nature is to make use of others, she'll continue to do so forever. For her teenage children, this is the age when they will never listen, if they have been defiant, they will rebel more if they are forced to go for counselling.

[pinky]

I heard that the daughter is staying in one of her sibling's place and sharing a room with one of the daughters. I will still need to be on my toes bec if the girls cannot get along, the arrow may come back to me again :mad: :mad: :mad:

[sall]

pinky:

I heard that the daughter is staying in one of her sibling's place and sharing a room with one of the daughters. I will still need to be on my toes bec if the girls cannot get along, the arrow may come back to me again :mad: :mad: :mad:

You must be on your guard to stop and divert that arrow any time.

[auntieM]

I will put luggage bag where DH can see it and seriously drop hints about...She in, we out.. .... :evil:


Juz me notti $0.02

[hquek]

auntieM:

I will put luggage bag where DH can see it and seriously drop hints about...She in, we out.. .... :evil:


Juz me notti $0.02

:salute:

[mummy of 2]

auntieM:

I will put luggage bag where DH can see it and seriously drop hints about...She in, we out.. .... :evil:


Juz me notti $0.02

I would do the same, except I won't hint - will tell DH straight in the face. Sometimes have to be upfront about the OB markers. But that's just me

[pinky]

so glad to know that you are all behind me :thankyou:

[tutormum]

phtthp:

sorry if i sidetrack a bit ...


i learnt this trade from my Auntie. Last time she got 6 kids.
40 yrs ago, it's common for familes to give birth to, at least half a dozen kids. Some families even got > 10 kids.

my aunt was a primary school teacher in SG, without maid. 40 yrs ago, maid concept not popular. My Uncle is a Malaysian - stay there, work there in Malaysia. Come back like every 3 to 6 months kind. My aunt all alone in SG. She got to feed her 6 kids, cook for them, educate them in schoolwork after she come home, after a very long tiring teaching day in school.

curious, i asked her ... how she managed to bring up 6 kids singlehandedly ? Cooking so tiring. After cooking, still got to wash dirty plates, besides giving home tuition to each of the 6 kids - all aged 1 yr apart, aged 11 to 6. Every year, her stomach big big

my aunt replied ...
everyday Mon - Fri, she has to leave her home latest 6.45 am, reach school 7.15 am to sing 'mari kitah', with all the primary school kids.

means everyday she wake up 4.15 am. She plan the food menu 1 week in advance first. Every night before she sleeps, past midnight, she will take out the food from fridge, defrost food, wash all vegetables, then go to sleep.

everyday she wake up around 4.15 am, quickly wash & peel all vegetables quickly. Separate out main stalk from leaves. She said with 6 hungry kids growing up fast, everyday eat > 1 kg of spinach, or kangkong, or xiao bai cai, kai lan.

for chicken stock, every Sunday she goes wet market, buy > 1 kg of soft bones + some meat. Come home prepare chicken stock for entire week supply. Then separate out into small containers, put inside fridge. If Tues, some kid wants to eat noodle, then chicken stock is ready.

she said soup - 3x per week. Either 'si yang cai' tang, or 'lao wang gua' tang, or 'lian ou' tang, or black bean soup, 'or apple / pear' soup. She said last time dun know how to boil soup, so go bookstore, check up recipes on confinement women type of soup, or simple home cooked soup recipes (Cantonese soup). Come home trial and error. If soup not tasty after feedback by kids, then improvise somehow.

she said steam food healthy, not fried food. She said in a week - 3x per week steam fish - steam sea bass, steam garoupa (cooked in teochew style), steam codfish (add some brocoli inside), steam 'mai you you' (Cantonese) buy the tail part no bones, or steam any fish cooked in Nonya style gravy.

she said besides steam fish, can also steam minced pork meat, steam egg, or steam some vegetables. Then she'll pack her fridge with pao. In case hungry, kids can steam tao sa pao, lian rong pao, etc on their own, to eat.

every 2 weeks, she'll cook Curry Fish head at home on weekend.
but she said - every dinner must have 1 soup, either 1 fish or chicken, 1 vegetable. Good enuf!

for education, i asked her - how you coach them ?
she said made 6 kids sit together like in classroom style - 3 in one row, 3 on opposite row. Apply the same classroom style in school back at home. Same thing! She said give 1st child some reading exercise, 2nd child handwriting exercise, 3rd child Maths exercise, 4th child Chinese exercise, 5th child English exercise ... concurrently. i really dun know how she manage. But she said, sometimes the older ones also help chip in coach the younger, slower ones.

after sloughing for so many years as a primary school teacher, now she's on pension scheme, retired. Her hardwork has paid offf. Besides govt giving her attractive pension allowance, her 6 kids all grown up now, also give her monthly allowance. So, she got extra 6 'water tap' every month. She keep the $ - dun know what to do, so go on holidays with her friends, every half yr. Her life is 'xian koo hou tian'. (means: beginning tough, hardworking, slot like mad, but later part of her life - become sweeter, reap rewards)

:salute: :salute: :salute: :salute: Your aunt is one great woman. Easily can win the greatest mum award. “ Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all.” Proverbs 31:29