Club Only Child Club

[kaitlynangelica]

sashimi:

I have long told myself that, [I should have a 2nd child so that the 1st child is not lonely] is an invalid reason for having a 2nd child. You should have another for the sake of the 2nd child, not because you need to satisfy the whims of the 1st. (Even if it is in fact, not an insignificant whim), or the whims of relatives.


The reasons you cited for not having a 2nd one are pretty much the same as mine - job problems, in-laws (and parents) not \"conducive\" to childcare, child kept falling sick.

SO... the solution is to resolve as many probs as you can. So I got a stable job, and I figured out how to boost my family's resistance to illness, etc.

You might want to consider it. It's not impossible.

Truth be told, I was also afraid of having a 2nd one cos I'm sexist. I'm mortally afraid of having a son. Prefer girls, absolutely.

And this is not a silly thread!

Hi Sashimi,

Thanks for kind note.

I have resolved most of the problems that I faced initially. The biggest change I did was a career switch which i though will enable me to conceive more easily. Unfortunately, things didn't go my way.

And yes i agree with you that we shouldn't have a 2nd kid due to pressure but because we truly desire to have one. Hence in the earlier years, I actually didn't feel any pressure at all. I guess I feel it now because most of my friends have managed to conceive no 2 successfully and dd is not gg to p1 next year.

In the earlier years, I remember pp telling me to quickly try for no 2 because you may not be able to have when you want to . However, due to compelling reasons , we did not plan to. Sad to say, when we were finally ready, things didn't go our way. Its really frustrating.

[AnalectsReader]

kaitlynangelica,


I guess we're in the same boat because me too, having only one daughter. Too many times, there're too many 'over-concern' ppl who just pass casual remark asking on the reasons why there's no sibling for my DD. The worst accusation I ever got was \"You are being selfish for not giving your daughter a sibling\" :x

I recently bought a book entitled 'Parenting An Only Child' by Susan Newman (ISBN: 0-385-24963-2). Chinese version '如何教养独生子' ISBN:957-32-2756-8...quote from the book \"...在自我评估下,独生孩子自认为是快乐并满意的, 而且比其他孩子更满意他们的生活. 这是对独生孩子仔细研究下最重要的发现...\"

If you are interested in this book, you can find it in NLB searching with ISBN 9573227568. It might help you to view parenting an only child from a different perspective. As the author put it \"...本书的目的在于为家长解析关于独生子的各种困扰问题,并且帮助你决定最好的解决方式...\"

Hope the info helps.

I agree with what a 前辈 said in the earlier post...\"the definition of a complete family is a HAPPY family...\". If you feel you are already happy with only 3 ppl in the family, why bother about what other ppl say? But of course, if you want a second child out of your own will, I'll for you.

[mintcc]

okay, I am in the 1 child club. DS turning 4 and everybody is asking…


1) Pressure from relatives especially at festive seasons. Queries come in on how come we only have one kid.
Actually I think it is perfectly okay with only one kid. And I let people who ask knows that’s what I think.


2) Feelings of inferiority on why we couldn’t ‘complete’ the family and have no 2?
No inferiority. Agree that a happy family is a complete family. Numbers is not an issue.


3) Child constantly asking for sibling.
My kid strangely bo leh. The CC teacher is jokingly asking him is he want didi or mei mei. And he goes me only.


4) Child very clingey because there is no one else to entertain her.
That won’t last. My is 4 and is starting to let less clingey already.

5) Child less socially apt as she has no one else to interact with.
We go out with cousins, friends who have only one kid quite often and send him to cc and classes so he he gets to interact with lots of people alot. I think he is quite okay in that area now. We also go to indoor playgrounds alot and leave him with little supervision. Without us being too closeby he will just start playing with other kids and practise his social skills.

6) Child rather selfish as she has no one else to share with.
I don’t think a child being selfish is due to being a single child. Just need to encourage the child to share and make her/him feel good about sharing.

[daisyt]

The behaviour of my child, is not easily identified she is a single child as she is quite matured in thinking and independent. However, the behaviour of me, seems very easily identified as a mum of a single child. As I only have one child, I tend to have more time on her and hence get to know many of her issues, problems, friends ... I am surprised, there are times, other parents (first time talking to them) or even teachers, would always ask me, \"Is she a single child ?\" :shock:


Any single child parents face this situation ?

[kaitlynangelica]

daisyt:

The behaviour of my child, is not easily identified she is a single child as she is quite matured in thinking and independent. However, the behaviour of me, seems very easily identified as a mum of a single child. As I only have one child, I tend to have more time on her and hence get to know many of her issues, problems, friends ... I am surprised, there are times, other parents (first time talking to them) or even teachers, would always ask me, \"Is she a single child ?\" :shock:


Any single child parents face this situation ?

Hi daisyt,

Yes. Because single child parents I believe, tend to be more indulgent and kancheong? Versus if you had a brood to worry about, you would be more relaxed I think.

Pp also say that my gal is more 'xie jie' n 'dae' when she is alone with me but she behaves normally when there is a figure of authority around like when she attends her classes.

[CanCanMum]

hello everyone~~


Can i join the clubb??? :lol:

My boy is 4 years old this year~~~notty boy kekeke

[daisyt]

hi CanCanmum, you are most welcome. But hor, are you very sure you would be in this club ? your boy only 4yo.

[irene.012687tan.012687rocketmail.012687com]

Hello seniors, I am a newbie. Due to medical reason, my husband and I decided to stop at one. I work part-time to take care of my boy (I work when he is in sch) as I believed that no one else could do the job better than I.


I am proud to say that he is now a v independent boy who does his homework without supervision. In fact, he even help me with housework. He is not selfish too, always helping his classmate with their homework. In fact, he is keen to share his things with neighbours and friends. Once, he even lend part of his pocket money to his classmate and told him 'got $ then return me, no hurry'.

People tend to have stereotyped view of a single child and I think it's unfair to them. Of course, mine do have his fair share of tantrums like any other kid. While chit-chatting with other parents with more than one kids, I found out that mine behaves just like theirs. The only difference is ... since mine has no sibling, he may sometimes say 'daddy or mummy, play with me'.

In some ways, single child are blessed. Some studies show that they tend to do well in school (I hope it's true).

So long as we bring up our kid well, we have done our job as parents.

[Dora]

Hi there, i think having 1 kid is better then O. We can give 100% attention and quality life style. Most important we enjoy the parenthood process and do our best as a parent.

[TTLauPeh]

Wifey and I also have only one.


1) Pressure from relatives especially at festive seasons. Queries come in on how come we only have one kid.
My relatives know better than to ask.

2) Feelings of inferiority on why we couldn’t ‘complete’ the family and have no 2?
The three of us, his hamster and my pet birds are a complete family. Wife thinking of getting a dog.

3) Child constantly asking for sibling.
Ours never did.

4) Child very clingey because there is no one else to entertain her.
Don’t have that problem. I work at home so at least one of us is always with him. No domestic helper. Funny boy calls me Mum sonetimes when my travels for work.

5) Child less socially apt as she has no one else to interact with.
He has more than a dozen cousins, most of whom he meets at my parents’ place every Friday. Also plays badminton, etc with the kids in our neighbourhood (invites himself to dinner sometimes). Surprisingly, he’s very nurturing towards younger kids; used to teach the nursery kids and classmates how to sing when he was in kindergarten (he only needs to listen to a song once). Gets along very well with adults.

6) Child rather selfish as she has no one else to share with.
Mine shares stuff. Now sorting stuff post-PSLE to give to younger cousins or take to Salvation Army.