How to teach children to handle bullies

[suki]

One of my children tend to be ‘bullied’ by others. When he was in primary school, there were occasions when he would come home ‘tearing’. On one hand, I tried not to be ‘protective’; on the other hand, also felt annoyed with the ‘bullies’. Sometimes, it is easier said than done to leave the child to handle the ‘bullies’. Also need to assess the severity and if the child is able to handle it. There are situations where the adults need to help them.


In all cases, would remind my child that there is nothing wrong with the victim; rather there is something wrong with the bully.

[MMM]

We always tell the kids not to bully others BUT they also cannot allow others to bully them. That is a big NO NO.


My boy tend to play rough (being boys). Apparently he did that in the school bus and hit another boy's groin. The moment it happened, we reprimanded him and told the other child's parent to ask the son not to play with my son too. He was fine for a while but it happened again. This time, I made him sit right infront with the bus uncle (school van). After that, I no longer have any complaints about him \"bullying\". I don't think he is a bully but in the process of playing and did not know the limit and since he is a big sized boy end up hitting the other boy (smaller size but older than him) :roll:

There are moments that he gets \"bullied\" too. Recently we had the case of him lending his expensive yoyo to a school mate. He is the friendly type so he makes lots of friends outside his class. He loaned his yoyo to this boy and when he asked for the yoyo, the boy claimed he had returned (which he didn't) and even scratch him. My boy was teary when he related that to us, we told him that he need to handle it himself. Either he speak to the teacher or he must learn from the lesson. Don't go round lending stuff to any Tom, Dick and Harry. He need to be taught how to \"evaluate\" the person before doing such thing. This is a life skill that he need to learn cannot be so trusting.

Recently, I also came across a \"verbal bully\" and I became the bully auntie in return. I was looking at the class schedule when a boy whom my son know came up to him :

Boy : What school are you from ?
Son : ABC
Boy : All the people from ABC have bad breath just like you

Initially I didnt' want to intervene but that boy sounds so cocky and I was also from ABC school so I wanted to teach the kids to protect the school’s name and not let anyone put it down. I went up to the kids.
Me : So what school are you from???
Boy : XYZ
Me : That's worst!!! No wonder your breath smell so bad.

Then I just walk off with a stunned boy and 2 giggling kids behind me. They probably learnt from mummy how to handle verbal abuse in the future. I felt that the boy was also taught a lesson not to talk bad about others.

[winth]

Scary when it comes to this topic.


DS1 has been bullied before when he was in Playgroup and it was always the same bully who would go around scratching little kids. This bully happened to be physically taller than the average boys in class. The worst scratch was when DS1 came home with a wound near to the corner of his eye. We talked to the principal and she told us that they had already cautioned this boy and his parents, but this same boy targeted almost anyone he could get his hands on. And she said that the boy’s background is rather problematic and complicated, so… Luckily, after 2 weeks, the wound finally recovered and there wasn’t a scar, if not I might consider reaping that boy’s skin off. :x :x

We told him to get away from that bully and arranged with the teacher that he would never sit with him. Everything went well for a few more weeks.

The final draw came when they had play time at the playground and that bully happened to be behind him while queuing for the slide. Apparently, the bully was knocking everyone else who was in his way and when it came to DS1, he hit his hand on DS1’s mouth, causing his tooth-filling to drop (yes DS1 went to dentist when he was 3). We switched school immediately, as I knew the teachers had done their best, and there was no way that they could educate that bully.

[winth]

DS1 is already 6 and there hasn't been a complaint so far that he was bullied or bullying others. :xedfingers:


I do alot of talking with him to look out for potential bullies (we term it as 'gangsters' so that he gets the idea that these people hurt you out of bad intentions) and we would rather skip the Ikea ballpool for the evening than to allow the boys to enter a ballpool full of big children. We would then tell them that the ballpool was so crowded and even if they had gone in, they wouldn't have any room to jump or play. We avoid crowded playgrounds and scavage for nice, big playgrounds with very little or very young children.

We deprive the children of luxury toys since young, so they will not create a big fuss when 'nice things' are taken away from them. They would just 'wave goodbye' to ballpool and a 'see you next time'.

For his P1 preparation, I told him to look out for the physical attributes of how a bully/gangster look like. And create various scenarios to help identify a rotten classmate versus a good friend.

[googaga]

winth:

For his P1 preparation, I told him to look out for the physical attributes of how a bully/gangster look like. And create various scenarios to help identify a rotten classmate versus a good friend.

Hi winth, can teach me a few scenarios? I din think abt preparing ds to look out for bullies cos he doesn't get bullied and nor does he bullies. I was in for a shock when he encountered one on his P1 orientation day. Yes, on orientation day! A boy sitting nx to him in class spat on his face and ds' fren saw it n reported to tcher. Tcher came over and told him not to do it. Guess what?? When tcher turned her back, he did it again! My goodness.. Best part is, tcher din even report what happened to me when i picked him up. And too bad my son only told me abt the incident after we left sch and he din even get his name

Do u guys think i've a rt to demand an explanation fm the sch/tcher in charge? i'm still boiling mad :x

[ZacK]

DS1 was pinched by two P2 boys, on his arms (5 bruises on one arm and 2 on the other), while on the school bus today. He didnt cry or make any noise on the bus, so the driver does not know abt it. He only cried when he got home.


Thinking of calling the bus driver for the boys contact number to inform the parents or should I just inform the school teacher and see if the school will handle it? Remembered during the school orientation, they are against bullying of other kids.

P.s. Just managed to take some shots, 5 obvious ones on the right arm and 1 hidden on the left arm.
http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w26/iZoom2/ArmShot.jpg\">

[autumnbronze]

Oh dear!


Zack, I am sorry your DS was bullied. :hugs: to your DS

I am not an expert.....

But would it make more sense to inform his form teacher first and see what course of action the sch would take?? Provided of course the P2 boys are from the same sch.

[jedamum]

zack,

feel so sorry for your kid.
i would get the boys names and then furnish them to the teacher when i report the incident.
additionally, it’ll be good to get your boys acquaint with other nicer kids boarding the same bus so your boy has better protection next time.

[ZacK]

Thanks autumnbronze and jedamum :celebrate:


The boys are from the same school... DW will see if she can get the names of the boys who are in P2 when she sends him down to wait for the school bus.

Have asked DW to drop his form teacher an email together with the pix, to see if the school will take up this matter with the boys and/or their parents.

Also explained to DS1 that it is wrong for him to hurt other people, likewise, it would be wrong for others to hurt him as well. So if it happens again, he should inform his teachers or the bus uncle about the incident.

[jedamum]

ZacK:

So if it happens again, he should inform his teachers or the bus uncle about the incident.

for immediate action, he can just shout out loud to quickly draw attention of the others when the act is committed.
if possible, get your kid to sit near to the bus driver.