How to teach children to handle bullies

[tony]

DS2 is 6 and somehow, is more prone to bullying than even DS1 (he gets it once in a while). I noticed that perhaps, both of them are small sized, but there is something else in DS2’s case. When someone starts to scare or chase him, he thinks it’s a game, so he plays the part and runs away acting scared. But the other child is "locked" into that mode so that when DS is long tired of the game, the "bully" continues his tricks. I’ve been coaching my son to ignore these guys (no success so far!), or better yet, not start off on the wrong foot. Things can spiral quickly out of hand because the mood will invariably turn nasty. Some kids take the cue quickly when DS ignores them, but some can’t seem to change out of the mode at all and will play the part every time they meet.


I’m taking the stance that he should, at all cost, learn to avoid getting into these exchanges because it is so hard to get out of.

[daisyt]

jedamum:

build on the kid's self esteem and confidence first. when the kid is confident of himself, he will naturally stand up for himself.

When dd was bullied in P1, I called the teacher to talk about it. First time, a boy hit her with the class chair. Second time, the same boy, poked her with a pencil. Beside trying to deal with the boy, the teacher also advised me to build up dd's skill on standing up for herself. Its not easy because she was quiet and introvert. We keep encouraging her to bring up the matter to teacher, to be more daring. Somewhere in P3, she showed some improvement. A boy, always like to step on her foot. She really cannot tolerate anymore, she stepped back him real hard for once. After that, he did not dare to step on her anymore.

Now in Sec 1, there is this boy hyperactive and playful. Beginning of the year, my girl was his target. So far, only one teacher can handle him. My girl observed how the teacher dealed with him and found the trick. She tried the same method and this boy back off, never dare to bully her anymore.

Another incident, her working partner, verbally assult her. She kept quiet but from then onwards, she treated him as transparent. She would say Hi to other friends beside him very obviously, but not Hi to this partner. I think he could sense it and he attitute change to be a bit more friendly towards her.

Generally, I want to say, it takes time to build up the child's confidence and how to stand on his own. Keep trying imparting them the different ways of handling bullys. Every bully needs to be handled differently as they are never the same. One day, they are able to handle the situation well. It takes me 13 years to see some good results and still trying for better. Jia you !

[jedamum]

sashimi:

Yes, thAt one.

apparently, thAt boy also 'bullied' my ds. he told other classmates not to befriend my boy and also accused my boy of doing some stuff, teased that his bag is childish (it is a decent non-cartoon backpack, so very obviously thAt boy is running out of stuff to tease) but my boy told me that his friends told thAt boy that they will continue to befriend my boy and they did not believe that my boy will do any of whatever stuff thAt boy alleges. my boy's main concern is that relief teachers usually do not entertain his complaints on thAt boy. i told him that thAt boy may be jealous cos he doesn't has as much friends as he does. i had told my boy to ignore him and just walk away, no matter if he felt uncomfortable with the teasing, and an-eye-for-an-eye is a big NO.
my boy is certainly looking forward to go to a different class (from thAt boy) next year.

[suki]

One of my children tend to be ‘bullied’ by others. When he was in primary school, there were occasions when he would come home ‘tearing’. On one hand, I tried not to be ‘protective’; on the other hand, also felt annoyed with the ‘bullies’. Sometimes, it is easier said than done to leave the child to handle the ‘bullies’. Also need to assess the severity and if the child is able to handle it. There are situations where the adults need to help them.


In all cases, would remind my child that there is nothing wrong with the victim; rather there is something wrong with the bully.

[MMM]

We always tell the kids not to bully others BUT they also cannot allow others to bully them. That is a big NO NO.


My boy tend to play rough (being boys). Apparently he did that in the school bus and hit another boy's groin. The moment it happened, we reprimanded him and told the other child's parent to ask the son not to play with my son too. He was fine for a while but it happened again. This time, I made him sit right infront with the bus uncle (school van). After that, I no longer have any complaints about him \"bullying\". I don't think he is a bully but in the process of playing and did not know the limit and since he is a big sized boy end up hitting the other boy (smaller size but older than him) :roll:

There are moments that he gets \"bullied\" too. Recently we had the case of him lending his expensive yoyo to a school mate. He is the friendly type so he makes lots of friends outside his class. He loaned his yoyo to this boy and when he asked for the yoyo, the boy claimed he had returned (which he didn't) and even scratch him. My boy was teary when he related that to us, we told him that he need to handle it himself. Either he speak to the teacher or he must learn from the lesson. Don't go round lending stuff to any Tom, Dick and Harry. He need to be taught how to \"evaluate\" the person before doing such thing. This is a life skill that he need to learn cannot be so trusting.

Recently, I also came across a \"verbal bully\" and I became the bully auntie in return. I was looking at the class schedule when a boy whom my son know came up to him :

Boy : What school are you from ?
Son : ABC
Boy : All the people from ABC have bad breath just like you

Initially I didnt' want to intervene but that boy sounds so cocky and I was also from ABC school so I wanted to teach the kids to protect the school’s name and not let anyone put it down. I went up to the kids.
Me : So what school are you from???
Boy : XYZ
Me : That's worst!!! No wonder your breath smell so bad.

Then I just walk off with a stunned boy and 2 giggling kids behind me. They probably learnt from mummy how to handle verbal abuse in the future. I felt that the boy was also taught a lesson not to talk bad about others.

[winth]

Scary when it comes to this topic.


DS1 has been bullied before when he was in Playgroup and it was always the same bully who would go around scratching little kids. This bully happened to be physically taller than the average boys in class. The worst scratch was when DS1 came home with a wound near to the corner of his eye. We talked to the principal and she told us that they had already cautioned this boy and his parents, but this same boy targeted almost anyone he could get his hands on. And she said that the boy’s background is rather problematic and complicated, so… Luckily, after 2 weeks, the wound finally recovered and there wasn’t a scar, if not I might consider reaping that boy’s skin off. :x :x

We told him to get away from that bully and arranged with the teacher that he would never sit with him. Everything went well for a few more weeks.

The final draw came when they had play time at the playground and that bully happened to be behind him while queuing for the slide. Apparently, the bully was knocking everyone else who was in his way and when it came to DS1, he hit his hand on DS1’s mouth, causing his tooth-filling to drop (yes DS1 went to dentist when he was 3). We switched school immediately, as I knew the teachers had done their best, and there was no way that they could educate that bully.

[winth]

DS1 is already 6 and there hasn't been a complaint so far that he was bullied or bullying others. :xedfingers:


I do alot of talking with him to look out for potential bullies (we term it as 'gangsters' so that he gets the idea that these people hurt you out of bad intentions) and we would rather skip the Ikea ballpool for the evening than to allow the boys to enter a ballpool full of big children. We would then tell them that the ballpool was so crowded and even if they had gone in, they wouldn't have any room to jump or play. We avoid crowded playgrounds and scavage for nice, big playgrounds with very little or very young children.

We deprive the children of luxury toys since young, so they will not create a big fuss when 'nice things' are taken away from them. They would just 'wave goodbye' to ballpool and a 'see you next time'.

For his P1 preparation, I told him to look out for the physical attributes of how a bully/gangster look like. And create various scenarios to help identify a rotten classmate versus a good friend.

[googaga]

winth:

For his P1 preparation, I told him to look out for the physical attributes of how a bully/gangster look like. And create various scenarios to help identify a rotten classmate versus a good friend.

Hi winth, can teach me a few scenarios? I din think abt preparing ds to look out for bullies cos he doesn't get bullied and nor does he bullies. I was in for a shock when he encountered one on his P1 orientation day. Yes, on orientation day! A boy sitting nx to him in class spat on his face and ds' fren saw it n reported to tcher. Tcher came over and told him not to do it. Guess what?? When tcher turned her back, he did it again! My goodness.. Best part is, tcher din even report what happened to me when i picked him up. And too bad my son only told me abt the incident after we left sch and he din even get his name

Do u guys think i've a rt to demand an explanation fm the sch/tcher in charge? i'm still boiling mad :x

[ZacK]

DS1 was pinched by two P2 boys, on his arms (5 bruises on one arm and 2 on the other), while on the school bus today. He didnt cry or make any noise on the bus, so the driver does not know abt it. He only cried when he got home.


Thinking of calling the bus driver for the boys contact number to inform the parents or should I just inform the school teacher and see if the school will handle it? Remembered during the school orientation, they are against bullying of other kids.

P.s. Just managed to take some shots, 5 obvious ones on the right arm and 1 hidden on the left arm.
http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w26/iZoom2/ArmShot.jpg\">

[autumnbronze]

Oh dear!


Zack, I am sorry your DS was bullied. :hugs: to your DS

I am not an expert.....

But would it make more sense to inform his form teacher first and see what course of action the sch would take?? Provided of course the P2 boys are from the same sch.