How to teach children to handle bullies

[sashimi]

smurf:

haha...interesting...but some gals also take advantage of good men leh...


I think whether ur child is boy or gal, good upbringing is important.

Yeah lah, of course. But as far as I can tell, statistically and by actual experience, most bullies and troublemakers in school are male. It's a male thing... Hence, my (yes, one-sided) plea.

[smurf]

hmm, does verbal abuse considered bullying? DS1 told me his friends (dunno true or not lah, cos he doesn't like going to sch and ill come up with all sorts of reasons not to go) call him 'papaya man'. cos they dun like him.



what's papaya man by the way? :?

[schellen]

sashimi:

schellen:

A few months ago, 2 incidents happened, one at sch and one at BASC. A boy in her class kept annoying and irritating her. Since it was non-threatening (she just needed the human equivalent of a bug spray to deal with this pest), we told her to retaliate physically (push offender away) and report the incidents to the teachers. So she kicked him in the shin once before stomping off to report him to her teacher. This was after she warned him to leave.

You forgot, darling, that it WAS threatening. The boy verbally expressed the intention to beat her up physically. That's why we instructed DD to be prepared to retaliate as a means of defence. Remember?

She didn't tell me that leh. She only described him as pesky and irritating and annoying. Is it that one who made a big fuss at the very start of the year? If yes, he seriously has issues.

Actually, the one I find more threatening is the destroyer who joined them at BASC. I wish he would do something so stupid to get him withdrawn by force. If this one dares to do anything stupid to DD anymore, I WILL pay him a personal visit and use THAT VOICE and THAT LOOK on him. :x

[mrswongtuition]

My boy was bitten repeatedly at CCC. & when I questioned the teachers, they said that my boy did not provoke the other kid. The other kid just chose to bite my boy.


Most irritating part was when I told the parents of that kid, they did not even apologise & they just smiled and said,"He also bites us."

Everytime he was bitten, we brought him to the doctor as it will get infected (bite until bleed).

I’m very irritated with the parents. Don’t they teach their kid? Or they expect the CCC to teach their kid for them?

Anyway, the CCC’s solution was to isolate that boy. So that boy was physically ‘attached’ to the helper to prevent him from going near the children & biting them (he not only bites my DS but the teachers & other kids too).

And, the CCC teachers told us my boy did not retaliate at all. All he did was scream for help. He did not even try to move away to avoid being bitten. So my hb & mum taught him to at least push the offender away. Subsequently, another new kid in class started biting ppl to. This time, he pushed the person away before he could sink his teeth deep enough to cause bleeding. But there was a bruise from the bite.

[tony]

DS2 is 6 and somehow, is more prone to bullying than even DS1 (he gets it once in a while). I noticed that perhaps, both of them are small sized, but there is something else in DS2’s case. When someone starts to scare or chase him, he thinks it’s a game, so he plays the part and runs away acting scared. But the other child is "locked" into that mode so that when DS is long tired of the game, the "bully" continues his tricks. I’ve been coaching my son to ignore these guys (no success so far!), or better yet, not start off on the wrong foot. Things can spiral quickly out of hand because the mood will invariably turn nasty. Some kids take the cue quickly when DS ignores them, but some can’t seem to change out of the mode at all and will play the part every time they meet.


I’m taking the stance that he should, at all cost, learn to avoid getting into these exchanges because it is so hard to get out of.

[daisyt]

jedamum:

build on the kid's self esteem and confidence first. when the kid is confident of himself, he will naturally stand up for himself.

When dd was bullied in P1, I called the teacher to talk about it. First time, a boy hit her with the class chair. Second time, the same boy, poked her with a pencil. Beside trying to deal with the boy, the teacher also advised me to build up dd's skill on standing up for herself. Its not easy because she was quiet and introvert. We keep encouraging her to bring up the matter to teacher, to be more daring. Somewhere in P3, she showed some improvement. A boy, always like to step on her foot. She really cannot tolerate anymore, she stepped back him real hard for once. After that, he did not dare to step on her anymore.

Now in Sec 1, there is this boy hyperactive and playful. Beginning of the year, my girl was his target. So far, only one teacher can handle him. My girl observed how the teacher dealed with him and found the trick. She tried the same method and this boy back off, never dare to bully her anymore.

Another incident, her working partner, verbally assult her. She kept quiet but from then onwards, she treated him as transparent. She would say Hi to other friends beside him very obviously, but not Hi to this partner. I think he could sense it and he attitute change to be a bit more friendly towards her.

Generally, I want to say, it takes time to build up the child's confidence and how to stand on his own. Keep trying imparting them the different ways of handling bullys. Every bully needs to be handled differently as they are never the same. One day, they are able to handle the situation well. It takes me 13 years to see some good results and still trying for better. Jia you !

[jedamum]

sashimi:

Yes, thAt one.

apparently, thAt boy also 'bullied' my ds. he told other classmates not to befriend my boy and also accused my boy of doing some stuff, teased that his bag is childish (it is a decent non-cartoon backpack, so very obviously thAt boy is running out of stuff to tease) but my boy told me that his friends told thAt boy that they will continue to befriend my boy and they did not believe that my boy will do any of whatever stuff thAt boy alleges. my boy's main concern is that relief teachers usually do not entertain his complaints on thAt boy. i told him that thAt boy may be jealous cos he doesn't has as much friends as he does. i had told my boy to ignore him and just walk away, no matter if he felt uncomfortable with the teasing, and an-eye-for-an-eye is a big NO.
my boy is certainly looking forward to go to a different class (from thAt boy) next year.

[suki]

One of my children tend to be ‘bullied’ by others. When he was in primary school, there were occasions when he would come home ‘tearing’. On one hand, I tried not to be ‘protective’; on the other hand, also felt annoyed with the ‘bullies’. Sometimes, it is easier said than done to leave the child to handle the ‘bullies’. Also need to assess the severity and if the child is able to handle it. There are situations where the adults need to help them.


In all cases, would remind my child that there is nothing wrong with the victim; rather there is something wrong with the bully.

[MMM]

We always tell the kids not to bully others BUT they also cannot allow others to bully them. That is a big NO NO.


My boy tend to play rough (being boys). Apparently he did that in the school bus and hit another boy's groin. The moment it happened, we reprimanded him and told the other child's parent to ask the son not to play with my son too. He was fine for a while but it happened again. This time, I made him sit right infront with the bus uncle (school van). After that, I no longer have any complaints about him \"bullying\". I don't think he is a bully but in the process of playing and did not know the limit and since he is a big sized boy end up hitting the other boy (smaller size but older than him) :roll:

There are moments that he gets \"bullied\" too. Recently we had the case of him lending his expensive yoyo to a school mate. He is the friendly type so he makes lots of friends outside his class. He loaned his yoyo to this boy and when he asked for the yoyo, the boy claimed he had returned (which he didn't) and even scratch him. My boy was teary when he related that to us, we told him that he need to handle it himself. Either he speak to the teacher or he must learn from the lesson. Don't go round lending stuff to any Tom, Dick and Harry. He need to be taught how to \"evaluate\" the person before doing such thing. This is a life skill that he need to learn cannot be so trusting.

Recently, I also came across a \"verbal bully\" and I became the bully auntie in return. I was looking at the class schedule when a boy whom my son know came up to him :

Boy : What school are you from ?
Son : ABC
Boy : All the people from ABC have bad breath just like you

Initially I didnt' want to intervene but that boy sounds so cocky and I was also from ABC school so I wanted to teach the kids to protect the school’s name and not let anyone put it down. I went up to the kids.
Me : So what school are you from???
Boy : XYZ
Me : That's worst!!! No wonder your breath smell so bad.

Then I just walk off with a stunned boy and 2 giggling kids behind me. They probably learnt from mummy how to handle verbal abuse in the future. I felt that the boy was also taught a lesson not to talk bad about others.

[winth]

Scary when it comes to this topic.


DS1 has been bullied before when he was in Playgroup and it was always the same bully who would go around scratching little kids. This bully happened to be physically taller than the average boys in class. The worst scratch was when DS1 came home with a wound near to the corner of his eye. We talked to the principal and she told us that they had already cautioned this boy and his parents, but this same boy targeted almost anyone he could get his hands on. And she said that the boy’s background is rather problematic and complicated, so… Luckily, after 2 weeks, the wound finally recovered and there wasn’t a scar, if not I might consider reaping that boy’s skin off. :x :x

We told him to get away from that bully and arranged with the teacher that he would never sit with him. Everything went well for a few more weeks.

The final draw came when they had play time at the playground and that bully happened to be behind him while queuing for the slide. Apparently, the bully was knocking everyone else who was in his way and when it came to DS1, he hit his hand on DS1’s mouth, causing his tooth-filling to drop (yes DS1 went to dentist when he was 3). We switched school immediately, as I knew the teachers had done their best, and there was no way that they could educate that bully.