Is this behaviour of teacher acceptable?

[cherrygal]

Imp75:

I wonder why physical punishment could be tolerated in the olden days but not now? Does it really hurt the child's esteem and cause irreparable damage or is it parents are more protective now?

Because parents were not so vocal and highly educated last time so they respected the teachers very much and some even ask the teacher to help to spank the kids. My tuition teacher used to cane our hands if we failed her tingxie... and she was sooooo popular among the parents.

Guess we can be over protective sometimes but our fear is, if we don't make noise now, will she go further and whack him more?

[mommylow]

In my opinion, teachers no matter how angry they are should not resort to physical violence to discipline a student. Being adults they should be able to regulate their emotions better


I must admit sometimes it’s really exasperating when dealing with certain children who simply do not take well to instructions and co-operate. They just drive the teacher up the wall and she/he succumbs to physical and sometimes verbal attacks. My DS’s classmates can drive his teacher to say words like "I’ve given up on you" or "I don’t even want to look at your report book".

I think parents should work hand in hand with the teacher and when meltdowns happen, find out the true cause to it from both sides. Listen carefully to what the child has to say and whether he is saying the truth as kids sometimes twist the story to their advantage to avoid scoldings and punishment. Interviewing the classmates who witness the whole incident can really help us look at the issue from a different perspective.

If the teacher is really at fault, we should not have any qualms about letting him/her know and settle the issue diplomatically.

Since we entrust our children to the school and teachers, we should work hand in hand with them and have faith that they will do their best to teach, nurture and guide our children in their learning journey.

[Imami]

Agree with Mommylow.


Now, I am not against smacking, pulling ears per se. I believe some smacking is necessary for the good of my child and I subscribe to the idea "spare the rod and spoil the kid". What I cannot accept is another person, especially a teacher, pulling my child’s ear. I believe, I am in the best position to roll out physical punishment to my child without hurting his esteem and his flesh. Another person may not be able to manage this aspect of the punishment. The outcome we want from the said punishment is not to hurt/shame the child, but to guide him/her to the correct path. What good does it do to throw the book on the floor? It only shows the child teacher is very very very angry. But does it explain to the child what is the teacher angry with?

I can accept the teacher to inform, complain about my child to me. Tell me how naughty/uncooperative/un-manageable my child is, I will deal with him in my own way. BUT don’t lay a finger on my child.

[Nebbermind]

just wondering, for parents who have disruptive kids, what would be the acceptable punishment for the diff kind of misdeed, eg, disturbing neighbours, speaking out of turn, rude to teacher, uncooperative in acitivities etc…

[Mychildren]

gerberadaisy,


Hi, pulling of the ear is not acceptable. I can accept the teacher to scold my child or make him stand outside the classroom or throwing the book. But not pulling the ear. (For me, this should be done by the father and mother only.)

You can have a talk with the teacher and see what can be done to resolve the problem. Even my 2nd DS has this problem of not able to sit properly during lesson. Teachers complain and his teacher is good to make him sit somewhere near front and in the center of the class. I knew that the teacher also try to make the class more interesting. But not all his teachers, at least some, try to do it.

At home, I also monitor my son, in a way, I make him do his homework in front of me. So I know what’s wrong with him and correct his posture or call him back when his mind wander off. Even though, I tell him if you concentrate and finish fast, you’ve more time to play, he still tends to do it very slow. But at least, we as parents are trying.

I believe that day by day, by instilling the right thoughts to him, he’ll improve. You can slowly lengthen the time while he is sitting doing work, like starting with 10 min, then a bit longer the next time. So don’t give up! Talk to the teacher first, especially his form teacher. Be cool and calm when discuss with the teacher and look at what can be done to help the child best.

[MOTY]

It sounds like the teacher cannot cope and lost control of herself, resorting to the use of violence to address your son’s behaviour.


It is not appropriate as it teaches your child physical aggression is an appropriate tool to have in one’s repertoire for conflict resolution.

From her choice of disciplinary action it seems the teacher is not very talented. Nevertheless, the ideal situation would be to work with the teacher to address your son’s developmental issues. Suggestions:

- preserve the integrety of the parent-teacher relationship by not involving the principal initially (may be necessary if the teacher doesn’t want to cooperate)
- Find out more about the dynamics of your child’s classroom and the role he contributes to the conflict by talking to both your son and the teacher.
- inform the teacher the steps that you have actively taken to address the issues.
- offering and discussing acceptable methods of disciplining your child but making clear you do not accept physical discipline.
- keep open a channel of regular communication for updates and to resolve future issues.

Good luck.

[xmas]

If it’s really a special need, it’s for the best interest to send the kid to special school.

[lcchai]

hmmm, when i was in pri schl back in m’sia, saw a few kids smokin in toilet so i told disciplinary master n they were all canned in front of whole school. When i studied in s’pore, pri n sec used to c students canned in front of schl, class. My sec schl friend even told me kena slapped by teacher, (we shared same class in s3 n s4, incident happened in s1).

i always tell my children, need to behave properly in sch, unless u get beaten for no good reason, otherwise dont come home crying. Better learn to behave when the most u get is a slap or cane, instead of getting a knife in ur gut when u r out there in society. No Second Chance in Life.
Of course I m not saying dont ask dont care, but I m sure teacher will not raise hands on students without justifications.
We are still part animals, i.e. do certain things n u get hurt, after a few times it gets imprint in u, n u will stop doing the wrong thing. Maybe its just my way of thinking, haha!

[MOTY]

Caning as a predefined punishment for misbehaviour is different from " having ears pulled and books thrown on the floor."


Caning, if conducted properly, is like a currency you exchange as payment for offenses against you social order. It is possible to move forth with dignity after you have discharged your debt.

This child’s punishment on the other hand focus purely on humilation. The non verbal message that the teacher is communicating is that "you are like these books I have thrown on the floor…a piece of trash." This is a high price base on destruction of the child’s self worth that he may continue to pay unconsciously from many years to come.

I think if we want our children to become a person of worth, then we should teach and punishment without their having to shed their dignity.

[Imami]

MOTY:

Caning as a predefined punishment for misbehaviour is different from \" having ears pulled and books thrown on the floor.\"


Caning, if conducted properly, is like a currency you exchange as payment for offenses against you social order. It is possible to move forth with dignity after you have discharged your debt.

This child's punishment on the other hand focus purely on humilation. The non verbal message that the teacher is communicating is that \"you are like these books I have thrown on the floor..a piece of trash.\" This is a high price base on destruction of the child's self worth that he may continue to pay unconsciously from many years to come.

I think if we want our children to become a person of worth, then we should teach and punishment without their having to shed their dignity.

Hmm... Understand. Some thought provoking paragraphs here for tome to ponder upon...

OT a bit - there are people of all sorts and some times we have no way to stop them from entering our children's world (like this teacher and what was done to the child).

What can we, as parents, do to help our children to be more resilient against such situations? I am looking for opinions/ideas which we could put in place So that our children don't fall victims into someone's tactless deeds. Like what moty said, still paying after years. :sad: I may need these ideas real soon.....