桃花谈
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insider:
Thanks Insider. I am not so worried about DS bringing ill fortune to me but it got to me because he said the relationship between me and DS will be bad. I think every mother's fear is her own children getting estranged from them. And having this stranger looking at your birth details and saying it with so much conviction, it was unsettling.
Fortune telling is sort of like a Pandora Box and so I don't encourage people to purposely go and tell fortune.Funz:
I have this thing that has been kinda a nagging worry that surfaces now and then. That is why I don't quite like the idea of fortune telling...
This thread brought that nagging worry back again.
You see I don't even tell the fortune of my own kids until recently I told for my niece.
My elder son, as you know, has always been a daredevil that loves sports that make my heart skips a beat.
His main star is a 七杀 star - is a star that will not be contented with staying at the same place and doing the same thing. It's a chiong and chiong star. Basically this full of fighting spirit star comes with high probable chances of injuries.
If I would have seen his stars earlier, I might have worried myself unnecessarily for the past 19 years.
All this while, I have been keeping my cool and accepted his risk taking nature (coz even if I want to stop him, I don't think this will bring the both of us anywhere coz he is unlikely to listen). What I have been doing is still to grow my internal wisdom to rub on him so that he can be protected by the 'membrane'.
He is such a kind boy. So, he should be fine...
PS:
Earlier on you mentioned someone told you you'll always have a 贵人 with you. I suspect this 贵人 is the 解神 star which is a 'force' or someone who may appear to help you to 逢凶化吉. So, don't be too affected by the talk that your son will 'ke' you. You are a relatively strong woman and so should have enough wisdom to receive the 'force' of 解神 to deal with your son even he is really going to be your 克星. You see, he can be a 克星 but then if you are strong enough with the help of 解神, then you can overpower him to prevent him from 克ing you.
Continue to be kind and nothing can harm you...
As for the 贵人 thing, it came from this same guy so I don't put much stock in it. :razz: But if I do look back, life has been pretty smooth. Whenever I am about at breaking point, somehow things will straighten itself out. -
insider:
Since these guys are not young, how do you know that they are not married men? Match making your girlfriends will involve a certain amount of risks. Your girlfriends might blame you if these guys end up with hidden agenda. Better to be safe than sorry. Not easy for middle aged women to let go of failed relationships. You are a smart woman with a happy marriage, try not to keep in touch with that over friendly man.limlim:
Per title mah.....
no answer to my question..... :sad:
ok lah ok lah limlim. Stop hopping around 'gloomily' and i will take this small pocket of time to share something light (so as to 'justify' the thread title? heeheehee...).
Any person of sexual attraction that appears outside one's marriage = 烂桃花.
He still appears to be 'very keen' despite knowing that I am married.
He is a few years younger than me and has been smsing me like almost every weekend to go out (in groups).
Just like he is a 烂桃花 to me, actually I am also such to him coz if I am someone who is flirtatious, then may end up like Gay or one of those recently 'famous' ones with a broken family.
He is an experienced businessman and I do expect some sort of 'maturity' in him and let's see whether I can 'straighten' something with him discreetly this weekend to remain as an acquaintance or a simple friend.
If by this weekend either of my friends cannot find any possible chemistry with the man whom I 'spotted', then I will stop meeting him again. (his friend looks 'brighter' than him in terms of 慧根).
Actually all these men make me wonder about the danger of 烂桃花 which are quite aplenty outside if one is not careful enough and the danger of a spouse mis-picking up one if he / she is in a bad mood and from there, to start a probable tragedy... -
Hi Insider Da Jie,
My relationship with my mother was similar to your niece with your sister. The difference was that I was timid and faced my mum with fear then.
I am conscious about the fact that i am behaving like my mum having short temper, shouting and screaming when things do not go smoothly as i want. I know this is NOT right as I have been hurt before and i do NOT want my children to be fearful of me. I restrain myself with all my might when things do not go smoothly. And when I did restrained, I feel extremely frustrated inside like why I can’t even be angry when things make me angry.
It is like there is this loud, big, ugly, strong monster inside me, desire to jump out at each slightest opportunity. I do not want it to come out and suppress it. Suppressing it is very hard and frustrating for me. I need a lot of mental strength to do it.
After reading this para about the vicious cycle, I have scary vibes over me, as I was the One who disrupt the positive Qi in the house.
{It is important for a house to be filled with as many positive points as possible and a person to be surrounded by as many positive points as possible. Therefore, it’s crucial for parents to try to control their temper as much as possible and to avoid nagging, scolding, quarreling, etc at home (concept of 家和万事兴、家衰口不停）. All these breed negative points within a home and with more and more negative points, even good stars that are supposed to be shining bright will be dimmed by all the negativities in the house = most if not all at home suffer from moodiness, low spirit, etc, and thereby breeding more negative points – vicious cycle.}
I do want good stars to shine brightly for my dh, ds and dd. Since 8 feb, I have been suppressing the monster inside me. I will look away when I saw things that will invite the monster out. I will take a breath and adjust the vol. of my voice when I need to repeat my instructions again.
My hb was a little uncomfortable he say why dun I just spit what I want to say and not hold it inside. I think he saw the part that it was really difficult for me, made him feel uncomfortable. I ask for some time, it will be alright soon.
Ds used to cry his way thru when I coach him in his studies which frustrated me very much. These few weeks, I have been adjusting my expectations on him and this week, he is pretty much on auto mode, whining was less than usual and wanting to do more even when I told him to go and rest. He is more vocal, speaking up for himself. He wanted me to check one of the problem sum if he had done correctly. It was a difficult one and i frowned my brows, he saw my expression and say,"Tell me what went wrong, dun scold me hor!" in a light hearted way. Omg, I realized I must be doing that all the while and he was hurt, didnt know how to react but with tears. I smiled and acknowledged his words. And guess what, he got that tricky problem sum correct.
From time to time, the monster do sneak out but it is getting weaker. I need to build my positive stars to shine brightly to clear up my 无明 that have been around for years.
谢谢insider大姐! -
Brown bear
My situation is quite like yours. I also have to try very hard to restrain myself and at times when it builds up too much I explode like a volcano. Am trying to work on this part too. -
Brown Bear:
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, where have you been?And when I did restrained, I feel extremely frustrated inside like why I can't even be angry when things make me angry.
Hello, thanks for opening up the monster in you!
Don't mind I wanted to laugh at the above statement. Hahaha... (laughing real heartily).
See, it's your whole mindset that needs to be changed. Many things are just neutral but then coz of your subjective interpretation, they become negative. No one makes you angry and it's you who make yourself angry most of the time!
So, if you can change the way you view things, then you will not get angry as often. Accept there's a Grey between Black and White...
Just try to give up always winning at home, then you will be the ultimate winner = everyone wins...
Tell yourself losing to your husband and your kids are absolute OK, then there will be more peace (since you know you are bad temper = big patch of 无明 = surrender yourself and let the other calmer ones lead you. Even if there's no calm ones at home, you also cannot be the Leader else all maybe led to 死胡同. Your husband sounds like a nice man leh...).
I am glad that you are working towards taming yourself. Slowly but surely, you and everyone will get better!
How? Set yourself a three to five years target and look back at that time to this time and I believe you will see a big difference in every family member's life...
滴水穿石...... -
To continue with my story. I’m also like insider’s second sis marry young to escape the family. My parents did not get along too. Father quick-tempered and mother stubborn, must win all the time. When angry, bang here bang there, scold A indirectly by taking it out on B. Me being the youngest child used to get it a lot of times.
I was however very lucky to marry a good man. He has lots more 仁，智，勇 compared to me.
Besides of my own family background I was very conscious not to create the same unhappy environment for my kids but sad to say I do have some of the same flaws although it is to a lesser extent.
I see my dd is quite similar to me - insecure, temperamental and impatient. Am trying to correct myself so that I can help her.
Ds1 is more like his father and has good 人缘 so less worried about him.
My r/s with my mother is quite bad. Now I only see her every other month and no phone calls in between. I only see her because I need to give her allowance. I know it’s very bad of me but I really wasn’t motivated to do anything about this till I read this thread. It is indeed very timely for me. It’s going to be difficult but I’m going to try one small step at a time. -
hi fairy
Thank you for sharing the inspirational story about DIL MIL.
I was strictly brought up v sheltered and my mom was successful in molding us into obedient children. So as an adult, my style is to listen, avoid confrontation and try to please. I treated my MIL even better than my own mother. My mom I could "talk back" nicely and becos she loves me, she may compromise.
The diff w MIL is she is not my mother. After so many years, with maturity, I realised the wrong thing I did is marry her beloved son. I never talk back to her whenever she scolds me. The more I endured, the more frequent the scoldings, the worse the treatment. No matter how I do things, it is never correct even if I follow her way.
When I could not take it anymore, we had a very fierce quarrel after 15 years of endurance. Then I started standing up for what I feel is impt. I don’t sweat the small stuff. Guess what. She scolded me less becos I was no longer a pushover.
But insider posted this morning
"When dealing with old folks, I feel it’s not so important whether they are right or wrong. If things are of not life threatening nature, even if they are wrong we can also close one eye instead of trying to correct them…For example, not everything that my mum does is correct but I will just oblige to keep her happy coz making her happy (and not making myself happy) is my Guiding Principle whenever I come into contact with her. Nothing matter more than the Happiness of my mum - that’s my Guiding Principle that I will never lose sight of!)"
So while it is easy to do the Guiding Principle for my own mum, for my MIL it is hard. I worry the more I endure, the worser treatment I get. Just this CNY, her own daughters confided that mum is getting more unreasonable because everyone is spoiling her by "enduring" scoldings even when undeserved. But I want good karma for my kids so I will try to improve the relationship - baby steps. Maybe I am too reserved and serious. Let me try smiling, pleasant face first. -
insider, u mentioned that giving money to parents is good. i gave money to parents ever since i worked but stop after i become sahm 2 yrs ago. both said i dont hv to give since i am not working. they are also working but earn not much. straightaway after that my father had cancer but he recovered. but his health is not as good anymore. he keeps lamenting that he has bitter life cause still need to work at his age. i feel so sad. i wish he can retire too. but if he retire he will have nothing to support himself as he has zero savings. notice i didnt mention i worry about my mom cause she has a lot a savings. their relationship is very bad so when i asked mom if she could help support dad so that he can retire she refused. so father needs to tahan till i can go back to work when baby is old enough. but my daughter is really attached to me and i dread the day when i have to put her to child care. she is so attached that no one can carry her except me and hubby anow at13 mth.
i am torn between taking care off my children or supporting my father. what should i do? -
insider:
Insider,What is a 桃花 (cherry blossom)?
桃花 has a wider meaning than the general interpretation. It refers to whether someone has ‘opposite gender attraction’ (异性缘), not restricted to only opposite gender that are involved in matters of the heart. Eg, a man well liked in the office by his female boss and colleagues or a woman well liked by her male boss and male colleagues = relatively strong 桃花运.
The number of 桃花 stars shinning directly on a person and the type of 桃花 has the following implications on that person.
For example, for those who are Horses next year will have many 桃花 appearing throughout the year.
For those who are singles, they have a high chance of meeting their 真名天子.
For those who are married, they may meet seduction from 小三 or they become 小三.
Other than that, Horses can meet opposite gender who are coming as 贵人 or 小人.
Bad 桃花 = 烂桃花 – can bring disasters (eg Michael Palmer, etc), can break hearts,
The above predictions for those born in the year of the horse really got me worried...very worried. :sad: -
Nihauma:
Not advising about your dilemma. Just to share abt bb. She's my 3rd child. I'm the main caregiver since she was born. She's super attached to me. I sent her off to kindy this yr, she's a 2010 bb. 2 reasons why I \"pack\" her off to a 4 hrs kindy, 1, I really needed the rest and 2, I'm not in the state of mind to teach her.insider, u mentioned that giving money to parents is good. i gave money to parents ever since i worked but stop after i become sahm 2 yrs ago. both said i dont hv to give since i am not working. they are also working but earn not much. straightaway after that my father had cancer but he recovered. but his health is not as good anymore. he keeps lamenting that he has bitter life cause still need to work at his age. i feel so sad. i wish he can retire too. but if he retire he will have nothing to support himself as he has zero savings. notice i didnt mention i worry about my mom cause she has a lot a savings. their relationship is very bad so when i asked mom if she could help support dad so that he can retire she refused. so father needs to tahan till i can go back to work when baby is old enough. but my daughter is really attached to me and i dread the day when i have to put her to child care. she is so attached that no one can carry her except me and hubby anow at13 mth.
i am torn between taking care off my children or supporting my father. what should i do?
For the 1st month it was really difficult, she cried and held on to me so tightly that the teachers could not pry her off me. Once in kindy, she will settle down, but I think it's also becos ds is there with her. Before she was due to attend the kindy, I will tell her she will be going to school soon. She will go with me when I send and pick dd1 to and from school, and ds too. I will always say, see jie jie / kor kor going to school liao, you will be going too next yr. First few times, she shook her head violently and said no no no. But after a while it was better. I would also said, jie jie / kor kor coming home liao. Although I kind of prepare her, it was still tough. After a month, it's much better, she is ok to say bye bye to me and walk calmly into the kindy. Though I still need to bring her to the kindy, while ds take the bus. When she's 3yos, I hope she will be able to take the school bus to kindy too.
My pt to all this rambling is that if you decide to go to work, your child will adapt too. Look for a good cc.
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