How to make a child more confident and outspoken

[kaitlynangelica]

jedamum:

kaitlynangelica:

What fears could she possibly have? What could be stressing her?

But is it possible that at such a young age she is aware and conscious that other kids are ahead of her?

Fear of new surroundings, fear of authoritative figures (eg loud teachers), excluded from group activities, considering that girls tends to mature faster than boys, it will not be surprising that she may be aware that others are more 'advanced' academically than she is. The surge of 'learning' info (as compared to her previous kindie) may be too overwhelming for her. Besides, don't rule out the teasing part which may sometimes happen.

Maybe you can get feedback from the teachers on whether she need to catch up on what aspect if you feel that your kid is stressed over being underprepared...cos Knowledge after all is Power.

Hi Jedamum,

The teachers have told me that she has caught up well. When she first went to K1, she had to complete the pink boxes set which everyone else had completed in N2. She is almost on par with ther rest. In mathematics, I know that she is behind as she is still doing addition wheras most of them are doing subtraction. But overall, the teachers have said that she has surpassed their expectations. Even the chinese teachers said so.

But I do agree with you that knowledge is power and she probably is aware that others are more advanced than her. That's why nowadays, I don't make a big deal when she has spelling and ting xie. I do not say things like \"must spell correctly ah\" or \"must get full marks ah\". I don't want her to be so conscious at such a young age.

JMHO.

[kaitlynangelica]

nsmom:

Hi KA


Here is my 2 cents worth- first of all, please don't feel embarassed by her behaviour. It will make her more anxious and less self-conscious. I know it is easier said than done but who said parenting is easy? She is trying to tell you that she needs you and you are the only one who can give her the confidence which has been shattered by certain events (which we r nt very sure of).

* She might be an introvert which means she will take little longer to adjust to new surrounding. She will also be more sensitive towards how other people react or behave towards her. You might have to act like a shield in front of her until things get better. There are good books in library about raising introverts or shy children. One I read was -\"Hidden gifts of the introverted child\"

you can take solace in the fact that such children are intelligent and that is why they feel and react strongly to their environment.

So please, be there for her as a confident mother who believes in her child. It is a known fact that our kids soak up our feelings. some ideas:
- Introduce her to 1 person at a time
- reach early at party venue and let her feel the environment.
- Hold her finger or give her ur gentle touch until she is ready to move on.
If problem lies in school then identify the culprit ASAP and take action. Remember she is only 5 and needs all the love and encouragement you can provide.

Gd luck

HI nsmum,

thanks for inputs.

I must try not to feel embarassed by her behaviour. After all, she is my only child and I need to love her unconditionally. I will remember what you have said and just keep on encouraging her...........

Thanks!

[kaitlynangelica]

vv_lim:

hi,


\"I believe in man's strong voice\"

ahha ok tomorrow is holiday...

If i bring my girl to school every morning she will cry like 10 mins, her sharp voice will be heard even i stand across the road opposite the school.

Then i decided not to company her but just let papa bring her to school only.
cos mummy bring, she miss mummy, crying for mummy mummy is expected.
so, every morning, papa will encourage her, saying cannot cry, show happy face...after few days she no more crying.

When go to Julia Gabriel class, i dun sit down passively, will push her to go in front every time if appropriate!
i sing loudly and tell her to sing together as loud as me.
When in Shichida, if teacher ask question, without giving her answer, i just say near her ear: \"kw, say loudly!\"

Conclusion for my case is need mummy's push/encouragement and the papa intervention. papa will make a laughing session with them ahhahaha if job that day not too stress ! papa will also everyday ask her different kind of questions, why, what, how, where, who, whose...
The papa's voice sound strong and it helps

and for say hello part, also need mummy encouragement...ahha even i flash cards to her for music composer or great people of the world, will ask her say halo to xxx...when see uncle, untie inside the same lift, will push her to say hello, even i see a crab outside the frying rice shop, will ask her to say hello to crab! see a cat, she will says: hello meow! ahha i mean since she so young i just encourage her in this way.

ps:
Currently, i am shopping for childcare/kindergarden that have good show and tell time to practise public speaking
or at least let a child stand in front of the class and sing a song weekly.
Anyone heard any in Bukit Batok area?

Hi VVlim,

But your child is how old? My gal is already in K2. Difficult to compare that way right?

I guess I should have started emphasising this earlier. But I think your way of encouraging your child to say hello is really cute la!

[MLR]

vv_lim:

and for say hello part, also need mummy encouragement...ahha even i flash cards to her for music composer or great people of the world, will ask her say halo to xxx...when see uncle, untie inside the same lift, will push her to say hello, even i see a crab outside the frying rice shop, will ask her to say hello to crab! see a cat, she will says: hello meow! ahha i mean since she so young i just encourage her in this way.

We do the same for our 2.5 yo. He says hello and goodbye to inorganic stuff, he say them to to his fav hair in the park and his toys too.
But my issue is that when he is friendly in public he gets stares and most times ignored when he greet pple in the lift and such. Recently he stops saying hi to pple in the lift, cos he get ignored too often, sometimes he says hes sad when pple ignore him, that makes me mad :x

[thrice]

My DD1 is a (painfully) shy girl in school. When she was in P1, on the first day of school when every girl was asked to stand up and give a short introduction, she froze and cried. That year, her form teacher was concerned that DD1 was not speaking up in class, and the school counsellor was involved too. DD1 did manage to pass her oral tests but I was told that her voice was very soft and she had tears in her eyes when answering questions and was forcing the words out of her mouth.


Nothing much has changed, unfortunately, 2 years down the road. DD1 is now in P3. Her form teacher had asked each girl to stand up and tell her whether taking HCL or CL. She cried. :stupid: In class, when DD1 is called to answer questions, DD1's classmates would protest to the teachers that DD1 cannot stand up and answer questions. I don't think that this is healthy for DD1.

We (teachers and parents) have been giving her encouragement and time to grow out of this. But it seems like we are running out of time. DD1 has to start speaking up else it'll be even more difficult when it comes to project work and team discussions later...

What else could I do to help her? :?:

[jedamum]

see my comments here.

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2628&start=0

[Funz]

thrice:

My DD1 is a (painfully) shy girl in school. When she was in P1, on the first day of school when every girl was asked to stand up and give a short introduction, she froze and cried. That year, her form teacher was concerned that DD1 was not speaking up in class, and the school counsellor was involved too. DD1 did manage to pass her oral tests but I was told that her voice was very soft and she had tears in her eyes when answering questions and was forcing the words out of her mouth.


Nothing much has changed, unfortunately, 2 years down the road. DD1 is now in P3. Her form teacher had asked each girl to stand up and tell her whether taking HCL or CL. She cried. :stupid: In class, when DD1 is called to answer questions, DD1's classmates would protest to the teachers that DD1 cannot stand up and answer questions. I don't think that this is healthy for DD1.

We (teachers and parents) have been giving her encouragement and time to grow out of this. But it seems like we are running out of time. DD1 has to start speaking up else it'll be even more difficult when it comes to project work and team discussions later...

What else could I do to help her? :?:

http://www.imh.com.sg/Quietroom/articles.asp?id=19

Check out the above link

It is about selective mutism. Hope it helps.

[Trina]

I had the same problem with my only child when she was younger. In N1, she cried everyday when I dropped her off at school. It only stoppped when I went back to work and got my mum to send her to school. At N2, she was fine for 1st term and then started crying again when I dropped her off school. We tried all ways and means to get her to settle down including bringing her favourite teddy (it was featured in her N1 class photo and K1 activity photos!!). Thankfully she finally settled down in mid K1 although all her teachers gave the same comment - a very shy and quiet girl…


Naturally I was anxious when she entered P1 but I was surprised to know from teachers that she was participating well in class. DD told me that she was comfortable with her classmates and teachers. I guess she just eventually grow out of her shyness although she is still relatively quiet in class.

DD is in P2 this year and school changed the examination system. Instead of written paper, she now has to make presentations for Eng and Chinese Show and Tell. From what I understand from friends, most schools are adopting similar approach. So you may want to start preparing your children for this. I think DD benefited from the holiday workshops at Act 3 International and Lorna Whiston Speech & Drama programme. At Act3, they get to read a story and play a part. This helps the kids in building confidence on stage. You may want to consider putting your kids for similar programmes.

[thrice]

@jedamum, about not labelling the child ‘shy’, we would just say that DD1 will respond when she is ready to. But can’t prevent others from dangling the label ‘shy’ on her.


@Funz, yes I had read about selective mutism before. The school counsellor (and the Child Guidance counsellor DD1 saw in K2) were quite certain that DD1 doesn’t have that… yet. The school counsellor is still concerned and hope that DD1 doesn’t regress into SM.
We did set expectations that DD1 should respond (either verbally or non-verbally) when spoken to, and she has been involved in a CCA of her choice in P1 and P2. Maybe we should ease up a little on that after reading this article…

@Trina, DD1 didn’t have show & tell sessions in lower P. DD2, however, has done one show & tell this year in P1 and even has marks to show for that. I had broached the idea of Speech & Drama holiday program to DD1 but she didn’t like it even in childcare (K2) when she had her close friends with her.

Maybe I should go reread some of the books on raising confident kids and see if i’ve missed anything…

[Carrot_55]

Hello,


I think my girl got some self confidence issues.

Her teachers told me she can read aloud very well in class when they are reading as a group. But when it comes to one-to-one reading, she will totally become another person who cannot read at all even it is the same book as they read in the group.

Also, during their K1 year end assessment, each child in the class have to arrange picture cards of a chinese story that was taught. My girl was "kpo" enough to "teach" her classmates when they arranged in the wrong order so teacher thought she’s good. But when her turn comes, she cant get it right even after 3 attempts!!

Both her chinese & english teachers realise the same problem with my girl. Any advice how can i help her?

thanks!