All About Parenting Teenagers

[Estéema]

mingnjien\" post_id=\"2020947\" time=\"1618996415\" user_id=\"165835:

😂 he finds no joy in doing anything including playing video games. He does listen to music or read books too but there’s no joy from it. So it’s a little bit more interesting than staring into space but I suppose the void is there.

Sometimes hb works from home and he’s on calls all day or doing work. He does see his father working a lot and he knows it’s not more desirable than school.

In fact, it’s like going from one miserable existence to the next.

Today he had a long day in school and he came back saying that he was so exhausted he can’t even think about not going to school. I’m like I think it’s a good thing. 😅

I empathize with you as ano parent.

I can’t help wondering if he needs emotional charge from daddy as the man-figure & father-figure. Many times, young men need the male model to get the meaning for their life pursuit. Teenage stage is a critical stage to get them over identity search & identity crisis. They need a strong steering for their purpose in life. It’s often very draining & tiring for mums to be the only guide & beacon. Talk to your hubby & make a decisive choose to amicably support yr son’s development.

I had a peer who gave up his hectic mktg & travelling job 3 years back when he saw how willful his older daughter was. He nvr turned back coz both are now well guided. He’s the SAHF with wife FTWM on her one salary.

[MrsKiasu]

Is he having enough sleep?

[sharonkhoo]

zac's mum\" post_id=\"2020950\" time=\"1618997094\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2020950 time=1618997094 user_id=53606]
If it’s really no joy even in leisure pursuits, and not even friends or CCA to look forward to in school...possibly depression?[/quote]

That's what crossed my mind too. I think seeing a counsellor is a good idea - sometimes they may open up more to a stranger than a family member. You mentioned that you made an appointment for him to see a counsellor some time in the future? Maybe try to get an earlier appointment?

Also, maybe you and your husband also need to have more fun! Maybe set aside some time each day just to chat and chill (no complaints about work allowed)? And a few hours every weekend to just go out somewhere together?

[mingnjien]

His Appt has been pushed back every month. But for now he has agreed to the june Appt. We’ve been seeing the counselor for years.


And yes, his father spends time with him and destresses with him whenever he wfh and weekends. We’re a single income family as it is. And my hb and I have fun…

My children lights out at 8pm and he says he sleeps around 9pm.

I’m just hoping it’s a phase and he’ll snap out of it at some point. He says it’s not depression… we’ve (and counselor) been asking him for years.

[Zeal mummy]

mingnjien\" post_id=\"2020923\" time=\"1618984856\" user_id=\"165835:

Thank you for your replies!

He’s currently sec 2. He says he’s just really bored with school and doesn’t see the point in going, doesn’t learn much from school (according to him) so it’s just tedious.

He knows the big picture about how his results now will determine the job (and pay) he gets next time etc. I think he sees his father working long hours and thinks it’s hard working for a comfortable life also.

He has no particular interests. In fact, everything is dull to him at the moment. I asked if he was depressed and he said he isn’t. I referred him to an article on nyt and asked if he’s “languishing” and he said he isn’t...

I get cut off before I can give any advice and if I empathize, he’ll also think I’m just trying to belittle his feelings (cos it’s so common)...

If I don’t say anything and just listen, that’s wrong too cos it seems like I don’t care.

Really hope it’s just “stress” of the coming CT that’s behind it.

I have an appt w a counselor in June cos I don’t know what to say/do.

Have you tried echoing his words after listening to him? Some people find console in that, makes the person feel like you are listening attentively when u repeat what he said in a slightly similar way.

Sometimes it’s just a passing phrase, teenage years is hard but time also flashes by quickly.

[MrsKiasu]

Been seeing counsellor for years… think quite serious case already. Try be more understanding, try not to scold and stress him. Hope he could find his root issues soon or you all able to find his root issues. Maybe help him make some friends etc…All the best.


To edit…volunteering suddenly came into my mind…you want want to explore that abit.

[mingnjien]

Thank you for your suggestions!


Will continue to listen to him and have more patience...

We hope to find the root issue also and also hope the hormones blow over soon 😅

[Edtivate Language Learning Access]

Thanks for the informative list of contacts, @ksi!


As an educator as well as a mum of two, teenagers today do not differ that much in their behaviours in this 'identity crisis and value friends more than family' phase than in our times. However, i find that they are more experimental in technological devices yet more reserved in communication. With less hearing about their opinions or giving them more patience and space to express themselves, they tend to look outward than inward towards family when they need help. I think we should set aside time to have conversations with our teenagers, besides just focusing on academics.

[leongwen0510.033208gmail.033208com]

My 16 year old girl gets very good reviews and praises from peers, family, teachers when she’s out of the house. But at home, she’s a challenging kid; non cooperative, unkind to sister, rude etc. any tips from similar parents?

[sharonkhoo]

leongwen0510@gmail.com\" post_id=\"2030370\" time=\"1626141600\" user_id=\"193804:

My 16 year old girl gets very good reviews and praises from peers, family, teachers when she’s out of the house. But at home, she’s a challenging kid; non cooperative, unkind to sister, rude etc. any tips from similar parents?

I don't have the same experience, but have heard about it from others.

There are 2 reasons I can think of: one is when a child has challenges in behaviour, or learning diabilities, which make school very stressful and effortful. These kids work so hard to hold it together outside the home that they need to relax and let things go at home. Could that be your daughter's issue?

The other reason is that she is just taking the home for granted. If she's always been treated nicely, given what she wanted, maybe a little spoiled, perhaps not expected to pull her weight in terms of responsibilities, etc, she may feel that she doesn't have to behave well at home as the nice treatment will never be withdrawn. On the one hand, you don't want to withdraw love from a child; but on the other hand, she needs to learn that she cannot expect to be treated nicely if she won't do the same herself.

I have had to sit my kids down (in their pre-teen years, usually) to tell them plainly that while I will always love them, they have to earn my liking. If I dislike some of their behaviour, and they refuse to change, there will be consequences. Consequences might be - if you are rude to parents, your parents will ignore you. Or if you are obnoxious and selfish, you don't get to go out to the next \"treat\" - you stay at home and eat plain food (no ordering in or special treats) as we don't like your presence . Or if you are unkind to your sibling, you will have to do something nice in return - do her chores, or let her have her choice in something, etc. If you refuse to behave nicely as part of the family, some privilege will be withheld from you. Make the \"punishment fit the crime\" as far as possible. Remember, the aim is not to retaliate - you are not fighting with her, you are showing her that her actions have consequences. If she treated her friends outside that way, how would they react?