If you love me.. / You do not love me..
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stsy_26:
Well say! I notice so people associate \"love\" to get children to do or not to do things... Its very bad for the children...Children usually imitate what they see or hear from adults ard them. I know first hand cos my older gal sounds EXACTLY like me when talking / \"scolding\" her younger sis, so WE hv to be really careful in our choice of words and what we say to our kids.
Do you or ur hubs or any other adult your child is with during the day use the word \"love\" in relation to his behaviour? For eg, i've heard of grandparents say to their grandkids that if they misbehave, their mummy won't love them anymore. In such situations, the kid then associates naughty behaviour with the word 'love' without really understanding what it means. So when they get scolded or punished or rejected, they just verbalise it with the phrase they associate punishment with - 'You dun love me\".
The above is just me personal opinion. I advocate using only positive words when speaking to kids. And oso being very careful with choice of words cos kids absorb wat we say like a sponge, and will use it against u one day!! Whether they fully understand what they are saying! Sometimes it's really funny when u hear them speak like u, and at other times, it's quite a slap in the face when u realise how u really sound when talking \"down\" to them!
Saying that, it becomes a REAL challange when u're so mad at them n yelling them at full force, and going thru ur whole mental dictionary of \"positive-only\" scolding words to use! Hahahahah!!!
Emotional blackmail and kids grow up associating acknowledgement with being or not being love... -
ppnqq:
Video Ezi/King.Jennifer:
Borrow the dvd \"Charlie and the Choco fty\" and watch together with your child. Quite a few msg of love in this story. How different parenting styles affect the child.
Thank you Jennifer, will try to find it. Btw, may I know where you borrowed this pls.
Or you can borrow the book from the library. -
jessicawongcs:
My kid no need to go to school to pick up all the bad things. Go supermarket, see child scream, my child would follow. Go to library see child calling the mother, my child would started to call \"mommy mommy mommmmy\" too... I told my child, mommy is here, why want to copy what others do.ppnqq:
No, we don't, he is in full day ccc and picked up lots of things there (mostly bad)
same lah, we cant blame them lor. full day with their frds, they will monkey see monkey do
just need keep remind them it's not good and reason with them, teach them so that they can go to school and teach their frds it is no good. (usually they like to do this, feel proud mah) -
I think it works both ways. Teachers "prepared" many mother’s day crafts, songs & poems. This month i’m showered with love from both kids.
But I hate the words & nonsense they pick up from friends. "copycat, catch a rat, go
home give ur mother wack…" & adjectives "lame", expressions "oh man" etc. No matter how u "protect" them from tv or media, they will pick up all these in sch
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