What should I do?

[pinky]

ppnqq:

pinky:

Thank you so much for your advices. Some points to add on:

1. I dun have FIL and MIL to share this burden. The SIL stayed quite a distance from my place.

2. Even when I told my husband about the O level exam next year, he just said 'she will only sleep here so what's the problem?' This idiot husband (IH) always put HIS own family on top of us and there are so many instances that I really really regret marrying him :mad: :mad: :stupid:

3. I suspect IH and his family rally around this SIL bec of the divorce and let her have all the say out of sympathy. For eg she charged all her bills to the supp card issued by my IH and never pays him back :stupid:
she will just pass all the lawyer's documents and ask her sisters and IH to summarise for her and even reply on her behalf. She even hinted that her son (who just passed his driving test) wants to buy a car but need money to buy, I told IH that no way you will be the sponsor bec if he is just a student and I see no way the loan will be repaid to him at all.

4. I will stick to my decision as what you people have advised. I am also praying very very hard that things will be in my favour
If there is any other suggestions, please share them with me. :please:

Then that truly is a headache. But I agree with Bluebells' suggestions and another thing to add on my side. I feel that your sil should be educated on the values of family and life. She also needs to be told what is responsibility and to learn to do things within her limit and not at other's limit and expenses. Eg, if she is able to afford a car for her son, then she get it for him by all means and not to expect people to do so. If her daughter needs strict discipline and care, then she should be the one doing it. Well, may be your husband needs to be educated too. :evil:
Of course in this case since her parents were no longer around to help out when she really needs someone to help supervise her daughter, it's natural for her to turn to her siblings but she should not expect any of them to must-do-it-for-her attitude.

Agree with what you mentioned above. I find that she's just shifting the responsibilities to others for her own convenience. In fact, she went on a week long holidays 2 months back with her friends and leaving her kids at home alone. The excuse was: she needed a break. :yikes:
As for the other siblings (btw I have 7 SIL and 4 BIL), they know about her kids problems but they did not volunteer to take her in because
'they have 2-3 kids each so very busy' / 'no spare room' etc so she target at me bec I have 1 kid+1 half spare room :mad: :mad:

not just educated, he ought to be slapped until he wakes up from his stupid ideas

[pinky]

latest update: my IH told me that his sister is sending her daughter to stay with us for 1 year and request him to fetch her to school every morning. I told him no way I will say yes and the way she put to him was like an order and fetching her daughter to school every day because there is no direct bus from my place....what the XXXXX :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

[pinky]

I stood firm on my decision against the girl living at my house and finally my husband relented and told his sister. This was also due to the fact that he asked my son about the arrangement and he told his father he felt uncomfortable with it too. Anyway, I heard the mother had approached another of her sibling to take her daughter in.

[corneyAmber]

Think you make a safe decision as your niece sounds like a 计时炸弹 for your kids. i think she needs full time help, a family without other kids of their own to watch over her.

[Pen88n]

pinky:

I stood firm on my decision against the girl living at my house and finally my husband relented and told his sister. This was also due to the fact that he asked my son about the arrangement and he told his father he felt uncomfortable with it too. Anyway, I heard the mother had approached another of her sibling to take her daughter in.

It's good that you are firm in your stand. It's also good that your son has voiced his discomfort about the arrangement.

It seems weird that your SIL should go round \"approaching\" her siblings to \"take in\" her own daughter - how would your niece feel with a mother so eager to be rid of her? If she is lacking in discipline, shouldn't the mum be the one who set the rule and discipline her instead of passing the disciplining to someone else? I think if your SIL has personally talked /discussed with her sibling and his family about it, and they offered to help her by taking in the daughter to monitor, then it makes more sense. Now it seems like a \"shifting responsibility\" case.

[phtthp]

you have a peaceful house, with just 3 of you.


Do not let outsiders come in, disrupt your peace and tranquility.
if need be, get YOUR own family members (your parents, your siblings, etc) to stand by you, support you in your firm decision, talk & convince your husband… do not let this girl come in.

[laughingcat]

pinky:

I stood firm on my decision against the girl living at my house and finally my husband relented and told his sister. This was also due to the fact that he asked my son about the arrangement and he told his father he felt uncomfortable with it too. Anyway, I heard the mother had approached another of her sibling to take her daughter in.

Bravo to your DS for sounding it out. :celebrate:

[sall]

Hi Pinky, good for you that you remain firm and refused to take that girl in. If you invite the devil in, you can never get her out! I’m sure it’s one big load off your chest now!

[Castle House]

Hi pinky


Just curious, what about the other child?

Now, her girl is so much older? Your sil can’t let her be alone at home? Since she had left them at home themselves when she went holiday?

[pinky]

ksi:

Think you make a safe decision as your niece sounds like a 计时炸弹 for your kids. i think she needs full time help, a family without other kids of their own to watch over her.

this girl is about 19 and quite rebellious (at this age I guess it's common but still.....)