Spending time with your parents or in-laws

[Luanee]

We see my mil every weekday becoz she helps to take care of the kids while we go to work. For my mum, we will go every Sunday, rain or shine, unless kiddo is sick. I try to call her every mid-week during office hours to check what she is doing at home alone , even set up a reminder on my hp to remind me to do so. But sometimes still forget. Feels quite guilty about it when she has to call me instead. :oops:

[winth]

We will see our PIL every weekend, usually without fail, for dinner, usually for approx 3 hours there. DH will try to call MIL/SIL every night to hear them out.


As for my parents, there is no weekly ritual, sometimes we don’t even see them for as long as a week or so since they have alot of kakis with them. The good thing is that they live so near to us that they would come drop by as and when they miss the boys and sometimes relieve me of the night-fetching from the childcare. The boys like to call them to buy soy bean milk (famous in redhill) and my parents would come by with that the next day.

[Funz]

Will be at my parents' every Saturday and DH will join us there for dinner after his golf game. With PILs, adhoc, but of late, FIL has been popping by almost every Sunday. The kids enjoy seeing their granparents and I can see that the granparents really look forward to their company and getting updated about their various antics.


Problem is with both days taken up by the granparents now, and with DH travelling a fair bit due to his work. And chinese enrichment + swimming lessons on Sunday, I am finding that we, as in just DH & I and the kids, dun have much time together.

:idea: DH gotta sacrifice his golf so that we can spend the better part of Saturday with the kids and go over to our parents in the late afternoon.
Haiz, not gonna happen though cos when DH doesn't get to go for his golf he is an :x man. Not very good company.

[MLR]

Funz:

Haiz, not gonna happen though cos when DH doesn't get to go for his golf he is an :x man. Not very good company.

Totally understand that, DH's passion is dragon boating, which takes about 2 to 3 hrs and then stayed back to hang out for a few more hours. Well, do understand that its their way of unwind and also keeps them healthy. Definately better than go clubbing/ karoke bars/marathon mahjong sessions.

[winth]

funz:

Problem is with both days taken up by the granparents now, and with DH travelling a fair bit due to his work. And chinese enrichment + swimming lessons on Sunday, I am finding that we, as in just DH & I and the kids, dun have much time together.

Same problem here.
That's why we don't go to my parents' place, which leaves us 1 free weekend to have our own family get-together. Plus we'll go to PILs only during dinner time, so that gives us 1 full Saturday + morn & afternoon of Sunday.
To us, the immediate family comes first and time to be spent alone with DH and children is vital in maintaining family cohesiveness. Might not be a very popular thought here, but up till now, this is how we get around with more time spent for ourselves and our children.

[Funz]

MLR:

Totally understand that, DH's passion is dragon boating, which takes about 2 to 3 hrs and then stayed back to hang out for a few more hours. Well, do understand that its their way of unwind and also keeps them healthy. Definately better than go clubbing/ karoke bars/marathon mahjong sessions.

Yah I know. Actually a bit better now after I had a good talk with him earlier this year. Previously, any opportunity he has, he will be going for his golf, even during public holidays. Now, we have agreed, only on Saturdays. Occasionally he will sacrifice his golf on Saturday or we will have to tell our PILs we have plans on Sundays so that we can bring the kids out, just us with the kids.

[mathsparks]

winth:

To us, the immediate family comes first and time to be spent alone with DH and children is vital in maintaining family cohesiveness. Might not be a very popular thought here, but up till now, this is how we get around with more time spent for ourselves and our children.

Hi winth, I also believe in immediate family togetherness esp when kids were young. We used to go to the beach, have picnics, cycling, zoo-ing, every weekend when they were young. There's a favorite picnic spot which my girl remembers well, near the obs campsite in East coast.

Both kids are very close to us and share their tales/woes openly with us. So, even if it's not too popular an idea, it's something to be encouraged too.

[ChiefKiasu]

insider:

怎能将父母当猫狗般遗弃？...

Thanks insider! Reminds me of the story of the Giving Tree. The lesson here is: never put yourself in the position where you need to depend on someone else for your livelihood... even if that someone else is your own flesh and blood.

[MLR]

insider:

不孝子女抛弃父母的事件时有所闻，正因为太过普遍，更令人感慨万千。或者应该借此提醒老年人：“亲生儿，不如近身钱”，要守住棺材本，别把房子让给子女。别寄望养儿防老，唯有老伴才可靠。我国虽有赡养父母法令，但问题是，有些父母宁可自己受委屈也不愿让孩子蒙上不孝之名，法令因此形同虚设。


　　唉，天下父母心，几个子女会了解？

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So very true. Thats why I never ever thought about our child taking care of us when we are in our twilight years. DH comes from a background where once you are old enough to fend for yourself, you are out, so it goes the same for the parents too. They hv to fend for themselves.

[Funz]

When DH and I were just dating we did talk about living arrangements with our parents. He is the eldest and the only son. I told him that as long as our parents are healthy and capable of taking care of themselves, I do not see a need for them to be staying with us. If they are sick, old and infirmed, then yes I will not turn them away, it could be a situation of having them living together with us or finding a place nearer to us and providing the day help to take care of them depending on what makes more sense.


So far, his mum stayed with us after her surgery, then his dad when he had his ballooning done and then my dad when he went for his triple bypass. My sis kidded saying my home is becoming a convalescence centre.

My parents have long ago told us that they do not wish to live with us as much a possible. My dad actually said that if he reach a point where he needs to be dependant on another on a daily basis, send him to a nursing home but be sure to visit.

养儿防老? DH does not believe in that. He likes my dad’s thinking. He feels that it is not fair to saddle our kids with that responsibility. Of course that does not mean that they disregard us totally but our aim is to be financially stable in our twilight years. And with our actions of being there when our parents need us, including our parents in celebratory events and even holidaying together, being present for anniversary prayers, etc we hope to impart in them the sense of filial piety and regard for us as their parents but at the same time, without being a burden to them.