Spending time with your parents or in-laws

[mathsparks]

MLR:

We hv a meal with my mom at least once a month, when I give her the monthly allowance.

Every 3 months, I'll internet transfer the allowance for my parents, though I draw a line at doing so for their ang pow. Always make it a point to give them personally.

schellen:

This thread reminds me of this: http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4169

Sorry chief, please feel free to merge. :oops:

SGoku:

Thank you Mathsparks for bringing up this poll...it seems i \"spark\" up your inspiration to create this.

Yes, SGoku, you provided the spark. I've always wanted to find out if this tradition is still alive. Does anyone know if this is peculiar to SG only? Or is this common in Asian society?

Seeing so many positive responses, I was beginning to feel lousy that I've not been filial.

Then I remembered that over the years, my siblings and I, with our kids, have brought our parents on long driving trips to UK, Scotland, Paris, Sydney, Perth etc. Brought them to many parts of China (including the beautiful Jiuzhaigou), Malaysia and Thailand too. Though we don't spend every weekend with them, those holiday trips we spent together are memorable for the kids and us. Recently showed my girl videos of her learning line dancing with 婆婆 in Brisbane. She was smiling away as she recalled the fun times she spent with her grandma. So I guess my kids would have memories of their grandparents too.

*runs off to call mum to remind her abt the line dancing memories*

[Luanee]

We see my mil every weekday becoz she helps to take care of the kids while we go to work. For my mum, we will go every Sunday, rain or shine, unless kiddo is sick. I try to call her every mid-week during office hours to check what she is doing at home alone , even set up a reminder on my hp to remind me to do so. But sometimes still forget. Feels quite guilty about it when she has to call me instead. :oops:

[winth]

We will see our PIL every weekend, usually without fail, for dinner, usually for approx 3 hours there. DH will try to call MIL/SIL every night to hear them out.


As for my parents, there is no weekly ritual, sometimes we don’t even see them for as long as a week or so since they have alot of kakis with them. The good thing is that they live so near to us that they would come drop by as and when they miss the boys and sometimes relieve me of the night-fetching from the childcare. The boys like to call them to buy soy bean milk (famous in redhill) and my parents would come by with that the next day.

[Funz]

Will be at my parents' every Saturday and DH will join us there for dinner after his golf game. With PILs, adhoc, but of late, FIL has been popping by almost every Sunday. The kids enjoy seeing their granparents and I can see that the granparents really look forward to their company and getting updated about their various antics.


Problem is with both days taken up by the granparents now, and with DH travelling a fair bit due to his work. And chinese enrichment + swimming lessons on Sunday, I am finding that we, as in just DH & I and the kids, dun have much time together.

:idea: DH gotta sacrifice his golf so that we can spend the better part of Saturday with the kids and go over to our parents in the late afternoon.
Haiz, not gonna happen though cos when DH doesn't get to go for his golf he is an :x man. Not very good company.

[MLR]

Funz:

Haiz, not gonna happen though cos when DH doesn't get to go for his golf he is an :x man. Not very good company.

Totally understand that, DH's passion is dragon boating, which takes about 2 to 3 hrs and then stayed back to hang out for a few more hours. Well, do understand that its their way of unwind and also keeps them healthy. Definately better than go clubbing/ karoke bars/marathon mahjong sessions.

[winth]

funz:

Problem is with both days taken up by the granparents now, and with DH travelling a fair bit due to his work. And chinese enrichment + swimming lessons on Sunday, I am finding that we, as in just DH & I and the kids, dun have much time together.

Same problem here.
That's why we don't go to my parents' place, which leaves us 1 free weekend to have our own family get-together. Plus we'll go to PILs only during dinner time, so that gives us 1 full Saturday + morn & afternoon of Sunday.
To us, the immediate family comes first and time to be spent alone with DH and children is vital in maintaining family cohesiveness. Might not be a very popular thought here, but up till now, this is how we get around with more time spent for ourselves and our children.

[Funz]

MLR:

Totally understand that, DH's passion is dragon boating, which takes about 2 to 3 hrs and then stayed back to hang out for a few more hours. Well, do understand that its their way of unwind and also keeps them healthy. Definately better than go clubbing/ karoke bars/marathon mahjong sessions.

Yah I know. Actually a bit better now after I had a good talk with him earlier this year. Previously, any opportunity he has, he will be going for his golf, even during public holidays. Now, we have agreed, only on Saturdays. Occasionally he will sacrifice his golf on Saturday or we will have to tell our PILs we have plans on Sundays so that we can bring the kids out, just us with the kids.

[mathsparks]

winth:

To us, the immediate family comes first and time to be spent alone with DH and children is vital in maintaining family cohesiveness. Might not be a very popular thought here, but up till now, this is how we get around with more time spent for ourselves and our children.

Hi winth, I also believe in immediate family togetherness esp when kids were young. We used to go to the beach, have picnics, cycling, zoo-ing, every weekend when they were young. There's a favorite picnic spot which my girl remembers well, near the obs campsite in East coast.

Both kids are very close to us and share their tales/woes openly with us. So, even if it's not too popular an idea, it's something to be encouraged too.

[ChiefKiasu]

insider:

怎能将父母当猫狗般遗弃？...

Thanks insider! Reminds me of the story of the Giving Tree. The lesson here is: never put yourself in the position where you need to depend on someone else for your livelihood... even if that someone else is your own flesh and blood.

[MLR]

insider:

不孝子女抛弃父母的事件时有所闻，正因为太过普遍，更令人感慨万千。或者应该借此提醒老年人：“亲生儿，不如近身钱”，要守住棺材本，别把房子让给子女。别寄望养儿防老，唯有老伴才可靠。我国虽有赡养父母法令，但问题是，有些父母宁可自己受委屈也不愿让孩子蒙上不孝之名，法令因此形同虚设。


　　唉，天下父母心，几个子女会了解？

早报网[/size]

So very true. Thats why I never ever thought about our child taking care of us when we are in our twilight years. DH comes from a background where once you are old enough to fend for yourself, you are out, so it goes the same for the parents too. They hv to fend for themselves.