Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce
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Finally1972:
There is a Free Lawyer consultaion at Community Centre or Care Corner FamilyCare Service near your area, before you really want to enage a Lawyer (Final Decision)Hi \"fussyMummy\"
Can recommend a lawyer so that I can speak & find out more....now the problem is our $$$ all in joint account. Sigh...if he is a monster now...I'm unsure what would he do.
You can get those information from :
http://www.carecorner.org.sg
You can always talk to those professional Counsellors. They will give you some advise and clear what you are doubt with..... and slowly decide what to do and what to avoid.
Try to get more information as you can.. Myself were very panic and blur at that time I filed for \"D\", so went throught quite a lot of unneccessary paths...
I know is miserable at this stage... And I believe that there still have a solution to save/solve :hugs: it. As I mentioned before, \"D\" not the best solution, as you will face a lot of \"funny\" incident after it...
Take good care of yourself always.. No matter how you have be strong, \"KiasuParents\" are with you.. Cheer... -
Windy:
...I would want to share my true feeling throughout the whole \"D\" process with you gals, so that you will have an idea how is it like. Now, is in the stage of waiting for my lawyer to prepare the script, then my hb will sign it when it is done, it will take about 3 mths to be ready but court oder will take another 3 mths. Alots of paper work and money need to be spend, about 4K, not finalise yet. (Sorry my English also so so only, but with all the understanding people around, I will still write)
And windy, you have grown from a woman dependent on that poor-excuse-for-a-hubs to one who is much more authoritative and in control of your own destiny. I salute you for making a very tough but necessary decision and start on the path of recovery. It will be long and hard, and the scars will remain, but when your children thank you one day for rescuing their childhood, you will know that your sacrifices are fully vindicated. -
Thanks Chief!
\"Also need to thank my hb giving me this chance to force myself to build up my strength day by day in life.\"
Finally 1972, I understand how you feel bec my case is similar to yours. I can forgive my husband for his passed affairs but I can't stand his drinking behaviour.
Frankly speaking, I also not sure of my future financial situation as I am a contract staff for 2 yrs, so financially is uncertain but I don't want to think too far.
If you hv evidence of hb's affair, you will win almost 80% and get the child custody. You must able to proof to the judge why your husband is not in the right behaviour to take care of your children, must be concrete evident. Be smart and gather as much evidence as you can. You can also talk to your husband to the agreement for an amicable D, so that he won't contest, if he contest, the lawyer fees may go up to $10K.
However, sometime their behavioural changes is due to remorseful for what they had done to the wife, it might be short term. If possible, try to talk to him as much as you can to make him change. I had tried talking to my hb since last Sept but only found out his affair this year Aug. Had done my best but he still prefer the freedom life style. He so call want to exchage his freedom by giving up on me. I collected alots of evidence and my hb will not contest, he don't have ground to contest, so my case is 99% win. I dare to go ahead bec of mutaul agreement and I will be given house, custody of both my children and maintainent. Even till now, I will still hope he willing to salvage the marriage by changing but he refused.
Use some talking skill to persuade him to give you the house so that you and your children will have shelter. Remember don't fight, sweet talk, you must do that for the moment. If he really serious to marry the woman outside, the children might be a burden to him, alert him with this facts. If he refuse, need to sell the house and divide 50%, if you can, buy over the house by topping up his share by CPF, is more advantage to you.
I do not know since when your marriage light turn red, if it is recently, give yourself at 6 mths period for both of them to cool down and think twice, because of the children. Sometime, it might work.
We are always with you, holding each other hands going thru the difficult time of our fail marriage.
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Today, both of us took out the 60cm by 60cm wedding photo with frame which was taken 12 yrs ago. It was so big, the biggest photo which I had in my life. My ex help me to take it out from the frame. I cut it into smaller pieces and threw it into the dustbin. Feelings flow in, kept for 12yrs, destroyed by 12 sec.
Heard a story from a friend, an old lady brought a very old, yellowish torn wedding photo to him and asked him if he can give this photo a life again, he did it and passed it back to her, she was delighted.
Marriage? Love? Suddenly these 2 words sound very strange to me.
I wonder how u gals handle the wedding’s photo if marriage doesn’t work?
Anyone want to share? -
Tks insider for sharing ur findings with us…
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Yes, thank you for sharing your findings with us.
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Some of you have mentioned that cost in divorce can rocket if the other party contests. A lawyer I approached told me that before this happens, the judge will ask the lawyers to leave and talk to the couple in isolation. The judge will advise the couple not to contest and benefit the lawyers. Instead, put the money to the kids’ education fund.
A non-contested divorce is about $3k.
There are about 5 grounds for divorce:
1) adultery
2) unreasonable behaviour
3) desertion
4) separation for 3 years (afterwhich both agree to a divorce)
5) separation for 4 years (if after 3 yrs, one party does not agree)
Most people file divorce under ‘unreasonable behaviour’ as it’s the ‘easiest’ way to go, although you need to let the lawyer know exactly how ‘unreasonable’ the spouse is eg. excessive gambling, abusive, financially irresponsible. If the spouse is unfaithful but you don’t have evidence, it can be filed under the same ground, but categorised under ‘inappropriate association with other women (men)’.
If non-contested, 6 months will do.
Try not to go for separation. It’s a waste of the woman’s time. -
Windy:
Hi Windy,Today, both of us took out the 60cm by 60cm wedding photo with frame which was taken 12 yrs ago. It was so big, the biggest photo which I had in my life. My ex help me to take it out from the frame. I cut it into smaller pieces and threw it into the dustbin. Feelings flow in, kept for 12yrs, destroyed by 12 sec.
Heard a story from a friend, an old lady brought a very old, yellowish torn wedding photo to him and asked him if he can give this photo a life again, he did it and passed it back to her, she was delighted.
Marriage? Love? Suddenly these 2 words sound very strange to me.
I wonder how u gals handle the wedding's photo if marriage doesn't work?
Anyone want to share?
I once read this 'The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference'.
And I believe that if you're dead towards the man, you would be indifferent to him. My wedding album is at my parents' place. Where it is exactly, I don't know. I don't look at it anymore. It doesn't occur to me to browse through it again. At best, if I chance upon them, I'll treat it as my makeover album. After all, I looked so much younger and prettier in there. I feel that any action that I take against the pictures or anything he ever gave me only suggests that I have not got over that b*stard. I just keep them all in one drawer and literally forget about them. I have many better things to do.
At my most cynical, like you, 'marriage' and 'love' sounded, and sometimes still sound, strange to me. To me, I feel that these two don't exist. They are just words invented by men to deceive women into having sex. Don't place them on a pedestal. They are just words at best. -
From Aug 09 till Feb 10, waited 6 mths,both of us had signed, cost yet to know. Straight forward case, no contest & no need to go to court, agreed by both parties based on unacceptable behaviour. Joint custody, cares to me only, which means the children will follow me. Feel release after the 6 mths wait, but still learning how to be single mom, new chapter in life. A life without a man love but to shower love to my two little young man.
Loneliness unavoidable, bec u can’t share ur feeling & views with the young children, they won’t understand what u are talking about. So, I had become more quiet and spend alot of times infront of the PC, typing more than talking. But one thing I felt different is that, there in no more worry for me to think about is he with the PRC or what he is doing in the pub everynight until the next morning, bec he is no longer my man. I look much better now after working for one year and got a stable job.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MEMBERS! -
You are a very strong woman, Windy.
Going through a divorce is never easy.
It's great to hear from you again and
this time less worry and strain from da
sound of your posting.. and looking good
is definitely the first step to feeling good..
To heck with the Tiger (promiscuous men)
and to a new Tigress you. Grrrr... (growl).
I hope you and your boys are well. :hugs:
Remember, Windy... buds is just a PM away.
Your shoulder to cry on... or just a listening ear.
You take care now dear.. My heart is with you. :love:
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