Anyone changed surname for their kids after divorce

[candy_floss]

Yep, I agree on the part that divorce shouldn’t affect the relationship with the parent and child. But somehow I just feel that since their father is so non-existant, then what’s the point of still holding on the surname ? For e.g, they only see him less than 5 times a year, never get involved in their upbringing, dont even know which sec sch my elder one goes to etc…


Sigh…

[CuriousHippo]

candy_floss, firstly, is the change a must for u and ur future spouse? If it is a must, go ahead and do the necessary paper work. And if ur previous spouse rejected to give the compulsory consent, then accept the situation.


To me, I never think surname is important at all! Most important is the health, safety and values of my child. As I always remind my child, don’t lose sight of what is important!

[Nebbermind]

Yeah, I’m saying this coz I am attached to my kids. Your husband may jolly well consent to the change. It’s really between you and your husband, and of course, the kids if they really wish to.

[Imami]

Nebbermind:

Divorce and remarrying is such common thing these days and so what is there to hide?

If people want to talk behind your back, they will...even more juicy if it appears that someone is trying to hide the facts.
Whatever happened between the adults should not change the relationship between the kids and the parents. The kids should still honour and respect both unless something terrible had happened.

Common meh? All in, I only know one ex colleague who is a divorcee.

I don't think it is just hiding the facts per se. I see it as the parents trying to stoo people from asking/ commenting for fear that it may hurt the kids. Kids are kids, how will they know their parents' separation are not their fault? Will hearing from the horses' mouth really convince them? I don't think so.

[Nebbermind]

My office quite a few divorcee leh. It’s not such a taboo as it used to be

[pirate]

candy_floss:

Yep, I agree on the part that divorce shouldn't affect the relationship with the parent and child. But somehow I just feel that since their father is so non-existant, then what's the point of still holding on the surname ? For e.g, they only see him less than 5 times a year, never get involved in their upbringing, dont even know which sec sch my elder one goes to etc...


Sigh...

I note that you said that you are still not on talking terms with your ex. Are you sure this is not a reason for your ex being 'non-existent'?

I doubt that you will be terribly amused if he takes a more active interest and starts questioning every single decision you make regarding the children either. Will you be happy if he asks for visitation rights every weekend? Bear in mind that being 'existent' is not the same thing as being 'existent at your convenience'. Have you communicated all this to him? Do you tell your children that he is still their father and that he is in fact still providing for their maintenance despite not being physically present?

I think you should look really deep down inside yourself as to what the motive is to change the kids' surname. Are you really sure you are not doing this to spite him out of some unconscious resentment?

Would you like to tell your new husband to be that you will be doing the same thing to his children too if you get divorced again?

[Nebbermind]

Wan...like that if divorce again, then children must prepare to change surname again? :scratchhead:

[iFirefly]

A child is the descendent of his biological father’s family, so he should follow his biological father’s surname regardless if his parents are divorced or not… Why would any child follow the surname of a person who is not his biological father? Why do you want to put your child through all these trauma & confusion??


I think your ex-hubby (& his family) has every right to object…

[Imami]

pirate:

candy_floss:

Yep, I agree on the part that divorce shouldn't affect the relationship with the parent and child. But somehow I just feel that since their father is so non-existant, then what's the point of still holding on the surname ? For e.g, they only see him less than 5 times a year, never get involved in their upbringing, dont even know which sec sch my elder one goes to etc...


Sigh...

I note that you said that you are still not on talking terms with your ex. Are you sure this is not a reason for your ex being 'non-existent'?

I doubt that you will be terribly amused if he takes a more active interest and starts questioning every single decision you make regarding the children either. Will you be happy if he asks for visitation rights every weekend? Bear in mind that being 'existent' is not the same thing as being 'existent at your convenience'. Have you communicated all this to him? Do you tell your children that he is still their father and that he is in fact still providing for their maintenance despite not being physically present?

I think you should look really deep down inside yourself as to what the motive is to change the kids' surname. Are you really sure you are not doing this to spite him out of some unconscious resentment?

Would you like to tell your new husband to be that you will be doing the same thing to his children too if you get divorced again?

:goodpost: but 一刀插进他的心。

But seriously, I have never tot of changing surname of kid will/is to spite the ex hubby. I thought it is another way of cutting off the past and/or protecting the kids... In any case, I personally feel no matter what the reason, the kids will be affected. When we brought ouR kids into this world, we need to realize that our lives is no longer about us alone. In the first place, marriage is seldom a union of just two person so how would divorce be between just two persons when they hv kids?

[janet88]

Divorce is between the adults…which affects the kids because they will have to understand why mummy and daddy cannot be together anymore. But the kids’ biological father will NEVER change. Kids’ surname should follow them throughout their lives…no matter how unhappy the mum is with her ex.