Anyone changed surname for their kids after divorce

[Nebbermind]

Yeah, I’m saying this coz I am attached to my kids. Your husband may jolly well consent to the change. It’s really between you and your husband, and of course, the kids if they really wish to.

[Imami]

Nebbermind:

Divorce and remarrying is such common thing these days and so what is there to hide?

If people want to talk behind your back, they will...even more juicy if it appears that someone is trying to hide the facts.
Whatever happened between the adults should not change the relationship between the kids and the parents. The kids should still honour and respect both unless something terrible had happened.

Common meh? All in, I only know one ex colleague who is a divorcee.

I don't think it is just hiding the facts per se. I see it as the parents trying to stoo people from asking/ commenting for fear that it may hurt the kids. Kids are kids, how will they know their parents' separation are not their fault? Will hearing from the horses' mouth really convince them? I don't think so.

[Nebbermind]

My office quite a few divorcee leh. It’s not such a taboo as it used to be

[pirate]

candy_floss:

Yep, I agree on the part that divorce shouldn't affect the relationship with the parent and child. But somehow I just feel that since their father is so non-existant, then what's the point of still holding on the surname ? For e.g, they only see him less than 5 times a year, never get involved in their upbringing, dont even know which sec sch my elder one goes to etc...


Sigh...

I note that you said that you are still not on talking terms with your ex. Are you sure this is not a reason for your ex being 'non-existent'?

I doubt that you will be terribly amused if he takes a more active interest and starts questioning every single decision you make regarding the children either. Will you be happy if he asks for visitation rights every weekend? Bear in mind that being 'existent' is not the same thing as being 'existent at your convenience'. Have you communicated all this to him? Do you tell your children that he is still their father and that he is in fact still providing for their maintenance despite not being physically present?

I think you should look really deep down inside yourself as to what the motive is to change the kids' surname. Are you really sure you are not doing this to spite him out of some unconscious resentment?

Would you like to tell your new husband to be that you will be doing the same thing to his children too if you get divorced again?

[Nebbermind]

Wan...like that if divorce again, then children must prepare to change surname again? :scratchhead:

[iFirefly]

A child is the descendent of his biological father’s family, so he should follow his biological father’s surname regardless if his parents are divorced or not… Why would any child follow the surname of a person who is not his biological father? Why do you want to put your child through all these trauma & confusion??


I think your ex-hubby (& his family) has every right to object…

[Imami]

pirate:

candy_floss:

Yep, I agree on the part that divorce shouldn't affect the relationship with the parent and child. But somehow I just feel that since their father is so non-existant, then what's the point of still holding on the surname ? For e.g, they only see him less than 5 times a year, never get involved in their upbringing, dont even know which sec sch my elder one goes to etc...


Sigh...

I note that you said that you are still not on talking terms with your ex. Are you sure this is not a reason for your ex being 'non-existent'?

I doubt that you will be terribly amused if he takes a more active interest and starts questioning every single decision you make regarding the children either. Will you be happy if he asks for visitation rights every weekend? Bear in mind that being 'existent' is not the same thing as being 'existent at your convenience'. Have you communicated all this to him? Do you tell your children that he is still their father and that he is in fact still providing for their maintenance despite not being physically present?

I think you should look really deep down inside yourself as to what the motive is to change the kids' surname. Are you really sure you are not doing this to spite him out of some unconscious resentment?

Would you like to tell your new husband to be that you will be doing the same thing to his children too if you get divorced again?

:goodpost: but 一刀插进他的心。

But seriously, I have never tot of changing surname of kid will/is to spite the ex hubby. I thought it is another way of cutting off the past and/or protecting the kids... In any case, I personally feel no matter what the reason, the kids will be affected. When we brought ouR kids into this world, we need to realize that our lives is no longer about us alone. In the first place, marriage is seldom a union of just two person so how would divorce be between just two persons when they hv kids?

[janet88]

Divorce is between the adults…which affects the kids because they will have to understand why mummy and daddy cannot be together anymore. But the kids’ biological father will NEVER change. Kids’ surname should follow them throughout their lives…no matter how unhappy the mum is with her ex.

[vinegar]

if the father shows no responsibility to the children well-being, i don’t see the point of carrying of children his surnames.

[pirate]

vinegar:

if the father shows no responsibility to the children well-being, i don't see the point of carrying of children his surnames.

If the father has completely disappeared from the children's lives, does not pay maintenance, then sometimes yes.

But sometimes, the father is still paying maintenance but the mother would not tell the children and instead gives them the impression that she is the one solely maintaining them. And when the father comes to visit the children, he gets black face and excuses about how this time is not convenient and that time is not convenient, so the father comes less often to avoid conflict. Or she gives the kid the look or treatment whenever they meet up with their dad so they don't tell her every time they go see him. Then the mother say father don't care that's why never visit kids often enough, when it is actually the mother who is trying to prevent the kids from forming any kind of bond with the father. Some mothers even try to poison their children's minds against their fathers.

Not saying this is the case here, but this kind of thing happens often enough to not come to any sort of opinion just by hearing one side of the story.

And good luck to the mother if she changes the children's surnames because she is getting remarried. Then she has kids with the new husband, and the kids from the first marriage somehow form the view that they are not getting as much affection from their step father as their step siblings. They may even form the view that the mother is not giving them as much affection as she used to before that baby arrives. And then they yearn for their 'real' father and develop resentment against the mother... There are just so many moving parts to think about.