Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave?

[ammonite]

Totally OT. I have no daughters, but looking at all the adorable cheongsams on sale how I wish I can dress one up! Ahhh…so cute, how to cane??!

[missk]

ammonite:

Totally OT. I have no daughters, but looking at all the adorable cheongsams on sale how I wish I can dress one up! Ahhh...so cute, how to cane??!

you need to have a girl first hehe... New year resolution?

But I believe fathers spoil girls more, so they more likely to whine to get their way. Most girls I know are people pleasers even if they are spoilt. They will behave to please. On the other hand, my boy, like many other boys, are more. .. Um... wild? So what if you scold them? They will just smile a cheeky smile and say \"Mummy be happy?\" Or throw another tantrum? Maybe he has BIG personality, even though we don't spoil him (grandparents do though). He is curious, impulsive, loud, active, laughs and cries like it is going out of fashion, always talking and moving. Since before birth :scared:

[Imami]

sleepy:

Imami:

[quote=\"sleepy\"]
If I'm super mad, I will make them kneel facing the wall till I cool down.

wouldn't this hurt the child's esteem? Just like how slapping will do?

But I do have a friend whose father made the sisters kneeled on top of inverted bottle caps. You know this toothed crown top bottle caps from beer bottles? He would turn them over, such that the tooth sides were facing up and made the girls kneeled on them. :nailbite:

Nah, if you know my kids, you will notice they are overflown with self esteem :rotflmao:


It's important to explain why they are being punished and I always walk through with them my thoughts process after they're done with kneeling (& I have 消气）and then they will apologise to me and promise not to repeat.

Don't worry, it's not a daily occurence I think my dd2 kneeled thrice so far. My dd1 is the one who kneeled more often, though I think certainly less than 10 times so far. During their preschool years only.

It's important that they learn to reflect on their mistakes & I find that kneeling is more effective than caning in driving the message across because they are able to tell me clearly why they should not behave in that manner & they rarely repeat again[/quote]Oh ok. I get it now. I am just very curious how come making the kid's kneel would work...

[Imami]

ammonite:

Totally OT. I have no daughters, but looking at all the adorable cheongsams on sale how I wish I can dress one up! Ahhh...so cute, how to cane??!

I don't support caning la but darling, when they get on your nerves, no matter how cute they look, you would still whack. My own son was very cute when he was younger, or so said most folks. But I tell u 他老妈打人可不心软••• 可爱不可爱， 老娘发火了，照打 :mad:

[david59]

Allow me to share my two cents worth. In our student care centre, the parents wonder why their kids behave so much better than at home. One main reason is : the kids know the rules n if they break the rules, they will be punished accordingly. They may use all the tears but they know they will still have to face the punishment. Eventually, the kid knows that good behavior is the best way to a pleasant life in the centre.

At home, it really depends on the will n resolve of the parents to deal with their kids. Which methods we use as parents is fine as long as the kid is deprived of certain privileges when certain rules or bad behaviors r committed. Can be caning, kneelings, ban from certain privileges
What r the ‘no no’ are physical abusive ( caning is only acceptable on the buttock so that it will not shame the kids in public), shaming the kids in front of others, hurling destructive words at the kids like ‘I don’t love u’, ‘U r so useless compare to so n so’, etc.
Bottom line is : Be firm in carrying out discipline but never stop loving ur kids.

[missk]

I wonder if positive discipline methods more effective? Meaning loads of praise over good behaviour, and trying to be understanding of how they feel when they misbehave… And being overall the super parent who never lets your child go hungry or tired, and gently using timeout/ removing possibility of misbehaviour to correct undesirable behaviour?


Will it work for a child like mine who simply love to misbehave just to see ur reaction? Each time he throws an item, he will look to see if I watch him lor… The grandparents even say he dashes towards danger and STOP just before it and will see if you chase him.

Don’t get me wrong… I think corporal punishments has a place, its just that I don’t do it very well as I only use it when ANGRY!! And thats wrong again!! So I end up being guilty of hitting him sometimes. But what do parents do if your child has tested your patience to the max limits?

I even shouted sometimes " I had enough of your behaviour and I am going on time out!" (again wrong to shout sighz)

[White_Gale]

i will cane my children if they misbehave and after 3 warnings. Cane on the palm. Then they will remember.

[wowmama]

Like to share an article about \"to cane or not to cane\" with fellow parents for reference.


http://www.asiaone.com/News/Education/Story/A1Story20090113-114279.html

[lchunleo]

just to share, though i don’t have daughters, but i have 2 sons with one of them being a toddler. my toddler sometimes can be quite challenging and testing all the boundaries.

Previously i had been the bad papa shouting and being authoritian in words, body language and action. It is only when he said he don’t want me and preferred others, i felt bitter and sad and started to reflect on my own action. I begun thinking how can i achieve a win win situation rather than using my old way. The message i gotten is i need to respect this little adult.

now i believe in reasoning rather than using the rod. Reasoning does not always meant talking about the "correct" thing but thing that they can understand at their level especially when their reasoning power and knowledge is low. And must be FIRM. Yes, sometimes, my child can be challenging and pushing all my hot buttons that i can explode. But i try to see from his point of view and tried to educate him patiently. sometimes, he understand but sometimes no, sometimes, he remembered, but sometimes, he need a lot of reminders, but nevertheless the rod is the most remote thing i had thought. when i were small, i also being caned before and hence grudges is grown instead of love.

I would not proclaim i had succeeded (am still trying v hard) as my children are still very small and yes, they will keep testing my hot buttons.

[joyceharper]

I happened to be on the bus the other day. Two young boys came on with someone who seemed like their nanny I suppose. The boys were misbehaving throughout the whole journey. One was hitting the other. The boys were screeching and standing on the chairs - in a pretty packed bus. The nanny just told them in a very weak manner to stop (I presume that was what she said, because she spoke in what I think was Malay) but didn’t really do much about it and the boys continued on and even kicked this lady who was sitting beside them. At that point an elderly lady just told the boys to stop and behave. They did, but with a cheeky look on their face - you just knew that that was not the end of it.


My point is - discipline is needed. As someone once said spare the rod, spoil the child. I do not believe in caning. I don’t intend to cane my kids. Some people say it is because I was raised in the West. It is not true, my dad was a proponent of belt-using. But I do believe that discipline is needed. And a quick spurt of discipline with a cane (or belt) will never replace the patient teaching of a parent.