How to tell if a child is gifted?

[rawafish]

[quote]
I have a highly gifted child, I see her pain more than mine bc she is the one going through the system. [/quote]Thanks for sharing! Appreciate it.

[metz]

rawafish:

[quote]
Yes, even with playdates on regular basis, it would be almost impossible to recreate the social environment a school has. Question is - why do you want to recreate one for your child when you think she is not thriving in that evironment? Aren't you contradicting yourself?

Social interaction in school is the only reason why I am interested in putting her in school. That is why if I were to HS her, I would wish to recreate that environment, EVEN IF she is not thriving yet. She is not doing well in making friends, but that doesn't mean that I want her to stop trying.[/quote]Both my children encountered problems making friends during their preschool years. They were thriving well academically but not socially. My daughter had her first taste of school life when she joined the second semester of N2. Even at that young age, she was already ostracized by some classmates cos she was a new kid on the block. Her teacher told me she seemed to be observing them at a distance, not joining them. My son felt he could not connect with the other children too. He had always considered himself a loner and didn't mind not having friends.

In a way, we were fortunate to have a two years break from school. Both kids stayed at home and studied by themselves. We didn't look for opportunties to socialise actively this time around. Instead, both learnt to play with kids of various ages and make small talks with adults whenever they had the chance to. Friends often comment that they are rather sociable and outspoken despite not attending any formal schools.

When they returned to school during the second semester last year, they had some hiccups initially. For my daughter, she learnt to make friends with another who was mean (verbally) to her. But now, she is having a great time with her classmates, though school work still bores her to tears. Perhaps, age has made her more mature, she can now handle her classmates pretty well. As for my son, his then P3 teacher told me that his class viewed him as a weirdo (as he loves to keep to his books) and she would like for him to mix more with the rest instead of sticking his nose to books. He was polite to everyone but not interested to join them. Under her encouragement, he slowly befriended some classmates. This year in a GEP class, he not only mixes with his classmates but also takes steps to befriend students outside his class.

My point is, homeschooling doesn't mean a child will lose the opportunity to make friends and socialise with others. There are various opportunities for a child to learn social interaction, whether in a school setting or outside it. Sometimes, at a particular point in time of childhood, a school setting may not necessary be the best place for some children to learn social interaction.

If your intention is to homeschool your child, perhaps it's better to consider the various options available (and beyond) to homeschoolers. Letting 'not able to recreate a school environment' stop you, especially at the preschooler stage, is such a pity. But that's just my 2cents.

[venuschan]

Dont worry rawafish :), my experience, HS doesn't make a child more introvert if s(he) is an extrovert...My daughter is an extrovert, very expressive and she is in school now @ Primary 1 this year, every other day she asks me to stop her class ie bc to her school is boring, school work bores her to tears and she often complains no friend...that said, she is still a bubbling girl and a very sociable one. I could feel her loneliness inside bc she reads more than her peers and she has interest that her peers certainly don't get it now, she often says her friend is mean, her friend is naive, her friend don't understand cosmology, dont know wormhole, big bang, don't watch \"fringe\" and many many more.....I can't blame her and/or any her friends bc gifted is just very asynchronous...Just that we need to bear in mind they are boring at school..give an example she learns daily and make sentence words like belligerence, bellicose, antebellum but her school is only in the level of \"she is a girl, she loves drawing....\"


My 2 cents: it's still a better choice to homeschool young child if need arises, just that we need to incorporate more \"outdoorsy\" activities.

[Rio]

Hi rawafish,


I sense your dilemma, and i was somewhat in your shoes b4. I had almost the same concern as you with my DS2 since he was 3 yrs old. I was clueless on how what I should do with my DS. He began reading since 2.5, and by the time he enters N2 in a kindergarten, one could tell he was way advance than the other kids. Teachers told me he would always sit in one specific corner in class, clinging his water bottle, and daydreaming away. Yet when teacher asked him questions, he would still be able to answer. DS hardly talk to his peer, but would heartily share his daily activities with the teachers after each lesson. He has few friends, perhaps only 2 or 3 by the time he finished N2. His closest friend was a girl who was as quiet as him.

He moved on to K1 with most of the classmates from his N2 class. I was happy when he began to get invited to birthday parties. He has learned to know more friends, and began sharing with me who are his playmate in school. He still day dream, but the teachers were great in letting him participate more in class. As he can read, the teachers would encourage him to lead the class during reading session. I never ask him what he has learn in school, but rather what he has played and who did he play with.

DS2 is now in K2. He is still as introvert, and limits his friendship to a handful of children. Teachers still tell me that he will not initiate conversation with other kids. It’s always the kids that will goes to him for help (cos he always know the answers), and girls love to play with him (cos he is quiet and gentle). But he will never reject them. To me, that is a great achievement, as he has progress from a sit-alone child (in N2) to now able to socialise. Nowadays he will talk more of the few boy friends that he has gotten to know since K1, and would also readily tell me what are the sports or activities that he has participated during lessons. Sometimes he would even try to bring small toys to school, so as to catch the other students attention. The teachers allow him to do it, cos they see him as trying to find ways to learn to make friends. Of course, teacher told me they only allow him to bring out the toy after lesson.

It depends on what u wants for your kid. For me, I persist with pre-school education cos I wan him to learn how to socialise with same age kids. Honestly, if your child is smart/gifted, she will learn to pick up knowledge without even you teaching her. My DS2 is 5.5 yrs old now, K2 and is doing Maths Olymplaid questions and reading P3 textbooks. He picks up the books from his elder sister. Knowledge can be pick up as long as they are inquisitive. Whereas for social skills, it takes much more to learn and involve interaction with other kids. For DS, I felt it was the constant exposure to age-similar kids that opens him up. And I maintain it with familiarity by not changing the environment and stressing him.

It might take time and effort, but I am sure with the right help frm the right teacher in the right environment, your kid will benefit greatly from a pre-school setting.

[metz]

The fact is, whether be it a homeschooling or formal school setting, social interaction will continue to be a challenge for some kids (regardless gifted or not). Either way, they have to try and learn to interact with others. My kids have been through both settings and ultimately, I prefer them to be in a formal school setting where they can experience social interaction and other aspects of life without my direct involvement. As what my son’s kindergarten teacher once said to me - teach him to look for and appreciate the strengths of other children and learn from them. He will benefit much more from that. It is one of the best advice I have ever received on parenting.

[Imami]

metz:

As what my son's kindergarten teacher once said to me - teach him to look for and appreciate the strengths of other children and learn from them. He will benefit much more from that. It is one of the best advice I have ever received on parenting.

wow. Wow. I can't help it, I am impressed. I have unconsciously done it before but I have never thought much if it. Now I know better.

I am not very sure but I supposed when you are always able to find something good about another person and then learn from that person, you would be more humble too?

[metz]

Imami:

metz:

As what my son's kindergarten teacher once said to me - teach him to look for and appreciate the strengths of other children and learn from them. He will benefit much more from that. It is one of the best advice I have ever received on parenting.

wow. Wow. I can't help it, I am impressed. I have unconsciously done it before but I have never thought much if it. Now I know better.

I am not very sure but I supposed when you are always able to find something good about another person and then learn from that person, you would be more humble too?

Yes, I agree with you that would be so. It's great that you are already imparting the value of humility to your kids subconsciously.

For us, we are still working hard on this area. Hopefully one day, being humble will become a second nature to us and we'll be able to see and appreciate the goodness and strengths in everyone.

[Imami]

metz:

Yes, I agree with you that would be so. It's great that you are already imparting the value of humility to your kids subconsciously.

For us, we are still working hard on this area. Hopefully one day, being humble will become a second nature to us and we'll be able to see and appreciate the goodness and strengths in everyone.

nah.... Haven't done enough (instilling value of humility)... And I think, there will always be room to be more humble. The more one shines/stand out, the more humility one should have. But how many of us can do that?

[Kagillus]

Hi all, need help! Not sure if to post here but pls refer me to appropriate thread if he is not. My boy p1 has been labeled with special needs since first 3 days of sch. Cranky, talk too much, lack social skills n empathy. Anxiety tantrum, shout n scream n cry when triggered by unnorm situations at school. Psy assessment Iq test ard 120-140. School teacher complained tt he dominated class n disturbed the classmates, therapist dx him with asperger sym n recommended pathlight school. My boy told the therapist he did not like the school form teacher n will be changing to another neighbor hood school! He talks n behaves like an adult in his own charge. I Can tell he is not happy with his current sch but as most parents do I really hope he can remain in main stream. My worry is pathlight sch might adapt to him but he would not adapt to real world. I hv to make decision for him. What right do I hv to decide for him! Current sch is a neighborhood sch that has no allied educators to assist his tantrum prob n overreactive behavior. Sch Councilor can’t help. At home, he behaves, prob cos he is used to us n vice versa, but at sch he can’t. Any advice if there is sch other than pathlight that can help? I am trying to train his social skills, calm n relax, share with friends…Teacher n i used tactics like how do u feel if you were in other ppls shoe but he used it back on us - how would we feel if we get scolded by him! I thot of of home schooling but that will affect his social dev as well… Really headache. Really appreciate your advice if u hv exposure in this area. Any private social training course to recommend. Just to add, currently his school results are fine above average, just some careless mistakes. Thank you so much.

[2ppaamm]

Kagillus:

Hi all, need help! Not sure if to post here but pls refer me to appropriate thread if he is not. My boy p1 has been labeled with special needs since first 3 days of sch. Cranky, talk too much, lack social skills n empathy. Anxiety tantrum, shout n scream n cry when triggered by unnorm situations at school. Psy assessment Iq test ard 120-140. School teacher complained tt he dominated class n disturbed the classmates, therapist dx him with asperger sym n recommended pathlight school. My boy told the therapist he did not like the school form teacher n will be changing to another neighbor hood school! He talks n behaves like an adult in his own charge. I Can tell he is not happy with his current sch but as most parents do I really hope he can remain in main stream. My worry is pathlight sch might adapt to him but he would not adapt to real world. I hv to make decision for him. What right do I hv to decide for him! Current sch is a neighborhood sch that has no allied educators to assist his tantrum prob n overreactive behavior. Sch Councilor can't help. At home, he behaves, prob cos he is used to us n vice versa, but at sch he can't. Any advice if there is sch other than pathlight that can help? I am trying to train his social skills, calm n relax, share with friends...Teacher n i used tactics like how do u feel if you were in other ppls shoe but he used it back on us - how would we feel if we get scolded by him! I thot of of home schooling but that will affect his social dev as well... Really headache. Really appreciate your advice if u hv exposure in this area. Any private social training course to recommend. Just to add, currently his school results are fine above average, just some careless mistakes. Thank you so much.

Hi,

Children of >130 should be around top 1%, and therefore, it sounds like your child is gifted, and displaying typical behavioral problem of a gifted child who thinks he is equal to an adult.

I rejected Pathlight for my son as well, and his IQ was tested 15x, because Pathlight is good for handling children with special needs and behavioral problems, but will not cater to his intellectual needs.

My experience tells me that when your child's intellectual needs is catered for and satisfied, it will be easier to work on his social skills and he will try harder. If he is starved intellectually, he will act out even more and his social skills will deteriorate. But that is just how my son is, anyway.

Pathlight caters to children who need reminding and handling, which is good. He will get the time out, some kids need that. But my son would die a brain death if he has to stop and start every time someone in class has a problem. The 'internal clock' within him will thirst, he needs information and intellectual input constantly which I knew Pathlight would not be able to cater for. So we rejected Pathlight and I homeschooled him until we found another school. Not sure about your situation though.

If he is gifted (I cannot tell from your range), you should listen to him deeply, and realize a lot of what he says have some truths, but as a child, he has yet learned how to present his thoughts in acceptable ways. He is also unable appreciate his 'place' in the school - as a student, and what his role is. He needs to be taught. Since he is so young, you will need to find a way to teach him how to function in schools, and the consequences of not complying to school teachers' demands.

Since he is ok at home, it sounds like you either give him a lot of leeway to be who he is, he is left alone most of the time, or he is really comfortable with the environment. School is not comfortable for him, and since he has to operate out of his comfort zone, he is acting out. If that is the case, he will need to learn how to work outside his comfort zone.

I am not sure how his school is like, not every school treats their children with respect. If he is acting out because he feels that his school does not respect him, then you will have to explain to him that everyone gets treated the same way and teach him how to deal with it. Unfortunately, he is not an equal, especially in Singapore schools. He has to learn that.

I am assuming he is a brilliant kid and therefore his problems stem from him knowing too much and being too aware, to his own detriment. If you can, and if he is able, to feed his intellectual curiosity at home more, he might act out less in school where he is bored and starved.

Hope this helps.