Managing children's use of digital devices

[zac's mum]

It depends on which age you’re talking about??


Primary school age, they are old enough to understand that:

(i) screen time is a privilege, not a right.
(ii) do your homework first, then you can get X minutes of screen time.
(iii) we limit your screen time because (a) your eyes are precious and we love you so we will feel sad if your eyesight gets worse (b) we notice that your attention span gets shorter & your temper gets worse if we give you too much screen time.

[Estéema]

What I chose for my kids :-


Under 12 years old

1. Regulated TV programmes (no violence, no adult themes). My kids enjoy morning Okto programmes but up to 2 programmes a day). Other movies, cartoon programmes will depend on hmwk completion & before bedtime. No dinner in front of TV.

2. No screen games (only approved ones) on weekdays. Weekends 15 min limit, on condition of prompt completion of week's sch hmwk and obedience.

3. TV & computer contact together with hp contact cannot exceed 2 hours on any particular day, each device must not exceed half-hour at any one sitting. Exception the occasional movie at theatre.

First time kids disobey parents, one weekend timeslot denied. But they quickly learnt always to listen to instructions properly & adhere.

Occasionally when things seems in good order, I'll surprised with extra time. This gives them delight! Not an entitlement but they get to look fwd to when they sense they receive approval for good behaviour.

Only works when this is done fr very young. It's more challenging for parents who had used iPad or gadgets to keep them quiet & seated without interaction with parents. Withdrawal emerge in form of tantrums & non-cooperative attitudes. Some will throw the 'deprived' face to make mum feel guilty. Just need to be firm with kids fr very young.

Secondary school student

1. Hp given right after PSLE on trial. Intermittently, I'll safe-keep when rules of discipline not followed (e.g. Okay games for more than half-hour a day). Too much screen focus affects their eye-sight & brain chemical changes.

2. Upon return fr sch will be given half hour for retrieving msgs pertaining to hmwk, training or projects & hp will be put aside in patents' room.

3. TV & computer contact together with hp contact cannot exceed 2 hours on any particular day, each device must not exceed half-hour at any one sitting, except for TV watched at a distance of 3 feet away. Movie @ theatre is exception.

It is more challenging these days with sec sch teachers using devices for on-the-go communication. I wished teachers use only email to communicate hmwk.

Purpose : I do not want to develop an entitlement mentality. I want them to develop sensibilities in managing themselves & their desires. Parents' must always be respected as we hv the responsibility to teach, to guide and to protect. Like zac's mum pointed out, we will do all bcoz we love them. The kids may not see it now.

When young kids hold a device even for half-hour, I always ensure they hold up at eye level so their neck do not bend to deprive blood circulation & oxygen flow up to head. My ophthalmologist adv that the dark spots u see when eyes are tested, are areas of dry spots. These shows lack of supply of oxygen, affecting eyesight in long term. That's why some ppl get dry eyes needing frequent eye drops.

When exposing a child with too much screen contact, this generation of young ppl gets too much of instant gratification fr moving images fr the TV screen, or gadgets games. That also contributed to kids poor performance due to reluctance to read as much. I find this to be very true, as my kids love reading & hardly play iPad games or the like, except occasional spark of interest. However, my SIL hv a handful of 4 kids and she's always exhausted unless the kids are quiet with ipad games. My nieces & nephews are not readers & are not academically inclined. Worst these had dissuaded them fr outdoor sports & I always see them slump over each with their own games, not interacting much. Social skills are lacking.

The other concern wld be kids develop poor posture & the concern for Spine Degenerative Diseases such as Scoliosis, Kyphosis or Lordosis. These become very painful & can occur in children as young as 11 years old.

So, for the sake of relieving their future emotional & physical pain, I'd rather watch them carefully & stay firm whatever guilt a clever child can make a mum feel. Just my own way of upbringing in the face of today's tech-occupied generation.

[iceywind88]

Serendipity:

Would love to hear from other parents how you manage your children's use of digital devices... it's so easy for them to get addicted to their handphones or iPads...

actually it depends on the content these digital devices show them. I'm particularly worried about LBGT, religious, crime and other sensitive content spilling into youtube and facebook these days

[cherrygal]

-deleted-

[cmw80]

I am worried about my kids following youtube stars like Logan Paul…sigh, even when I try to limit, the classmates talk about them and when I give them their limited time to go online, they will search out such people, how do you all manage that?

[zac's mum]

cmw80:

I am worried about my kids following youtube stars like Logan Paul..sigh, even when I try to limit, the classmates talk about them and when I give them their limited time to go online, they will search out such people, how do you all manage that?

Again, it depends how old your kids are?

If they are old enough to type the spelling correctly to search, I’m sure they are able to have a mature discussion with you about why they want to watch certain videos. Discuss the pros and cons, and why you don’t like the idea. Where you will draw the line about certain topics, because why...

My P2 DS’ friends are all playing Minecraft the game. That’s the hot topic for discussion in school. But I don’t allow him to play it, especially not with chat function on. Heard too many stories of paedophiles lurking and preying on the kids.

He is free to read the countless books on Minecraft (which I read sometimes too, fantastic ideas for writing adventure essays IMO)...once in a while I let him watch one Minecraft video on You Tube. I’m always within hearing distance. Once that one video ends, he clicks pause & hands back the iPad to me. Otherwise no more videos ever again.

In the beginning you need to be draconian to establish the rules. Don’t give them a free buffet of watch whatever video they want for X minutes and you are busy doing sthg else. Then it becomes harder and harder to stop...

[zac's mum]

I was reading Boundaries With Kids (by Henry Cloud and John Townsend) for the second time recently [the first time being when my kid was having Terrible Twos] - and I find that the advice in the book still holds true.


Kids whose parents hold fast the boundaries actually feel more loved and act out less, compared to those who have more permissive parents. You just need to stick to your boundary one more time than the child’s begging or whining (even if it’s the 1001th time you say NO hand phone means no hand phone). After that, the kid actually respects you more. Serious!

Some pics from the book:

https://s31.postimg.org/dt03pwhi3/66_AC8_A80-54_C9-4_C1_D-89_AA-3_CEA97_DBC2_EC.jpg\">

https://s31.postimg.org/jh6egstkb/717_FD561-9_E03-417_F-8_C27-_AF02276_A5304.jpg\">

[cmw80]

My kid is 7 but somehow his friends are talking about such things maybe because his best friend has an older sibling who is glued to his devices and to social media. He can come back with a list of people he wants to watch


I think I better set stricter rules and boundaries

Thanks Zac’s mum…

[FantasyLandDreams]

https://www.parent.com/how-to-end-screen-time-without-a-struggle/